SPFPP 289: Are You Triggered or Challenged?

Episode 289 of Something Positive for Positive People is the trigger warning I shouldn't have to make. If any of what I say comes as a surprise to you, I don't think you really get the gist of what my work is about. Herpes is what led us here, but getting through it is going to require some self-evaluation of identity. The psychology of the self-image is what I challenge people on. Everyone should be triggered by this podcast's existence until you get to a point of challenging what that trigger is. I believe that same intense energy that comes from our fight or flight response is the same energy that can be utilized to trace the trigger to the source of it which is the trauma.

I done worked too damn hard on myself to get to this place of being able to just exist for someone to tell me something I say MIGHT be triggering to someone. Especially when this podcast is about health, and I ALWAYS speak about health, I'm supposed to shut down sharing my experience because someone might what? Be challenged and take different action? I'm willing to take the gamble that someone views me differently or chooses to pursue support from another resource. But in all honesty with the way people come and go (as they should) I don't think I'll be listening to anyone who isn't doing one of those four letter F words I mention in this podcast to me.

That all aside, SPFPP is no longer paying for people to get therapy. All donations go toward the ongoing functioning of the organization to integrate the communication skills of people with lived experience navigating STI diagnoses into STD Prevention efforts. Visit www.spfpp.org for more information.

Episode 289 Transcript

Redefining the Mission and Dealing with Criticism

00:00:00 Courtney Brame: Hello and welcome to this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. I'm your host, Courtney Brame. Um, I've been in over the last few episodes uh trying to figure out exactly how to communicate what Something Positive for Positive People does. And as I've been getting feedback from people about how I've helped them, about how the nonprofit has helped them, what consistently comes up is the podcast. The podcast itself has been one of the most useful resources in helping people navigate their sexual health communication skills as well as their communication skills overall in order to help them have healthy relationships. So, I'm looking to figure out a way to integrate that into the mission statement so that this can be seen as an organization that while yes, we primarily serve people who are living with herpes, um what we're doing is bringing those lived experiences of people who have tested positive for a sexually transmitted infection. uh we want to integrate that into STD prevention efforts as a way of minimizing the possibilities of new transmissions and infections just through communication.

00:01:30 Courtney Brame: This is a major component of STD prevention that I feel is completely underserved. Uh there's so much about just using condoms and abstinence. Uh but there's nothing that really speaks to getting people to even understand, you know, what the risks really are with a person and what their own risk tolerance is and the self- assessments that are necessary uh that we've discovered throughout running Something Positive for Positive People since 2017. So again, I'm going to figure out a way to word that and that will be what the mission statement is going forward. We are no longer paying for people to get therapy. That wasn't working. Um, I got a lot of great information from that. However, that's not the most useful thing uh for Something Positive for Positive People and it's not an efficient use of the funds that come in. All right, now that we got the professional stuff out of the way, I'm probably about to get real Courtney like here because I've been becoming more and more frustrated lately with how people are not coming at me necessarily, but like the the criticism people are so quick to jump in and say to me, even on my personal social media pages where I will share personal things, I'll just interact with the world and just show myself beyond just being a dude who has herpes.

00:02:48 Courtney Brame: And time and time again, I've gotten some very like almost stay in your lane type messages. And I mentioned this before, like the LeBron James thing when he was on he was speaking out about something political and there was a news reporter, this white lady who told him, "Shut up and play basketball." Uh, I very much feel like that's kind of been what I've faced enough times for it to be a thing. Most recently, you know, I've been very much into uh taking care of my health. I've been in that way at least for the last 10 years since my herpes diagnosis because that's something that pushed me over the edge of uh wanting to care for my body more because I don't want to get herpes outbreaks and I want to minimize the possibility of passing it on to someone who I may be with who doesn't have herpes. So, my health has become a priority to me. Uh in 2021, I got an outbreak somewhere that is not somewhere, but like the location is a genital herpes outbreak.

00:03:49 Courtney Brame: And uh I had that outbreak. And the only thing that I could really connect it to was what was going on around that time. And around that time, I was drinking a lot of sugar. There were these cans of just if Mountain Dew or Sprite and Hawaiian Punch had a baby, that's what these things were. So, I had a few of those over the course of the weekend. And I've always been someone who would drink, could drink, and never really have any issues. But, uh, little alcohol and those things. And that sugar, um, looking at the cans was something that made me start to look at how much sugar I'm consuming and how much sugar is in drinks. And so, I started to really taper back from that. And this was in 2021. So later on, fast forward to me moving to Portland, Oregon in October. I think it might have been July where I realized the thing about sugar.

The Wake-Up Call: Pre-Diabetes and High Blood Pressure

00:04:45 Courtney Brame: It was in uh maybe December, November, December when I had my first doctor's appointment that I hadn't had in years. And when I went to the doctor, um there were some things that I wouldn't have been able to know that were issues with myself. One of those things was that uh I was at the line for becoming pre-diabetic. I wasn't pre-diabetic. I wasn't diabetic. I was at the line that I was about to be into the space of being pre-diabetic. Now, uh what this would have been was type two. Type two is typically exercise, diet, uh it it's related to nutrition and exercise. And so, uh, I asked a guy who because because of the pandemic, I hadn't been able to burn as many calories as I normally do, or carbs for that matter, to be more specific, because I wasn't able to lift heavy weights like I would on a consistent basis because gyms were closed and I was doing these at home workouts.

00:05:41 Courtney Brame: Um, I would work out and lift weights when I could, but it just really wasn't the same. So, it took for me to um get back into it and understand like, all right, well, as long as I'm working out and I'm lifting heavy and I'm burning off those carbs because carbs turn into sugar, sugar turns into fat. It had like a multiple impact, a multi-positive impact on me because it wasn't just that I was trying to lose weight. It was more about me not wanting to get diabetes. And I know how diabetes works. I have my grandfather on my dad's side. My great-grandmother on my dad's side has it. And I'm sure there's a couple of other relatives that have it. But I didn't even learn about that until recently. And then with the job that I have working as a standardized patient, we've had a few cases where the patient had uh diabetes or was um yeah, actually had diabetes.

00:06:38 Courtney Brame: And I got to learn through these scenarios uh how diabetes works and how um what is it the uh insulin uh that we produce works as well. So having that understanding I wanted to not get diabetes. So I used to just work out just for the sake of being strong and then my intention shifted. So my intention shifts and now I'm not at the line of being pre-diabetic anymore. However, there is concern from the doctor about my blood pressure being high. So, like I've done what I need to do in order to watch that just as far as limiting the amount of fats that I consume and uh how much sodium intake uh I have. Uh and it's something that's just in my family. And typically most Black people, I'm sure I don't. I don't know any white people who have high blood pressure. I'm going to just say it flat out. I don't know any white people who have high blood pressure. I hear from white people who have low blood pressure.

00:07:37 Courtney Brame: I don't know if that got to do with how foods are seasoning or what, but I don't know any Black people with low blood pressure. And if you are somebody like me feel free to reach out and let me know because I would like to hear your experience. What are you doing so we can counter each other and get healthy together. So, uh the reason I'm bringing this particular thing up, um there was someone who reached out to me about uh being diagnosed and just immediately wanting to cut foods out of his life, out of his diet. uh he's like, "Oh, I can't eat this anymore. I can't eat chocolate. I can't eat peanut butter. I can't eat any food that has arginine in it or arginine, however it is that you say it." But the thing that apparently the herpes virus likes, right? And it made me think how much energy we put into uh looking at things that we should already be looking at like at food labels or how much we eat or what we eat or how we eat even because of herpes.

00:08:33 Courtney Brame: Like no, nobody wants herpes, but if it wasn't for herpes, I would more than likely have diabetes because I wouldn't have looked at the way that I was eating before. And I think that it's a very useful bit of information to be able to see what it is that we're really looking at when it comes to herpes. Because in this conversation that he and I had, uh, the conversation was I share with him what I just shared with y'all about how, you know, if it wasn't for my herpes diagnosis, I probably would have kept drinking carbs and sugar the way that I was and not really being mindful of it or looking out for, uh, potentially having diabetes. So, uh, speaking with this person in particular, what he and I ended up talking about was just how, you know, this lifestyle change that you are so ready to make because of your herpes diagnosis is one that isn't even relevant to you. There's a lot of inconsistent and inaccurate information out there about herpes.

00:09:29 Courtney Brame: We don't understand it. All we can do is learn from the people who have it and we can learn from the science that's out there, I guess. And yeah, they may say don't eat these things because you will always get an outbreak. I've been eating peanut butter for the last 10 years. I've been eating chocolate. I eat all of that. It does not give me outbreaks. What did it do for me? Probably something that will be different for what wasn't for you. What did it do for these people that were researching to know that this is a trigger for people? All of this is very different. I want people to really live their life. Stop looking online and obsessively trying to find a way around disclosing. stop looking online aggressively trying to find a way out of um to just avoid having to deal with this alto together. At this point, the Healing Herpes podcast episode would have gone out with the Alkaline Traveler.

00:10:22 Courtney Brame: And if you listen to that episode, like you hear about her making a lifestyle change. This is not about, okay, if I do this and I do this and I do that, then I won't have to deal with or worry about herpes anymore. No, this is just going to be a thing. And I'm here to tell you like while I on the surface talk a lot about herpes, when you listen to these podcast episodes, when you talk to me as a person, a lot of what we're going into is the psychology around your self-image. And I'm not a therapist. I'm not a licensed mental health professional. I'm a human being. I'm a person. And it's my intention to just be present with you and hold space for you to just be able to say out loud what it is that you need to say and to be challenged. Like I'm going to challenge you if you reach out to me. Don't expect me to tell you what you want to hear.

00:11:10 Courtney Brame: I'm going to tell you what you need to hear based on what you're sharing with me. And I know how hard that can be. I know that it's very vulnerable and raw to just genuinely be real with somebody and sit and say, "Hey, I'm struggling with this thing and I don't know what to do." I'm going to ask you some questions that you probably already thought about and don't want to go deeper into and explore. And I'm going to ask you to answer those questions. And as you answer those questions, what we're doing is co-creating a solution for ourselves. Now, what you do with that co-create a solution moving forward is 100% up to you. I do not tell people what to do. I simply make observations and I point them out for people. You do what you want with that information. All right? I do not tell people what to do. And that said, don't tell me what to do.

The Trigger vs. Challenge Dynamic

00:11:53 Courtney Brame: All right? Um, another situation that came up and it was this morning I woke up. I was in a good mood when I woke up and something told me, "Courtney, don't open your Instagram. I don't have notifications on. I have to open the app in order to see whatever messages I get, whatever notifications I get." And sometimes I miss things. This morning, I didn't miss anything. It was the only message I got from like 2:00 a.m. Someone replied to my post because lately I've been tracking my calories. I've been calorie tracking on a fitness app and just trying to understand what's in my food and how much of it am I really eating? Because like I may think, okay, I'm eating three times a day. Uh I'm snacking in between the day. Like what does that look like? What does that mean? And this particular meal I had was from a restaurant. It's a breakfast place.

00:12:37 Courtney Brame: Breakfast is my number three favorite food to eat. Like I will eat any breakfast meal, right? And with this breakfast meal, the total calories was about 3,300 calories for the day. And I was still hungry. Like, and um when I I posted it and I just asked, I was like, "Hey, who who tracks their calories?" Some people responded yes, some people responded no. And some people took it upon themselves, one person in particular took it upon themselves to message me and say, "This is triggering to somebody or just a heads up, you know, this is triggering to somebody." Okay. Now, why this made me feel like I needed to address this and bring this up is because far too often I see this, it's not really a culture. Maybe it is a culture like the cancel culture thing because if I respond the way that I wanted to respond initially, that would have got me cancelled. If I would have thought about it and responded the way that I public relations wise should respond, that wouldn't have felt like it was in alignment.

00:13:56 Courtney Brame: I felt like I needed to explain myself in a way. And I caught myself wanting to do that. So, I took a break from it. I took a pause. I haven't responded to the message. I went through my day. I got my workout in and I ate breakfast, took a shower, and I talked to a friend about it. And the solution to me is just respond with curiosity. Like that's my response to that particular thing. But I also have a different response to people who aren't if you don't f******, if you don't feed me, and if you ain't funding the thing that I'm the three Fs, the three four-letter f words, f******, fund me, or feed me. If you ain't doing one of those three things, please don't try and contribute to what it is I'm doing. Like, I don't need that negative feedback. I'm not going to entertain it beyond just maybe asking a question about it.

00:14:39 Courtney Brame: Because here's the thing. I am sharing and just engaging with people from my day-to-day life. I track my calories. I'm not telling you to track your calories. Something that's triggering. I brought it up to my friend. He brought up a very good point. If food is triggering, then you can't go to the grocery store. You can't eat. Like, if it's something that's triggering the people who might have eating disorders, to be completely honest, most Americans have an eating disorder. If you cannot just eat when you are hungry and stop when you ain't hungry anymore, that might even be an eating disorder. I'm not a therapist. I'm not a licensed mental health professional, but I will tell you that like if you think that that thing that I say is triggering to challenge what's being said, even if it's in the realm of herpes, and it's me challenging myself and putting out there what I got going on.

00:15:47 Courtney Brame: So you telling me like I can't exist like I only need to say I'm going to something it needs to be something that doesn't challenge people. No. Like that's why that's probably how a lot of us even got where we are. I'm excited about having something to look forward to now. Like, all right, I'm enthusiastic right now about the fact that I'm learning something about myself. I'm learning about food, and I've never had that before. So, for me too, I've had it before, but like in the way that I am now. Before it was just all right, I want to not get outbreaks. Now, I don't want to have diabetes. I don't. And so to say that it's triggering for me to say out loud what I got going on. Like what are we just supposed to not connect with people? So it's very very frustrating to me when people try to come in and tell me, you know, this is what you need to do.

00:17:34 Courtney Brame: Now it's different. And I've had people like offer suggestions and observations for me about the podcast, about how it can be better, how it can reach more people. But to be completely honest, I'm talking to one person at a time. When a topic comes up, if I'm interviewing somebody, I'm with that person. I may be talking to them for others, but I'm talking to that person. When I do these solo episodes, I am talking to one person. And that one person is going to be the person who gets it. I can't talk to everybody. Not at once. I might be talking to one person who's on one end of the spectrum of thoughts and beliefs. I might be talking to another person about the complete opposite of that. I'm not a one-dimensional person. And if I can't demonstrate that in my existence or and how I express myself on my personal social media page without being warned that I might be triggering somebody when my whole existence is triggering or should be triggering.

00:18:34 Courtney Brame: I don't, I don't want to do it. I don't want to be in the space of someone who doesn't want to be triggered because ultimately it comes down to this. Are you being triggered or are you being challenged? Because what happens is you can't unsee new information that is relevant to you. What you can do is decide to avoid it or you can interact with it and bring curiosity into it and decide if that's something that's for you or if it's not for you. My work is not exclusively limited to herpes. So, do not try and put me in a f****** box of Courtney, you only need to talk about herpes because it's happened enough for it to be an issue for me to feel a need to come on here and even make a podcast episode or a video of this. Like, my energy doesn't need to be devoted to this particular topic right here because anyone who has listened to the podcast, like y'all, people come and go.

00:19:24 Courtney Brame: I want people to do that. I want people to come get what they need and then leave. don't come try and make like some long-term shift and impact on the way that I've done things that's allowed for people to be impacted and go on and live the way that they choose to live their life and then you leave like ain't nobody in here been consistent enough to be able to tell me what to do. So the people that I've gotten funding from, my board members like and the people who are close to me that I have a personal connection with, I really don't need to hear nobody's opinion about the way that I need to be expressing myself. I don't. If you have feedback on things, if something resonates or does not resonate and you have a personal experience and you want to exchange a conversation and explain why, cool. But don't just talk to me just to talk to me about something that I said that might be triggering somebody.

00:20:20 Courtney Brame: Because if you've been following the last six years, I've been triggering people for at least six years. Like I'm telling people, hey, this is what you ought to be thinking about. Think about this from this perspective. Herpes is an adversity. It is a challenge in your life. How you decide to move forward from being challenged, from facing that adversity is more than likely how you respond to other adversities in your life. So the opportunity for you to look at that is here and then decide what you want to do with that. Right? It's triggering for me to talk about people not disclosing their herpes status. Herpes itself is a trigger word. So, if I can't, you know, it's okay for me to trigger people when it comes to herpes, but it's not okay for me to potentially trigger people when I'm talking about doing better for my health or when I'm talking about just doing something different at all.

00:21:10 Courtney Brame: So, I can't talk about food. I can't like it if that's the case, me posting my enchilada burritos from the place that I go up the street and get burritos from is going to be triggering for people. me going to the grocery store and posting videos where you see whatever aisle I'm in, the food in the background is gonna be triggering for people. Every f****** thing that I would do would be a trigger for people. And I'm not going to live my life in a way that I don't like not triggering people. So what am I supposed to just be triggered my entire life? No. Like this there's a fine line between being triggered and being challenged. Those are not the same thing. They may feel like the same thing, but the way that you decide to move forward with it, I talk about the fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and then the ch forward response. The forward response is essentially being challenged. I'm not a therapist.

00:21:59 Courtney Brame: I'm not a licensed mental health professional. But what I can do is speak from the experiences of people that have shared with me. And that forward response is essentially like I am challenging the level of intensity of whatever emotion it is that is inside me about this thing and I'm going to move forward through it and figure out what it is like what's there what's there for me to learn from. What can I take away from this experience? That's how I live my life and that's how I hope to be able to set an example for other people to be able to live their lives. otherwise are going to be held hostage by whatever it is that is an adversity that triggers us. Right? Getting herpes was triggering. Having sex with a person and then that person not being okay with me having herpes is triggering. Me saying things out loud on social media. Being at a concert can be triggering.

00:22:53 Courtney Brame: All this s*** can be triggering. So, I'm not about to modify the way that I communicate and do things all because somebody might be triggering or something I say might be triggering. That is the goal of me being here. If I'm just telling you what you want to hear, what are you going to donate for? What do you get out of this? If I'm just telling you what you want to hear, if I'm telling anybody just what they want to hear, no, I very much appreciate, you know, the feedback that I get. If there is a genuine criticism about something with the podcast, the quality of the production, the volume of my voice, those kinds of things, bring me that. I need that because that is going to help me be better. How people are might be triggered by you sharing that you're making a lifestyle change like because they can't do it too. the challenge. The whole thing about the forward response and being challenged is that typically you can do a thing about it when you're being triggered.

00:23:52 Courtney Brame: When you're being challenged, you can do something about it. If you choose not to, that's where we get into the triggered state. But when you choose to do something about it, that's where we get into the challenge state. And it's going to be challenging to choose to do or not do a thing. But you have the choice. Choice is the difference between being triggered and being challenged. When you are triggered, you are maybe out of alignment with choice. When you are being challenged, you can choose, okay, I'm going to respond this way or I'm going to choose not to respond at all. But either way, you are choosing a response when you are challenged. You might not be choosing to respond to anything at all when you're triggered. And even no response is a response. But if you are consciously aware and being challenged by something and you want to see a different outcome, make the change. But if you're here and you're not triggered, then you probably shouldn't be here.

00:24:44 Courtney Brame: This ain't the podcast for you. If you're not initially triggered and then find yourself constantly willing to work through it to the point where you are challenged, then this ain't this ain't the podcast for you. If that's not the case, everybody who listens to this podcast should be challenged to do something. Give yourself something to look forward to. I have something to look forward to. And while I really I can't say that I'm really caring about the weight loss, but you know what? No, I take that back. I think I just caught myself trying to like people-please here. Like I do want to f****** lose weight. I do. I don't want to be on blood pressure medication. I want to f****** have diabetes. I have no reason to be 240 anything pounds anymore. I don't play football. I'm not pushing eating in the same way that I did in a way that doesn't serve me anymore.

The Nuance of Nutrition and Re-Learning How to Eat

00:25:34 Courtney Brame: There's no need for that anymore. like I don't have to consume 5,000 calories in a day, arguably 10 with some of the meals that I was eating. But no one taught me how to eat outside of that window of which I had a nutritionist that was like, "All right, hey, you know, I got me on a track of just eating better." And that was enough for me at the time. But now I need something different over time. That's just what we're going to need. I'm about to be 35 years old. I want to set myself up for success because health is a priority to me now. Herpes ain't a priority to me. My health is. And as a secondary effect of me taking better care of my overall physical health, the herpes becomes less significant because I'm prioritizing my workouts and I'm prioritizing the way that I'm eating and losing weight. I would love to see what I look like 10 pounds down, 15 pounds down.

00:26:28 Courtney Brame: Like what? How is that going to look? And like I'm not even going to play stupid here and act like my physical attractiveness has not contributed to my success through Something Positive for Positive People. Arguably even any of the jobs that I had. I know people who've only donated because we've exchanged some type of flirtations or some sort of networking. People don't generally care to even spend time with someone. There may not be any physical attraction to. I'm very much aware of that. So, for me to just be oblivious to that and act like that has no influence over my desire to perhaps lose weight or perhaps like allow uh for myself to be more physically attractive or take care of my body in a better way that is physically appealing. That would just be me lying. That'd be me lying to myself. That'd be me lying to y'all. So, I'm doing this.

00:27:36 Courtney Brame: Okay. And when I'm doing a thing, if I'm feeling compelled to, I'll post it to social media. I have very much delayed gratification because I am only on social media when I'm on Wi-Fi. So, if I'm out and about and I'm doing some things and I'm enjoying my world, I might take pictures with every intention of posting it, but I'm not if I forget, I forget. And if it's something that's important, then it gets posted. To me, I felt like, oh, this was something that was an aha moment for me. I was very excited. And for those who've been listening for a while, one of my things was that it's been very difficult for me to express excitement because of fear of disappointment. All this did was just kind of validate that like I'm excited about this. I just learned how many calories are in this meal, how much I'm eating, and oh, I don't need to eat that much. Uh, hey y'all, do y'all do this too?

00:28:28 Courtney Brame: And then I'm like swatted down basically by somebody being like, "Hey, this might be triggering to some people who have eating disorders." Again, anybody who can't eat when they're hungry, stop when they're not hungry might have an eating disorder. All right. So, there that's that. Like, I don't, I don't care about those things. Like, if someone is going to be what's if somebody's going to be upset by something that I say, all right, you know, let's talk about it. If you are the person who is upset by something, I say, "Talk to me about it." But don't you're not gonna dim my light at all and my excitement. I'm not having that s*** anymore. You know how much work I had to f****** do to get to this point with being okay with who I am and being willing to say what I feel and be able to communicate the way that I communicate? And I had to go through years of just living years of just living and going through the discomfort and just challenging myself and being triggered.

00:29:31 Courtney Brame: being triggered enough to the point where it was like, "All right, like I need to challenge this." Not just herpes, not just my relationship to rejection, not just my relationship to my body, not just my relationship to my mental health or my family or the people around me or the relationships that I have or the work that I have, the passions that I have, my own emotions, right? All of these things have been things that I had to go through being triggered at some point initially by. I've been willing to again put my life on display for people to be able to see that if you are in fact triggered, one thing you can do is trace that trigger to the trauma and then move forward deciding how you want to deal with that. And it is a challenge. It is a challenging thing to do. I've done it. I'm doing it. I do it whenever a situation comes up where I'm feeling myself be maybe triggered or whatever and I'm like, "Okay, what what's here? Let's look at that." Everybody may not have that,

00:30:28 Courtney Brame: but everybody has the ability to choose. Everybody has the ability to choose how you want to respond to a situation, especially if it's something that happens a second time. So again, I am going to trigger people. If you are here and you are not triggered and you don't eventually adjust the knob from being triggered to challenged, there's nothing I can do for you. Please go and find one of the other channels, find one of the other podcasts, find one of the other self-help resources because this ain't going to be for you and this ain't for neither of us. So, if you want to tell me what to do, please feel free to make a donation. Feel free to make connections and recommendations for me to have opportunities to continue running Something Positive for Positive People. If it's something that's personal, I'mma be honest. I don't want to hear it if you ain't doing one of those four-letter f-words in my life. So, that's I mean that that's where we are with that.

00:31:34 Courtney Brame: I mean, I think that that's enough that needs to be said. But uh closing all of that out, man, I really wish that people would just live your life. Don't let this data that exists tell you how you need to do things, how you need to eat, how you need to drink, how you need to make all these lifestyle changes around your herpes diagnosis. There are probably so many different lifestyle changes that you need to make for yourself that have nothing to do with herpes. I look at people who have stopped drinking because of their herpes diagnosis, who stopped eating certain foods because of their herpes diagnosis, who stopped dating because of their herpes diagnosis. If herpes was removed, would that lifestyle change still need to occur? In my case, if herpes was removed, I probably wouldn't have known that I was in the range of becoming diabetic until it was too late. And by too late, I mean like having diabetes to the point where I don't know if you could reverse diabetes or get out of that range, but now having seen a dietitian for now it'll be about a month.

00:32:43 Courtney Brame: Uh, I understand that I didn't have to like a burger and fries, one burger and one order of fries. The amount of carbs that I would be consuming, let's say the buns are 30 gram of carbs. And then the fries, nobody eats just one serving of fries. The fries would be another 40 grams of carbs. So that's 70. Whatever soda, big fountain drink that, let's say I got like half of the ice in there is probably going to be another 60. You know what I'm looking at right there? I'm looking at 130 grams of carbs. You know how many grams of carbs that a person can be able to absorb with the insulin that produces per meal? Probably 60. Do you know what happens to those carbs that don't get burned off? They turn into sugar. And you know what that sugar turns into? It turns into fat. So, the amount of sugar and fat that would be in a person's blood from just that meal alone, and that's one meal.

00:33:40 Courtney Brame: That's like lunch. So, for breakfast, if I'm eating pancakes, hash browns, and a biscuit, biscuits, and gravy or something like that, then we're looking at another 130 at least grams of carbs that aren't all being absorbed into the body in a healthy way. So, the science of what I'm doing is exciting to me. I am learning and I know that people are most happy in life and fulfilled in life when they are learning something. And this is something that's for me like because I'm not doing something for you. It's like oh f*** you Courtney whatever you got going on like no you shouldn't do that because it's triggering the people or you shouldn't put it on display because it's triggering the people. How the f*** am I supposed to connect with people if I don't put things out there? If I don't put myself out there, you know, you do it. I don't tell you. I don't tell anybody. do this, eat this way, don't eat this way, wear this, don't wear that, you need to look a certain way.

Reclaiming Identity Beyond the "Herpes Guy"

00:34:34 Courtney Brame: I don't tell people that s***. So, for somebody to be telling me that, like that, I think that's really what probably put me over the edge. It's like I do all of this work on myself on a regular basis to be able to be myself in the public eye and put myself out there. Somebody Yeah, I have herpes. So what? But there's so much more to me than that. And for somebody to tell me essentially, shut up and just talk about herpes because this might be triggering somebody like that. What does that say about my existence? Is my existence exclusively tied to having herpes and being someone who talks about herpes? No. Like I'll be damned if anybody makes me be anything other than the multi-dimensional being that Courtney is. So again, I say to everybody, please live your life and make changes accordingly to what fits you. What worked for me and fit me at 15 years old didn't work at 25 years old ain't going to work when I get 35 years old.

00:35:42 Courtney Brame: And I understand that. And I understand that my priorities have changed. You know, I ain't worried about herpes when I was 22 years old. But when I turned 24 and I got herpes was all I could think about obsessively to a point where it became a non-issue for me. And the reason being that there were other priorities in life. I gave myself something to look forward to. I have things to look forward to. I'm learning things. I'm growing through my own experiences of just looking at what's around me and deciding, okay, you know, I would like to. I'm curious about that. I got curious about my health and I'm excited that I'm curious about my health because there's something that I'm learning like this is what's becoming more important to me. Health is becoming more important to me. Family is becoming more important to me. So, next I'm going to get kicked out of the sex positivity world because I'm looking at things like being and having a family.

00:36:39 Courtney Brame: Like, f*** this cancel culture s***. I am very anti- cancel culture. Like, people should be able to express themselves. And if ain't nobody physically harming anybody, what's the problem? Words have whatever impact they have. All right. I I get that. And when words get to a point where they start to cause physical harm, all right, we can have a conversation. But aside from that, like, I'm not, I'm not going to stop triggering people. And I'm making this as a video as well. If you're someone who's listening to the podcast, you know, there's going to be this video on my website, uh, spf.org for people to be able to see. Man, I'm dead ass serious when I say this stuff. And, you know, this may not be very Courtney like, but no, this is exactly Courtney. Like, the way that I'm talking right now on this podcast is how I talk to people who have told me how much of an impact has been made just from us conversing with one another.

00:37:36 Courtney Brame: The podcast brings people in. Courtney sends people off. And the reason being that people don't need this. People don't need this podcast. If there is someone who is listening to this right now who, you know, I've had people tell me that this podcast has been a lifeline for them. I very much appreciate that. But there will come a day where you don't need me anymore. And it's going to be the day that you decide that something is so much more of a priority to you than your herpes diagnosis. and maybe that'll be some of the self-help stuff that's on here that I share. Um, I always recommend these two books, Psychocybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Maltz and Letting Go by uh David R. Hawkins. These two books have really helped me understand the psychology of self-image. And so I can speak to going from being triggered to being challenged because all our the the the whole idea of like be yourself and trust yourself, you know, that's cool.

00:38:33 Courtney Brame: But to understand the psychology of it, that's completely different. Like the fact that who we are is validated consistently by our behaviors. Our behaviors have the power to reframe our beliefs. Our beliefs are what tend to structure our behaviors. And when we get to a point of challenging that and we recognize that there are and can be inconsistencies between our behaviors and our beliefs, that's really where we start to see outcomes that we want. But we got to be willing to be triggered. We got to be willing to be challenged in order to look at that s***, man. Like this is so much bigger than herpes. I s*** you not. This is so much bigger than herpes. And to be completely honest, herpes is… it's so much more of an insignificant part of my life these days that I put maybe an hour now into the podcast. If I have a guest, let's say two hours between vetting and getting them organized.

00:39:31 Courtney Brame: I don't edit the podcast episodes unless I absolutely need to for some reason. If there's a technical issue, if there's some sort of lag or if the guest asked me to remove something, but like I'm in whatever my flow state is for running Something Positive for Positive People. And part of that being that this podcast is supposed to trigger people, this podcast is supposed to incite change in you. I'm not going to be the one to tell you, hey, do this. This is what you need to do. I'm going to have conversations with people about what they have done, what they are doing, and leave you with the opportunity to reflect on that and decide if that's something that's for you. It's either for you or it's not for you. And then you can go on to the next episode or you can go on to the next resource. But all in all, I want for people to understand that this is not exclusively about herpes. It's not about herpes exclusively.

00:40:28 Courtney Brame: That might be what brought you here, but hopefully what's keeping you here is the fact that you're experiencing some healing that's occurring and you're more so connecting with your self-image and that you're able and willing to look at the psychology of your self-image because that's where you're going to begin to awaken this challenge response, this forward response where you would normally be triggered and then be able to move forward in a way that allows for you to get the outcomes that you want out of life. I'm doing it and I'm putting it on display. And if it's triggering people, yay, great. I'm happy to be triggering people. I want you to be triggered. I want for you to move forward through that and then challenge yourself. Everybody in here who has been here in a while because I've triggered people and this wasn't for them and I showed up having conversations with them just like this or just being curious about what they're saying and I get them to say things out loud that sort of disrupt what their behaviors and beliefs are.

00:41:23 Courtney Brame: And people don't like that. But that's good. That's how we grow. That's how we evolve. And evolution is one of my core values. And if that's not what's happening, like even with me, like I went from, you know, all this talk about dating and being able to sleep with whoever you want, whenever you want, however you want. And just like my priorities are not the same as they were when this podcast started. And if you're not seeing any evolution out of this, then I'm doing something wrong. I'm not challenging myself. So, I challenge myself and I put that out on display for other people to see that it can be done and for y'all to be able to go, maybe I can challenge myself. I see Courtney did this thing. Courtney's doing this thing. You know, maybe I can do it. Like, allow for this to enter your framework for what it means to expand as a human being like in our collective consciousness, however you talk to yourself or whatever it is that you believe about a higher power or whatever it is that connects us.

00:42:21 Courtney Brame: If one of us does it, any of us are capable of it. That goes from the good things to the bad things. If we can think it, if it's happened before, it is very much in our range of perspective in order to make that thing happen. And what I'm here to tell you is that you can tap into the psychology of your self-image and get the outcomes in life that you want. But you got to be willing to be triggered. You got to be willing to challenge those triggers. You got to be willing to challenge your beliefs with your behaviors. The easiest thing that we can do is change our behaviors. You know why? Because that is a choice. I choose what goes into my mouth. I choose what foods I'm consuming. And for that to be even, you know, a choice like that's a a luxury for a lot of people these days. For me, that 33 whatever 100 calories that I had in that one meal, a a small family would have been able to eat in a meal or a day even in some countries.

Closing the Episode

00:43:14 Courtney Brame: Man, you know how f****** privileged it is a privilege for me to be able to say, "Oh, I had 3,300 calories in this meal, and I don't need to." Like, people talk about environmental waste and s*** like that. Like, that's wasteful. I don't need 3,300 calories in a meal. Especially if I know that I can do with 15, 20% of that and still like to function efficiently. So, that's my journey. That's my choice. That is the thing that I'm choosing. I am choosing to reduce my waste and my toxic footprint and the amount of s*** that I add to the sewers because I'm eating more appropriately or more healthily what it is that aligns with what my goals are for my personal health. And if this is one way that I can do it, if it triggers somebody, all right, if it's triggering you, then you see that it's something that you could be doing. If it triggers you, why? Why does it trigger you?

00:44:10 Courtney Brame: Talk to somebody. Talk to somebody if that's the case. I'm very glad that I got to get that out there because again like I think uh people really do rush to make changes in relation to herpes that probably should have been made before the herpes diagnosis like or probably wouldn't have even been influenced had it not been for the herpes diagnosis. And I'm a living example of that. I had no reason to look at how I was eating. I had no reason to look at my exercise. I had no reason to look at any of that until the possibility of me having diabetes was a thing. So, I made my lifestyle change and I decided that that's what fits for me, at least in this moment. Maybe things will change later down the road. Who knows? But I like where I'm at. And I I heard Miles Cunningham say he said, "A lot of times men do this thing where we won't say what we want because we've been shamed into believing that what we want is a bad thing." And shout out to Miles Cunningham,

00:45:22 Courtney Brame: man. Because this was the realest s*** I ever heard. It's like what we want is a beautiful thing. What you want is a beautiful thing. I'm here to pass that message through to you. What you want is a beautiful thing. Again, I didn't say this. This was Miles Cunningham in case anybody tried to chop that up and be like, "Miles, he said your s***." No, because I needed to hear that. What I want is a beautiful thing. What you want is a beautiful thing. I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy. I want to have a fulfilled life. I want to continue to make an impact through the work that I'm doing. And in order for me to do that, the number one thing I have to take care of is my health. So for me to be like shamed and judged and told that I might be triggering people, like if I stop f****** living my life and stop allowing myself to believe that what I want is a beautiful thing, then the bigger picture of other people still receiving the quality of support that they're getting from me because of me being willing to be myself and put myself out there is going to diminish.

00:46:22 Courtney Brame: making my purpose and my point of existence be less uh less prevalent. That's not what I want. What I want is for people to be triggered and move into the space of being able to look at themselves as being triggered, to look at themselves as being challenged. That's what I want and that's a f****** beautiful thing. Again, shout out to Miles Cunningham. All right. Now, that concludes this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. I thank you for listening. Um, if you managed to make it this long and you did get a little triggered, thank you. Thank you for being here because you're one step closer to being able to challenge those very things that might have triggered you because there's going to be something to learn from. I promise you. And I want you to continue to do that for yourself. Again, I'm not going to tell anybody what to do. Uh, I'll objectively give you things to work with and you can choose from there.

00:47:17 Courtney Brame: I want to empower people with the uh ability to choose and the understanding that that is something that you can and will do. You will be able to choose. Choose your responses. Choose your behaviors. If you want to reshape and reframe your beliefs around something, then make that choice. Download that audio book psychocybernetics by Dr. Maxwell Moss. In the opening chapter, he even talks about the psychology of the self-image. That is probably more important than uh people say, you know, you need to know yourself and know who you are. I think that it's more important to understand that psychology of who you are because then you can get to knowing who you are in a much more efficient way because you understand like how your actions, how your character, how the words you use, the things that you do, the habits that you form, the patterns that you have are influencing your identity, your self-image, and who you are. All right, see you in the next episode.

00:48:11 Courtney Brame: And if you haven't already, please consider making a donation to the organization. um the sexual health communication and integrating that in the STD prevention, whatever that looks like in the future. Like that's where my efforts are uh focused on right now. I'm still interviewing people living with herpes and the other STI, but I think it's getting to a point where we're winding down from that and then taking this into a space where we can have much more of an impact than just on an individual basis. Um, stay tuned for the next episode because I think uh what's next is I have to speak on the herpes support groups because I need y'all to get involved. The admins of these groups that exist right now like Courtney Brame has a presence in the media are essentially famous for having herpes and there's no impact in that. A couple of people might reach out to me and get some support, make a donation, whatever. But I I think it's important that I know I next talk to or about these herpes support groups that exist out there even positive singles as it exists out there where it seems like you know yeah these places these spaces they have their place for people but it's not helping with any sort of momentum of uh getting anything resolved to where people don't need those things. I would love for people to not need something positive for positive people anymore. I would love that. And I genuinely believe that there will come a day where it has to stop. Whether it be because I decide, all right, hey, I'm gonna quit enabling y'all mofos to not do anything or it's going to be that there's just no need for it anymore. I would love for one of those things to happen, but I don't see it in the foreseeable future. In the near future, let me say that. All right. Till next time, I'll talk to y'all.

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