SPFPP 249: Did You Donate?
In the "Did You Donate?" episode of the Something Positive for Positive People podcast, we emphasize the vital role our organization plays in supporting individuals navigating herpes stigma and advocating for stigma-free sex education and STD prevention. This episode delves into the importance of donations in sustaining our work, including our wide range of offerings such as support groups, restorative yoga sessions, and educational resources. Listen to discover how each contribution furthers our mission to provide compassionate support, raise awareness, and challenge the misconceptions surrounding herpes. Your support is crucial in our ongoing efforts to create a stigma-free, informed, and supportive community.
Episode 249 Transcript
The Struggle to Receive and Shedding the Alias
00:00:00 Courtney Brame: This is a very important podcast episode, not for y'all, but for me things over the last few weeks, a few podcast episodes, if you have been listening to those, uh, you'll notice that there's been some evolution within me. The way that the podcast episodes sound, the way that I interviewed the few people that have been interviewed over the last few weeks, the way that I talk, maybe the energy, the passion, always. And it's because I'm happy. Like that's the simple way to put it. I'm happy. I'm in a good place. And over the last year, I guess, has been a time for me to really flourish between uh because it's been a year since I visited Portland, Oregon, which is where I live now. And I made that decision to move here, a month after I came to visit. And so, uh, Halloween this year will be the one-y year anniversary of me having been in Portland. And since I've moved to Portland, Oregon, I have, um, done a lot and Again, these are things in those past few episodes.
00:04:25 Courtney Brame: But the reason that this episode is so important and so important for me is if you have been following along, then you've heard me talk about my childhood trauma as well as my relationship to my parents and resolving that through conversations with them both. And one of those uh long lessons that came out of these conversations has been that I have a problem with receiving. I have been such a giver that I really really struggle to receive. And as I continue to explore myself and establish my identity apart from others expectations, apart from my relationship to other people, my relationship to other environments and just really solidified this foundation of my identity as Courtney and who I am like even apart from Something Positive for Positive People because you know I've said this before I've really struggled to differentiate and my creation of the alias H on my chest has been someone who has just given given given to the extent of allowing for myself to be taken from and having now gone through the process of realizing a major factor in what's influenced my life to not be as fulfilling as it is now.
00:06:01 Courtney Brame: Once you realize that kind of thing, you can't go backwards. I mean, you can, but you're making that choice. And for me being the kind of person that I am and I am hopefully inspiring you all to be is once you are aware of your current circumstances and the fact that you can go in one direction which is continuing to do what you've been doing but now you're aware of the influence that it has on you knowing that you don't like it but you're tolerating it or you can do something different. And for me, again, this is an important episode because, and I'm, you know, going to more than likely stumble and struggle through trying to explain just how and why this is so important because I am learning to receive. And I'm not basing the value of what I receive or the value of what I give in reference to another person's standards for me. This is something that's been selfcreated. And even on social media, if you've been following, you probably have seen some changes there.
00:07:17 Courtney Brame: You've seen questions. You've seen the way that I communicate there differently. And it's because I've also had to detach my identity from social media. who I think people want me to be, who I want myself to be in relation to these people. And let me tell you like I have even gotten and this is really you know not necessarily a side topic but it's important to mention here is that my as Courtney I've been hired to speak on things that aren't exclusively Something Positive for Positive People but more so my experience based um I've done some yoga meditation classes for some organizations at conferences um in meetings and facilitated uh conversations around um things that I've learned through my experiences developing my own identity and that has been useful. So to to say that like disconnecting from Something Positive for Positive People like is I'm not going to say it's it's tempting or anything like that because this is something that I know uh I have to do. However, it is evolving and changing in terms of the way that I go about it.
Treating SPFPP Like a True Business
00:08:41 Courtney Brame: Right? So, cutting through all of the small talk, the dancing around it, the BS, the fastest way and the most effective way to change something is to change it. If you want to break a habit, if you want to stop doing the thing, then you got to stop doing that thing. And that thing that I'm stopping myself from doing is being taken from. And what that means is allowing myself to receive so that when I do give, I'm giving to the kinds of people who are capable of and in a place where they can receive. Something Positive for Positive People is a business. And I've not been running it like a business at all. I've been very charitable, not just with my time, but also with my own resources and pouring into it. And I think that now Something Positive for Positive People is at a place where the value of it has been demonstrated over the course of the last five and a half years since 2017. It's been established and I still think that people don't know or people aren't aware of what Something Positive for Positive People is or what it is that I do.
00:10:06 Courtney Brame: And I think therefore people have an idea of what the value is to it. People assume I'm busy and when they reach out, you know, they say things like, "I don't want to take up too much of your time." Uh, and then proceed to do just that. Or, you know, people will value my time and say they appreciate it. And that's great, but appreciation doesn't keep these lights on. Like, and that's my problem because I have again struggled with receiving. So if you notice that I have been, you know, a little less engaging on social media is because I have to be more engaging in a way that is going to further the business. Yes, it's a nonprofit organization, but nonprofits operate off of grants, funding, donations, and all of these things are money finances. No matter how much time I put into these things, if the money isn't coming in, and this can't function. So I have to allocate my time, energy, and resources toward the things that are going to bring money into the organization so that I can continue to thrive and develop into what it's becoming.
00:11:20 Courtney Brame: So I want to lay it out here for you all. I had to present to my board members what I do, and what my job description would be. Not only am I the founder of Something Positive for Positive People, but I'm also, are you ready? If you need to write this down, keep up, okay? I am the social media manager. I am the consultant between healthcare organizations, between therapists, between uh my board members, between any partner organizations, any advertisers. I'm the podcast host. I'm the podcast editor. I'm the podcast producer. So, that requires learning a lot of audio. I have created the content for social media. I'm responsible for the engagement. I'm the face of the company. I'm responsible for the public relations of the company. I am also the administrator. I keep up with everything. That includes the finances. That includes the meeting minutes of the board uh meetings.
00:12:18 Courtney Brame: That includes scheduling and booking the calls for my board members. booking the calls for any of the business opportunities, conferences that I'm presenting to and also creating the proposals for networking, which there is a ton of networking that has to take place. There's also the uh of course the content creation, but I also have to reach out to um that talk to uh podcast guests, potential podcast guests. And in many cases, like I don't hear back from people uh and there's a lot of back and forth and not to mention uh well I have to mention this because this is a critical part of it is getting people enrolled in therapy, paying for people to get therapy and I'm I'm so grateful and thankful to those who have donated because y'all have made it possible for me to do this. Now, I'm going to be transparent and if you are listening right now and you know you're one of these people that did this, you know this is something different because this is a real thing.
The Reality of Free Therapy and Emotional Labor
00:13:24 Courtney Brame: I've had people that I've paid for therapy. I have negotiated these rates for people to receive therapy services and I've paid for this sometimes out of my own pocket, uh mostly with the donations that have come in, but the costs aren't always there. So, some of these people that I've paid for have skipped sessions or kind of taken it for granted or just gotten what they think they needed, vented a little bit and gone on about their business or just started seeing someone and thought to themselves that they don't need therapy. Let me not think, but behave in a way that says, "Oh, my priorities have shifted. I don't need therapy." So much of what I do goes on behind the scenes of where you may hear on the podcast or see on social media. And you will never hear about it because of herpes stigma. People do not want to be connected to or affiliated with an organization that serves people with herpes because of the way that people perceive people with herpes.
00:14:26 Courtney Brame: So, I won't get the praise. I'm not going to get a lot of media coverage. I'm not going to get the shares. I'm not going to get the praises. Even as a Black man talking about herpes, like the UFC fighter dude who came out was like, "Yeah, I had a herpes outbreak and I'm in the best shape of my life and I had two outbreaks." And whatever he said, I forgot the dude's name, but that happened. That was something that went viral. I don't want to say just for praise because he also got criticism, but I don't want to say I'm immune to criticism, but anyone who makes fun of or tries to shame someone who took something that was a tragedy for them and is commonly a tragedy for other people and flips it into Something Positive that is supportive helping people and reducing the same impacts that it'll have on other communities of people who would experience or could experience or who are vulnerable to the experiences of that same sort of trauma.
00:15:26 Courtney Brame: If you talk stuff about me, you are a terrible person just flat out. And I know that in terms of how social media works, I have to say controversial things and I have to like to make viral videos. I got to just put myself out there in a light that isn't in alignment with my values. I don't want to be successful in that way. I've defined success for myself and I am succeeding. I'm creating opportunities for people to go on and be able to create opportunities. That's my definition of success. I want to create opportunities. I am living that right now. So in that sense, I am successful. And in order to maintain this success, I have to evolve and adapt in a way that is going to translate into my business the same way that it has in my life. Because since I've stopped doing things, certain things in my personal life, perfect example, people ask me, "How are you?" And there's a few things that happen,
00:16:33 Courtney Brame: but most commonly when people ask me how I am, they don't really care and aren't in a place to receive the answer. So, I've gotten tired of seeing that text, putting the energy into typing up that text, and responding to it, and not hearing back or just getting an oh, or just starting to hear about the other person's how they're doing because they don't really care. I mean, that's a hard reality. But, you know, once I've accepted that and decided how I'm going to deal with it, my life has been beautiful. So, you know, don't take offense if you ask me how I am and I don't text you back a response to that. I invite people to, oh, if you want to hear, let's talk on the phone, let's FaceTime. I will tell you how I am and we can engage in a conversation. However, I'm not just going to answer that question because it's usually attached with not time to really receive that or just kind of seeing if I'm in a place to really be able to listen to you.
Drawing Hard Boundaries and Paid Mentorship
00:17:35 Courtney Brame: And again, this is just a hard reality. But that's one area in my personal life where I decided, okay, this is what I'm going to do. And it has worked out for me. I feel better. I don't feel taken in that sense. And my energy, my time is the only resource that I have. Truthfully, that is my most valuable resource. Now, I am willing to trade my time and energy for reciprocal time and energy. However, not everyone is available for that. And the most uniform or uh not uniform, what's the word I'm looking for? Wow, I'm blanking on the word. I had the word choice in my head, but the consistent currency that you know is transferable between people is money. And so I am now moving forward. I'm going to ask people who are reaching out in relation to Something Positive for Positive People stuff or herpes stuff. I'm going to ask you if you donated and if you haven't donated I have to be mindful of the time that I invest in our interaction when it comes to asking for advice when it comes to asking about disclosure when it comes to asking about how to do things in relation to herpes.
00:18:56 Courtney Brame: If you want to process your results you need somebody like this in an organization. It's a business and seeing how I've been taken advantage of by people who I've invested time and energy in who have uh gone through therapy services at no expense to them at all and wasted my therapist's time or wasted my money or miss sessions and not let people know that they're going to miss sessions. You know, it's not fair to the people who are interested, who are in need of therapy services, because this is a lot. If a therapist is not available in somebody's area, I look I look to see uh for a sex positive therapist. I look for someone who's in their area. I look for someone who's in my price range. But now, given the way that things have gone so far and the need for continuing to evolve and develop into to a business that has the potential to develop and grow into literally an agency that pays for people to get therapy off of donations to where you know y'all when y'all donate I don't know if y'all realize this I can't say this because it it it gets muted or it might even be sketchy but you can pay for your therapy services through Something Positive for Positive People as donations your donations are inclusive to okay so I to put it in perspective I negotiate a rate with the therapist right and if you are someone who can afford to pay for therapy you and I will
00:20:37 Courtney Brame: negotiate what your donation amount can be I would love for people to just freely donate but it it it's honestly it's not enough it has to be an uncomfortable amount for you in order to get what it is that you need from it in order for you to get more out of and I'm willing to do that, but for the amount of time that I put into seeing the therapist, going through the negotiations and everything like that, the donation amounts don't usually add up. So, I am making it clear that there is a suggested or recommended donation amount. I am also making myself available for mentorship. Uh I don't want to. I don't want to call it coaching because I think that with coaching, that's something that you continue to need with mentorship. Like you come in, you get what you need, and then you leave. You go on and you become somebody's mentor. And that's what I want for us. Again, creating the opportunities.
00:21:35 Courtney Brame: I want to create these opportunities for people to be able to heal. And all of the services that Courtney Brain provides are going to be provided through Something Positive for Positive People. Your payments to Courtney or for Courtney are going to be donations. These are tax deductible. These are write offs. If you make, let's be a perfect example because millionaires do this all the time. If you make a lot of money and you have an accountant who's like, "Hey, you're going to pay $120,000 in taxes this year." But what we can do is we can donate $150,000 in taxes or uh as a tax write off. And now you'll only have to pay a 000 in taxes. So that money can be written off and also go to a charitable cause and also have me singing your praises as well. And you're getting people enrolled in therapy who need this resource. I had someone this week, it's my most recent post on Instagram who I went through the process of helping this person find three therapists.
00:22:47 Courtney Brame: We looked for three and we narrowed it down and they reached out and their insurance does not cover uh anything until they've spent almost $3,000 for themselves. Therapy is expensive. There are therapists who charge $160 an hour is a consistent number that I continue to see. $160 for therapy. If you go to therapy once a week, that is $640 per month. That's almost the rent. That is rent for some people. That's half for others and for some people that's a chunk change. If you're someone who can afford that, yay. But you can also afford that through Something Positive for Positive People as a donation and have that be tax deductible. So over the course of a year, if you go to therapy for 52 weeks and the cost is it's easier for me to do math a little bit differently here, but let's see 160 * 50 that puts us at 4,000 something almost $5,000 over the course of the year. Wouldn't it be lovely for that $5,000 to have not really been spent?
00:23:55 Courtney Brame: Like you're putting the money in there up front and you're going to be more committed because this is what you're committing yourself to. Right. But it can be essentially free. It's free. You just have to put the money in there and then at the end of it do what you got to do on your end to make sure that it's free. So if you're investing in your mental health service, all it looks like is you're making donations to a nonprofit. So I mean I don't know if this is illegal or if it violates a tax code or something. I'll take the blame for it. Like you ain't got nothing to do with that. But I haven't seen anything. No one's come to me yet. Like the IRS knows people uh that we accept donations that we pay for people to get therapy if they're struggling with statements. That's it. That's all.
Knowing the Value of My Time
00:24:41 Courtney Brame: That's all it is. And I've been tax compliant for the last two and a half almost three weeks until 2019/2021. Yeah. Three years I've been tax compliant. I've been doing this. I've been doing this since 2020 and just not allowing myself or my organization to be able to receive because I don't ask for anything and this is me justifying and giving you the explanation as to why things are going to be or things are changing here. All of I can't tell you how many times I've done I've done enough free s***. I've done enough things where my time has not been valuable. It's valuable to the people who may not be able to pay or may not want to pay for information or time. Y'all, just to put in perspective, I had a 10-minute conversation with this guy just challenging his perspective on a woman that he was dating. He was seeing her, and uh I just asked him, I was like, "Hey, man, why you why you got her on such a pedestal?" And I was able to go deeper into past relationships
00:25:46 Courtney Brame: and how he wants relationships to move forward. He said, "Thank you." I said, "Oh, well, if you found this useful, I just asked you to consider making a donation." This dude donated $500, y'all. $500. So, again, in perspective, there was a point in time where I was able to buy 12 sessions of therapy with one or two therapists that I work with for $300. This man has supported a person's therapy and $200 more dollars towards someone else's 12 sessions off of a conversation. That was my value, my worth to this person. What it is to you may be something completely different. Not everybody has this because one person's $500 could be somebody else's $5. And I put just as much value and work into it because any investment at all from a person, the quality of that investment tells me that you value the information that you're getting. You value uh and you value it above other things. For some people, you know, that $5 might take away from your drinking money, your club money, your entertainment money, in some cases your kids' groceries.
00:27:02 Courtney Brame: So I treat every donation that comes in here, every dollar that is raised, everybody gets that same level of presence from me. So, I don't necessarily know what people's hesitance is to donate or supporting Something Positive for Positive People. Some people might just share something like sharing something with your network and encouraging your networks to be able to donate. These are things that help an organization thrive. And you know, y'all support Walmart, Amazon, you know, why can't you support something that is genuinely providing you with value? And I hate that, I hate that I'm sounding like I'm guilt tripping people into donating, but what is becoming a reality is I've done this to myself. I have trained people how to behave towards me and now I have to stop. It's as simple as that. Like I got to stop giving away the free stuff. I got to mean I'm not going to stop giving away free stuff. Let me backtrack a little bit there because what I mean is there are at this point this will be podcast episode number 249 or 250 I forget which exact number I'm on but there are 270 280 if you include the bonus episodes podcast episodes that answer any question that you would have for me asking me directly it it sort of just downplays the value of those podcast episodes.
00:28:36 Courtney Brame: It downplays the value of the surveys, the website, the interviews that I've done. And I have everything there. Everything's at www.spfpp.org. Even links to the social media accounts, how you can donate, how you can contact me, what Something Positive for Positive People is about. And yet I have been in my own way of not being able to receive because I want people to like me. I just want people to. I hope people support the organization. And y'all, I moved out here to Portland to run Something Positive for Positive People. If I only did that and continued to do things the way that I have, I'd be out of business. I wouldn't have a place to live right now. like I am only where I'm at right now because I'm doing this and I have a job. And I'm going to tell you, this job is looking very promising and it's rewarding me with a lifestyle financially that I haven't I have I just haven't had before.
00:29:38 Courtney Brame: And now coming into it with the new mindset that I have compared to when I had a full-time salary job. Because right now this one's part-time. I work when I can. When they have work for me, I take it. And so there's going to be a value placed on my time. I will have recommended amounts and I am going to start asking people if you DM me, if you email me, you know, I'm going to make the ask like I I hey, you know, have you donated to Something Positive? I need to know what your level of investment is for me or that you even have investment. That's what I want to know. I just want to know that you are invested. Have you donated? Have you shared anything? Because I keep enabling people to take from me to take like I'm very uncomfortable with this because I don't like asking for things. This was something that came up with my dad when I was talking to him and I shared with him how he traumatized me.
The Audacity to Set the Price
00:30:38 Courtney Brame: He was like, "Damn, son, you know, I never knew you needed anything. You never asked." And I was just like, "Wow, here I am 30. I'm about to be 34 years old in November. I started this podcast. I started this when I was 28 years old. And for the first time, I am now on a a global level asking for what I need. And I'm setting the expectation here because it's going to seem like it shifted or came abruptly. And yes, it's uncomfortable. But you know what else is uncomfortable? living and having to make decisions about all right, you know, am I gonna talk to this person or am I going to go and do this thing that I need to do? Like I I put everybody at the same level. Everyone gets Courtney's presence. When I'm present with you, I'm present with you. So that means if we are on a date, I'm putting my phone away and putting it on so it does not disturb.
00:31:38 Courtney Brame: If I'm engaging with you via a phone call, I'm putting myself in a quiet room where I can only focus on you. If we're doing a podcast interview, same thing. If I'm if we're consulting, quote unquote, same thing. And the same thing goes for uh speaking at conferences and institutions like I recently y'all and I can say this because um I put uh it's a nonprofit so all of the donations and things like it's public information. I got paid $500 to speak at a conference. It was virtual and I was like, "Oh, that's cool." This is great. And later on, I went and I had like a part-time mentor. He told me, he was like, "Oh, you probably could have gotten like $8,000." I mean, with a little more experience. So, I revised my resume shortly after he said that. I was like, "Damn, dude. I have so much experience especially speaking speaking to herpes stigma speaking to sexual health as mental health speaking to these aspects of sex education that don't include sex that are more valuable to being able to have sex than the information that we get in our sex education classes talking about STI minimization speaking about the connection
00:33:01 Courtney Brame: between suicide ideation and a herpes diagnosis or the flip of that a herpes diagnosis and suicide ideation and mental health issues. When I wrote it all on paper and created my resume, like I wrote that down, I was like, "Yo, I do a lot. I do a lot for so little. $500 out of the $8,000 that I probably could have gotten." And then I recently had a conversation with some other sex educators of color. Yes, I'm calling myself a sex educator now because this is what I've been doing for five years. And I am not entertaining the idea or thought that because I don't have a college education or a program certification in the area of sex education that that invalidates my experience as a sex educator. I'm done with that. Like me, I recently realized that this was another thing that had been holding me back. Again, the opinions of other people. How would that look if I don't have the letters behind my name?
00:34:00 Courtney Brame: And no, that's not that's not it. If I would have gone into academia, I'd have a huge student loan debt to pay. But, oh yeah, shout out to that uh 10K, 20K, whatever. Uh, student loan forgiveness. I need to get mine. I don't know when that's going to kick in or what I got to do, but I'm going to do that. But I would have been so disconnected from the herpes community as it exists today. I wouldn't have been able to go to support groups. I wouldn't have been able to go to the social groups and and really engage with people and see what's happening, what the needs are, and be able to draw from the community, you know, what the concerns are and what we can do different and what we can do better, what people needed when they were diagnosed and what they've learned. I would have gone into education for four years. I'd have been in my books and then I'd have come out like, "Let me fix y'all. Let me use what I learned within the academic system to provide y'all with what y'all need.
00:34:56 Courtney Brame: And that's not that's not what we need. We don't need more of that. We don't need more scholars. We need more humans. We need more empathy and compassion. And I am now at a place where it's out there. It's out there for you to find. It's easy for you to connect with. It's accessible. It's available. And I'm not going to guilt trip myself or let anybody guilt trip me about asking, "Did you donate?" Hey, before we go into this conversation, like I just want to know, did you donate? You know, thank you’s. Send a thank you. Yay. I love them. I love to see it. Did you donate? Did you share something? I know that not everybody has money to spare. But if this is something that is as valuable to you as that that can truly that white claw that uh vodka lime soda water you can at least you can at least do that.
00:35:53 Courtney Brame: And for things that are going to take more time, like I will I'll be clear like I am not going to be a cheap person for going through these how to disclose for these. Like, I've hosted workshops and I asked people to show up if people don't come. The last thing that I put together was literally teaching people how to disclose 48 between 48 and 60 people signed up. 14 people showed up. I don't ask for money. I didn't ask for any. I asked people to just RSVP and fill in a survey saying what they were hoping to get out of it. And 48 to 60 people took that survey. They put the time in, but it wasn't valuable enough for them to show up. I've gone through the process. I have a community center, y'all. I booked a community center for the first herby support group here in Portland, Oregon. I have at least 20 people that I've connected with who like, "Yeah, I'm interested. I'll come.
00:36:53 Courtney Brame: I'll show up." One person showed up. And again, this was the time that goes into booking this venue, checking out the venue, speaking with the person who is the owner of the venue, getting in touch with them, having the RSVP, going through the process of getting the key, getting in, getting out, checking in, checking out, dealing with the surrounding area and the things that come with that with where the location is. I do all that. That was all for free. For 10 hours there was no money made there. One lady came and I gave her the best goddamn support group that I knew how to give. We had a conversation. We talked about it. So the stuff that I have been attempting to do for free has not been successful in order for it to be sustainable. So I owe it to myself. I owe it to Something Positive for Positive People. I owe it to the community, this ever evolving and growing community of people who are herpes positive or going to be diagnosed with herpes.
00:37:58 Courtney Brame: I owe it to each and every one of us to place more value on Courtney Brain's time, resources, and experience. This is so uncomfortable. Like my nervous system is like lightening up along my upper back, my neck, and it's just like What are you doing? Oh, fight or flight. But this isn't a fight or flight response, y'all. This is a challenge response. This is me challenging my visceral response of wanting to fawn and just fall into. So, fight, flight, freeze, fawn, challenge. These are the trauma responses. So fight, resist, flight, run, uh freeze, just freeze, like uh and then fine is fall into a state of compliance until the discomfort is over. Like until the experience is triggering is over. I ain't doing that s*** no more. Like I'm challenging everything. I'm inspiring and encouraging others to challenge everything. Challenge the herpes statement. Challenge your thoughts about yourself.
00:38:59 Courtney Brame: Challenge your thoughts about sex. What somebody said to me, I say this all the time. Somebody said to me, former friend, we ain't friends no more. Because I had to challenge that friendship. Same same concept. Like he said to me, he was like, "Do you even listen to your own podcast?" And it was when I was going through a situation. I was like, "Man, what is going on? Why can't I figure this out?" He said that to me, so much clicked. I'm so grateful for the experiences that that friendship brought. But the challenge response, like it wasn't serving us anymore. So regardless of the nuggets, the gems that came from that, I had to let that go. And now I'm having to let go of my visceral fond response of falling into compliance and just hoping that I can't hope. Like I, I have hope, don't get me wrong, but I can't hope that other people take an action that I'm not asking them to take.
00:39:59 Courtney Brame: Taking it back to that $500 conference. I was asked to speak at the same conference the following year. I asked for three times as much as what they paid me and there was no resistance to them paying me. So I'm like, damn, you know, how much money am I leaving on the table? Because low key, if I could get $8,000 to speak at a conference, I speak at four conferences a year and make enough to run Something Positive for Positive People. $32,000 a year would be able to I would be able to do all of the things that I need to do for Something Positive for Positive People at this moment. Now, as far as expanding that, being able to staff employees, like I would still be putting in the 80 hours a week that I put in on top of my part-time job. But y'all don't I don't think y'all understand y'all. Um, I got yoga classes that I'm also teaching. I'm working as uh I teach uh medical students how to give genital exams.
Becoming "That Guy" and Disconnecting from Social Media Extremes
00:40:55 Courtney Brame: I work as a standardized patient. I am doing a lot of s*** on top of being sure that this podcast gets out weekly. And this is just this is my version of public service to share my own insights as someone especially a man of color, Black man who is open about his herpes status, being vulnerable, sharing and putting my emotions out there and my feelings in a society that does not value men's emotions but likes to act like it does, especially on social media. in real life. Like I Yeah, I'm pimping out my vulnerability and my emotions for the sake of not not ending perfect stigma because it's not going to go away, but inspiring people to dissolve it within themselves as I've done for myself through exchanging experiences and wisdom with y'all. like y'all have contributed so much in just the energy exchanges that I've had with people and I'm so appreciative and thankful and for the donations like I'm thankful. Thank y'all. But it's time to invest more.
00:42:13 Courtney Brame: You know, your investment in me is an investment in yourself. Your investment into Something Positive for Positive People investment in yourself. But I've tried and that didn't work. And again, the quickest way to stop doing something that doesn't work is to stop doing that thing. So yeah, if you know you're somebody new who messages me, um I can point you to resources. If you haven't shared the resource, if you haven't shared anything, if you haven't donated, like I I can't do much more for you than that, right? So, and then it's going to be tricky. Some people ain't going to like that s***, but at this point it's not about like, it's not about being liked. It's about being respected as a business owner. is about being respected for my time because I'm again I am very quickly creeping into a comfort of making money at an organization that isn't mine and falling right back into making a lot of money and then like just being content with that if I'm gonna make a lot of money, I might as well make a lot of change.
00:43:29 Courtney Brame: And I can make a lot of changes and make a lot of money. I just have to be willing to put myself in a vulnerable position of being able to ask for what it is that I need. And what I need is I need people to share the resources. If you get some out of it, like I put myself in an uncomfortable position. I'm encouraging y'all to do it. Why can't you? If your uncomfortable position is sharing this resource and if it brings up a conversation about herpes, all right, not everybody who I communicate with or who supports Something Positive for Positive People has herpes. People support it just because of the mental health aspect. People support it because they love someone who has herpes. Why are y'all so deathly afraid of people potentially making a connection that you're someone who knows something about herpes? That ain't that ain't doing anybody any favors. And if you are, all right, cool.
00:44:25 Courtney Brame: So be it. All right. If you put it out there, then what are people going to find out, right? When you put it out there, nobody can find out. Share the resources. Talk about the mental health component. This organization is paying for people to get therapy. That's it. If you want uh if you need help finding a therapist, reach out and then I can go over the logistics. I can talk to them about money because money money is going to have to be talked about. I have leaned into my own insecurity. My biggest insecurity was my financial insecurity. I did not have any sort of confidence in myself because of where I was with not being able to financially take care of myself. And I have overcome that. And now there is an understanding of what my worth is. Like now that I've gone through it, I'm like, you know what?
00:45:22 Courtney Brame: Like what am I doing? What am I not doing? And I'm angry. I'm angry at myself. I'm not angry at anybody else. This isn't going to change the way that I talk to people. Again, if you share something, if you donate $1, if you donate $1,000, it doesn't change how I interact with you. You get my presence because you are invested. But I can't keep doing the free s***. The free s*** is making me feel taken from, and I don't like to feel taken from. So, my challenge response to that is not going to be hoping that, you know, maybe this doesn't continue to happen, maybe it doesn't happen again. No, my challenge response is this. I am putting people in a position to receive. I'm asking for what I need and if people want to invest, people can invest. So we got therapy services with the donations like I will begin paying myself.
00:46:19 Courtney Brame: I don't know how soon. My plan was 2023. Start paying myself whatever the percentages are of uh what Oregon. Um because those are the two places that Something Positive for Positive People is registered as a nonprofit. Whatever the split needs to be in order for the organization to get money to continue functioning and for Courtney to be paid in order to continue to provide the service. Because y'all, it's just me. I got six board members. I try to bother them as little as possible. All I need them to do is put words in for me whenever there's an opportunity. say that they sit on the board of this organization that's doing great work. Mention it every now and then and then keep me accountable for the things that I say I want to do within this organization. That's it. Otherwise, it's me. It's me. And yeah, I look for people who are therapists.
00:47:16 Courtney Brame: I pay for people's therapists. I track donations. All that stuff that I mentioned earlier. Yo, I got like seven job descriptions. And if you add these together and do the mean of it or whatever. Like me, I should be in the mid 6 figure range. And I say mid six figure range because I just watched a video that was talking about how women want a man who makes six figures. And then uh the woman that was talking about she's like, "Well, let me ask you this. $100,000 is six figures. $700,000 is six figures." But those are two completely different lifestyles. So, I think that, you know, mid tier, I would be able to do a lot more charitable stuff. So, right now, my accountability is a podcast. If I'm set up in a way that I can do more, who knows? This could be virtual support groups that are paid for where I'm able to just pay the therapist.
00:48:10 Courtney Brame: I mean, I'm going to make y'all do something, too, because again, I'll do this. I've done it in the past. People miss sessions, not showing up. But when people donate or make some kind of an investment, they're committed. They're Man, I'm I have now worked through the discomfort and I feel more like I feel right. I feel aligned. This feels good to say this is how things are going to be moving forward. Like I am I am so much less active on social media, y'all, because I am so busy with the behind the scenes stuff of trying to make this work of self-development, making myself the kind of person I need to be in order for this organization, for this movement to thrive, in order to continue to inspire people to stand up for themselves, to be able to date and have healthy sex. You know, somebody told me, this man told me he ain't had sex in 11 years, and there was positive for positive people listening to this podcast over the duration of time that he's listened before it finally clicked for him.
00:49:11 Courtney Brame: He put himself out there, y'all. He got him some dick. This man, he hit me up and we exchanged messages. He was telling me about his experience. I am going to do my best to interview him soon so that we can talk about, you know, what his journey was like. But 11 years, 11 years without getting none, without that human connection, like we can't just turn off our sexuality or our desire and drive for connecting with another human being, especially if we've been sexual, we have sexual needs. We want to do that. Like, why would we put that resistance there? It's a number of reasons. One of which, I'm sure, is just the avoidance of potential rejection. So if you don't think about it or you force yourself out of it, then it won't hurt you. No, that's not the case. We need to challenge that s***. This is why mentorship options are now available for Something Positive for Positive People.
00:50:04 Courtney Brame: I'm not going to do that like per call per session s***. Like no, we're going to bed for a month and or a lifetime or a year. I don't know. I'll figure that out. But when we do this, like I want for the people who are involved in mentorship to have access to me again with that same level of presence for us to be able to make the changes that we want to make in our lives. Like that's what I'm here for. I'm not here to enable people to just listen to a podcast once a week. No, that's not what this is and that's what I've let it be. So change is in the works. Change has happened. It happened at this point. All right. So, you know what? If Courtney charging for services now becomes a topic of conversation, y'all put me out there and y'all start saying, "Oh, don't use this organization because they charge." Now,
Outro and Final Call to Action
00:51:06 Courtney Brame: I'll take that publicity because I have five hard demonstrated years, five and a half years of work online for people to consume easily and accessibly. If you have internet access, if you can reach out to me and ask me a question, you can reach out. You can get internet access. With that same internet access, you can listen to podcast episodes. So, don't DM me by asking me what your herpes results mean. If you're positive, if you're negative, and don't expect me to ask you, did you make a donation? Did you share this podcast? Do you even know that I have a podcast? You know, I have a website. Did you just type in her to see a Black man? reach out like, "Oh, he's Black. He knows what the experience is." No, I don't think anybody else has been doing this, especially as long as I have. I think a lot of people do that because I used to be upset that people would charge for calls and services until I had to reflect, like I was forced into reflection.
00:52:10 Courtney Brame: And I saw just how much it is that I've done, how much it is that I do. And again, this ain't me being bitter or angry or upset towards y'all. This is about, again, taking it back to last week's episode, me versus me. I have enabled this. I have been in my own way. My dad was absolutely right when he said, "Well, son, I ain't think you needed anything because I didn't tell people I needed anything." So, this is where we are now. Something Positive is leveled up because Courtney's leveled up. I'm expanded. I'm expanding. Things are happening differently for me and I can't continue to hide or am I going to avoid messages and responses and things like that. Like I'm finally in a place to where I feel like I know who the f*** I am. I have a strong sense of self-certainty. I did not mean to because now I got to check the explicit box on this episode.
00:53:16 Courtney Brame: Damn. Well, oh well. It is what it is. So, that all said, if you have any comments, if you have any questions or concerns, I encourage you to put them in the comments of the podcast episodes, leave me a review. Uh, do so publicly. Get into the habit of engaging publicly. Um, if you have donated, if you will donate, then hit me up. Like, we can talk about this, but I have to be more mindful of my time. And I really do, especially for me prioritizing this organization because I moved out here for this. I moved out here for this, y'all. And I have not been living up to the identity of a person who has moved to prioritize a business. I moved and just so happened to have gotten a job and I've been prioritizing that. That has been a priority. And I've also been prioritizing like myself identifying what my needs are, healing, and going through my own evolutionary process of just becoming more liberated and being free to just be myself.
00:54:34 Courtney Brame: I haven't had that before, but I got it now. So, all right. Hit me up if y'all um want to work together. If you are looking for a mentor, we can negotiate what that looks like. If you're a therapist, if you know a therapist, have a good therapist, hit, let me know who they are so that I can start to establish a network of trusted mental health professionals who have experience working with somebody with herpes so that I can start to refer them to other people and get the ball rolling on that. Right? So, if you need anything, like I said, hit me up. you know, the requirements moving forward. Um, and yeah, just just be ready for that. And I appreciate y'all if you stick around. Thank you. Um, and if you don't, you know, take care of yourself. Continue to take care of yourself. Um, maybe it'll be listening to podcast episodes that inspires you to get involved or do something a little bit different.
00:55:35 Courtney Brame: But I know that I have to for me, for this organization, like it's a real slap in the face. to everyone who's been a guest, everyone who's donated, everyone who's benefited from services for me not to break through my own ego driven is off, oh, I want to be seen as the most liked person, the good person, the best person, because I don't charge for services. Everything's free. I give away everything. I give away my time. When organizations ask me how much for a blank, I say, "Well, we're a nonprofit, so whatever you can give is fine. tax deductible. I got to stop doing that s***. That's effective immediately. So, this podcast is going to go up in the next few minutes because all I have to do is save it, upload it, put it on the uh website, and it's done. I don't think there's anything that needs to be edited out of this. It's going up raw. Raw dog in this one. All right. I love y'all, and I want y'all to stay sex positive, stay pleasure positive. Uh, hit me up. I'm on social media, Courtney Brame_ on Instagram, Courtney Brame_ on Tik Tok. And uh yeah, just if you want to donate, we got PayPal, Patreon, we got uh Venmo, Cash App, and if you need to write a check, hit me up. The address is on the website. Everything is at www.spfpp.org. And this podcast is you can listen to it anywhere you listen to podcasts. All right. Thank you so much for being here and again this was an important episode. I needed this and I hope that this lights a little bit of a fire under you for you to start supporting like get involved and witness and be proud of the development and growth of Something Positive for Positive People. Thank you.
Transcription ended after 01:01:39
