Episode 112: Sex Positive Shameless Grounds Live Heeps Hangout - A Taste of Community

On the surface, stigma appears to keep us from putting ourselves in position to be vulnerable and receive what we hope for from others, I’m learning that it’s actually shame. It takes something happening to us for us to feel stigmatized. Whereas with shame, it’s just kinda our own beliefs getting reinforced by our actions. Stigma can’t make us do certain things, that’s shame. Stigma keeps us from doing the very things we need to do for ourselves in order to heal.

I think it’s important to make note of this because I’m exploring shame in relation to stigma as it’s come up on Something Positive for Positive People podcast episodes and in my conversations and exchanges with peers and colleagues. This podcast does show what can happen when we work through our own shame. Herpes is a stigmatized condition. Stigma makes people not want to share their status, not date, not seek support/community, not be themselves. Stigma reflects back to us the shame that’s inside us. We behave in a way where we protect our vulnerabilities with a little more callus so as not to change what our beliefs are about ourselves.

There was a group of people who came into this coffee shop, Shameless Grounds, a safe, sex positive judgment free space. They talked about their diagnoses, dating, disclosure, sex and did some myth busting as well. It’s important that spaces like this get discovered because here, people can begin to feel themselves again and not have their behaviors hijacked by shame. I like that this place is called Shameless Grounds because people definitely came in and put aside their shame to be in this space and find community. There’s a certain level of awareness you gotta get to in order to do that, and this event taught me just how important it is that I not try to push people beyond their boundaries but set them up for success by laying out all their options to move forward, face shame and navigate stigma so that they are able to obtain the awareness that they have a choice.

As I emphasize facilitating and participating in more events like this in the year 2020, I hope this serves as a foundation of what can be for those seeking a safe space to rediscover themselves without shame so that rather than stigma being reflected back to them, they have love, truth, and a glimpse of freedom. This is what it looks like to challenge your beliefs about stigma. All we need is the right kind of support.

Let’s make more of these spaces. Let’s make it common to have shame free atmospheres for people to just be. And if that means talking about their herpes for the sake of learning and understanding from others’ perspectives, then let’s do it!