From Stigma to Stillness - The Soul Leakage of Identity Fragmentation

They ain’t gone quit fucking with us until the screens turn to scopes. Yesterday, more than once, I watched a public execution in Minnesota by our Presidential Administration’s masked up immune to the laws rogue polICE force on the same device I text my 12 year old niece goodnight on. I go from seeing that to immediately after, being marketed to about something I just talked to someone out loud about. 

My feed refreshes and then I see a sponsored post from someone I don’t follow about a topic I fully agree with explained in 90 seconds and I’m immediately after automatically shown a post of someone dancing to a popular song with words popping up like “here’s why I’m not dating men anymore” with terms modified to not flag the algorithm which AI filters to minimize visibility on the platform. 

All in between my call of duty games where a friend is chat banned because this same filtering system which can’t even tell him what he said, nor can he contact anyone to explain why he’s been banned from verbal communication just censored him while I’m getting called all kinds of niggers with the hardest of r’s, retards, and faggots. What the fuck is freedom anymore?

I saw this pic and while complaining about how out of hand AI is, learned that women who post selfies are now being photoshopped nude and can be easily made into videos that can keep them from being employed because this content that they may never even know exists is out there floating around on the internet. Meanwhile, I’m followed by “new” accounts from people who have the same or similar name and photo of someone I know, only for them to take and make a post directing us to the “link in their bio” and then I find the real person to see they’ve asked their community to report this page imitating them.

I almost screamed into the void of social media, bitching about all the above, calling out the problems. I wrote a sentence on Facebook, and then I closed the app, took a breath, listened to my heartbeat, and felt a call for a more intentional energy release than that. I remembered my internal blueprint that I started to live by after what was one of the hardest seasons of my life, the first half of the year 2025. I had just moved in with my then forever person, we broke up, I moved out halfway across the country, my college roommate had a questionable death, a tornado tore the roof off my apartment and I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do next. But somewhere in there, I felt this gentle whisper that echoed “do nothing”.

I found this voice in the most unstable, ungrounded time of my life where I was so certain what the rest of my life would look like to suddenly having my foundation torn from under me, and when I thought I found stable footing, BAM a tornado comes. I fought hard and resisted what was for me at that time, and the fighting was draining. When my gas tank hit E (empty), there was literally nothing left for me to resist with, and I heard what in Yoga is called the divine sound that created the universe, “Om” pronounced AUM (and a pause). I was connected to this point of the LOWEST energy output stage, the source or God, the Universe, Quantum Vacuum, or whatever language you most align with calling this state. That voice spoke to me a few times, I acted on it, and when the outcome came, I began to trust it more. A few days before the tornado I spoke of came through my apartment, I was planning a trip to leave on Tuesday, May 20, 2025, but on May 13th-ish, that same voice told me “Courtney move your flight up to Friday”. Having developed this trust with that messenger, I complied, and thankfully escaped what could’ve been the day was put on my gravestone along with many others who lost their lives during the May 16th tornado that took place in St. Louis Missouri through University City/Central West End/Forest Park area.

The more curious I became about this voice, the more I noticed alignments occur in my life. I started to feel a pull toward a particular book that I was introduced to by following my intuition and beginning Yoga Therapy training, where I met a classmate who told me listen to “Outwitting the Devil” by Napoleon Hill. In this book, the author interviews the devil about who he is, where he lives and how he operates. Essentially, the devil describes himself as one half of the atom, or the negative energy, and his opposition or who we call God is responsible for all positive energy. I listened to this book several times, but it took for me to tap into that inner messenger to challenge the reading and go “wait, aren’t there three parts of an atom?”. An atom is generally comprised of protons, neutrons, and electrons. (Hill wrote the book in 1938, and the Neutron was discovered just a few years prior in 1932 by James Chadwick). My curiosity became challenging what I read in Napoleon Hill’s work applying it to the premium ChatGPT explanations of Quantum Physics. 

I began to listen to the book over and over again and envision what the role of the neutron is in this equation, and integrate that into the interview with the devil. My conclusion became that humans or human consciousness, awareness, and presence are the atom’s neutron. The devil mentions he cannot overtake the proton, nor can the proton take over the devil, and that both forces are necessary for the existence of reality. Since neither force can take over the other and they seemingly oppose each other, what does this mean for the neutron, or the human navigating this struggle of the forces that seemingly govern the Universe?

What quantum laws say are parallels to many Anime I watch, Yoga Philosophy, and even stories in the Holy Bible, if you read them from the lens of how an atom exists and the laws it abides by. Napoleon Hill offered humanity a solution to defend themselves against the devil and his forces of negativity by being definite in everything that we do. Definiteness of purpose is what Hill calls it and he sums it up into a few sentences of how to avoid the devil’s trap. When we look at this through an atomic lens, we see that an atom doesn’t choose a side, it actually utilizes these forces rhythmically as an instrument for them to operate through.

The proton has a positive charge, and is located in the nucleus of the atom. The word positive means present. The electron has a negative charge, and is generally anything that exists in motion. The word negative means absent. When you look at the relationship between positive and negative, you understand they are drawn to one another. I’ve come to believe that this was the first duality, produced by the sound Om to create the conditions necessary for the Universe to exist. There needs to be the observer and the observed. For there to be a sound, there must be a witness to hear. In that initial separation, an electromagnetism was created between the force of positive and negative which is the reality of existence we’re in as the neutron, neutral force, where consciousness, or the divine wholeness of God, or the Quantum vacuum is able to penetrate to experience its fullness through choice. There’s a choice to align with the positive and a choice to align with the negative, and then there’s a third option.

To get to that third option, I first have to go into Yoga philosophy. The word Yoga itself means union. So don’t think of stretching and breathing without looking at those as practice to reconnect with the source of everything. Quantum physics says there are protons and electrons. If we follow Hill’s work, we can identify negativity as the devil and positivity as god. In Yoga, these are states of energy. 

Think of Rajas as motion, or a “spark”, Tamas as stillness or stability, and then Sattva as the harmonious balance between the energy. This third option is to transcend the Gunas by maintaining a Sattvic rhythm. When Tamasic, you may be stuck or depressed, like I was when my relationship ended and I moved back home to what was safe and familiar. I was stuck, and would fall further into that stuckness had it not been for nature’s intervention of Rajas into my life in the form of a tornado. The stillness made me listen, and the motion got me moving. The integration of these two forces put me in a Sattvic state where the three energy states are in harmonious motion through a balance of stillness. Too much Rajas, burnout. Too much Tamas, depression. But just as for reality to exist, we need the balance of these two forces.

The purpose of the atom is to achieve its maximum potential with maximum energy efficiency. If human beings are made up of trillions of atoms, what makes us immune to the nature of what we’re made up of? Think of the proton as infinite energy that can’t be received by the electron which has infinite potential and so much momentum that it can’t connect. That’s where the neutron comes in. When we connect to the proton, we establish a nucleus, or energy field that makes up the core of an atomic structure. This creates orbital patterns that aligned electrons that reflect the identity of the nucleus can remain in motion around and receive the Tamasic nature to balance their Rajasic nature. Our presence to the proton, and ability to discern the need for stillness or the need for motion creates a rhythm. Going back to us being instruments for the expression of the divine, think of the proton as an infinite power source that buzzes a gentle humming noise. Think of electrons as tiny dancers that are just moving. A neutron is not a proton or electron. Think of the neutron as a zero charge container, or observer whose presence is the strong force that makes the proton’s power accessible on the electron’s plane of existence. Our faith is the strong force that enables the proton’s song to be heard, and the more connected we are to it, we start to see electrons’ dance match the rhythm of the hum. 

Think of an ongoing radiant vibration that like, if you make the “oooh” sound constantly, it’s just sound. But when you keep that sound going and you place your hand over your mouth at a consistent pace, you get a beat. The beat determines your frequency and your frequency determines which dancing electrons match that beat. The orbit of the electrons surrounding our nucleus determines the reality we experience. If you don’t like what you see and experience, you have to change up that rhythm, and the rhythm is determined by the neutron’s presence, faith, and behavior as it aligns with the proton. They say the proton determines the identity of the atom. So essentially, who you are in stillness with no motion, no associations is going to be most accurately depicted by this. As you act from a place of alignment, and engage in stillness, you’ll see the world reflect back to you exactly who you are.

Our nervous system is an atomic structure. Using myself as an example, my power source, or proton is minimizing herpes stigma. My behaviors day in and day out align with living a life that is lived as free as possible from herpes and all stigmas. I believe in choice which stigma seemingly takes away from people, and I believe in challenging myself, which is why being “stuck” or stagnant eat away at my spirit, or energy of my identity. My beliefs align with my behaviors, so rather than me chasing opportunities to prove who I am, in stillness, my faith in my power source is what leads my actions which align with my beliefs about myself, so electrons HAVE to get into orbit in a way that aligns fully with my identity. I don’t have to prove who I am. The world around me just knows, “Oh this is what this structure is about”. And the nervous system functions very synonymously with the Solar system in that the Sun turns hydrogen into helium. That’s the only thing it does. In turn, we have gravity, heat, and light, and all these ecosystems that exist because earth’s energy source has rhythmically held in place by it just turning hydrogen into helium. Everything else orients to the sun and builds a relationship that way. The sun isn’t drawing closer to bring more light or heat or gravity to Earth, Earth decided “this is a good distance” and aligned itself accordingly.

I turned my herpes into healing. The more I do that, the more mass accumulated, the more rhythm is held and the system is trusted to where the gravity that pulls people into this platform is strong. The idea is to be so authentic that my infinite power source that is my proton ignites the infinite potential in YOU so that you see yourself in this atomic relationship as your neutron self. You find your power source, draw power from that in stillness, and you too can be the instrument of expression who brings the infinite power to infinite potential into song and dance and experience an aligned reality with your identity. 

The only way to do that is to claim your identity. I know who I am, and it’s not who social media or the internet tells me I am. One of the things Napoleon Hill’s Devil speaks of is this concept of drift, which is constant motion without purpose. This is the state of negativity associated with stigma. I define stigma as identity fragmentation, because many of us see ourselves as an already fragmented version of ourselves by over-identifying with our sexual selves, to where we get herpes and it’s not that we HAVE herpes, it’s that we ARE herpes. What I’ve learned since starting SPFPP in 2017 is that people have forgotten who they are when they get this diagnosis, but also, people have long ago forgotten who they are before they got this diagnosis and it’s reinforced by what I opened this blog post with.

To this point, notice I’ve only introduced positivity and negativity. People believe positive is good and negative is bad. That isn’t the case. They are in fact, by nature’s laws, drawn to each other. We live in the magnetic field of infinite potential waves on dualistic natures of values that are perceived as opposite like good and bad, yes or no, up or down, but we’re being tunneled into further identification fragmentation because of that illusion that we are the collapsed wave particles at one end of those spectrums. Positive and negative aren’t opposing forces, they are necessary forces that compliment each other the same way masculinity and femininity aren’t opposites. They’re synonymous to the Gunas where they exist in all things between motion and stillness. In balance, the true state is the song and dance between the forces and we’re the DJ of our reality. 

I have been looking to make this language perfect before sharing it, but it won’t be. All I can do is live it and share it where the humming messenger guides me to, and right now on January 25, 2026 I can’t let this sit within me anymore. I believe we are on track for war. A civil war, but it isn’t a ware between the left (liberals) and the right (conservatives). This is a war on consciousness, the transcended state of harmony between our innermost essence of being as the neutron. We’re distracted and overly identified with the dual nature of politics and propaganda to the point where we are twisted around the threads of our various identities in this reality we look at and don’t recognize but HAVE to do something about.

I gave you the atom’s purpose on a micro-level, which is to evolve to its maximum potential with the most efficiency. The frequency of our vibration is our song on the album that is this universe. The dream of expression is the equivalent of that balanced state between our truest nature and most aligned expression. And that very music has been colonized and the freedom of the wave that once inspired free thinking has collapsed into these dualistic particles that divide us in form and fragment our identities to our bodies, making us unconsciously allow our minds to be susceptible to the negative force’s motion of propaganda. We forgot. We forgot we have a song to sing because we’re devolving, creating added suffering for ourselves because we don’t remember our purpose is to evolve with maximum efficiency. 

         Our soul is leaking from us and with every doom scroll session, every message consumed, every hour worked without a balance of stillness, rest, intentionality, we dim the sound of our hum, becoming more distant from our nucleus identifying with these electrons, these concepts, and messaging. We lose our ability to freely think and challenge the state of existence here in the United States where the war is not Left vs Right, its weaponizing unconsciousness to freeze us from evolving. But Mother Nature don’t play that shit, and the more pressure that builds, the greater the balancing. Fullmetal Alchemist says in the law of equivalent exchange that for something to be gained, something of equal or greater value must be given first. Or else nature will correct this system. Aligning with nature, our atomic nature is the most efficient way to correct course, and I struggled with feeling like I need to step away from my own nucleus to support a new one or an existing one to address these worldly issues of ICE, Women’s reproductive Health, school shootings, homelessness, the loneliness epidemic, the genocides of civilization funded by the United States taxpayers, the censoring of sex education content and LGBT+ language, and AI issues, how people can’t afford food.

The more I tune into my nucleus the more I understand the importance of not neglecting my nucleus, but to exercise aligned engagement with it through stillness. My mantra “do nothing” is a charging of this infinite power source to send out a signal of “this is who I am”. I’m someone who believes the nature of a thing is more important than the form of a thing. I believe addressing the nature of humans, consciousness, is step one in getting us to not be so divided in our identities that we become dependent on outcomes that cannot happen without a conscious shift to disengage from the negative and constant motion state to reconnect with our true TRUE proton and put our faith in THAT to generate the magnetic field that we all are connected to, so that this collective reality shapes one of authenticity from a place of power and presence. Right now, we’re all just moving. With a universal pause and connection to stillness, we find our power and exercise aligned engagement to sing our own song, encouraging others to do the same. It is my declared intention to live in such a way that others are inspired to disidentify with something that requires so much energy to break from like stigma, that disidentifying from these binary divisive structures like man vs women, straight vs LGBT, monogamous vs nonmonogamous, Liberal vs Conservative, wealthy vs poor, white vs colored. 

The truth is that we are all neutral forces with infinite potential and infinite power and many of us are in motion created by the gravity of a few people whose atomic structure has a cultivated mass that makes the electron state (negativity, motion, and infinite potential) seem like something we MUST adhere to. These motherfuckers aren’t God. They are conscious beings who make a choice to weaponize unconsciousness to freeze OUR evolution. We choose and are often born into that constant motion because the hustle is flashy, staying young forever is attractive, accumulating “more” is what we’re funneled into, and anyone who speaks against that is either broke, censored, silenced, or crazy because this disrupts the status quo of the systems in place to keep us from evolving.

Your purpose is to evolve to your maximum potential with maximum efficiency. Anything that doesn’t support that is breaking down your soul, and the message is clear in your nervous system when you’re hurting or healing. The thing that hurt us at that level is often where our power is. In my case it was my herpes diagnosis which came about from me NOT being my authentic self, and having herpes made being who I am a hell of a lot harder, but I damn sure valued it much more because of the process, and I am spiritually free from stigma. That healing process gave me the spiritual fortitude to free myself from the propaganda that promotes leaking energy and slowing or freezing our evolution. 

The divisiveness the media has propagated so well through its use of AI and algorithms fragmenting messaging into voids of like-minded people keeps us from engaging person to person with the complex nature of reality where multitudes of unique thoughts and expressions exist as the norm. Think about what media exposes us to now, a lot of Rajas (motion without purpose) fearmongering and anxiety inducing content with minimal to no balance, flooding our nervous system with rhythm changes keeping our awareness and attention scattered without grounding. And it’s one thing after another consistently to where we can’t even choose a desired outcome to work towards from a true place of what’s important to us because we don’t remember who we are, only who they tell us we are and what we identify with through stereotypes and stigma.

It is only our responsibility to focus on reconnecting with stillness and taking aligned action from there, focusing on output rather than outcome. All action from this place of bringing complementary (not opposing) energies and values into harmony is where power lies and consciousness can emerge. When we align with nature, we maximize our potential and have infinite power especially collectively when we can come together with seemingly conflicting values. It goes beyond these dualities and it’s all about the natural course of evolution through aligned engagement of infinite power (god) and infinite potential (devil). We are the zero charge instrument that plays the song of the divine to orchestrate harmonious balance in the universe. The team of individuals who control media distract us from our core truth. We seek purpose in the material world, but purpose can only be found when we find stillness and listen to the rhythm of our heart and let that guide us to aligned action with minimal wasted energy. Mother Nature favors evolution. The most efficient way of evolving again is to focus on aligned output by connecting to stillness or infinite power (proton) and maintaining a frequency for energy in constant motion with infinite potential (electrons) to orbit your atomic structure and bring form to the divine which is your authentic identity.

Practice living from a place of aligning your beliefs and behaviors and see how the world around you has to bend to your will. Herpes stigma is one example of identity fragmentation, but it’s one we choose to subscribe to and overly identify with. Once you reclaim your identity as an infinitely powerful being with infinite potential who transcends the “either or” of existence, consciousness collectively evolves. Aligning yourself with your nature and nurturing that, you’ll see others come into your life and nurture you, but resistance will create suffering when we are out of alignment. We are out of alignment when we are not authentic. Sit in stillness. Listen to your heartbeat and find that stillness and I promise you’ll hear that voice and it’ll stand out from anything you’ve ever heard. Let that lead you. Let it guide you. Dance to your own beat, be the DJ of your observable section of the universe and see how reality reflects your most authentic being down to your core Sattvic state of being.

Reality exists within the electromagnetic field of attraction between the positive force and negative force of energy. This is a constant flow and fluctuation of waves in motion between the two. Nature dictates the laws of this field we call reality which is the wave form of infinite possibility. Our existence creates a gravitational pull within that space, that when aligned with nature’s laws, we see into the matrix beyond the duality of good and bad, right or wrong, there is only truth, and the truth is we are here to evolve to our fullest potential with minimal waste of our infinite power. Nature is a balancing force that rewards consistency, rhythm, and efficiency and will manifest recalibration events and people out of necessity to maintain balance. When we see ourselves as this, it makes existing in the human body a much more fulfilling experience. Whether diagnosed with herpes or navigating physical inhibitions, there’s peace in the truth of identifying with the sources energy that drives us to live from our soul level and tap more into the intangible aspect of who we are at the nervous system level. 

My intention is to live from this place, and be the living example of what that looks like to be free from stigma so that you can to, and let that translate into whatever else you need to break free from to inspire a way of being that transcends the dualities of division among us and our neighbors. The same way herpes stigma doesn’t discriminate against who gets it and neither does stigma, I clearly see the call I had of taking something perceived as so “bad” for what it is which is infinite potential energy if given presence and infinite power, that it can in fact become Something Positive for Positive People. I embody that and transcend herpes stigma as this bad thing, because I made it useful in the same way you will to change your identification with it to match your authentic identification with the nature you believe in and become the change that your immediate reality has to bend to because of your alignment with nature, trusting the evolution from aligned beliefs and behaviors to maximize your evolution using the infinite power source that is found within your atomic nucleus. Stabilize that and evolve!