SPFPP 216: Belonging Series - Is Everybody Queer?
Two straight black dudes talk about queerness with curiosity. We not only discuss our relationships to queerness, but also our blackness and our manliness. This episode is in a way, a bat signal for those who can relate to the topic of these intersecting and at the same time conflicting. Patric and I talk about being black but not the right kind of black, being men but not in the traditional sense of what expressions of manliness is experienced like, and then by what our initial thoughts of queerness were, feeling like we don’t belong in that space either.
An interested thought came up in this recording which is that queerness appears to be an accepting label for “not having a home” if you will. I’m seeing sex positivity/people with STIs, non monogamous people, disabled people, and fat people embraced by queer spaces at least online. There is no ONE single definition of queerness I’m finding, just like there isn’t one for manliness or blackness. Each person you ask will have or should have, their own definition as applicable to their own unique life experiences. A definition I was given in relation to my identity was being a person who aims to disrupt the status quo. Since I do this in my work with SPFPP, I’m accepted in Queer spaces. But I wonder if I’m accepted because of my contribution to the queer space or because of who I am.
If my advocacy was anchored in men’s health, or Black issues, would I still be as accepted as I am in queer spaces for my appreciation for queer culture? If I say the wrong thing, will I be cancelled? Does my presence as a straight man make queer spaces less queer? Is it appropriation that I, a straight black man am indulging in queer culture? How I show up in allyship, who I choose to date, and how my relationship structures defy hetero-normative dating norms are a couple examples I can think of.
I do think people forget that I’m black. Some conversations I have with people who connect with me through SPFPP are so sweet to try and look through my blackness and chat with me like an equal. That feels good, but reality is that I still have to adhere to the undercurrent of white supremacy in a way that if you’re not a person of blackness, you just can’t understand. Patric and I speak to police interactions, having to appear non threatening in our day to day life for survival, and who’s ‘safe’ for us to date as black men who date women of other races/cultures too.
As we show up in allyship to queer spaces as straight black men and “do the work” of making those around us comfortable, what’s “the work” of welcoming us outcasts in since we don’t fit into the mold of masculinity/manliness or blackness in its stereotypical sense? Where do WE belong?
Follow Patric on Instagram @pbrown_the_aeon
