Introducing Disclosure Fatigue - a series

After ending a long-term relationship with her first sexual partner, our guest, like many others, wanted to explore and see what else was out there that she might have missed. Soon after, while "playing catch up," she received her genital HSV diagnosis.

We discuss her behavior change after her diagnosis, particularly her heightened awareness of a partner's apprehension toward her regarding sex.

I want to start leaving listeners with questions to challenge their perspectives. Our guest shares that she was more concerned with how men would view her, as her identity was deeply intertwined with receiving validation from sexual partners.

Ask yourself: If you were to share your positive status or disclose something publicly about yourself that no one knew, what outcome would you hope for and why? How do you deal with partners' apprehension, whether verbal or nonverbal, towards you when it comes to sex after you've disclosed?

22-year-old Brenna shares her "boring ass herpes story," which turned out to be quite inspirational for young women navigating a positive herpes diagnosis. Surviving Catholic school sex education, sexual assault, emotionally abusive relationships, shaving her head, and cutting, Brenna found her voice and learned she's actually a bad bitch.

We discuss the importance of integrating post-diagnosis support resources with STD prevention efforts, including mental health resources to support people in or recovering from abusive relationships. As several past podcast guests have shared, a positive STI diagnosis significantly impacts mental health and self-image. It's time to bring this conversation to light for change to be made.

I mentioned having chlamydia and reinfecting myself. Yup, Mr. HOnMyChest HIMSELF not only has an STI but then contracted another STI, AND THEN reinfected himself. What the Eff right? I’m at a good place to chat about this and have been for a long time now surprisingly, considering I am going to be on that annual report of chlamydia cases TWICE, and it could’ve all been prevented had I just gone to a testing facility that was comfortable discussing sexual health. But what would’ve happened had I been diagnosed with something else? What if I had tested positive for HIV? That question gets answered in this podcast episode as well. But here you get a feel for the difference between an organization that specializes in treating sexual health-related issues versus a general medical practitioner.

If you've ever just BEEN with someone (emphasis on BEEN), you experience a sense of peace and freedom that comes with not having to modify your behavior around them. Conversely, being WITH someone (emphasis on WITH) may involve resisting your natural state. I discuss my experiences of both, especially during my COVID isolation, where I learned to BE with myself without the distractions of daily life. This episode highlights how my herpes diagnosis and therapy have shaped my understanding of these dynamics.

Liz and I have been missing each other for this interview since she first learned she was pregnant. It took a pandemic and me getting COVID to finally catch up. We discuss dating while pregnant with HSV, leaving her 5-year relationship, and living her best life. Liz shares her experience of contracting herpes from someone she liked the most and offers useful tips for navigating depression. We explore how younger generations handle their HSV diagnosis with confidence and access to resources.

Dave shares his experience being diagnosed with genital HSV2 9 months prior to this recording. His partner had been positive for over 20 years, and despite taking precautions, he experienced his first outbreak after their first intercourse. We discuss the impact of narcissistic parents on his relationships, his encounters with dominatrixes, and dealing with prostatitis. Dave's vulnerability aims to encourage other men to open up and share their stories.

Diagnosed with genital HSV2 at 17, we catch up with 21-year-old Gemini, who showcases the stark contrast in disclosure experiences between her generation and mine. Gemini talks about secondary disclosure, where friends preemptively inform potential partners. Despite being outed in high school, her supportive friends stood up for her. As a queer individual and survivor of multiple sibling suicides, Gemini's resilience shines through in this compelling conversation.

I chat with former traveling Canadian Christian speaker, Meagan, who shared her herpes diagnosis story with high school kids for 5.5 years. Meagan reveals the harsh reality of being open about your status as a career before fully healing yourself. She discusses how compassion fatigue led her from inspiring hope to merely getting through the job. After quitting, she sought therapy, learning that venting isn't therapy and the importance of seeking guidance from qualified professionals.

After ending her divorce from her first everything, our guest this week shares her experience entering the dating world after having done everything 'right' and then ending up with someone who did not disclose their HSV status to her. You get a sense that he knew he had it and the point of realization was when she intuitively opened a drawer where his acyclovir was prescribed to him six months prior. When she confronted him, he responded dismissively and manipulatively, gaslighting her. This episode highlights the stigma of HSV and the lack of shame towards those who knowingly do not disclose their status. We also touch on the connection between sexual health and mental health, emphasizing how men's unwillingness to deal with their diagnosis in a healthy way keeps the stigma prevalent.

Have you ever disclosed your HSV status to a potential partner, they agreed to move forward, but you later found yourself annoyed, recognizing incompatibilities, and becoming someone you're not? Or, have you matched with someone who also has herpes, overlooked red flags, and ended up unhappy? This episode delves into the nuances of dating for convenience due to shared HSV status, the missed red flags, and the importance of setting personal boundaries. Herpes sets physical boundaries, and we must set emotional and relational ones too.

I almost skipped this week, thinking I had nothing to say, but ended up recording a 53-minute episode that ties the previous one together. Taking a week off social media, recommended by a board member, was a great call. Implementing boundaries revealed how drained I was due to boundarilessness. In this episode, we discuss the freedom that comes from setting boundaries, illustrated by two write-in stories from attendees of the "Something Negative for Positive People" fundraiser. These stories highlight relatable situations where boundaries can make a significant impact.

The black indifference on my social media feed is disgusting, and I'm calling out status quo perpetuation from those hiding behind mutuality. I'm sharing publicly any hint of racism I encounter and calling people into this space because I'm tired of it. What is self-apathy, boundariness, and what does herpes have to do with these things besides highlighting them for us? Five people are enrolled in 12 therapy sessions with our partner therapist. I discuss my fear of success and how protecting my feelings from the world is sabotaging my attempts at connection. "Do you have feelings for me?" I was asked by my friend I do sex with, and I told her I don't. This question blew my mind and made me explore my emotional unavailability and the last time expressing feelings for someone hurt me. What do we want in a relationship and passion look like? If you want to be swept off your feet, what's the gift that person better come bearing with your name on it? Lastly, how does herpes highlight YOUR lower case self?

Internalized herpes stigma manifests as self-shaming and is often masked by behaviors like disclosing our HSV status to someone whose acceptance or approval holds little value. By "low risk," I mean that their response doesn't significantly impact our self-worth. We might seek to have our beliefs challenged or validated by their reaction. This episode will challenge those patterns in you. Check it out!

Taking lessons from negative experiences helps us uncover who we really are. At this event, I wanted to create a space where everyone could openly discuss herpes since, usually, there’s no reason to at events where we all are already positive. By reframing our worst HSV experiences and hearing others' perspectives, we can make talking about it outside the groups easier.

We answer listener questions about men and HSV, addressing masculinity and the unique challenges men face with a herpes diagnosis. Topics include how men deal with herpes differently, disclosure leading to 'me too' moments, outbreak frequency in penis vs. vulva owners, and the importance of communication in sexual relationships. Enjoy the episode and consider donating to SPFPP to support therapy services for people after their diagnosis.

Have you ever dismissed your intuition as prejudice? Our guest this week shares their story of ignoring red flags, leading to Urgent Care for chlamydia treatment twice in one week. This episode highlights stigma in healthcare, where providers avoided discussing sexual health. Learn the importance of trusting your intuition and asking questions when something feels off.

The human behind the Instagram page, @MakeGodGayAgain, interviews the founder of Something Positive for Positive People, a 501c3 nonprofit organization advocating for therapy/counseling services for people navigating STI stigma. There were playful, fun questions and some more serious ones for balance. AND the word "mythunderstandings" is going to be a thing as a result of this.