SPFPP 339: SPFPP Men's Wellness Symposium
Something Positive for Positive People may be a podcast for people with herpes but we also value Men’s emotional health. The Men’s Content Hub is a great starting point for men living with herpes. We have topics on physical health, sex, masculinity, mental health, spirituality and leadership. This men’s content hub was created from Selfed, which began in the year 2021 as a podcast where I just processed therapy and challenges through the pandemic. I tried making this a platform for men’s emotional intelligence, but that didn’t work out so we just salvaged what remained from the symposium. The podcast is still in existence but less of a business and resource, and is now more of my own personal out loud journal. But these resources are what’s up.
Episode 339 Transcript
Redefining Community Support and Acknowledging Failure
00:00:00 Courtney Brame: Hello, welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame. Something positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization that teaches people how to minimize stigma. Um, that's probably the most simple way to put it, of course, like we have a variety of ways of doing so. So, one of the ways is with this podcast, which is where people who typically are navigating herpes stigma will be able to come and hear the experiences of other people who are navigating this diagnosis in a way that might be supportive and healing to them, giving them a little bit of a framework for uh managing their emotional symptoms, stigma, mental health, all of that. if you put it all together as well. Um, I am settled in. I'm in my apartment now. If you're watching this on video, you'll see that there's just this off-white wall behind me because I'm putting the space together. I want it to feel like home. I want it to be consistent.
00:01:55 Courtney Brame: I got this new chair. You know, I y'all see that gray has been my color for the most part, but I'm lately leaning into this like uh sort of mint green. Like my kitchen is all mint green. My mat's green. It's not meant though. But uh yeah, I'm finally settled in. Um this episode I want to just give y'all transparency. It's not going to be anything that's really like herpes focused. Um I want to just share here's a life update because now I'm here and I'm able to be present with this and just share what's happening. uh over the last 7 years since 2017, I've been interviewing people who have herpes about their experiences having herpes. And part of me has always felt like maybe I'm perpetuating stigma by giving people an anonymous platform to talk about this. But then on the other end, it's like if they didn't have this, how would they share their stories? How would we hear people's stories if there weren't a platform like this that existed for people to share vulnerable experiences that they're having?
00:03:00 Courtney Brame: The good, the bad, the ugly, the shameful, the shameless experiences if Something Positive for Positive People didn't exist. And when I was first diagnosed in 2013, I remember finding that relief after I learned that there was somebody else who was living with herpes who I knew. And that to me was so much more important than anything else. It was more important to me than uh being quiet about it or keeping it to myself or keeping other people from finding out. And since then, I never looked back. And so I know that these platforms sort of exist. You can tell I moved to the east coast. So I apologize for that. That's going to come in passing. Okay, great. But uh what I have learned is just that over time community support in that sense has been so useful but it can also be very unuseful. Right? So on one hand we have the support groups where you come in, you ask your questions, you're directed to resources, you get the information that you need and you feel that sort of lightness after sharing your experience and having it reflected back to you in a way that feels validating to your identity.
00:04:15 Courtney Brame: On the other hand of that, you have sort of this trauma bonding and even competitiveness in it where people are oneuping your negative experiences. Well, oh yeah, you got herpes. Well, at least you didn't. Dot dot dot, right? And so these support resources are out there. They're very tricky to come across. They're hard to identify when they're uh good for you and when they're not good for you. So, um I that's something that I was mindful of as I created Something Positive for Positive People and as it sort of evolved. And I've tried to make a support group and make this be a space that gave people the thing that I think they needed. Um, and it wasn't successful. It just hasn't been successful. And I'm not going to sit up here and like name reasons that I think it might have been unsuccessful, but the main point of this and me saying this is that it's not what people have told me that they needed.
00:05:19 Courtney Brame: There was a period of time where I went on hiatus from the podcast for a while to focus on the conference, to focus on the survey, to focus on applying for grants, and I was creating all this other stuff. I brought yoga. Uh the support groups, I took them away because they're just people who weren't coming. And then um I also tried to give more to memberships because people would donate, people would sign up, and I'd feel like I wasn't giving them enough. I want for people to have access to the resources, especially the ones that people find to be healing for them throughout their herpes diagnosis. And I also, you know, want to give something to the members, right? But there hasn't really been anything that I felt that I could give to uh people who were donating regularly that didn't take away from their um that didn't take away from the people having, you know, overall general access to it. So, what I started to do is just offer um that yoga those yoga classes.
00:06:20 Courtney Brame: I've offered more personalized one-on-one support and I've just done a lot of things over the years that have gotten us to where we are now. Right? And part of running a business I'm learning is being adaptable or being able to respond to not just the successes but also the failures, right? I don't think that we really take into account how valuable failure is. And I will be the first to tell you that I failed at offering yoga classes. I failed at offering support groups. I failed at pursuing grants. All of these things accumulated and I failed at making the decision to put the podcast on pause so that I can do those things and focus on those things. And the reality is uh after I took that break, I heard from people who listened to the podcast and they were like, "Hey, you haven't had a podcast episode out in the wild. What's up?" Like it's disappointing. And to receive that and hear that, it made me realize like, oh, people don't really want or people aren't showing me that they want the yoga classes.
Trimming the Fat and Evolving SPFPP
00:07:37 Courtney Brame: People aren't showing me that they want the community's support. Um, but the thing that people want is the thing that I decided to put on pause and try to find out and offer what I think they want. And that's not how this works. It's not how business works. It's not how this advocacy works either. And I want to say this now because I feel like if I were listening to this, I would think that I was quitting or about to stop doing this. And that's not the case at all. Uh but what I am doing is sort of trimming the fat and making Something Positive for Positive People significantly more lean. Um I have a board meeting next Friday on June 21st with uh my board members. Uh we have two new board members on deck. Dr. Amber Sopus who specializes in um HIV research uh uh I don't want to say that she's a public health she has her masters in public health and I know that some of the work that she's doing right now is HIV uh research and this sort of supports Something Positive for Positive People because of the HIV/Black people uh interconnectedness.
00:08:44 Courtney Brame: So, we'll be doing some things together with her as a board member. And then we've got Jolene Hernandez, who created the No Shame in this game documentary, who's also going to be a board member. So, uh, we've got some wonderful additions. Unfortunately, we've had some losses. Um, two of our board members decided to step down. Um, they just had like a lot of great things that were happening for them outside that, uh, required their prioritization, you know, outside of the organization. So, um, I'm super supportive of them. I want to thank them for having been here as long as they have and supporting the organization's growth. Um, but we're we're making this shift and um, this is a very big adjustment for us to lean out because it's always been pointed out to me that I am doing too much and so much of what I'm doing is really trying to tweak and identify what Something Positive for Positive People is, what's most impactful and how can we make this sustainable, right?
00:09:39 Courtney Brame: So, fortunately, uh, we just got a couple of grant opportunities. We received $10,000 to uh run this simulation program for health providers to get them to practice taking a sexual history, delivering a diagnosis, uh speaking to um patient actors and then getting real feedback, not just about how they did as far as finding out what was wrong and getting it right, but how they made the patient feel, what that patient experience is like. Because far too often I do hear from people who are diagnosed with herpes how poorly their health care provider delivered their diagnosis or the uh terrible experiences that they've had. I hear more about people's negative experiences than positive ones. And I know they can't all be terrible, but these are also things that if as a health care practitioner you don't know that you don't know. And how often do we even have time for patients to share with us how they feel? How often do we even have patients who feel like they can share what it was like to be our patients?
00:10:47 Courtney Brame: Right? I'm talking like I got my medical license. I know I did not mean to do that, y'all. I'm not a licensed mental health professional. I'm not a medical professional. I'm just someone who is presenting the information. Um I myself have been lately identifying as a yoga practitioner with an emphasis on emotional wellness. Uh particularly I want to more consistently work with men um and offer some sort of accountability programs uh to support men in connecting more I don't like how that sounds but and recognizing emotional maturity in maturing emotionally. That's what I want to do. I want to help men mature emotionally and part of that is because so many of the conversations that I have with men a lot of it seems to be emotional ignorance avoidance or immaturity. It's one of those three things, right? And when I talk to women about their relationships that might have led to their diagnosis or uh relationships that they're getting into or talking about their sexual health status, it comes down to the men that they date being either emotionally ignorant, avoidant, or immature.
00:11:57 Courtney Brame: So, I want to address those three things. I want to address the emotional ignorance, immaturity, um and avoidance. Those are the three things that I believe that my work can really help. And I tried to force so many things into Something Positive for Positive People when really it just needs to be the podcast and it needs to be the the research that comes from the podcast and then the education for uh health providers or putting the information out there in a way that the community can get it and then the healthcare practitioners can get it. So, since our conference on May 23rd, which was a hit. It was amazing. Uh, it was the first one that I've ever done, we had 120 people register. At most, we had 93 participants who um were at the conference. Like, that was the most people we had. And then the least that we had was 69 people who were there for the keynote, which was me delivering the latest herpes, stigma statistics.
Defining Support Calls and Establishing Boundaries
00:12:54 Courtney Brame: Uh, this is available if you want to see that at www.sp.org. org/conferences. Now, they're saying it's available for free. So, but hey, listen, we put a lot of work into that. So, you are going to have to pay for it if you want that information. All right? And then, uh, at some point, we'll be able to start, uh, providing workshops and training to present and make that information accessible to the people who are also invested in it. Um, and what else did I want to say about that? Yeah. um just stripping away some of the things in Something Positive for Positive People. That's really that's probably the most important thing that I talk about today is that oftentimes so I offer donation based one-on-one support calls. These are donation based. I can't tell you how many people, you know, I'll have the call, people won't make a donation, they'll swear they will or they say they'll leave a review.
00:13:50 Courtney Brame: And I mean, that's really what I've been asking for. like the reviews and the testimonials are more valuable to me than anything else. Well, I shouldn't say that because the donations are valuable, but uh those are the two things that I really asked people for. I asked for a testimonial, I asked for a donation. And uh with the donation-based support calls, like I got to a point where I had to start asking people to make a donation first. Doesn't matter how much it is, if it's a dollar, if it's $20, if it's $200. I had somebody give $500 one time and this was somebody who they didn't really know what they were going to get out of it, but they knew that they needed it. And that person got the same level of quality uh support as anybody who would have given nothing before then. Um, and that's just how I carry myself. That's how I try to show up- is to offer people the best damn support call that they'll be able to get from somebody, especially when they're so willing to take that time and make that big step of investing in their emotional wellness because that's what this is.
00:14:49 Courtney Brame: You know, I say sexual health is mental health, but also there's this huge emotional component that overlaps with it that I don't believe people have the tools and the resources and knowhow to really dive into. We get a herpes diagnosis and it's like, "Oh my god, I have these bumps. Uh, nobody's going to want to be with me." Physical symptoms. Physical symptoms. Physical symptoms. How do I keep myself from giving this to somebody? And we even go from the physical symptoms to start to worry more about how this is going to impact other people than we do ourselves or look at what happened to us around the diagnosis. Uh, what's happening to us internally when it comes to this diagnosis? When we even think about this, when we get activated, when we get triggered, when we get imbalanced, right, in our emotional state, we don't even know. And I'll tell you y'all, I'm guilty of this, too. For the last seven years, my prioritization has been on y'all navigating y'all's herpes diagnosis.
00:15:47 Courtney Brame: Let Yeah. For the last seven years, and even before that, I was diagnosed in 2013. So, it's been 11 years now that I've had herpes. And it took until I got into therapy before we even started looking at my relationship with it. But I get into this space of herpes education advocacy. I'm not a herpes advocate. I'm not advocating for people to get herpes. I am a herpes education advocate if you're going to go down that road. I want people to be more informed about herpes stigma than anything else because of the psychological and emotional harm that happens and the behavior change that happens when a person does get this diagnosis because that's real and it's something that just isn't spoken about. We don't have anything about this. We don't have any of the resources. We don't have the tools to support people who are navigating this diagnosis. We just don't. And so in these donation-based calls, what happens is it goes from someone asking, "How do I tell somebody I have herpes?" Right?
00:16:48 Courtney Brame: Because that's like one of the number one questions I get. How do I disclose? And it's not something that's as simple as me saying, "Here's what you say." No, it's not. And in fact, we have a 1-hour workshop on the website um that you would have to go to the offerings page, spf.org/offerings. org/offerings and you'll be able to see that workshop and you can purchase that for rent and we go through that, you know, as detailed as possible. But ultimately, I need to know who you are. I need to know what works for you. And so many of these calls… it’s like learning about you as a person and getting to know you and what you want and what your circumstances are. And it goes to being like the more we talk, you come in, you're like herpes, herpes, herpes, herpes, right? And then we get from like that being 5% of the conversation to it becoming more about who you are.
00:17:40 Courtney Brame: What do you want? And it turns into sort of this coaching call, if you will, or therapy. A lot of people say that I've done more for them than their therapist that they've been working with for however long. I've heard my therapist hasn't even asked me that question several times, more times than I can count at this point. And some of these topics are very heavy. They're very, very heavy. They're emotionally heavy. Not, you know, for me cuz I'm used to it, but for the person who's, you know, finally saying a thing for the first time. And I've even had podcast guests, you know, where they've gotten choked up in episodes because no one's asking this question. No one's giving them permission to to speak to this challenging thing uh for themselves. And so that being something way more than what's expected when people come here for these donation-based calls, I have to look out for both you as well as myself by limiting the time that we have available.
00:18:35 Courtney Brame: Right? So I think that 30 minutes for our donation-based one-on-one calls for herpes support, they stay there. It's donation based. We will talk about what you want to talk about in regards to that. Um, but for anything further than that, when we start getting into traumas and we start getting into the things that, uh, I'm going to probably say, "Hey, maybe you should talk to your therapist about that." Uh, I can offer the emotional support resources, but I have to do that elsewhere because the nonprofit itself, that's not what this organization does. Uh, we have the podcast that's a support tool. We have donation-based calls that are support tools for herpes stigma. Now, when we get more into the emotional wellness component, I have to direct you somewhere else, y'all. And that can be with me. Um, but that whole thing is coming together as I am working on Selfed. Uh, if you've been around for a while, you know that Selfed was the sort of resource that I used.
The Launch of SELFED and the Men's Emotional Wellness Symposium
00:19:37 Courtney Brame: It was really for me like I was just it was my out loud journal and my emotional processing. So over time, uh, I've come to realize, especially after I went to, uh, yoga therapy training this weekend. I'm enrolled in an 800 hour yoga therapy certification. So, I'm 500 hour certified as a yoga instructor, but uh, the yoga therapy component has really been calling to me, especially with uh, this drive to support people um, on an emotional basis. So, I'm I'm I'm kind of removing that from Something Positive for Positive People because it's been like a struggle for me to recognize my identity aside from herpes and Something Positive. So many times like I've been offered to do a thing and I'm trying to make it I'm trying to force it, you know, force herpes to be connected to it somehow. And then someone told me one day, one of my board members, she said, "Courtney, like this isn't for Something Positive. Like people want to hear from and see what Courtney has to say.”
00:20:38 Courtney Brame: And that that kind of broke me down a little bit. One, cuz like I never heard it before, but two, like that never occurred to me. I was attaching my identity to my herpes diagnosis the same way I'm telling y'all not to. Right? So, um I am very intentional, especially after this past weekend, my girlfriend even said something to me about it one day. She's like, "Hey, why don't you work with more men? Why don't you work with me? And it's like she saw this thing way before like I saw it. And since like it being pointed out, it's just kind of been poked at again and again and again. And the poking at that seed that's been planted has been sort of watering it into what will become what is self being uh emotional wellness resources for men. And that doesn't mean I'm only going to work with men, but this is who I'm prioritizing. Especially because so many of the issues that the women who talk to me have are with men and emotional avoidance, ignorance, and immaturity.
00:21:45 Courtney Brame: Those are the three things that continue to come up. All right. And um June is also it's Pride Month as well as men's mental health awareness month. So, uh, I'm putting together June 30th from 11:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Eastern time, a men's wellness symposium. Uh, right now I have four presenters. I'm wanting one more that's going to cover another topic, but we've got Brick City Buddha who's going to he's on Instagram, Brick City Buddha. Uh, he's going to be talking about uh, men's emotional wellness as well as relationships. We've got Teddy the Comedian, who's a mental health advocate. He's going to be speaking about some of his own personal experiences and struggles with mental health. Uh we've also got Cam Frasier who's a sex educator who prioritizes content around men's pleasure. And we've got Jeremy Hurt uh who hosted the Let's Talk Bro podcast, hosts the Let's Talk Bro podcast, which is a podcast on Black masculinity. So, we've got these four men who are going to be uh I'm going to be facilitating conversations with, and this is sort of the launchpad platform for uh the new version of Selfed that's in the works right now.
00:22:51 Courtney Brame: So, you can follow the Instagram page, Get Selfed. It's going… as we start to get some of the branding materials in, that's where I'll be posting my uh emotional wellness resources for men on that page. And then um I'll be utilizing my I'm a yoga therapist in training so I'll be utilizing a lot of that to support men too. But this symposium it's virtual uh right now early bird tickets are on sale for $35. You can go to spfpp.org/events and then you will see it there. You can register for it. Uh we're looking for sponsors. If anybody knows someone who supports these types of programs, uh we're going to donate 20% of the ticket sales to uh two organizations right now. Uh one is going to be for um a mentorship program for young men and then another one's going to be a sexuality education uh nonprofit organization as well. Uh, just in to honor these two aspects, mental health, men's mental health awareness month and pride month uh with this event.
00:24:00 Courtney Brame: So uh I I'm really looking forward to facilitating these conversations. You should attend if you are, you know, someone who is identified as or has been told that you're emotionally avoidant, emotionally immature, or emotionally ignorant. Um I also want to point out that this is an intentional space. We will be prioritizing the voices of and experiences of men. If you register and you have a topic that you would like to see addressed in this symposium, please fill in the registration form that will come with your uh ticket purchase. So, you'll go to buy a ticket, you'll have a little bit of a survey, and then you can write your question in. But I'm only going to be prioritizing the voices of men at this symposium. Um, so yeah, that is really the big announcement. Something positive for Positive People. The main things that we're going to be focused on are of course the podcast as a support resource and the research that comes, you know, along with that and then the education of health care professionals on minimizing stigma as well as whatever workshops we put together in relation to dating, herpes disclosure, uh, and things like that.
00:25:05 Courtney Brame: And then I'm pulling out pulling out I'm removing the yoga uh into its own thing. I mean, we can offer yoga for herpes that's going to stay there. the letting go series for yoga classes that's going to be available for members and if you are a member you get access to be able to connect with me for your questions um in relation to navigating herpes statement as well. So you can visit the membership tab in order to sign up for that but uh self is going to be where a lot of the additional resources will be. So, if you want something like coaching calls, if you want the yoga, um I'm going to be utilizing my yoga practitioner uh training and skills to facilitate support and re in involved with emotional wellness. All right, so that concludes this episode. Please, if you haven't already, leave a review. Uh you can visit www.spfpp.org for more. And then as Selfed becomes a thing, I'll be sharing more of that. But you can follow Get Selfed on Instagram. Um, and yeah, we'll be rebranding and making a few adjustments so that this is more visible and people understand what Something Positive for Positive People is. And I hope to see you at the Men's Wellness Symposium. And that's June 30th. Thank you.
Transcription ended after 00:26:40
