SPFPP 417: What Are You Made Of?
SPFPP Episode 341 is called Nurture Your Nature already so while this episode really dives into the development of what that is exactly, I couldn't bring myself to do a part 2 necessarily, so we got a different title entirely.
Are you unconsciously holding on to "emotional sludge" that's blocking your true identity? This week on Something Positive for Positive People, Courtney Brame is back with a deeply reflective solo episode to discuss the energetics of trauma, healing, and personal alignment.
Prompted by a frustrating, real-time realization about missing paychecks sent to an old address, Courtney dives deep into the profound lessons he has learned after completing his yoga therapy certification. Through the lens of Ayurveda, Courtney breaks down three crucial concepts: Ama (the toxic sludge of unprocessed trauma, bad relationships, and poor habits), Agni (our inner digestive fire that processes food and information), and Ojas (our vital, radiant life-force energy).
He also walks listeners through the "Eight C's" of his identity (Curiosity, Consistency, Challenge, Choice, Conviction, Connection, Creativity, and Completion), explaining the shadow side of each value. Tune in to learn why mindless scrolling and people-pleasing creates energetic blockages, how Courtney transformed his own physical and mental health over the past year, and why neutralizing herpes stigma always begins with nurturing your truest nature.
Links & Resources Mentioned:
Subscribe to the SPFPP Newsletter: spfpp.org/herpes-newsletter
SPFPP Episode 417 Transcript
00:00:03
Courtney Brame: The light looking good right now, too. Let's go. Hello. Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame.Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization supporting people who are navigating herbased stigma. I am your host. Um, I went to start this podcast probably an hour ago and I had a thought that hit me.
00:00:31
Courtney Brame: Um, I work teaching medical students to give genital exams on a person with a penis and I was like, "Huh, I haven't been paid for that." And this was like a lot of work over the summer. And so I reached out to my contact and was like, "Hey, you know when we can expect payment?" and she was like,
00:00:51
Courtney Brame: "Yeah, they're usually really good about paying and it would have went out a long time ago." Basically, so I check my records and I see and we we matched our work, so everything was right. I'm actually supposed to get a little bit more money than what I thought. And the check went to my old address.
00:01:18
Courtney Brame: And uh yeah, checks, multiple checks just went to the address of where I lived in New Jersey. And uh I'm positive I know what happened to those checks. So, we ain't got to go into that. But, uh, it just sucks cuz like you you expect people to do like better things. Um, but you know, you just don't have expectations on people like we we are who we are, I guess.
00:01:53
Courtney Brame: Um, and while we're on the topic of nurturing our nature, I already did a podcast. It was episode 341. If you haven't listened, go check that out. But um it's on the title of it is nurture my nature or nurture your nature. And the idea behind that is understanding who you are and nurturing that because essentially that's what people do.
00:02:17
Courtney Brame: So if you see me looking over at my phone, I'm just I'm in correspondence to get this situation resolved so I can get my money. That Yeah. Pride boy. Pride and stubbornness. Uh I guess this is a really good timing for me to go into this for me to go into this particular topic because um it's been uh a little bit over a year and a half March, April, May,
00:02:47
Courtney Brame: June or April, May, June, July, August, September, October. So yeah, it's been a little bit over a year and a half since I lived in New Jersey and I was staying where I was staying with who I was staying with. And I remember from the time that I left and got back home, I was very much processing like what happened, what happened to this, you know, relationship that I was believed to go in a particular direction or
00:03:19
Courtney Brame: um and it's it just stopped it just stopped going that way and it led me down this road of looking up a lot psychology stuff, looking up a lot of emotional stuff. Um, learning about spirituality, learning about the nervous system, learning about the essence of people and understanding that literally everything is energy. It led to me questioning God, right?
00:03:50
Courtney Brame: Because what happened was that I was so certain about what my life was supposed to look like or was going to look like and then very abruptly it stopped looking like that. And I I've been talking about the laws of thermodynamics and physics and I had uh Sha on the podcast who is a metaphysicist. Oh, I hope I said that right.
00:04:19
Courtney Brame: I hope I gave her title the justice that it deserves. And I understand now and it it f****** took me a year and a half, but I I get it. Like I understand what happened and I now understand like without judgment just the nature of people, the nature of a person. Um, and that we are 100% going to always nurture our nature and we ourselves can invalidate that and what's going to happen is that we're always going to recalibrate back to who we are.
00:04:58
Courtney Brame: Uh, everything in the universe, energy, the way that it behaves, it wants to go down the path of least resistance and it it's always going to restore itself back to balance or equilibrium. So if humans are energetic beings, I mentioned, you know, I talked about the sun, right? How the sun all it does is it takes hydrogen and it turns it into helium.
00:05:21
Courtney Brame: That's it. And in turn all the planets orbit around it. We get gravity, heat, and light. And from a person perspective, if you turn your equivalent of hydrogen into helium, which I'm going to talk more in detail in simple simple terms about what that looks like, then what you'll find is that there are people, opportunities, experiences, wisdom within your orbit um that benefit from the warmth, the heat, and the gravity created from you just being who you are, All right.
00:05:57
Courtney Brame: So, some people ain't going to f*** with it and that's fine. Some people will f*** with it and that's fine. And I uh also just completed all my yoga therapy requirement. So, I will be once I pass the test. I got to take this 150 question test and I think I have to do a research paper and then I'll be a certified yoga therapist.
00:06:23
Courtney Brame: That is I'm I'm proud of myself. I started this process I want to say in 2020 at the No, I didn't even think about it in 23. I think it was at the beginning of 2024 when I was looking at um more ways to creatively intertwine my um experience of yoga into something positive for positive people because yoga teaching yoga classes didn't really fit.
00:06:52
Courtney Brame: It didn't feel good, but what did fit, what did feel good was being able to apply it in a therapeutic way. So now that's done, I feel like I have more firm reference points for the things that I've not been able to put language to. And I shout out to everybody who let me practice with them and who decided to be a client uh as I was just working through the terminology, the language, the practice and putting what I feel into into their practice.
00:07:29
Courtney Brame: I don't know like applying it to stigma. Right? So that's what this podcast episode is going to be about. This podcast episode is going to be uh more clearly defined and simple terminology around what it means to nurture your nature. Um and really know who you are beyond like I'm looking at myself in the video camera.
00:07:53
Courtney Brame: I'm a black man. I have rugged hair. I have a beard, right? I'm pretty lean. Damn. Hold on. That was I just said I just said n**** on the podcast. I tried so hard not to do that y'all. My bad. Um, yeah, I am going to give you me and then hopefully this gives you a framework for you to give you you for you to sit down and be able to write down, okay, well, what what is this?
00:08:25
Courtney Brame: Um, and I remember when I first started uh on this journey, I was so hyped in looking at atoms and looking at how stars on a macro level behave so much similarly to how atoms behave on a micro level. And the idea is to conduct energy. So input output you take in things energy everything is energy and I understand what that means Now in the sense that from damn information is energy we take
00:09:06
Courtney Brame: that in it's just very fast moving right information can travel from Australia to Courtney if someone were to call me and be like hey here's a thought here's an idea that's how quickly it can get from Australia to Courtney and the sound the speed of sound almost instantaneously the rate at which I'm speaking right now. This is energy.
00:09:31
Courtney Brame: This is information from my voice to your hearing. Right? So the communication that is happening is instantaneous. That's energy and it's an ethereal energy that is existing so rapidly that on the other side of the globe you're able to receive that. The my hand is energy. It would take a lot more speed for this accumulation of energy which has now mass gravity for it to get to where you are in the world.
00:10:08
Courtney Brame: Like I wouldn't be able to touch you without booking a flight, making travel arrangements, right? So that speed is significantly slower. And we're able to see physical mass because the energy is slowed down to the point where it has form. So the air around me moving energy so fast that it has no form. But if I go like this, it's like I'm slapping through that energy in the form of air which is moving slower than the free energy that exists.
00:10:39
Courtney Brame: Right? So what does energy want? Energy wants to flow. It doesn't want to be trapped. And that's why even with bodies, right? Our bodies age. They deteriorate, right? And for a time, we're at a peak, right? Um, whatever peak is for you, for me, I feel like I'm at mine simply because I love how I feel.
00:11:04
Courtney Brame: I'm very mindful of what I put into my body, not just food and what I'm eating lately, which shout out to me for dropping like 33 pounds. I'm at 204 right now. The goal was 200. Um, and it's just I'm getting to that sticky point where it's like, all right, what I just got to remain consistent and maybe it'll come off, maybe it won't, but I'm fine with the way that I look because the intention behind that was to avoid having
00:11:32
Courtney Brame: high blood pressure and to avoid diabetes um, more than anything else. Like those were the main things. And as a result, I just changed up the way that I eat. And now I damn the sun done changed on me. And now uh in turn like as a old. Uh, I've lost a lot of body fat.
00:12:00
Courtney Brame: I didn't even know I had. And that body fat in I don't I don't want to say that the body fat is called this, but that energy that was stagnant, blocked, stuck, not moving, that wanted to move has now been freed up because of what I'm going to talk about here today. And as a result of me nurturing my nature um because again it started with an internal thing and then it expanded externally to present in the way that it is.
00:12:37
Courtney Brame: So I'll go ahead and just start. So I talk about my eight C's. I had to write them down and put them on a sticky note. So I because I always say them and I'm like which one did I say twice? But uh I am someone who's curious. I value curiosity. I value consistency, challenge, choice, conviction, connection, creativity, and completion.
00:13:02
Courtney Brame: Eight. The reason that I came up with the number eight is because electron or the uh eighth or the third ring of an electron shell, uh there can only be eight electrons that exist there. So each of these electrons on the third shell are how an atom interacts with the world. Now I a human amucleus.
00:13:28
Courtney Brame: The nucleus is me. So I am the neutron, the heavy, the mass of that uh atom and the proton is essentially the energy the identity of said atom. Okay. So my identity is expressed through what those electron rings are, right? So these are an expression of my values. For instance, I'm curious when it comes to interviewing people on the podcast.
00:13:58
Courtney Brame: You hear me ask questions. So people get to engage with me on that level of curiosity. The consistency in which I show up like I'm the kind of person who does what I say I'm going to do. If anything changes, I also let them know. But you can expect that if Courtney says he's going to do something or be somewhere, Courtney's going to do the thing and be in that place.
00:14:18
Courtney Brame: Challenge. Every day I wake up and I ain't nobody threatening to fire me. Like I work for myself. So, the challenge for me is continuing to figure out ways or to continue to to show up and do what it is that I do to show up and do the work. Like, yeah, this is challenging.
00:14:43
Courtney Brame: It's a challenge to get on this podcast platform and speak about my personal experiences or speak vulnerably, especially because it's not been safe for me to do that in the past. like it it's not it's caused harm in my psychology. And I've recognized why that is. And I've been able to um incinerate that. And I say incinerate for a very specific reason.
00:15:11
Courtney Brame: Notice that I use that word. Okay. Um choice. It's a choice for me to show up. It's a choice for me to be here. It's a choice for me to show up every day and do these taxes, pay these bills, do this accounting stuff, uh try and lock in this conference, have these conversations with people on a day-to-day basis.
00:15:30
Courtney Brame: Well, not dayto-day lately because I now have a a minimum a donation amount for the support call. So, now people are being a lot more selective, we could say. But I think that's been useful because it directs people to information. Um, it makes people do the work themselves unless they want to have a conversation. If we get to that point, then we get to that point.
00:15:52
Courtney Brame: But I stand behind my s***. Conviction. Like I'm I'm mean what I say and I'm doing what I say. I stand by I stand behind it. And the connection I I feel very connected not just to, you know, this community, but also to myself because of all these things. Like I have a reason to hold myself accountable.
00:16:13
Courtney Brame: There's some self accountability because of the maintain maintenance of the connection that I have to the community that I'm serving. the creativity. I gotta get real creative in how I go about keeping this thing going because I cost of living keep going up and I got, you know, my other jobs and then I do this and now having yoga therapy under my belt, this opens up an additional avenue for revenue as well as being able to support people and then completion.
00:16:49
Courtney Brame: I'm seeing this s*** through the head. I mean, when it when it has to stop, it has to stop. But right now, I don't see like an end in sight. But I complete all of the microtasks that I assign myself leading up to whatever the end of this the outcome is going to look like. But as far as I'm concerned, I'm in the outcome.
00:17:14
Courtney Brame: The outcome is people being supported. And it's through that consistency, that choice, that creativity, the connection, the conviction, the choice, the challenge, the curiosity. See, that's why I had to write them down because I know I said consistency twice and I might have said curiosity, but yeah, the the completion of this, right? Like I'm seeing this s*** through.
00:17:39
Courtney Brame: All right. So, that's me. That's who I am. I'm those values. as if I rotate this way. Okay, that's a little bit better. Now, what I want to get into is speaking to the Uh, man. Okay, bear with me, y'all. This is the first time that I'm speaking this to another person.
00:18:09
Courtney Brame: I've been consuming. Um, I just wrapped up my Ayurvea class and the three things that I would say stick with me that I am going to absolutely prioritize are going to be the relationship between Ojas, which is like our vital life force energy. Let me make sure I said that s*** right. Okay. Yes.
00:18:39
Courtney Brame: This my internal energy. the amma which is like this the toxicity not just of like material but energy right like you can have toxic thoughts this sludge that need that just accumulates and again energy condenses into mass and what happens with mass is that it begins to attract things to it that are like it. So, if you're accumulating toxicity, toxic thoughts, things that aren't in alignment with your identity, you're going to consistently be met with more of that.
00:19:18
Courtney Brame: What did I say before? You know, well, we don't metabolize metastasizers and the metabolization, proper metabolization of proper information, nutrition. This leads to a radiance, an expression of identity. Like, it's just who you are. I know that when I walk into a room, I warrant attention. Not just because of my physical appearance, but also because of how I feel.
00:19:45
Courtney Brame: The in the the consistency between who I am and who I believe myself to be, that's what draws people to me. I talk about herpes all the time. I have herpes. And a lot of times when I tell people that or when I talk about what I do, people are like, "Oh, I have that, too." So maybe the way that I carry herpes is drawing in
00:20:07
Courtney Brame: people as well. And I don't view that as an amma anymore. Like the word amma to me looks and sounds like trauma. And essentially it's kind of described as that. Like what we're not able to metabolize that metastasizes in the body also can do that in the mind or emotional body. If we don't metabolize, if we don't process information, it sticks and it lingers and we continue to obsess over the thoughts, right?
00:20:36
Courtney Brame: Until we allow ourselves to close the loop and then do something with the information because again, all energy wants to do is flow. It doesn't want to be trapped. Um, so I'm going to go through my Oh, the and agy. Agny is our inner sun. So the sign burned. and s***, right?
00:20:58
Courtney Brame: But also, it gives us light, it gives us heat, it gives the planet gravity. So, our inner sun essentially creates the solar system that is our reality. All right? I ain't getting into what all the planets represent. I'm sure there's some s*** in astrology that does that, but I am going to for simplicity just give you what I've done for you to be able to take what you wish to take from it and do what you will do with it.
00:21:26
Courtney Brame: Okay. So, um starting with creativity, right? The shadow side of creativity for me would be that mindless consumption. If we look at it, what the ojas is, it is me condensing my own energy into form. Now, again, energy moving fast like you can't see thoughts, but that energy exists and it's just existing so fast that it cannot be captured into form.
00:21:56
Courtney Brame: But if I decide to take a thought and repeat an action with that thought, maybe it becomes a pattern. Maybe it becomes uh an object. Right? So this podcast episode, right? I had the thoughts. I explored the thoughts and now I'm communicating it with language to you. hopefully in a way that you're able to take and have your own thought process and be able to condense these ideas into form for yourself, right?
00:22:31
Courtney Brame: And so this is essentially transmuting reality into a podcast into uh a way of being, right? Or even into something physical, right? Like again, I thought about, oh, I don't want diabetes. Oh, I don't want high blood pressure. So, what do I need to do? And I just needed to incorporate some things into my life.
00:22:50
Courtney Brame: I didn't have to stop doing much of anything. I just needed to integrate something different. And then the more of that that I did, the more of that ojas, more of that like essential like life force energy that exists within me has been able to bring about uh its own mass. And as I'm compressing, condensing, it's gaining more mass.
00:23:15
Courtney Brame: and the gravity of what it draws in allows for it to radiate and expand more. So that's like essentially what our aura is. But aura being more internal to external. Now the shadow of this, the amma of my creativity is that mindless consumption. Scrolling through reals all day. Uh if I'm just binging s*** that has no purpose, like where's that going?
00:23:42
Courtney Brame: People talk about like, "Oh, I just want to numb out." I that doesn't have a place in my life. I'm sorry. Like if you're somebody that wants to veg out, if you just want to mindlessly scroll and that's rest for you, understand that that is also contributing buting to the accumulation of amma, the accumulation of trauma. I'm not going to sit up here and say, you know, the that we're not supposed to consume or see all of the stuff that we're seeing, but think about how you're feeling in your body.
00:24:11
Courtney Brame: You go from seeing a cat video that makes you smile to uh your ex is having the time of their life and then you block them and now you're wondering what they doing. And then you see a family member just had a baby or a longtime friend is out partying. you get FOMO, right? I done sent you in six different directions of emotional feelings and regulation, right?
00:24:37
Courtney Brame: And that's just from doing this, just with your thumb looking at the screen. And that's again mindless scrolling. So, if you have content that you're consuming consistently, like watching a movie, watching a show, right, that has a beginning, middle, end, that you're able to close the loop on, like we have a lot of open tabs and open loops when we just scroll s*** cuz we might even just be watching something for 90 seconds, but how often do we ever get through the 90 seconds?
00:25:08
Courtney Brame: We might skip around. We don't even get the full context and s***. And we have a bunch of open loops, a bunch of bleeding, a bunch of energetic bleeding. Let me be clear on that. We got a lot of energetic bleeding that's occurring as a result. And this does like artificially spike what our inner sun is because now we're trying to it.
00:25:32
Courtney Brame: It's going to naturally work. Our inner sun is going to naturally just digest, digest, digest. But when we flood our inner fire, our inner sun, our inner digestion, and I don't mean just food, I mean with information as well. We flood it with a lot of incompatible foods for us or a lot of incompatible information for us.
00:25:58
Courtney Brame: Then we flood the system and then it can't it it what happens is that amma and trauma begin to accumulate because we're piling it on a lot faster than we're able to digest and metabolize it. And what did I say before a few episodes ago? What doesn't what we don't metabolize we it will metastasize. What doesn't metabolize metastasizes.
00:26:20
Courtney Brame: And in Ayurveda it's that's what amma is. It's the metastasization. Metasticization. It's when experiences, things, people in our lives, food begins to ferment, become toxic, and metastasize. And the only way to get rid of it is you have to increase the the fire and increase the you have to stoke that inner agony the fire so that we're not so that we're able to burn that away essentially.
00:26:56
Courtney Brame: And that's just through processing information. That's through processing um foods and creating a place of flow because again it's all energy and the energy just wants to flow. We don't want to trap it like we in our bodies are already trapped energy but even that's flowing. We have blood flow. We have oxygen circulating through our bodies.
00:27:18
Courtney Brame: We're made of water. We're constantly consuming and uh we we're inputting and outputting. Hair grows out. nails grow out teeth. I'm taking it too far with the teeth. Um, we excrete the things that we don't need as a flow and we take in what we know we need. Okay, so that is the creativity.
00:27:45
Courtney Brame: I'm going to try and go through these a lot faster for the other ones, but I wanted to just give you the detail of, you know, the ojas component and then the amma component, right? So, the ojas essentially is your natural radiance, your natural vitality, your natural inner sun and it is na or I'm sorry, not your natural inner sun.
00:28:07
Courtney Brame: I apologize, your natural uh identity energy. Right? So when you have a clean pipeline of consciousness and of physical, you know, presence, when your body is at its best and your mind is at its best, what you find is that there's more opportunities for flow in life in your information consumption and producing. You communicate a lot more clearly.
00:28:32
Courtney Brame: You move more smooth. Your joints don't necessarily crack. It doesn't hurt when you walk. Right? So that's essentially what that ojas is. It's the um natural state like uh I mentioned the spider in the last episode. Okay. So the spider eats food, takes in its environment and its internal sun creates what's necessary to spin the webs.
00:28:59
Courtney Brame: So it's able to take from the environment an example hydrogen and the helium it produces metaphorically is the threads of the silk of the uh web and it does that it starts at the center and it works its way out. So it's taking its inner fire and creating its environment that everything just draws to it and it just sits at the center.
00:29:25
Courtney Brame: Right? So looking at this from the perspective of Amma, if the spider eats some things that it can't actually digest or I'm sure it knows like, hey, I shouldn't eat that because that's not going to give me what I need to survive, right? Like I'm sure spiders probably avoid a lot of the s*** that we still eat because it would not be able to process itself in its internal fire to be able to come out as a web, as something useful.
00:29:57
Courtney Brame: for. to its survival. So moving forward, curiosity, the shadow side of the curiosity is arrogance and rigidity or arrogant rigid rigidity. So taking in information, taking in data, I don't immediately judge. I ask questions. I will always be curious and I can also adapt to what's real because I get more of an understanding of what's happening.
00:30:28
Courtney Brame: I'm not making assumptions. People can't make assumptions about me. Well, they can, but I'm not assuming anything about anyone. And because of that, we're able to have more of a clear understanding. I use this example of drawing the number six on the ground while I sit across from somebody and they look down, they tell me they see a nine.
00:30:49
Courtney Brame: No, I see a six. That's judgment. You You don't know what you're talking about. You can't see. You're blind. You need to get your eyes checked. That's judgment. Curiosity is what does it look like? Huh? What What's the shape? What's the texture?
00:31:04
Courtney Brame: Like, can I come see where you are? Can you come see where I'm at? And now we know that we're looking at the same symbol just from a different angle. Rotate this. This is not This is not doing Oh. Oh, I just made the screen go away. Oops. There we go.
00:31:25
Courtney Brame: If you watching this, like, this is all you get. I'm sorry. I can't keep trying to adjust for the rising sun right here. I love that my windows right there. When the sun comes up, I get to wake up to that natural light. Feels amazing. Um, but yeah, that's an expression of curiosity.
00:31:45
Courtney Brame: And the shadow side of that, the amma is I'm accumulating that that toxicity when I decision. I've already decided this is who you are. This is what you do prior to having any experiences that have been digested to give me that clarity. So, uh, if you assume that, oh, this woman's going to be just like the last one because of the number of cats that they have or because of the way that they handled a situation, right?
00:32:19
Courtney Brame: You don't make that assumption. You ask questions. You get curious. You assume that a situation is going to be exactly how it was before. What happens is that the shadow side, the amma that's accumulating is you start reacting to your own historical trauma. You start to see things through that amatic lens.
00:32:44
Courtney Brame: Trauma ammo trauma, right? And it's spelled AMA if you want to look it up. But it's just what's what goes unprocessed, what goes undigested. it. So, if you haven't dealt with your s***, I use the example of people getting on dating sites for people with herpes. If you hop on there because you got herpes and you're just like, "Oh, well, simple solution. I'm just going to date people with herpes." What about the other aspects of those relationships that you were in
00:33:14
Courtney Brame: that go unchecked? Now, you're going to view things through the lens of something that you didn't even know was there. Trust me, I know because that's what I've been doing in my dating over the last month and a week. I didn't even realize that I was not afraid of success. That's what I used to think it was.
00:33:40
Courtney Brame: But what it was is there's a fear of what happened to me before where I became accommodating in a way that took me off of my center. I tell myself that what happens is with intimacy, if I let myself get too close to someone, then this goes away. Something positive goes away. My independence goes away.
00:34:03
Courtney Brame: My autonomy goes away. my identity changes because I've been taught that when you love somebody like you adapt, you accommodate, you make changes, you give them what they want, you give them what they ask for. But what I've learned is that you don't give people what they ask for. You be who you are. And I'm not saying this in no a****** way.
00:34:28
Courtney Brame: I I know how this sounds, but going back to the sun thing, you don't come off your center. What I find is that or what I've learned laws of physics is that erratic chaotic energy, disregulated people gravitate towards the most stable thing in the room. And the way that people talk about like how partners will test you, they test you for your stability.
00:34:56
Courtney Brame: They test you for your mass to make sure that you are able to be trusted. That's not a conscious thing. That's a unconscious primal thing to test the integrity of a structure. And I can say I was not an integrous structured mass historically because what felt more important to me was keeping the other person happy.
00:35:21
Courtney Brame: That ain't how you that ain't what you do. Like I'm again I'm a curious person and a lot of times my curiosity would get shut down in many of these relationships, right? like why you ask so many questions or why aren't you asking enough questions right like when you accommodate for you know one person and you begin to again like someone asked me why I'm asking so many questions so I stopped asking so many questions and now I'm viewing
00:35:48
Courtney Brame: this person in front of me now not from a place of presence but from a place of that jaded toxicity lens where I I'm not supposed to ask you questions. I'm supposed to just know. I'm I'm the man. I'm supposed to just know and do. Right. And now that person's like, "Damn, I wish you would have asked me more questions because now like it seems like dot dot dot."
00:36:13
Courtney Brame: So the wavering, right? Planets can't orbit around something that isn't itself stable, like a sun that isn't stable. And I damn sure we all have an inner sun, right? And I think that many of us our awareness can be bled into not knowing what our nature is as that a being that carries that inner sun that transmutes our surroundings, our environment, our experiences into what becomes our identity.
00:36:47
Courtney Brame: So we we we got to get curious or well I'm a curious person but this is an example of just transmuting um our experiences in a way that does not create that amma that that trauma the emotional nonseen trauma or I mean the physical scene but we we ain't this ain't like a fitness and f****** um nutrition podcast episode.
00:37:15
Courtney Brame: just know that everything that I'm sharing here can also be related to our nutrition as it relates to uh herpes because something that came up is I heard a medical professional say chocolate causes herpes outbreaks and she gave me a source. This was a very credible resource and I'm frustrated because that credible resource took a snippet of information that you would get from like a real and without doing any more investigation, even an AI search to ask like, hey,
00:37:54
Courtney Brame: why does chocolate cause outbreaks? It can and here's why. And what you get down into, I'm doing the research right now, but essentially in a petri dish, the way that herpes virus interacts with a petri dish level of arginine and how it interacts with a petri dish level of lysine. It's very rare for it to have that exact interaction because we are processing the protein of arginine and lysine as well.
00:38:26
Courtney Brame: And there are so many other factors that contribute to actually uh eating chocolate and the amount of arginine in the chocolate making it to the herpes virus and the herpes virus having the conditions to be able to interact with that piece of arginine whole thing. But curiosity, right? I didn't make a judgment. I didn't go, "Hey, you don't know what you're talking about. She don't know what she's talking about." curiosity led to me getting into the weeds of creating this research article
00:38:54
Courtney Brame: because it's necessary, right? So, I took that information, became curious rather than judgmental and being like, man, no, it ain't. Get your lying ass out here. I didn't do that. That ain't what I do. And I'm so happy I didn't. I'm happy I'm this kind of person that can have that curiosity because then the amma, the trauma of the misinformation or that information that they had could have fractured a relationship, a connection.
00:39:25
Courtney Brame: It could have it could fracture the uh but that was my own internal ojas being able to transmute the information or my inner agony. God damn it. My inner agony being able to transmute that information into the output that is going to have pure energy behind it. That's it. It's just like the pure energy, untainted energy of what my inner sun transmutes.
00:39:52
Courtney Brame: Thank y'all for bearing with me because I I know this s*** sound like it's all over the place, but I'm going somewhere. And if you've been rocking with me for the last nine almost 10 years, then you you just like, "Oh, Courtney, we know. We know." Um, challenge. I'm on number three for my identity, who I am.
00:40:10
Courtney Brame: Challenge versus complacency or ent complacent entropy. So, naturally, I seek healthy friction. I go to the gym to tear down my muscle, right? Um, I step on this podcast. I go out into the world of advocacy. These are things that stoke my inner fire that nurture my nature so that that inner sun is able to blaze radiantly.
00:40:36
Courtney Brame: I say that my inner mission is to nurture, excuse me. Oh, my mission is to nurture my nature. That's it. That's what I do. And my external as a result of that is that I neutralize herpes stigma. That's my mission. My mission is to the neutralization of herpes stigma. Right?
00:41:03
Courtney Brame: So the shadow side of that if I don't have that intentionality of challenge and challenging myself then there's really no need for the fire, right? Like if nature is like, hey, you know, the goal of everything is efficient energy use. Make the most efficient use of this energy. Human beings do it in a variety of ways.
00:41:26
Courtney Brame: And that all is contingent on our identity and our life circumstances and how we take in things and what we output, how we transmute it and what we output. Right? If you're a yoga teacher, you take your experiences and you bring it to your yoga class. If you are a math person, you like the math and you do numbers and you probably become an accountant, right?
00:41:48
Courtney Brame: In this case, my shadow uh from challenge would be avoidance. like if I'm seeking out comfort. Again, going back to previous relationship, like that's what I wanted. I wanted the comfort. I wanted the safety of, okay, boom, we got I beat the game. We going to be together. We going to have this family and now we can just do life together.
00:42:09
Courtney Brame: Like things are going to be easier now. That ain't how that works. the person that I am, who I am, while choosing the path of least resistance isn't an option. It's not my option. Right? So, I'm choosing I'm not saying that I'm choosing um to live a life of suffering or resistance, but utilizing the resistance that I choose in order to expand my own capacity, right?
00:42:46
Courtney Brame: And where there is that sort of uh stored energy, I compress, condense, and use it, right? I don't want the accumulation of what happens when you avoid challenging yourself because now I'm the kind of person who avoids things. I'm the kind of person who avoids conflict. I'm the kind of person who avoids doing challenging things that are going to make me better, make the energy that I have more condensed, more focused, more intentional, more sharp.
00:43:22
Courtney Brame: Right? So that's really what it is. Like the seeking of comfort doesn't work for me. And I became the kind of person who seeks out comfort in dating as well. Oo, this one is a good one. Number four is choice. So the shadow side of that is reactivity victimhood. Now when you look at this from the perspective of my agy turning being the light that I radiate right my internal ojas and its expansiveness like flows through me to where other people are able to feel that understand for
00:44:03
Courtney Brame: me again here that I am the center of my reality. I'm responsible for this and I decide where to direct my attention. A lot of times our attention gets snatched away from us. A lot of times it's in scrolling. I I took Instagram off my phone. I deleted day naps. I wasn't on there but a month y'all.
00:44:26
Courtney Brame: I was on dating naps for a month. Deleted them. And not to say like like I was getting matches and you know starting conversations but I recognize the bleeds of those and I don't want that s*** right like me choosing where to give my attention actually you know what I'm going just go do more things in real life and that's actually a funny thing because the M. batches that led to like the best conversations that I got were with people who saw me or met me in real life, which told me something like,
00:45:06
Courtney Brame: "Oh, just go be out more." And you know, when you get that feeling, that vibe, just spark up a conversation, say something. The shadow side, the amma that can accumulate from not choosing means drifting, letting a partner's mood impact me. the logistics. If I'm like allowing for um an external crisis of someone else to dictate how I'm feeling, what happens is that I begin to abandon that center and where I'm normally
00:45:41
Courtney Brame: transmuting my external environment resources into something through my agony that becomes my reality and I stop transmuting that. I lose that ojas. I lose that that energy. I'm bleeding that into the world and it's not going anywhere concentrated and it's taking the path of friction more so than the path of least resistance because it wants to flow through Courtney and not be bled out of Courtney.
00:46:18
Courtney Brame: So when that happens, I lose mass. I lose the gravitational force that draws in that which is aligned to my highest good, my highest self. Conviction versus appeasement. So I'm immovable on this. Ain't nobody stop. I will never again again. is one of the one of the biggest standout things that happened in my previous relationship was how quickly I was willing to at you know the expense of my partner's discomfort with how many women I worked with
00:47:04
Courtney Brame: right that made me start a whole nonprofit for men which this speaks volumes to the kind of person I am who when I choose to do something, I do it and I make it work, right? But that ain't what I was supposed to be doing. The conviction is me being immovable. I I do this cuz uh if you watch Jiujitsu Kaisen, Jo Gojo, oh my god, Jo Gojo had he does this when he opens his domain and he has this domain extension move.
00:47:43
Courtney Brame: I forget like more women listen to this than men. less anime nerds. Um, but essentially projecting your reality into the space around you. That's conviction. So when I say I'm neutralizing herpes stigma, I say that s*** with conviction. Anyone in earshot range, they might hear herpes, they may hear stigma, they may hear nothing at all.
00:48:09
Courtney Brame: But my projection of that reality doesn't change to anybody else. I don't change how I say it anymore. Like I have like being around like if I'm out socializing, I know I'm with a group of people with herpes, like I'm mindful of that. But even then, I got to stop doing that s***. Me personally, like I that's everyone else's responsibility.
00:48:30
Courtney Brame: I'm not going to be here like, "Oh yeah, I'm here with all these people who have herpes." No, never. I won't do that. But what I do, who I am, I'm someone who actively is working to neutralize herpes stigma. The shadow side of that, the amma of my conviction would be appeasement, right? It's what I did with my ex.
00:48:50
Courtney Brame: Bending my identity and essentially breaking who I am. Being so willing to uproot my heaviest core values and also like not being, you know, more not standing behind that s*** more, right? I should have been like, "Hey, no, this is what I'm doing." All right, cool. You don't like that I work with women?
00:49:13
Courtney Brame: All right. I I understand where that can be an issue. I understand what that uh can present for you or what that might bring up. Uh I'm not going to stop doing this. Lovingly lovingly be like, "Hey, I'm not changing this." And it sucks because I was so willing to give this up.
00:49:39
Courtney Brame: Because to me, what was more important was how she felt. And that's the kind of person that I had become uh or that I had been over years, right? Like, oh, okay, well, if you want this, let's do it. Let's make it happen. In a very enthusiastic way. And I can let the amma of those past relationships and being like, oh, well, I'll never do anything for women again.
00:50:05
Courtney Brame: But then you become like that's more amma right now. You're viewing things through that lens. Whereas the reality of it is to know these are the things that I stand for so that other people partners can orient themselves appropriately in the gravity that I am creating that I have created by being who I am and standing behind that s*** with conviction.
00:50:32
Courtney Brame: I'm not appeasing anybody anymore. There's a way to go about this. And no, I'm not even going to say there's a way to go about this and be kind, right? But it's when someone comes into your bubble, like be you so that they have that information. I so willingly changed that there was no me to be.
00:50:57
Courtney Brame: And that's what conviction has become so important here because yeah, I am neutralizing herpes stigma. If somebody doesn't I've dated people who didn't like that I talked about herpes. I've dated people who were like, "Oh, can you just not tell my parents what you do?" Like just say you're a personal trainer. And I've done that s***.
00:51:19
Courtney Brame: So it's not like my previous relationship, my previous dating experience, you know, since the most recent thing was where the issue was. It was an accumulation of that amma, the trauma over time that hadn't been resolved that it until you know the big explosion of that trapped energy that was the amma finally got to be witnessed and seen.
00:51:50
Courtney Brame: I'm like, "Oh s***, that's what this was. That's what these experiences are." Because there's a genuine fear of closeness and intimacy that I've experienced where long-distance lovers, the further they are, the more intimate they can be to me. Like the more safe I feel, the more myself I can be, the more intense I am. But the minute, you know, we get too close or we start living together, we see each other when we want to on a consistent basis, that s***'s scary.
00:52:18
Courtney Brame: And it's scary because what happens is that I take myself out of my center because now I'm seeing more of this person and maybe I see things that are that aren't that aren't like me or align with me and I think it's something wrong with me. I make my bed up every morning. I get out the bed.
00:52:38
Courtney Brame: I'm not getting back in that b****. So to be with somebody whose bed isn't made up, I'm like, damn, am I too strict? Maybe I'm too rigid. Maybe I need to like relax a little bit. I wash my dishes right after I use them, right? Like seeing someone who doesn't do that, I'm thinking, damn, is something wrong with me?
00:52:59
Courtney Brame: Or if I say I'mma do something and I do it and I see someone who's like, hey, I want to do this thing and I'm like, hey, you know that thing that you said you wanted to do, right? So these are without that conviction of me being who I am and other people being able to see that that's just it like like this is me.
00:53:20
Courtney Brame: This is who I am without other people being able to see that and feel and hear the conviction behind it. There's a temp there's a temptation to, oh, let me see if I can get Courtney to be more like me or to get Courtney to do this or that. And I need to turn this little space heater off.
00:53:41
Courtney Brame: Give me one second. And um I ain't doing that. I I can't Oh s***, did get hot in here. That little undertitty sweat. Um, and you that's that's what The general laws of physics dictate the laws of physics dictate that things are going to naturally gear toward chaos and motion. Even these bodies that we have, they age.
00:54:09
Courtney Brame: They deteriorate. So our interactions with people are essentially tests of integrity. Are you who you say you are? Who do you say you are? And I don't think that I really had an identity because so much of my identity had been one without conviction. The only thing that I can say that I've stuck to the longest that I've done anything has been um to work in herpes stigma that has never gone away.
00:54:41
Courtney Brame: And I think that that's become stronger because that's such an external thing. I didn't have like an internal identity or intentionality, right? And now the intention has been very it's selfdriven to nurture my nature and as an understanding of energy now and recognizing okay well that's my essence that's my nature let me nurture that I can do that now and Ayurveda has given me the language because now I recognize like that which is you know what I radiate I want to radiate ojas I don't want to radiate amma I want generate that clean fuel that flows through from what I eat,
00:55:27
Courtney Brame: from the information I can uh consume and what metabolizes. I think it said over like uh I take 35 days for whatever we eat to metabolize through all of the tissues and make it down to the reproductive organs. So, I can't say that on this podcast. if if there's time and if it comes back up, we'll talk about that.
00:55:51
Courtney Brame: But a thing happens with there's something behind semen retention uh that people talk about. There's some Ayurvedic um lessons in there. She ain't talk about this in class, but I did my research. So, um yeah, I'm I'm that was number five, conviction. So don't bend your identity, your truth to appease people because that's that night sky s***.
00:56:21
Courtney Brame: That's the thing that a thing that I've done historically just to like shut the other person up and just be like, "Hey, look, I'm chilling. I'm happy. Like you complained about this thing. Come on. Like just let's resolve the issue." And that's not that's not how that works. That's not how relationships work. That's not how nervous systems work.
00:56:41
Courtney Brame: So I'm learning connection is number six and the shadow side of connection the amma that can accumulate comes through inshment and isolation. So the ojas right this is a covealent bond where two whole atoms two whole people are sharing a mutual interest. So again I mentioned that the third shell of my atom my structure is curiosity consistency challenge choice conviction connection creativity and completion.
00:57:16
Courtney Brame: So we're right now we have a veence electron being shared or a covealent bond right and you're a whole human that is on the receiving end listening to the message that is my voice maybe you're watching this right and we're sharing this orbit while maintaining our own individual shells we are still who we are I'm not making you me you're not making me you we have a shared interest of at this at this point curiosity.
00:57:49
Courtney Brame: Who am I? Right? Like yeah, it's a podcast episode. Like I'm trying to get you to be more free from stigma overall, but right now what we're doing is we're playing with curiosity of who I am. Who are you right now? This connection piece, that's another one. Right? So maybe we're connected on two shells.
00:58:16
Courtney Brame: But the shadow side of this, there are two extremes of it. One of which is imshment, right? Trauma bonding. I I have so many experiences of a trauma bond where my trauma is people pleasing, fixing, being the everything for like being my mother's emotional boyfriend essentially, right? And the amma from that, the trauma from that translating into relationships and that translating into relationships meaning that there was no common interest necessarily.
00:59:01
Courtney Brame: There was no connection piece. There was nothing to connect on. There was no curiosity. There was no expression of that third ring of the electron shell being able to connect there. The trauma bonding being a siphoning of oh okay like this person looks like they have the thing the things the energy that I want to embody for myself.
00:59:29
Courtney Brame: So now I I need that. I want that. And it becomes like a taking relationship, like a take take from my end. I get to take because someone is in that trauma state and I get to feel better about myself because I'm fixing or helping this person. The other person gets to take because they are on the receiving end of the whatever it is that they want out of it.
00:59:55
Courtney Brame: But it's unaligned. It's not the same. the same thing and there's no clear communication on what makes the connection a connection. So there's the taking of energy that a person doesn't know that they're giving and then there's the giving of an energy that the person uh is unaware that they're receiving. So it's just a complete misfire when we look at that from a trauma bond perspective, right?
01:00:21
Courtney Brame: and you don't know who's what is what or where and it's confusing as f*** in that in in that enshment piece. And then when it comes to the isolation really it's just running away from healthy connections because you assume it'll drain you and that that's that's me. Healthy close proximity connections and relationships do scare the s*** out of me.
01:00:50
Courtney Brame: And this is coming from somebody who even ended like my long distance things, but the long distance things that I ended that didn't stick around were the ones where they were a lot closer. Like it would be a train ride, a bus ride, right? So, and again, this is me coming to this conclusion very very recently after a lot of understanding of who I am, right?
01:01:15
Courtney Brame: So um those relationships, those connections ended because of that fear of losing myself, but they also ended because I recognized like, okay, this is who I am. I'm the most grounded here now, and here's what my capacity is. When I acknowledge and address what my capacity was, I lost those partners. On one hand, cool, like they know who I am now.
01:01:44
Courtney Brame: But on the other hand, it sucks because I feel like I have much more clear language now for, you know, whoever wants to be in my life to be able to orient themselves to that information now. But my it can be interpreted that my conviction around knowing who I am, presenting myself as such being avoidance and putting myself in isolation because of that fear of losing the connection that I have with myself now.
01:02:22
Courtney Brame: So maybe at the time that could have been what it is or what it was, but now what I see it as um twofold, right? And it's all about like the intentionality behind it, but the impact remains the same. Um on one hand, it's a you know, we're too close and I need to maintain my autonomy. Here's what that looks like.
01:02:46
Courtney Brame: Give them the choice and they go, you know what, Courtney, f*** you. I don't like that. And that's that's that's exactly what happened actually. And on the other hand, it can just be, hey, you know, um, See, I'm noticing myself like do things that don't align with who I am. I don't like this.
01:03:05
Courtney Brame: Here's what I propose. What are your thoughts? And then maybe that would have gone a little bit different, but I I don't know. I don't think that I don't think that would have gone that way to be completely honest. I think that I would have still got to f*** you, Courtney. And you know that that's okay.
01:03:23
Courtney Brame: um because that's just how things sometimes happen. And I think that for me, what happened was that those long-term long-distance relationships did start out as inshment and trauma bonds because I was at a vulnerable place. I just had a breakup. Arguably, these m************ took advantage of me. I just had a big breakup that was huge to me.
01:03:45
Courtney Brame: It may like to most people, you know, year and a half ain't that long, whatever. But yeah, that f***** me up and left me having to figure out some things and put pieces back together. Also moved uh from living with my ex to um moving back home to St. Louis into my own place. I'm settling in and then boom, a tornado hits.
01:04:09
Courtney Brame: Tornado hits. I just like lost all my s***. There was a lot of grief even there that still hasn't even been recognized. and moving when I moved to New York like there was a settling in. I was not grounded. I was very there was a lot of chaotic motion vata energy that I was not able to be grounded in. So the connections looked like a meshment because that's what they could be.
01:04:44
Courtney Brame: I had no identity of myself. I had no structure for myself. I just got a fat ass check and moved to New York City and just so happened to be able to get my job at just so happened to, you know, settle into a place that I could afford to live. And the imshment that was happening like once I discovered it, like the extreme is what was necessary to get out of it.
01:05:10
Courtney Brame: In Ayurveda um they say you know when you have an excess of one thing you introduce its opposite. I introduced two extreme of the opposite which was the isolation. And I thought that it was a much more gentle way of bringing in the thing. Like let's say it's hot. If it's hot you want to introduce coolness.
01:05:32
Courtney Brame: You won't go out in the sun and then just f****** pour a bucket of ice over your head. Maybe you have a cool drink. Maybe you have like some water that might be warm but it's not ice cold freezing right you don't shock the nervous system you introduce gradually and that's what I did with the connection piece so the amma that accumulated was either the imshment trauma bonding orma bonding or the um isolation.
01:06:04
Courtney Brame: And so I my the thing that I did was still an extreme of what was unnecessary. Whereas what needed to be brought in was hey there's a lot of closeness and inshment here that I'm seeing trauma bonding. Why don't we bond over this? Why don't we do this? Let's let's talk about these things to introduce something else.
01:06:30
Courtney Brame: Right. Um okay. So that closes that out. Number seven, completion. Completion is my value. Um, and then the shadow side of that is the open loop. So, excuse me, the ojas piece of that, right? Bringing thought into form, taking what's invisible. If I'm I I I was saying I want to make a mixtape.
01:07:01
Courtney Brame: That is still an open loop because I want to make a f****** mixtape. I want to so bad, but I I had to put that thought on pause and not really feed it any energy because I have things that are more of a priority that I want to accomplish. And I believe that when the time is right, I'm going to make that m************ mixtape.
01:07:18
Courtney Brame: But being a perfect example, Comic-Con, I thought to myself, I want to be I want to do cosplay. I'm watching Seven Deadly Sins. Man, I like that character, Esganor. I could pull off that Esganor costume. He has an axe. I can make that axe. I can purchase the things that I need for the costume and I can build the axe.
01:07:40
Courtney Brame: I did that. I got the raw materials. It took my thoughts to get the idea and then I compiled the raw materials and I applied heat and pressure um to it. tap us heap discipline to it and it formed the axe the divine axe reader. I made that b**** so happy so proud of myself and I brought it into form this podcast episode.
01:08:11
Courtney Brame: I took my thoughts, turned them into words, put it in a little outline for myself and now it's a podcast episode and you're listening you're listening to the finished product of this s***. So that is a closed loop. So when I have to say that I value completion, I don't like to leave things open-ended. The shadow side of that, the amma is like this eternal ethereal fat state.
01:08:39
Courtney Brame: Fat meaning wind and ether elements. Just space, nothing, and air. The things that are constantly moving, but you can't see. You can't see what's happening in my head. I bring what's there out out because otherwise and the axe is hanging up on my wall. That's why I'm pointing up there. That would have just stayed a thought.
01:09:05
Courtney Brame: And if it stayed a thought like it wouldn't have taken form. So I'm able to bring these repeat thoughts and thought patterns to a closed loop and then bring them out into form. And the shadow of that is if you got a hundred ideas and you never execute them. If you got all these matches on whatever dating app you're on and you don't you you're so afraid of having a conversation about herpes and you just don't you just lead people to a certain point in the day and then you ghost.
01:09:46
Courtney Brame: You got a lot of open loops. Or if you're constantly desiring something like it's accumulating amma, the thoughts can become amma because now it's a sludge of an open loop. It's a toxicity of an open loop that is drawing in more of that toxicity to bring your awareness to it so that you can close that b****. I got to stop talking like that.
01:10:11
Courtney Brame: I hope ain't no medical professionals listening to this that's thinking about booking Courtney for a podcast or uh the talk. The podcast is for the people. The the presentations are for the public public health. So um every incomplete task, procrastination, unspoken boundaries, these are open energy just sparking and it's draining us very very quickly. The battery gets drained.
01:10:49
Courtney Brame: Lastly, consistency. Consistency versus chaos. I view consistency now as like a rhythmic pulse. Since learning how to dance and getting involved with partner dancing, I understand consistency a lot better now because it's a rhythm. Even if you lose that rhythm, you come back to it, right? And my oas, the consistent flow of it through my body, what I put in, what I I output, that consistency creates my vibe, my radiance, my energy, right?
01:11:46
Courtney Brame: And that creates a highly predictable gravity for others to be able to orient themselves to. And it becomes safe. That's what safety is. Consistency represents safety. That rhythm. It's like you hear a song, right? Like you you don't dance to erratic ass s*** that you know takes you all over the place.
01:12:15
Courtney Brame: Maybe one minute you're slow and then you run and it requires like a bunch of different dances. It's chaos. Consistency is a rhythmic pulse. Mine is slow. I got real slow rhythmic pulse that the most chaotic and erratic people. Come on. Come on. You can dance to this.
01:12:39
Courtney Brame: You can be as chaotic and rhythmic as you want, but you're going to do so in harmony with the rhythm. My responsibility isn't to try and make my rhythm match your chaos, but for you to cycle your chaoticness into its own rhythm to this pose. And that's the relationship between leader, follower on the dance floor. That's the relationship between masculine and feminine when it comes to divinity structure and the exaggeration expression within that structure.
01:13:19
Courtney Brame: The shadow side of consistency is starting stopping not a consistent rhythm. Doing something perfectly for a couple days and then you just say f*** it throw it away. When you have a fluctuating gravity that has no predictability, you make people around you not trust it and your own nervous system can't trust you. So that erraticness can accumulate the sludge of distrust, the toxicity of distrust.
01:14:00
Courtney Brame: So this whole nature your nature, nurture your nature concept is recognizing first that we are energetic beings and the intangible energetics of Courtney. Curiosity, consistency, challenge, choice, conviction, connection, creativity, conviction. I chose Cwords because I thought it was cool. Just so happens that all of these are fitting. They fit me. They fit my personality.
01:14:28
Courtney Brame: They fit who I am and they work. They work for me. I looked at my entire life up to this point and of what I know and what I can remember and chose for myself like, huh, these things make me who I am. And can nobody touch those things? You can't push them. You can't bump them.
01:14:53
Courtney Brame: Right? So, they're not impacted at all by the real world. You know, somebody punched me in my face. I can still be curious. Hey, why you do that? That's a wild thing to say. No, I I finish what I start, you know. And one thing that I got to, you know, I I've learned is that no closure is closure.
01:15:15
Courtney Brame: And there's a lot of situations where I may not get completion, but I'll get closure, which to me feels like Andy is completion, right? And you know, I ain't upset now that I ain't get my checks or even a text and said, "Hey, you got some checks here." I know what happened. That mail came and she threw it away because that is what I saw done when I was in the picture.
01:15:42
Courtney Brame: So, I changed X didn't. And I'm able to really release that amma because my agya is burning bright. My inner sun is able to actually look at this toxicity that's accumulated, the amma, the trauma over not just the last, you know, year and a half, last three years, last 5 years, 10 years, and melt that s*** away.
01:16:13
Courtney Brame: So that my capacity, my bandwidth for the flow of this electrical current, the energy that is flowing through me that ojas, so it has more room to flow freely. And I believe that that is why my life is looking the way that it is. I got no complaints. I'm healthy. I live in a good place.
01:16:36
Courtney Brame: I got good people around me. What else is I'm going to ComicCon tomorrow. I got a social life. Build community. Building community. I'm dancing. I'm dancing. Me. I'm dancing. And yeah, it just it it took these concepts. And you know I'm I'm the frustration that I have is that access to this information about Agy O Johnson is not something that we're given or fed like I had to pay for this information.
01:17:22
Courtney Brame: It's there but like where where do you even when you Google stuff like oh how to eat better they talking about calories and s***. I used to consume probably 8,000 calories per day in the food that I was eating. And I also s*** a lot more at that point in time because my body was just like taking in what it could and eliminating what it couldn't.
01:17:49
Courtney Brame: When I started to learn about macronutrients, I learned that for me to sustain a weight of what was it like 230 lb, I needed to consume a consistent 3500 calories a day. Over the last probably 6 months, like my workouts, I feel much stronger. Like I think I might be having somewhere between like 900 and,00 fitness industry is like, oh, calories in, calories out if you want to lose weight.
01:18:22
Courtney Brame: No one's talking about the efficiency of said calories or the nutrient density or the energy efficiency or the way that you absorb these nutrients. Like I've been cooking with ginger, turmeric, and black pepper with the oils um that I use like olive oil or ghee and then cook those things in it. And what happens is when you add black pepper to cumin um and heat it, what happens is it brings out the properties that allow for 2,000 or 200 or 2,000 I forgot how many zeros% more absorption of whatever it is that you're consuming into
01:19:00
Courtney Brame: the bloodream. I'm going to say, hold on because I I just looked this up. Damn. I think I went to another uh Oh, here we go. I do have it here. All right. So, when I wrote about or when I asked about it, no absorption, it contains pipperine to boost absorption by up to 2,000%.
01:19:30
Courtney Brame: Yes. So, okay, I did have it right. I was like 2,000% sound like a lot. But that's the kind of information I've only been able to get from being in yoga therapy school. So my curiosity brought me challenging myself to I said I never go back in school. I would never do that again.
01:19:53
Courtney Brame: And went to yoga therapy school training I guess but felt like school and that was a choice like I chose to live that s***. And now like my curiosity is now out loud because yes, I'm living this. I have enough experience to be like, damn, you know, like I'm eating way less, but I do feel like I feel better.
01:20:19
Courtney Brame: And what I've been told is you need the energy. You need the calories so that you can go lift the weight, so that you can do the things. Well, what if I'm just sitting at a desk for a day? Now I'm learning about how fat works with the brain and how it lubricates the joints and the importance of drinking warm water versus anything ice cold because you're freezing the flow of uh the warmed up fat because at room temperature it becomes solid
01:20:46
Courtney Brame: and it accumulates ammo, right? And that's what I've been living in a way that I wish to be able to translate. to the herpes community especially because so much of stigma is amma and for me that amma that I burned away with my agy having a definitive purpose that fuels the flame like I need to be the best I can be in order to produce what needs to be produced to help other people get on the path of their own energy efficiency I'm most efficient when I'm nurturing my nature.
01:21:29
Courtney Brame: When I'm nurturing my nature, I'm transmuting stigma into messages like this. Um, my agony is burning bright. My old jazz is radiant and vibrant within me. That amma that is my life experiences, my my breakups, my natural disasters, my job experiences, my dating life. To some extent, I can't share anything about my dating life.
01:21:56
Courtney Brame: All that s*** is information taken in and food taken in for my my mass, my body, this space that I physically occupy and sense and engage in the world with all it has been impacted by the quality of information and the food foods consumed. So to nurture one's nature means to see amma as trauma. Agny is our inner son that digests both food and information.
01:22:37
Courtney Brame: And then Oja says our identity, the radiance of that, the flow, the consistent flow of that quality input, quality output makes up that that that old Josh And if you're listening to this this whole time, shout out to you because I think this might be like an hour and 40 minutes. I was supposed to go to the gym, but I had that that thing happened.
01:23:04
Courtney Brame: Okay, so I even just got the email. Hold on, let me read this. She said the check was sent to your New Jersey address. Checks. Oh my god. From June. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Hold Let me make sure. Yep, that's today. It's been confirmed.
01:23:28
Courtney Brame: It was sent to the New Jersey address and so they got to cancel the checks and send them to me. That is that's not crazy. That's That's expected because I I saw it happen. I saw it happen and it happened to me. So, consistency, right? What timing? What timing? Oh my god.
01:23:52
Courtney Brame: So that that concludes this episode is something positive for positive. the people. Uh, please like, rate, review, share, subscribe to the podcast if you want to be a guest. I'm always looking for guests. Um, I'm excited to be getting my money cuz I was show sitting over here like I probably should have got paid by now.
01:24:12
Courtney Brame: Um, wow. All this time, all this time later. But we healed some s***. I'm looking through things. I'm looking at, you know, things, my life moving forward through my lens of old Jos because I'm in flow. I'm in rhythm. I'm feeling good, living good, eating good. Um, yeah. And going to ComicCon. I don't know why I do that. All right, y'all. Till next time, stay present. That is wild.
