SPFPP 320: The Other Side of Healing

I was supposed to be in Sydney right now while a pre-recorded podcast episode automatically uploaded, but due to some necessary circumstances, I couldn't make that trip because my body told me some very important information that needed action taken immediately.

This episode is my last bit of personal sharing on the podcasts, and I hope the story I share inspires you to get to the other side of your healing.

I had what felt like a herpes scare again, only with a suspicious nodule on my testicles. (I got examined to learn they're not cancerous) During the waiting period I chose to reflect on my life by asking "What the fuck am I doing?", this will be a meditation on the Presence Practice recording session I do next.

Here I talk about my intentions and 2 priorities - Courtney Jr and SPFPP and how that looks as I transition into running SPFPP full time taking that leap of faith. I believe for so long, I've been demonstrating healING, but not the other side of that because of a lack of intentionality. This recent health scare gave me that. I always say: Life is about what happens through you, not to you, and the last few weeks I'm sure ya'll saw me sporadically posting and talking about conferences, surveys, events, donations, website updates like a maniac, but it all came together. I just decided to use that energy of looking up things or being stuck and afraid for what I realized means the most to me. That means Courtney Jr. (Nobody's pregnant) and SPFPP (which I really need to ONLY be doing for my work).

Episode 320 Transcript

Transcript

A Personal Health Scare and Finding Presence

00:00:00 Courtney Brame: Hello and welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame. Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization that serves as a go-to sexual health communications hub of resources for people specifically navigating herpes stigma. We advocate for the integration of the lived experiences and what people have learned through being on the other side of an STI diagnosis into sex education and STD prevention efforts in order to better support programs that have the initiative of reducing or minimizing the alarmingly rising STI rates yearover-year. Uh so that's what we do and the website now reflects that in a much more clear and concise manner. Um if you've been following consistently over the years or if you're new here and you notice that uh there's been a little bit of a shift or disconnect with me um rightfully so. I think that um part of what I encourage people to do is to be present with themselves and that's by me being present with myself. So over the last 3 weeks, um I well four weeks actually.

00:02:01 Courtney Brame: It's almost been about a month. No, three weeks. Three weeks. Uh so I'll just go ahead and share this now before I continue to go into the podcast content. But uh I was in Denver and when I was in Denver, it was in the middle of November. Yeah. Towards the end of November. And I woke up and I felt what was a nodule on my right testicle. And one of the jobs that I have is I teach med students to give a genital exam on people with penises. So I knew that this was something that I needed to go and get checked out. And so I checked the other testicle. I found one there as well. And it wasn't my epidermis. It wasn't any of the anatomy that is supposed to be there. I know this. Okay. So I was supposed to have gone to Australia.

00:02:48 Courtney Brame: Uh, I cancelled the trip and I immediately scheduled a doctor's appointment. My doctor wasn't able to see me until 5 days from now. Uh, fortunately, I'm so grateful he did this. He canceled all of his appointments for uh, Wednesdays for the remainder of the year. And so, it was suggested to me to see another doctor within the network. And I got to go and see a doctor on um, I think it was December 5th. Uh, yeah, December 5th. Um, fortunately too because my trip would have been December 7th and I had to file an insurance claim to get my money back which was a whole thing. But um I am happy to report that I got the imaging done and we found out that they're just cysts. Um they're not cancerous. So that was really what my biggest concern is. And I share that, you know, I know people don't really care what you got going on.

00:03:45 Courtney Brame: I mean, I told people that this was something that was going on with me and it just really seemed like just it was very much belittled, I would say. And I think that people just have their own things going on. They're in their own world often and you know, they hear, "Yeah, I have something on my testicle that might be cancer." And you know, you can just blow by that. I understand there's a lot happening in the world, but um thankfully that wasn't the case. And even when I found the um when I found the nodules on myself, I want to say that it really made me start to think about where I'm at presently. Um that tragedy made me present. I'll repeat that y'all. That tragedy made me present. And I was freaking out because I started to think about Courtney Jr. who isn't here yet, but I always talk about or think about uh for when the time comes.

00:04:50 Courtney Brame: And I know one of my co-workers, he had to get one of his testicles removed. So I spoke to him about it and he we cracked some jokes because he now has one testicle but he still does the job in uh teaching the genital exams but he's done in a lot less time than we are but uh he was a very supportive person and a lot of us don't like to talk to people around us but I want to acknowledge like very similarly to herpes had I not known someone that I could speak to about this who had been going through the same thing that I was starting to go through, I really would have freaked out a lot more than I did. And I want to thank him so much. You know, I'll tell him thank you the next time that I see him. But I'm very thankful to have been able to walk away from that with the reality of what might have been next. So he shared what his experience was.

00:05:39 Courtney Brame: Uh so I kind of was prepared for what to expect when I went into the doctor and um over those next, you know, two days. I think it was two days between when I got my doctor's appointment and he said, "We'll do some imaging." And then when they called me and they told me someone canceled so I could come in right away, um I got the imaging done and just learned that they were cysts. So I did in fact find nodules on my testicles. They were just cysts. And this experience really um it again just made me look at where I am right now. And I tried so hard to distract myself between when I found it and when I was supposed to have a doctor um and when I was supposed to have the doctor's appointment. I spent a lot of time investing in Something Positive for Positive People. And it's during these times of tragedy that I think that you start to learn what's most important to you.

Redefining Priorities: Family and SPFPP

00:06:35 Courtney Brame: Um, I reached out to my family. I let them know what was going on. And there I I don't like how this is going to sound, but I didn't get what I needed from my family. And that hurts to say out loud, but I didn't get what I needed from them. And oftentimes I think that we might reach out to people not just with an ask, but sometimes we also have an expectation. And said expectation can just be for them to just make you feel good. I speak about identity validation and how important it is that if you have a herpes diagnosis and really what it is is that you just need for someone close to you to be able to validate who you were prior to that diagnosis. And I needed somebody to remind me that, you know, even if I were to be experiencing the tragedy of having to go through the process of what you would go through with cancer treatment or chemotherapy and all of that, I still needed to know who I was.

00:07:37 Courtney Brame: my family didn't get this get me this um and anywhere else that I could have gotten I could have posted to social media and people would have you know sang their praises but as I've mentioned before you know that quantity of validation or that quantity of love and praise doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of the quality that you want or that you really need and desire. Um, to have not gotten that from my family really made me start to think and in thinking it was like okay well you know what's most important to me and what did become important to me was the family that I intend to create and Something Positive for Positive People. So these were two of the things that I would say that I spent the most time on. Um, I'm one to look up like the spiritual meaning of things and I have a very witchy friend of mine who um, she'll like look up things and I talked to her about it and we had a very similar experience because she found things on her breast and so she had to go to the doctor as well.

00:08:44 Courtney Brame: So we were chatting about this and when we looked at that it was a fear, a fear around creation because that's where the reproductive organs are. I had to sit on my testicles. This is where the sperm's housed and produced and all. So there is energetically a fear of what my creative power is. Now we can also say that there's like some fear around sex, but we're going to just say it how it is, right? Um, and in processing what fears there might have been, the cysts are a fluid buildup. And they couldn't tell me exactly what fluid, but just like it's fluid buildup. And when I think about buildup, I think about blockages. So perhaps an energetic or emotional blockage of the natural flow of creativity for oneself. And in my therapy sessions, which I graduated from, y'all, it's been almost four years. It would have been four years in March or April 2024. Um, but we had our last session last week.

00:09:55 Courtney Brame: I cried, y'all. I cried. And I didn't want to cry. Uh, my therapist, he made me feel real good. But I let them know it's like, you know, I think it's more important to me at this point to be able to work with you in the future and send clients to you to give them the uh the therapy that I had over the last four years. So, support them in their healing. I think that that's um you know, it's more in line with the life is about what happens through you, not what happens to you. So, yeah, it would be selfish for me to see him way less because I've learned so much more than to share him with the world, you know, as much as we can. So, um, due to the timing of everything, like there has to be a little bit of a break between when I can start sending him clients again and, uh, when I can, um, yeah, between that and now.

00:10:55 Courtney Brame: So, uh, the blockage, um, I had to look at what I was doing and again, what was most important to me and my priorities and what became most prevalent to be important to me were Courtney Jr. and then Something Positive for Positive People. Now, Courtney Jr., in order to get here, I need to have a person in mind to reproduce with and do all of that stuff with. So, these have been major priorities for me and my attention has shifted. Um, when I decided not to go to Australia, when I coming up on that decision, you know, I had to sit with myself and I asked myself, Courtney, what the f*** are you doing? And I remember when I had that thought, you know, it wasn't just about the Australia trip. It wasn't just about the uh cysts that I found before I knew that they were actually cysts. It was about everything that was happening in my life. you know, looking at what's important. Is this trip to Australia supporting Something Positive for Positive People or Courtney Jr.?

00:12:00 Courtney Brame: Yes or no? And then when the answer wasn't yes, it was like, ah, okay, well, I made the right decision in canceling that trip. Um, even though, you know, I had to cancel it in order to get my imaging and everything done. One of the doctors made a joke. He was like, or one of the techs made a joke. He was like, "Oh man, you were going to Australia. You might have gotten this for cheaper over there, the imaging done." I was like, man, it's more to it than that. So, that's what I've been doing. I have been looking at what it means to prioritize Courtney Jr. and prioritize Something Positive for Positive People because these are in fact two things that do nourish me. Like, when I think about, you know, not my family, I love my family, but I also recognize that they can't love me the way that I need to be loved now. And I guess I've just developed into this person that doesn't fit in at home.

00:12:56 Courtney Brame: Uh, and I've struggled with that for a really long time. Um, for those who don't know, I moved home to St. Louis uh in May of this year, 2023. And when I got there, it took me about two weeks to realize I don't belong here. And that's okay. Um, it just didn't feel like home to me. And even in moving back to Portland, Portland feels more comfortable, but it doesn't feel like home to me. And as I continue to look at what my priorities are, where my head's at, what I need, and what I am choosing to prioritize, I see that there's a lot of things that there's a lot of guilt around. Like I feel guilty, but I don't just feel guilty for, you know, not really wanting to be close to my family or not wanting to be closer in community with the friends that I have. I more so feel guilty for not feeling guilty about that. And it's funny because like the people who see me the most understand and respect and appreciate that about me, you know, and I I have more of a nomadic lifestyle, but I think that that's more out of avoidance of finding a place where I see people, but people don't see me.

00:14:25 Courtney Brame: And I know this might seem as if I'm going a little bit all over the place, but it's I'm bringing this back full circle to the blockages build up fluid um how this manifests emotionally and energetically with creativity and creation. Um because that's what it is. You know, the further away I am from home, and this was something that came up in therapy, the more successful I am. And it's not just like an outward success of what's happening around me. It's also how I'm feeling. Uh, being away from home, I did lose. I didn't realize I had this, but I lost 25-26 pounds just not being at home. And that's so crazy to me because I've been watching my sodium and I've been weighing my food. Those are probably the biggest things. I stopped drinking um and I became bored. I don't eat out nearly as much. But I recognize that these cysts had to have occurred over time.

00:15:36 Courtney Brame: It wasn't just something that like in May when I moved home I got it, you know, I just happened to notice it. And in doing so, I started to look at myself and look at what my priorities are and what they were. So, as I look at these blockages in my life and these resistances in my life and where I'm hesitant to do things in life, it all keeps coming down to these two things. the creation of my own family. And I don't want to just have a family like make some babies and then relationships don't work out. Like I want to be and create and hold together a family that's important to me. And for a very long time, I've been doing things in life that aren't important to me. And it took for this cancer scare for me to recognize that. It's like a second herpes scare or third in my case because I got the type two diagnosis, the type one diagnosis and now you know thinking that these lumps nodules on my testicles might have been cancerous.

00:16:42 Courtney Brame: I had to have those same feelings again and I thought it was interesting that that was the case. And so the other priority of mine is Something Positive for Positive People. And the reason that I know that is because I've been able to do more during the time that I was avoiding looking up cancer information. Like I took that energy that was intensely bubbling up inside of me that could have been anxious, depression, anxiety, or that could have been uh fear and I turned that into the gas that I needed in order to just get through the day. And I needed a vehicle for that. Something Positive for Positive People was my vehicle for that. So, I went to the website www.spfpp.org. I went behind the scenes of it and I looked at the pages and I thought there were things that needed to be done. I made a priorities list, not just, you know, for this, but also for my personal life. And I'll just start with the personal one because I thought that this was really important.

Getting Intentional About Relationships and Purpose

00:17:41 Courtney Brame: You know, it said priorities straightened out ASAP. This was the one thing for myself. I have invested a lot of money, energy, attention and time into and this this is embarrassing to say like I have been with a lot of people over a very short period of time and I'm sharing this as a personal thing because going into 2024 uh I have I will be exclusively professional when it comes to Something Positive for Positive People. So, it's like the last one where y'all gonna get Courtney's personal experiences outside of, you know, however we end up having to communicate. But, uh, it was actually Safe s***. Me and Safe s*** were having a conversation. I was in New York and I was with her mum, Jolene, who we had on the previous podcast episode and there were one, two, there were two other people. We were at dinner. Nobody else heard her ask me this, but she asked me, she was like, "Uh, oh yeah, how many people are you dating?" And I was like,

00:18:40 Courtney Brame: "What do you mean dating?" And I found myself asking that question, I didn't know how to answer it. I just did not know how to answer it. So I went home and I wrote it down. I was like, "Man, how many people am I seeing right now, quote unquote?" And I wrote that down. I wrote down, you know, the names of the people and what the relationships were. And it was so embarrassing to me that I couldn't define what these relationships were. So these were essentially situationships and none of them have the potential to be working towards Courtney Jr. And when I realized that I was like, "Oh, this is shameful and embarrassing because I am the kind of person who is an intentional person and I've been doing so many things without any intentionality behind them." You know, even the way that Something Positive for Positive People worked out is actually impressive to me. For me to just be like, "Oh, dang. People with herpes want to kill themselves.

00:19:44 Courtney Brame: Let me start interviewing people and just put it out there for others to find." To have developed into a nonprofit organization that this year was able to raise $57,000 almost, that is really impressive. And I'm sure that I've had spurts of intentionality, you know, non-intention and pure intention, I think, can be synonymous. And so, while, you know, I've just gone about this in an unintentional way, I just happen to look up and see just the beauty and the evolution and the potential of what more can be done if I were in fact intentional about it. I mentioned uh my therapist mentioning or asking me where do you see yourself in 15 years and I used to get panic attacks thinking about anything past the next six months even right and having had this scare of the nodules on my testicles that made me really look at how short my life can be and if I were to you know if this were to be bad or if If I were to have my life shortened, what's important to me?

00:21:02 Courtney Brame: What would I be doing? What would I put my money, energy, attention, and time into? That's what came up. I would be doing exactly what I'm doing now, y'all. And it's, you know, it makes me very proud of myself. And for so long, I've sought out so much different approval. Even with my yoga teacher, I told my yoga teacher I wanted to, you know, somehow incorporate yoga into my work or do some form of yoga. Um, and she sat with me and she said to me, she's like, "Courtney, I mean, what did you need? Like, did you just need my blessing? You know, it sounds like you know what you want to do, do it." And I didn't realize how much I've done that over the years. I have very much looked for somebody to tell me, Courtourtney, it's okay for you to do what you want to do. Courtney, it's okay for you to go for what you want.

00:21:58 Courtney Brame: Courtney, you can do this. You can make mistakes. You can have success. And it took for me to have this experience and write down all these names and look at what my priorities are and realize that wow, you know, I've been looking for this. I've been looking for what I received from these nodules on my testicles, the having this s*** scared out of me. And again, just like the feeling of embarrassment for myself stemmed from not being intentional at all. And even in not being intentional, knowing, all right, I want these big picture things. And what I'm doing is in direct conflict with these big picture things that I want. There's a lesson here. You know, for anybody who's probably like, "Yeah, I'm oversharing." You know, it is what it is. I think that this is me going out with a bang. I've uh removed I deleted my podcast from the internet.

From Influencer to Organization: Establishing Boundaries

00:22:58 Courtney Brame: Um, I just think that it's better for me to move forward in a way that aligns with what you'll see when you go to Something Positive for Positive People.org or spfpp.org. Um you'll see what I mean. But I went from being an influencer, a dude with a podcast on a social media platform to uh running a nonprofit organization. And I'm so proud to look up and see that over all this time I was able to raise $57,000 this year because the year-over-year it's increased, yes, but not significantly enough for me to be able to only do this. And I made a promise to myself. I'm not going to say what that promise was, but in 2024, I am going to only run Something Positive for Positive People. I'm not sure exactly when, but there's a requirement for myself that I have to meet in order for me to decide to not do my other jobs. Um, this is important to me and I've recognized that everything that's not Something Positive for Positive People, that's not Courtney Jr. is not important to me.

00:24:14 Courtney Brame: Oh, that I feel a sense of guilt for not feeling guilty about saying that. And that's been a thing lately, too. Just feeling guilty about not feeling guilty for actually verbalizing things, you know. Um, I I looked up and like I I I see that there are people who have supported me since the first day, since the first podcast episode, since the first time that they've encountered me or or talked to me and we've had conversations and, you know, I feel so much love and support from these people, at least through me being myself in this work, that it feels like I I owed y'all this. I owe y'all this openness and this vulnerability to this point as I move forward that I'm not able to necessarily give to my family and have it be received. Um, and so it's very important to me that despite, you know, the feedback I've been getting from people lately about running a business, how, you know, nobody cares about my problems. But, uh, I do believe that this community needs to know that like on the other side of what y'all might think is me having all my s*** together, you know, there's still stuff that's going on behind the scenes.

00:25:42 Courtney Brame: Uh, I still have, you know, whatever my family issues are. I love my family again. Like, I love them. I'll always be there for them when I can and do things that make sense. But I also recognize that that sometimes can conflict with the things that I want for myself. And so uh me sharing this right is not exactly in alignment with the bigger picture of Something Positive for Positive People working with organizations because if an organization hears this and they're like why is he talking about this? This is for y'all. This is for the people who got me up to this point uh in the organization, who have supported me with their stories, who have taken the HSV survey, which by the way, if you haven't taken, please go to spf.org/servey and get your responses in. um the people who have made donations, the people who have been Patreon subscribers and who have be since then moved over to uh Something Positive for Positive People’s membership options which you can go to spfpp.org/donate OR spfpp.org/membership and you will find there are options for you to donate one time or you can donate on a reoccurring basis and you'll get access to the things that are shown on that website.

00:27:07 Courtney Brame: But I owe this to y'all because y'all y'all really y'all really rocked with me. Like y'all kept me going to this point and it's been so easy to experience burnout. I see a lot of people who I started with or who I saw in the beginning of this herpes education advocacy journey that I've been on who just aren't there anymore or they've made a shift. And in those instances, you know, I wonder if y'all feel abandoned by them or if I should feel abandoned by them. Uh but I've I've decided, you know, that this is in fact what I do. This is my career. I'm not a social media influencer, y'all. I'm not a dude with a podcast that y'all can just, you know, come trauma dump on or have these expectations on me to do everything for everybody and serve all the people. Like, I'm one man and I'm one man with priorities. I'm one man with priorities who knows what those priorities are now.

00:28:06 Courtney Brame: And I am moving forward very intentionally in everything that I do. And that includes this organization. That includes the relationships. That includes where I'm interviewing or who interviews me. I'm asking more questions. I'm not just jumping on to everything. That's like good exposure. I'm past that point. The SEO is good. The website's good. Uh organizations know of Something Positive for Positive People's existence. We're doing these training sessions with health care professionals and organizations. And we're even doing our own events in house now. So yeah, I want to. I'm not gonna say like kill the connection that we have between my personal experiences and y'all's, but again, it's just one of those things where I have a very unique perspective and experience that it's not about me. It's about the organization. My experience is this organization. And should you choose to continue to want to explore and experience what that evolution and experience is, then I invite you to keep up.

00:29:17 Courtney Brame: Like I invite you to keep up with me. Um, social media has not really been helpful to me lately and that's not supportive to Something Positive for Positive People. So to be completely honest, like most of everything is going to go directly through the website. Um, yeah. I like the thirst traps for views. That's cool. Like that's worked in the past, but I uh it's not getting me survey responses. It's not getting me conference attendees. It's not doing anything. So, I have to look at what is doing things. And I'm running a business. I'm running an organization, you know. And I used to and I still don't do this. I used to always say like I never want to become one of those people who becomes a coach and charges people to listen to them. But what I will do though is tell you to support this organization and this work because you're benefiting from it and the least you can do is offer money because I know y'all won't share it.

00:30:16 Courtney Brame: I know a lot of y'all won't give a testimonial and I know that as it's happened in the past and I'm experiencing it right now, people will come and I will never hear from them again. Like they'll just emotionally offload and then just disappear as if they never were here. So, a lot of these changes that I'm about to speak to right now are as a result of me making Something Positive for Positive People a priority. All right. So, I made this hit list and you'll see this on the website as you go through it, but these changes have all been reflected. Um, one of the things that I've done has been one-on-one phone calls, whether it be coaching, whether it be venting or support or help disclosing, which I guess would be coaching. Um, I'll have a conversation with you. I'll have a conversation with anybody and I am asking everyone to just send proof of a donation. Just make a donation and then we can set up a time to talk.

00:31:19 Courtney Brame: The value of my work is not reflective of whatever your donation amount is. You get the same version of Courtney. I just need to know that you have invested something or are to some level invested in what this bigger picture is for Something Positive for Positive People. Like to know that you are in fact invested enough to put a little bit of money into it into your own support your re your healing like do that for me. Y'all can do that. And I know because a lot of y'all have given way more for way less. All right. So, that's the thing that now is noted on the website and it's very obvious that this is what it is. Uh I am not setting up a calendar for y'all to book me, y'all, until I'm done with my other jobs. And if that goal is reached this year, then that's when I'll start to allow people to book with me directly through some sort of a calendarly thing.

00:32:20 Courtney Brame: Uh Linkree. Nope, not doing it. Uh I was able to update my resume. I'm going through things that really don't matter. Hold on. So newsletter. Sent out a newsletter. I had about a thousand people who got the newsletter. And it's funny because I can see who unsubscribes and I realized, oh, some of my exes were in here. Uh there's a herpes advocate that I guess we bumped heads about something and this person uh unsubscribed immediately. I haven't talked to this person since uh they called me out on something and I challenged them asking a question and they didn't have the bandwidth to discuss any further. So, this is how it's a pattern. This is how people choose to deal with things. People don't have very good conflict resolution skills. And I don't care how exhausted you are, but if you call somebody out on something, it's important that you be willing to support whatever that claim is or to be willing to resolve the conflict.

00:33:22 Courtney Brame: So yeah, that's uh I think that most of the bridges that get burned uh by me and this is me not reflective of the organization uh comes when people don't respect that Courtney is Courtney and then the organization is the organization. Not that there needs to be any type of a separation, but this person who at one point did and could have continued to be a major uh supporter of the work that is happening through Something Positive for Positive People just kind of threw the middle finger up at me and you know it is what it is. But in order to avoid things like that happening where there's this overlap between I like Courtney or I don't like Courtney and I believe in this organization, I definitely need to let this be the last time that I offer this much personal experience. So that that is essentially what this is is my goodbye from Courtney and hello to exclusively running as an organization. Um, so the newsletter went out. I got a lot of people's email addresses, um, unsubscribed because, you know, people just don't want to see that stuff in their inbox, which is fine.

00:34:38 Courtney Brame: But if you're someone who wants to see the monthly newsletter in your inbox, please go to spf.org and subscribe. Just there's options all over the place. You'll get a popup if you haven't entered your email already. So, it's as easy as that. Um, I got the videos of me talking about, you know, what's on each page. Um, there is also what I'm calling presence practices and this is my expression of yoga in the way that helped support me through my herpes diagnosis over the years. So, I started going to yoga right after my diagnosis because I saw that it was good for managing stress and your mental health. So, in doing that, I was able to continue to live in a way that I've gotten very few outbreaks. I had three, I've had three over the last 10 years. Um, and I really credit a lot of that to yoga because it's helped me with being better equipped to be in therapy. It's helped me for managing relationships, identifying emotions, and being able to make the necessary shift to do what I had to do in order to navigate those.

00:35:52 Courtney Brame: Uh, the conference, y'all, May 23rd, 2024, from 10:00 a.m. Central time to 400 p.m. Central time, I've got Dr. Evelin Dacker who's going to talk about stigma and health care and present stars to present uh health care providers with to talk to their patients about their sexual health status as well as give them a tool that they can use to teach them to teach their partners to teach patients to teach partners about talking about sexual health. I believe that this is a very powerful tool in order to minimize these alarmingly rising STI rates that we keep hearing about from organizations that report on these things. We've got uh Nikita uh wow Nikita who is going to she's a sex therapist and a psychotherapist. She is going to be speaking to the intersection of sexual health and mental health. As a therapist having worked with people with herpes, she's going to speak to a lot of uh identity and sexuality and that interconnectedness there. So, if you are in the health care field, if you're a therapist, please attend this conference.

00:36:56 Courtney Brame: And the keynote is going to present the analysis of the survey findings that you all have been filling out. Again, if you haven't, spf.org/servey so that you can take it yourself. If you have a clinical herpes diagnosis, please go and take this survey. We're at roughly 700 responses right now. Uh it'd be great to get up to a thousand prior to the conference. Um and you can help us with that. Please share it within your networks and your communities as I've been asking people to share it lately. They've been sharing it. Um and it's led to some conversations and some uh people who have been active in the herpes education space have also been sharing the survey as well which is really really helpful and I'm thankful because of the support groups positive singles um they don't let me then it's as simple as that. What I'm doing goes directly against uh the power structure that is positive singles where they make money off of y'all not wanting to go off and learn how to disclose your sexual health status to other people.

00:37:59 Courtney Brame: So thinking that you got to date within your own is a way that that structure stays as is with the status quo. And so, yeah, if y'all are, you know, giving them uh $30 a month to to date only people with herpes and we'll get Something Positive for Positive People, $10 a month to get through your healing and be able to talk to people who don't have herpes and be able to love yourself and feel good about yourself in order to not need that site and also go and find people more compatible to you and what your needs are. And um then yeah, like I I really want you to challenge that. Challenge that thought process. Um because I'm spending money to be on Positive Sings right now just to promote the survey. Uh because that's all I can get away with. They remove my links. They removed my website. They remove anything that I post about Something Positive for Positive People. So I just got in my bio interested in men, women, and couples.

00:38:58 Courtney Brame: I'm looking for a relationship, marriage, dating, casual, friendship, support, everything. I want everybody to see me because when you see me and you click on my bio, you are going to hear about my backstory and then when you message me, that's what we are talking about. We are talking about this survey because I need these survey responses and I'll talk to you about the conference. But I know it's some disappointing people in my inbox right now, but this is what I got to do. Again, this is my priority, y'all. And it's a non-issue for me to make this uh make these decisions. When you have that bigger picture in mind and that bigger decision is made of what your priorities are, all of the little decisions on the way that need to be made make themselves. And I live by that, y'all. I live by that. I kid you not. So, uh I will be presenting on the intervention program that I've always talked about like we teach people how to talk about their sexual health and we want to integrate this into sex education and uh STD prevention resources.

00:40:00 Courtney Brame: So, I now have… I'm finalizing a budget for it. But what it is is an actual intervention program that will in fact teach health care providers to do a better job talking about sexual health with patients in a way that is free of stigma. And I'm not going to go into more detail from there because I've had an idea stolen in the past from another organization that we were supposed to have been on a grant with. And I'm not making the same mistake. This is part of that transition into recognizing I'm an organization and a business now and not some dude running a podcast or an Instagram influencer or anything like that. All right. Um, if you want that part of me, come to the live podcast recordings. Become a uh sSomething Positive for Positive People member for $10 a month. You get access to the uh support group weekly and you get access to the live podcast recordings once a month. Um, but you can be there and you can join in for Q&A with myself and the guest if there is a guest.

00:41:02 Courtney Brame: Uh, those are things that you can do and there's more options on the website. If you go to spf.org, you'll be able to find those. Um, and yeah, that's that's the conference. The conference is for health professionals and people who have herpes who just want to come and like to learn. The tickets right now, uh, early bird tickets are $55 for the entire day. And then after January, the prices are going to go up to general admission, $75. So, if you're someone who works at an organization, please, I got flyers uh on the website, you can share. If you need to share something with your organization and tell people to come to this conference, let me know. I will do whatever I need to do to get people here. That is where my focus is right now. I need people to take the survey. I need people to come to this conference. So, email me courtney spf.org.

00:41:52 Courtney Brame: Uh, I'm in the process of writing a book. I've been getting writing assignments. I'm working with a publisher. And the book is essentially the shortcut of the podcast episode. So, what we've learned consistently from the podcast, you'll be able to get out of the book and rather than having to listen to 300 and whatever podcast episodes. Um, I've moved Patreon to the Something Positive for Positive People website. So, if you are a Patreon member, you're hearing this, please join the website and then unsubscribe from Patreon. Once everyone has removed themselves from Patreon, I will go ahead and close down the page to where uh everything comes in directly to the site. Patreon has taken 9 to 12% of our total uh donations and Squarespace, the website that I'm hosting on, takes 3%. So, in transitioning, you immediately increase the value of your donation if you choose to stay exactly where you are or if you want to upgrade, that is always nice. So, please, you know, if that's something that's within your means, do that.

00:43:00 Courtney Brame: Uh, but yeah, Patreon will stay up as long as people are there. Um, I was nervous about mentioning this because I would hate for people who just forgot about it to be reminded of it and then go, "Oh, I'm still giving money to this. I don't need that anymore." And then I just no longer get their donation. So, that's been a real thought for me. Um, and yeah, if you are someone who joins before January, you'll get $10 off the Something Positive for Positive People um conference that's coming up. And it's virtual, too, by the way, because I know I didn't say it's virtual. The survey, I got it posted everywhere again, like these are my priorities, even on FatLife. So, you can find me on Fat Life at H on my chest still. Uh it's just H on my chest. That's my uh name on there. Um I am making it a point to create more group spaces even in the nonmonogamy/kink/BDSM world.

00:43:55 Courtney Brame: Uh, I want to make another Something Positive for Positive People group for people who are curious about or navigating the kink and lifestyle settings to be able to have community not just with people with herpes but with people who support Something Positive for Positive People. It’s important to me that we have this diverse community of communities even though all under the guise of we support Something Positive for Positive People not that we all have herpes. There's plenty of people who don't have herpes who are in support of Something Positive for Positive People. Uh I mentioned the presence practice. So I've been making it a point to upload videos there. Uh and you'll be able to see those once a month. If you join at a higher membership level uh $50 a month, you will be able to join me live for these uh yoga sessions, these presence practice sessions as I'm calling them. Um and then what else I got? Uh yeah, the partners page.

00:44:50 Courtney Brame: So, there's a page now that is called partners. You'll see Nikita there. Um, I need to put Evelyn on there, but she's a board member, so we don't need to do that. People who provide services uh products uh for people with herpes or in the herpes community, reach out to me. Um, Bise is someone who I know who sells uh products that help with outbreaks. So, I'm going to get with her about being on the website because she's been a day one for real, y'all. for real. And so, um, yeah, if you're someone who would like to extend your services, like I I think that I need to see more consistency from you than you just being a person who shows up and gets on this directory and has access to this community because again, this is a priority of mine. This is a very sacred space and it's important to me. This is where I'm working, y'all.

00:45:42 Courtney Brame: I'm doing my work. I'm doing this. This work is what I am supposed to be doing. I know this because after my near-death experience, I guess, uh, this is what was important to me. And my motivation for Courtney Jr. has really made me a much better organization runner because I'm saying no to a lot of things in the past that I would have said yes to that I really should have said no to. So, that's what I'm really happy about. Um, can't talk about that one. That's my project. We got things happening for that. I have an outline of the conference. You can see the timing of it. You won't see what's in between. Um, I'm seeking sponsors. I don't know what sponsorships look like, y'all. I'm learning this along the way as I go. I probably burned a couple bridges just asking, "Hey y'all, y'all want to sponsor the podcast?" And people being like,

00:46:30 Courtney Brame: "All right, what do you want?" And I'm like, "Uh, right." But I brought in someone who reached out to me actually and I'm so thankful to her. Rebecca, shout out to you. Um, and I know he doesn't like me saying his name, so I'm not gonna say his name, but these are two people who have been really like in my ear about business stuff, and I've just they've planted seeds, they've watered it, and I think that I just needed a little bit of a nudge to really receive what they've been saying about the importance of this work because in not valuing it enough to tell people to put money here, people haven't been putting money here. And you know the guy makes a point that and the lady also made the point that I shouldn't be doing other things and this and in fact I'm probably killing myself in the process like burning myself into the ground and uh I'm very surprised I haven't burnt out yet. But in order for me to be able to do this full-time, I recognize that there are some things that just need to happen.

00:47:32 Courtney Brame: Part of what things are is me saying no. This is just as simple as that. I got to say no to what's not progressing Something Positive or progressing through the foundation of what it is going to take for Courtney Jr. to be here. Um and yeah, I love y'all. I love my people, but I can't. I can't keep doing things that take time away from developing this. Uh the website has a ton of resources and support um modalities, but for contact with me directly like I just need to know that you're invested in what I'm invested in as much as I am or even you know it ain't got to be the same quality because I'm always going to be into this more than anybody else ever will. But just to know that you support it is enough for me to be able to give you all of what I can give to you uh throughout the needs that you have. This cat is about to knock down something loud.

00:48:36 Courtney Brame: I apologize in advance because I see it happening. I just don't want to yell at him. Uh there's a rope class. I got the conference done. Yeah. So, um, the next things that are going to happen, just so y'all are aware, I am working on a directory. The directory is for sexual health organizations that provide STI testing, that provide services to people in the realm of sexual health. Uh, what I want to do is test these places and give them a score and say, "Okay, this place is approved by Something Positive for Positive People." um and have it here to where when people do want to go get tested and they're not sure where to get tested at, uh it would link people here and their city, state um will have different offices that they can go to and if they meet our requirements, they get the Something Positive stamp of approval. And I'm going to rely heavily on y'all to support me or or show me, you know, tell me where you've gotten good health care from in your state, in your city or country even because people have access to this from Canada.

00:49:45 Courtney Brame: Uh there's listeners in India, Australia, uh the Netherlands. Like Something Positive for Positive People is global, y'all. This is really amazing to be able to see as well. uh the growth that's happening out of this and I just know that the more that I am able to lean into and prioritize this the better off things are going to be. Um, I have podcasts coming up. Oh, so I'm going to email public health departments. If you work in public health and you have contacts, please let me know who those contacts are because I need to work with these people. it flat out like Something Positive for Positive People needs these connections, these contacts uh to be able to put in play this program that I'm putting out there. I need to get money and that's what I need to get better about asking for instead of being like, "Oh, you want to be on my podcast?" No. Like I'm This is a nonprofit. Something Positive is there are things that we want to accomplish.

00:50:44 Courtney Brame: Here are those things. This is how much money we need. Bigger picture. How much can you contribute towards that? And it's just me tapping back into my sales uh old sales Courtney. A lot of the skills that I've developed over the years and repressed over the last seven for some reason are now just bubbling up inside of me. And I do believe that it has to do with me knowing what my priorities are right now. So I'm I'm grateful to y'all who have been here this far. If you were here for Courtney and the thirst traps, I'm sorry to say y'all ain't gonna get there no more. Maybe if you attend the yoga classes because it gets hot. I have to take my shirt off. Um, if you want to join, join the membership page of Something Positive for Positive People and then you'll be able to see that. But otherwise, like ain't no more of that, you know?

Re-Launching Group Therapy and Upcoming Events

00:51:30 Courtney Brame: It's, it's time to get it cracking. We in year five, year five of being a nonprofit organization. I'm bringing back therapy. Um, I just need more people to sign up and uh we'll be able to start the group therapy sessions. Uh, it'll be 12 weeks, 12 people, and we have a licensed mental health professional who is going to be providing the service. I want to be able to pay for it for y'all. But looking at the numbers right now, I need $6,480 to be raised in order to start that. And I also need eight more people who want to participate in group therapy. You know, I know there's people who are struggling, but I know that there aren't people who are willing to take that next step and transition into uh doing something about the struggle of navigating herpes stigma. Uh Shira, I forget her last name, but she was on Shan Shan Budum's podcast, Lovers and Friends, and she talked about her herpes status openly.

00:52:26 Courtney Brame: I think it was two years ago. Uh she and I talked recently, and we're going to have a podcast together. So, that's going to be a virtual event where people can sit in. You can buy tickets for it or just make a donation and join. Like, you can participate in the Q&A. I'll just have her share her story, her experience, and then we'll just dive into that. And then if y'all got questions, y'all can ask questions. Uh, I'm working on a media kit to be able to give organizations specifically for the conference. But I think it's time. It is time. Ain't no thing. It's time to start looking for sponsors, y'all. Um, Rebecca, thank you so much again, pointed out to me that, you know, there's still like 10,000 Instagram followers. There's 10,000 subscribers to the podcast. And there's an even higher number of people who visit the website.

00:53:17 Courtney Brame: And these are all media opportunities for me to bring in revenue to Something Positive for Positive People. And I just haven't been. So, I'm working on that. I'm busting my ass to get all of this stuff done. And this is again just all within the last three weeks of having clarity y'all. So I invite you to do what you got to do to get that clarity, right? Like all of this, you y'all have gotten to see me go from naive 27, 28-year-old Courtney who was recording podcast in his car with people, driving around, poor audio quality to recording podcast in my closet to recording recording podcast in between clients at a gym that I was training people at to creating a podcast studio in the gym that I was working at uh to moving to Portland across the country from my home to take on an opportunity of getting funding for the first time to now having a website to now hosting events and raising money and to have gotten $57,000 over the course of a year running a nonprofit.

00:54:20 Courtney Brame: Um, not for myself. Like I'm raising this for the nonprofit. I don't want y'all to think I make $57,000 a year according to my uh my uh taxes. I didn't make it near that. Um, but there will come a time. This will be my full-time uh employment, my full-time thing that I'm doing uh soon enough. And I've been prioritizing it, I've gotten glimpses of what that looks like. So, I can only go forward from here. It's only up from here. Uh next week on December 20th, which is 5 days from now, I will be interviewing Safe s***. Trisha and I are going to be talking about play spaces and why people with herpes are hesitant to attend those play spaces. And we're going to just, you know, talk through that and what would it look like to host a play party where people with herpes do in fact feel safe to engage and uh participate in lifestyle events like that.

00:55:17 Courtney Brame: You know, there we know that in New York specifically because that's where she is and that's where I'm at a lot. um that would be a good place to host something. So, I encourage y'all to uh stay on the lookout because that live recording is actually going to be next Wednesday, December 20th at 1:00 p.m. C or Eastern time. It's 1 p.m. Eastern time. You can go to spf.org/events for the full details of this event. Click on the calendar. The date is going to be it's in there. So, the calendar shows the event, the flyer, and the details. All you'll have to do is either become a subscriber at the $10 a month or more option or you can just make a donation and let me know that you want to attend the event. I'm not asking for any particular dollar amount in donations when it comes to the live podcast recordings. Um, but I will make a particular ask when it comes to the workshops that are going to be happening when we bring people on with um speakers and because these people need to be paid.

00:56:18 Courtney Brame: And I mean, honestly, I need to be paid, too. But that's not something for y'all to have to worry about. But things are going to be happening in a way that is going to bring money into Something Positive for Positive People for us to continue our advocacy efforts. All right. So, thank y'all for listening to me talk this entire time about me and about Something Positive for Positive People. Um, but yeah, y'all, I love y'all. I thank y'all for being here. I appreciate y'all for supporting and getting us to this point because without y'all, it wouldn't be here. These experiences that y'all have been sharing with me, these are going to be extremely useful to, as I said, be integrated in the sex education and STD prevention programs. This is what's about to change things when we get stigma-free health care, not from just, you know, for people who have herpes, but also the people who are going to get herpes and for the people who are going to be disclosed to by somebody who has herpes.

00:57:18 Courtney Brame: Like this is a very pivotal moment this conference because the more people that we get here, the more money we raise, the more that people hear from me what this plan is, and the more opportunities we have to obtain some form of funding that supports not just people living with herpes and experiencing stigma, but also the world, y'all. So, I believe in this. I believe in this. And if you believe in me, you know, I hope that something today that I said really does resonate with you because I ain't going to lie, y'all. Like me- I was very hesitant to share this part of myself and the things that I'm dealing with on a personal level or have been dealing with now. I'm fine now, but that motivation stuck. The passion stuck. Like I feel a reignited fuel within myself to do this s*** for a whole another seven years and to see what my life can look like in 15 years. Like I said, I didn't graduate therapy.

00:58:12 Courtney Brame: You know, I'm past that point of my healing process. This is what it looks like on the other side. So, I invite y'all to come through here, do that with us and with each other. There's a Facebook group, Something Positive for Positive People. Um, you can find all of this on the website. You can join the Facebook group. Uh, you can also join the Fat Life group when I make that. I'll let y'all know when that is, but more importantly, you can come attend these live podcast recordings. Safe s**** going to be on Wednesday the 20th of December at 1 PM Eastern time. All I'm asking for is for you to just make a donation. Any amount, make a donation and let me know that that's what you want to see and I will be sure to uh get you on the calendar invite so that you can join us for that uh video. Um and also participate in the Q&A afterwards.

00:59:00 Courtney Brame: lifestyle. And uh I think she's speaking about putting together some type of a play party event, a lifestyle event with a couple of other people. So um then it's going to be more of a panel, I want to say. Uh I got text messages from the other two people who want to co-facilitate a play party. So um that might be what it is. I'll be talking to them about what it looks like to put together a play party for people with herpes. And they have experience in this and it will be in New York. um on February 15th, the day after Valentine's Day, which is a Thursday, and it's not Super Bowl weekend. So, if you got availability, go ahead, book one of them cheap flights and be ready to come in, have a good time. Um, with that, there will be, you know, some conversations prior, of course, about that setting. And it's not exclusively for people who have herpes. This is going to be for people who um are I want to say like open to it. I don't know. Like it's a play thing. So sex doesn't necessarily have to happen. It's a setting where sex positivity is prioritized and consent, boundaries, and all of that are honored and people just aren't. It's a stigma-free setting. Let's call it that. This is a stigma-free setting. So, come to the podcast recording, learn more about what's being put together, and if you're interested in attending, you can attend. Um, I think that when they sell the tickets that they're going to make some donations, so, yay, we need that. All right, y'all. Uh, thank you for being here again. My name's Courtney and this is another episode of Something Positive for Positive People.

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