Episode 41: Something Positive for Positive People is a Lighthouse
All signs pointed to a solo episode being released today. The Universe/God/Life will always challenge you to prove you are who you say you are and ultimately you surrender to that and live your truth or you suffer with resistance by living out an untruth. Today was a challenge for me and this podcast was a proactive response to the Universe that I am. Recognition of the sameness in us all makes for a much more peaceful life. You wouldn't consciously hate yourself, you love yourself and when you recognize that self in the world around you, you see more of that reflected through you.
Keeping it simple:
- The challenge in finding necessary resources before a disclosure or after exposure. The importance of being there.
- Stigma in the LGBTQ community versus the sub-communities of us living with an STI, what support looks like and living WITH stigma versus batling stigma. Understanding it isn't going away means understanding how to live with it #WHATSTIGMA.
- The Stigma of living with an STI comes from the uneducated popular opinion of those who DO NOT have or know they do not have an STI and unchallenged, this allows the stigma to be overwhelming.
- The answer was no. What was the question? Follow @CourtneyBrame On Instagram to find out.
- Recognizing sameness in us all is peace. Focus on our differences creates a heiharchy of better than/worse than ultimately leading to conflict/chaos.
- Looking for someone who can incorporate a lighthouse into the current logo somehow. Open to recommendations if you know someone.
- Be a lighthouse doesn't mean disclosing to the world, it means recognizing the challenges others could be facing and offering to be there for them in a supportive fashion. The more lighthouses we have, the more support is available to us all.
- Please share with me any places I should be sharing this podcast as options are limited.
Thank you for your continued support. At this point we are at 12k downloads and the podcast is much more discoverable than other means of support and information. That's all thanks to you, the listeners! I look forward to more of these solo episodes and engaging more with the audience. Hopefully we can dive deeper into who guests are rather than what they look like and help us live with the understanding that the stigma isn't going anywhere.
I'm on all other social media @CourtneyBrame
Stay Positive!
Episode 41 Transcript
Ep. 41 - Transcript
Courtney Brame: If you follow me on Instagram, @hommychest, you'll see that I posted a story to my Instagram account and I asked everyone. The answer to that question is no. And you have about 20 hours from the time this podcast is uploaded to figure out what I'm saying no to. So again, that's H on my chest on Instagram. Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame. This podcast features the experiences of people who are living with or affected by an STI. This episode is going to be a little bit different than what is normally done because I don't have a guest this episode. And the reason being, I'm just waiting on written approval.
Courtney Brame: I like to get approval from everyone prior to posting the podcast just to make sure that they're comfortable with and safe with how it turned out and make sure I didn't miss anyone who was trying to remain anonymous. I didn't miss their names. Cuz that's happened a few times. So once we get approval, you'll be able to hear the episode that was supposed to have been posted this week. But I want to remain consistent in posting content for you guys so that you can trust me. Just know that I'm not going anywhere. This is something I enjoy doing. It's something that people are willing to come on and share and help get involved with. And I really appreciate it.
Courtney Brame: And I really appreciate each and every one of you who have taken the time to listen, who have subscribed to the podcast, reviewed it, and shared it with people. I had someone share the podcast somewhere that I can't share my podcast today and I was so grateful. So, thank you for that. The post was removed promptly and as it should have been, I guess, because I guess it violated the terms and conditions of the group. But it is what it is. So, I'll continue to post the podcast where it's allowed. And if you find any places that you believe it may be useful, you can share it. And if you're not comfortable with that, please reach out to me and let me know. and I'll do it myself because I believe that it's important for us to not kill the stigma.
Courtney Brame: I think that a better approach is more so developing a sense of understanding of what the stigma really is. And in my experience and the experiences that I've received from so many guests who've been on the podcast is that the stigma is a popular uneducated viewpoint. It's an opinion that is just popularized and really there's no education behind it. The people who are most educated about herpes don't want to challenge the stigma due to the stigma and potentially being found out as someone who has herpes. And that's b*******. So, I want you guys to know you don't have to have herpes. You don't have to have HIV. You don't have to be living with an STI.
Courtney Brame: that you can't cure in order to support people who are living with it… a perfect example, we had Pride here recently and I live in St. Louis, Missouri. So, I went to Tower Grove Park. This is a weird story. I thought I was at the parade and I got there late and I was like, man, this is way smaller than usual. And I show up. It's just like a small concert. It's in the localized area. There's still food trucks and people dressed for the occasion and it was just a pleasant atmosphere to be in. And the thing about it is that we're looking at a community of people who have been stigmatized or shamed for a really long time and that's not going anywhere for them. And this is a group of people who have support from not only within the community but also around the community as well.
Courtney Brame: So, you don't have to be part of the LGBTQ community. I hope I said that there's a lot of letters. You don't have to be a part of the community in order to support the community. And I like to use that example because I was there and no one was judging each other. Everyone was just there. There were children. I watched a same-sex couple, and I don't want to discriminate at all, but I believe they were two women who were caring for their daughter, and their daughter was African- American. One of the mothers appeared to be of a different ethnicity and then the other parent was Caucasian clearly. And when I watched them all interact, there was just so much love and the performances were there, the concerts were amazing, and the food was good. There were dogs running around and everyone physically looked different.
00:05:00
Courtney Brame: But what I came to realize is that everyone was there for the same reason. And I strongly believe that everybody recognized the sameness within them. And therefore there was no violence. There was no ye The only yelling would have been, "Hey b****, I like your top." It was like that was the kind of yelling that was going on there. And I had such a good time. I went and I was just supporting a friend who was also a guest on the podcast and her nonprofit. I went by and just showed some support and then I just sat down and enjoyed the concert. People were talking to me and everyone was friendly and I just watched adults dance and parents love on their kids and people just walking around and enjoying themselves. And another thing is that HIV is closely tied to the gay African-American male community and there were so many HIV testing sites around.
Courtney Brame: There were at least three or four that I walked by myself. And that's something that I feel like we need, not the HIV test everywhere, but as people who are living with an STI, we need support from within. It's not about destigmatizing herpes necessarily. It's more so about creating that space of understanding where we all realize, okay, we're the same. How can we support each other? And that's what I witnessed when I went to the Pride festivity. And by the way, I didn't find out that it wasn't the parade until the next day when I was at my grandmother's house. The news was on and they were broadcasting the parade downtown. So, I completely misfired where I was supposed to be at, but I still got the experience.
Courtney Brame: And I think that the most important thing out of this is having been there and developed a sense of understanding of these free liberated individuals who were able to go out and express themselves and it was in a safe space where everyone looked different. Everyone acted however they acted based on their own personal sets of life experiences. But the energy there was just. It was a pleasant space to be in and I felt like I could have told everybody that I had herpes. In fact, s*** I did. I wore Something Positive for Positive People. A few people asked me what it was and I just let them know, hey, it's a podcast where I interview people with STDs. And people say, " that's cool." And some people are like, " man, we need some more positivity just looking at the title." So, there was no shame there.
Courtney Brame: And even now since being more open and being out about having herpes, I've had close friends approach me and share that they were also living with something. And these are people that you wouldn't even know. And it's just one more thing that confirms for me that we are the same. And I think that one of the biggest problems in the world is where we try to justify how we're different. And there's nothing wrong with being Nothing at all. But when there's just a sense of peace that comes with the recognition that we're all unique expressions of the same thing and that's life. We all breathe the same air. We all are living if we're here. We're all going to die. When you start to look at those kinds of things, it makes it so much easier to walk around living with herpes or living with whatever. And I can't speak for anyone else because as far as I know, all I have is herpes.
Courtney Brame: And it just makes it easier knowing that I'm not the only person and that there's so much more to existing than your sexuality. And I think that herpes putting a hindrance on your sex life is probably good in a lot of cases because now you have to discover other areas about yourself. So who are you? And you'll continue to have to struggle with that or figure it out. You'll continue to ask, "Who am I?" And when you answer that question, you better be ready for the universe to challenge you on that or God or whatever force you believe in, if any at all. And if you don't believe in anything, then you're definitely into life if nothing else. life is going to challenge you to prove you are who you are.
Courtney Brame: And I find that when you live in that truth, your own personal truth, life becomes a lot more manageable for you. And I can say that for me, I talk about lighthouses a lot. And I say lighthouse because metaphorically, you see a lighthouse, you see the light from the lighthouse, and you associate it with safety. You associate that with land if you're in the water. But in my case, I would say I was in darkness and I saw a glimpse of that light. Someone exposed themselves to me as a lighthouse and they shine their light towards me and I was able to get closer to them and what they were seeing in the community. and rather than talking in circles, I'm just going to flat out say it because I'm not doing a very good job at this right now.
00:10:00
Courtney Brame: But someone reached out to me when I was looking for support. I mean, I didn't really know what I was looking for. I was looking for people who were quote unquote like me, who were also living with genital HSV2. So, I stumbled across a Google search which led me to a dating site for people quote unquote like me. And on that dating site, I just so happened to have found someone who was able to direct me to this whole unknown world. And I appreciate that so much. To this day, she probably doesn't even remember me, but I'm so grateful for her reaching out to me through this dating site and getting me into the secret Facebook groups. And what sucks is that that's how it has to be.
Courtney Brame: Everyone's going to feel alone until they are looking so hard for something that eventually it finds them. And notice I say it finds them because you can only do so much on your own. that you get to a breaking point and then it's also going to take for you to get a glimpse of that lighthouse which is just a representation of someone being there and being able to direct you to what it is that you need. And so in this case, I didn't know what I needed. I thought I just needed to know I wasn't alone. But it turns out that there's a whole secret society with so many different subset secret societies. Man, try saying that five times in a row.
Courtney Brame: That I truly believe, and I've said this before, if all of these subgroups were to put aside their differences and just work toward the same cause of being available, it's really about being there. Then the people who have herpes wouldn't have to struggle so hard to find support, to find interest groups, to find dating groups. And I think that it's selfish of me to create this space of difference to where we all are. So I would love to be able to advertise all of these places as one so that people can find it easier. Like I mentioned before, it took me five years to find it. I didn't know that I was really suffering or dealing with anything as a result of herpes until hindsight.
Courtney Brame: It took me to look back on five years of my life and see how having herpes played a role in my dating life, my social life, even my career. And it was just like all these made-up thoughts that were dictated by again the popular uneducated opinion of what it meant to have an STI. So, I'm looking to make this space a place of understanding, a place for people who are living with SIS to be able to find some sort of comfort for them to find the courage they need to be able to live with the stigma because it's not about getting rid of it or completely removing it like I said before.
Courtney Brame: And with the LGBTQ community, they're not completely destigmatized. I forget how long ago it was. I mean, I was told that this was years ago, but the cake incident, a gay couple wanted to get a wedding cake and the cake owner didn't want to give them a wedding cake. what kind of s*** is that, so they're still living with the stigma, but yet there's all these if they're out there. They're able to be out and comfortable and live filling lives and have a whole week of festivities. that s*** was fun. I really enjoyed myself when I went to the Pride event. Granted, it wasn't the parade, so who knows how much more fun I would have had if I had gone to the parade, but it's just a matter of being there and being there to support other people like you.
Courtney Brame: When I say be a lighthouse, I don't mean broadcast that you have herpes, but let people who may be struggling to deal with something in life in general, whether it be a herpes diagnosis, an HIV diagnosis, or even, cancer, diabetes, or a loss or just loneliness in general, depression or anxiety or suicidal thoughts. Just be there for people. And that's what being a lighthouse is all about. And I want to find a way to creatively incorporate a lighthouse into the logo and just really get this messaging out there because I want for upcoming people who are diagnosed with an SCI to be able to find this podcast. And right now it is not easy for me to do so.
00:15:00
Courtney Brame: In one of the groups that I'm in, this is in a few groups. I'm not allowed to post where I'm not allowed to post episodes of the podcast flat out because it's viewed a certain way and violates the group rules or whatever. So, in the event that I have done it, it was taken down. And there are also people who have shared the podcast in these same groups and not too long after their posts were taken down. Fortunately, a few people have been able to find the resource and they view it as something useful to them and they're able to get whatever it is that they need out of it. I don't expect anyone to listen to each and every one of these episodes.
Courtney Brame: I expect you to find it and go to an episode whose title resonates with you, whose description resonates with you, and get whatever it is that you need out of it. the support groups, I've been able to get what I need out of them. And now I'm just trying to contribute and give back because life, it's given me a sense of purpose. And I can say before now, I was bored. I was on autopilot. I was misguided even or but now there's a sense of purpose and I strongly view that for addiction. I see it as a cure for boredom. so I strongly encourage anyone and everyone to just take time to reflect and have these self-observational moments where you just take note of how you're feeling.
Courtney Brame: Ask yourself why you're feeling that way and then get down to the root cause of it and just begin to explore yourself cuz hopefully you can get to this point as well. And for me it was just finding out just how much herpes was affecting me and I didn't even know it, so that's the bulk of what I really wanted to say. I thank that lady who shared the podcast and I thank the other lady who tagged me in the post so that I could thank the person who posted it. So, like I said, I'll continue to post the podcast wherever it's allowed. And if there are places I'm not posting that you think are beneficial or you think that I should be posting to, please do so.
Courtney Brame: or you can even just let me know and I'll do it myself. and deal with the consequences later cuz I mean I can't apologize for trying to give people the same thing that was given to me and it's already hard enough to find these groups. Why create additional layers of secrecy in order to find them? And I understand the reservation of people's privacy and respect their anonymity, but it shouldn't be this hard for anyone to find it. Like I said, it took me 5 years. Some people I'm seeing now are finding it during the day. Great for them. No, I'm kidding. But it's really good that people are finding the resources that they need in order to get through their diagnosis. and if there's anything that I can do to help, how to reach me.
Courtney Brame: I'm at H on my chest on Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Facebook has Something Positive for Positive People Facebook page. So, you can go and like that. I'm getting to a point where I want to transition everything to podcasts related to that Facebook page rather than my personal Facebook page just because I know people are getting tired of seeing herpes and HIV posts on a weekly basis. So, I'm doing my best to stay consistent with this. This is the first thing that I've done for this long. I'm looking to, like I said, get out of the whole “addressing what people look like” because I want to focus more on what we're doing and who we're being in the world. And hopefully all the people that we have on here going forward are going to offer themselves as a lighthouse. I saw a post today in one of these groups that I can't post in.
Courtney Brame: And it was very empowering and it was very inspiring to me because this was a person who was living a perfect example of that. This person said, "Hey, I want you to know that I support you. I was a victim of abuse and diagnosed with HSV2. Thank you so much for sharing that post, by the way." And this individual was offering support and just allowing it to be known that they can be used as a resource or utilized as a resource for people who may be feeling alone or dealing with whatever it is that they're dealing with. This is a person you can come to.
00:20:00
Courtney Brame: This is a person who's been through something and allowing themselves to be seen as through that sameness, that lens of sameness that we all share as life, as beings who can communicate among each other. So I encourage you to start trying to Allow yourself to see yourself in others and begin to appeal to that. So, when you're disclosing to someone about your diagnosis, be able to empathize. They may not be okay with that. And you have to be able to see that this person is just more accepting themselves instead of rejecting you. Because a lot of us, if we were in the same position, we wouldn't make this investment. We wouldn't want to put ourselves at risk like that.
Courtney Brame: And maybe some of us do, but just because we know what it is that we want and we potentially see a future with this other person. So, you just never know. So that's all the updates that I had. If anyone knows some sort of a logo or graphic designer who can slap a lighthouse somewhere in Something Positive for Positive People logo, I would love to talk to that person and see what we can do about that. because I want to get some shirts made. I want to get socks and underwear made as a means of just getting this out there and getting the podcast supported and s***. If nobody else will wear them, then I'll wear them. I looked at the prices for the production of t-shirts. And I'm such a fan of just wearing my own s*** I wear Giving 100 t-shirts and Something Positive for Positive Peoplee tank tops.
Courtney Brame: So, these are two things I strongly support and anything else out there worth supporting. I'm all about it as well. So, I'm looking to really make this podcast useful. I want people to recognize the sameness in all of us. So, if you get nothing else from this episode, please Just allow yourself to be there for other people and allow people who want to be there for you, let them be there for that same lady who was offering herself to other people who knows how many times she may have needed someone and now someone else can be there for them. So allow yourself to utilize and become aware of your support system and even be someone else's support system. So be a lighthouse. That's all I ask.
Courtney Brame: And let's figure out a way to learn to live with the stigma because it's not going to go anywhere. I don't expect anyone overnight to just all of a sudden # what stigma and then bam, everyone knows someone with herpes and they know someone with herpes all of a sudden because I always say that too. Everybody knows someone who has herpes or an STI. Let's say that you just may not know it and it's because of the stigma. No one wants to share that information. Granted, it's only necessary for potential partners to know or anyone you're going to be exchanging bodily fluids with. And that's really it. But if you're struggling, allow yourself to be supported. Be there. And if you're at a place now in your diagnosis where you can be supportive to others, just allow yourself to be that lighthouse and just make yourself available for people.
Courtney Brame: So, when I post this episode, don't forget if you want the answer to that question on Instagram, HMO chest, the answer is no to the question that I asked, but you have to follow me and look at my story in order to find that. If you have any thoughts or recommendations for the podcast, I know sound quality is an issue, but I'm working with what I got right now. I promise'all one day it's just going to all of a sudden be better. We're at 12,000 downloads. The last time I looked at Podbean.com and my subscription is going to be up for renewal soon. So, I want to upgrade so that we can make this better. I'll be able to see where the downloads are coming from. And I'd really like feedback from you all, the listeners, so that I can do more.
Courtney Brame: I'm been talking to advertisers who are looking for audience information such as, how often you listen to podcast, how'd you find the podcast, and things that I've already said I'm trying to get away from asking people on the show, but it'll be helpful to me if we can together come up with questions that you feel comfortable answering. Not just like your gender, sexual preference, and all that kind of stuff, but more detailed information like what are some of your hobbies or habits, like things that you're involved with. That's what I'm more interested in, and I'm hoping to get to a place where the potential sponsors that we have on the podcast are able to be concerned with as well. So, let's get this, man. Let's do it.
00:25:00
Courtney Brame: I'm excited for what's coming and I feel a lot more confident on these solo episodes. I may have used it out of its proper context maybe two or three times. So, I'm getting better at that now. I have to work on using the words. thank you guys much for bearing with me, for listening and sharing the podcast. I cannot thank you guys enough. This does more for me than I think it does for anyone else. Just being able to feel useful if nothing else. So, please go back if you haven't already and listen to the other episodes. Rate us on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, Spotify, Podbean, Pod Bay M, Podchaser. All of the podcast players that are out there. Those reviews are really helping. And like I said, we're at 12,000 downloads and we're only going up from there, baby. So, till next time, stay positive.
