SPFPP 331: Moving on up to the east side
Apologies to all the listeners who were relying on this podcast on a weekly basis. I made a poor choice in attention shifting in an effort to generate more funds for the organization and those attempts really showed me just what's most important within this organization. This podcast is important not just to those who benefit from it but for me also as a spiritual practice, or truth seeking practice for those who don't like the spiritual talk. In this episode I just share what I was doing during that time and how intentional I am now moving forward starting after I make my move to the East Coast in May. Take a listen!
Episode 331 Transcript
00:00:00
Courtney Brame: I done forgot how to do this, y'all. I don't remember how to upload podcasts. Damn near forgot how to record them. And uh I even got notes here to make sure I cover everything. But welcome back to Something Positive for Positive People. My name is Courtney Brame. I am the host of this podcast uh that is Something Positive for Positive People. The organization itself is a 501c3 nonprofit organization that supports people navigating herpes stigma. Uh, and that's it. Like that's the core of what it is that Something Positive for Positive People does. um as a 501c3 nonprofit organization, any contributions you make to the organization's efforts such as advocacy in the healthcare settings, uh one-on-one support calls, yoga classes, community events, the research, and of course this podcast. All are tax deductible. So, when you make a donation, you get a little uh receipt that has our EIN number on it for you to be able to write that donation off on your taxes.
00:01:41
Courtney Brame: All right. So, um, I'm back here recording a podcast after I don't know. I think it's been like seven weeks. I don't remember what number episode this is, but I decided I needed to just press record and go ahead and start talking. Uh, it's been a while. Somebody reached out to me and said, and you know who you are. You're like, "Yeah, but it's been a while since you did a podcast. It's kind of disappointing." I was like, "Dang." You know, it's funny cuz I was also thinking that it had been a while. And I'm going to just be real with y'all, man. Like, I have been making an effort to do too much. I've been doing too much. Um, and it's not like I'm doing too many individual things because if that were the case, the things wouldn't get done. There's a lot of wasted effort and energy going into things that don't really align with the needs of the Something Positive for Positive People community or people who are navigating herpes stigma.
00:02:43
Courtney Brame: Uh, one thing that happened is that uh Google Adwords has a grant. So, if you're somebody with a nonprofit, please go apply for this right now. They give out $10,000 per month in pay-per-click advertising. So I set up the campaign for myself and it has been crazy. Uh there it started out with maybe a 100 people a day who were clicking on Something Positive for Positive People stuff and now uh the campaign I've made some adjustment to it and now it's roughly 200 people a day who are clicking on Something Positive for Positive People. So this meant a lot more forms coming in, a lot more people who are curious about our services and who want events. And it made me kind of like I don't want to say panic, but it made me start to try and rush creating things before uh we really have the capacity or resources to make those things happen. So the podcast itself has always been easy for me to just run, but it was only a podcast.
00:03:51
Courtney Brame: So now dabbling into the research component, dabbling into hosting workshops and making community events, holding these one-on-one support calls, also having a support group and uh also the training for health care professionals. these all all of these things have been like launched recently uh as like this is what we offer and I think that it's been very halfass to be completely transparent with y'all like and I've put more emphasis on those things because it seemed like the most urgent need for the people who are finding Something Positive for Positive People because when they come here I want them to be able to get a thing. I was talking to one of my best friends, uh, AJ, and he was like, um, he said to me, he was like, "Yeah, you know, people want information." So, I set up my campaign to give people information. So, as they come, they're getting information, and they're taking it and doing whatever they need to do with it from there. And that's probably why this campaign has been so successful.
00:04:53
Courtney Brame: It just got really swamped all of a sudden among having other plans as well and like still working still. Uh I I don't know if I did announce this. I don't think I announced this. Uh I'm moving to New York, New Jersey. Uh it's New Jersey. I found a place. So I'm moving to New Jersey and can get to New York City fairly easily. Um, I got my own space and the rent is way cheaper than anything that I found in New York City. So, um, yay. I'll be moving out there on May 2nd. I have a couple of things lined up. Uh, the No Shame in This Game film, who is also going to be, uh, screening at the Something Positive for Positive People Conference. And for those who don't know, this is a documentary. It's a creative form of advocacy. So, someone put together a documentary film that highlights the experiences of people who are navigating herpes, stigma, um, and HPV.
00:05:52
Courtney Brame: So, it's just like a 22-minute documentary. Uh, she's going to screen it at the conference. Now, this is an experience, y'all. Like, she isn't going to Netflix. This ain't going to be widely available. uh she's very particular about who gets access to this documentary showing this experience. So, I feel very privileged to be able to add this to the agenda of the Something Positive for Positive People Conference on May 23rd from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. Central time. This is a Thursday. It's a virtual conference. If for any reason you can't make it, still register so that you can have access to the recording uh so you can at minimum watch this documentary. All right? And I'll give y'all more of an update at the end of the recording about the conference and all those details. But if you're curious about that right now, visit Something Positive for Positive People's website, spfpp.org/conferences.
00:06:48
Courtney Brame: And even on the homepage, you'll see a link to the conference. If you have already purchased a ticket, you will have gotten an email from me by now. Uh, if you registered on April 11th at 2:37 p.m. Pacific time. So, if you've registered by this point, you will have received an email from me uh just letting you know the next steps regarding the conference. It's a video for uh just updates. I think that it's just easier to watch or listen to me talk rather than read all of the details in an email. So, it's like a five to eight minute video. I forget which one cuz I just made a lot of videos. Nope, it's 8 minutes and 33 seconds. I'm looking at it. Um, so quick life updates. I mentioned I'm moving. So, I got Something Positive for Positive People registered in the state of New Jersey to begin working with the government, uh, organizations out there, uh, health departments and the things that I've been attempting to do in Portland, in St. Louis and uh anywhere else that I've lived across the United States.
00:07:56
Courtney Brame: I'm now uh I will have registration to do in New York and New Jersey. I'm just waiting on the paperwork from New York cuz apparently it's a lot more challenging to get certification or certification to get registered in that uh in the state of New York. I don't know why that is, but uh yeah, I had talked to an attorney. I got a pro bono lawyer to drive some contracts to support some of the things that uh we might not do right now, but we will be able to over time. And I'm really excited about this. I'm pumped. Um I came out of a hiatus or sleep or not even sleep, just like a meditation, right? And I think that I needed to evaluate my priorities personally. And I saw that in me prioritizing my priorities and my needs and all of that like Something Positive for Positive People uh was not necessarily suffering. But I think maybe people who had been supportive of, you know, what I was doing well, seeing that there's uh maybe changes that they don't like cuz I've lost a handful of I've lost a few subscribers, the monthly subscribers to Something Positive for Positive People.
00:09:20
Courtney Brame: As I made some shifts, I guess like the support group for instance, I didn't like that people would come into the support group one time and leave. that didn't feel safe for the people who showed up consistently on a weekly basis. So, uh I'm re-evaluating what that looks like. And I think that a lot of the events that we host, uh virtual, in person, support groups, whatever, are going to need to be exclusively accessible by people who are members of the Something Positive for Positive People community just for the safety of those who do uh take part in the community, whatever that may look like for them. Uh because imagine just going to a support group every week and someone joins and they go, "Well, what's your story?" And then you tell them and then like the time ends and you don't see them again, right? And then you have to do that again and again and again and before long you start to experience that emotional fatigue, the emotions fatigue and burnout that comes from sharing, right?
00:10:20
Courtney Brame: Vulnerability, hangover, if you will. like you may not feel the effects of it right away, but when there's no reciprocity, that hits like you feel that. So, for that reason, I decided to bring back the support group. Um, I think that I stopped it because I just couldn't get people to consistently show up. And I take accountability and responsibility for that because I've not been consistent. Um, I'd say, "All right, we got a support group Mondays this time." And uh there were the same two people who would come consistently, but like we didn't really have anything to talk about. Like we're good. We'd just be talking about everyday regular things. But partly that's also my fault for not doing a very good job of setting expectations. So this little bit of time that I was able to step away from the podcast and lean more into the things that I had hoped would bring in more revenue to Something Positive for Positive People so that we can do more and expand more.
00:11:21
Courtney Brame: Um during that time I think that I really learned what's most important and this podcast is most important and this was the first thing to go when I started to get overwhelmed. I will not put myself in a position to uh have my capacity expanded and then also be at my limit for the entirety of that time. All those things that I mentioned doing the support calls, the yoga classes, the research, the social media, all of those things and then some. Uh like it's been just me and I really have to like stop taking so much pride in that because that'll kill me, right? Like I, my pride has heavily influenced how I've been running Something Positive for Positive People all this time. Like I feel like I can do everything so I should do everything. And it started to compromise some of the relationships that I was having. Um like podcast guests, right? Uh I wasn't present in one of my recent podcast interviews and I noticed it.
00:12:30
Courtney Brame: Nobody else did but I did. I wasn't present in one of my yoga classes. Nobody else noticed it, but I did. So, it was important to me to identify why that was. And partly what I decided to do differently is to set boundaries around rest time because I don't typically do that. Uh, and rest time isn't necessarily don't do anything. It's consciously, you know, that's when planning comes in. um if there is something that's important like during those times, I can manage that. But I really plan to um have work time be work time and then my rest time be my rest time, my restorative time. Like I don't even like the word rest, but it's an active and intentional time frame of restoring the energy that I have to be able to continue doing what it is that we're doing here. So, uh, I wanted to give an update here on this podcast episode and I ended up talking for almost 13 minutes now, uh, too much about that rather than giving y'all what y'all came here for.
00:13:42
Courtney Brame: And I think that people have been coming to the podcast for, uh, the resources and tools and experiences that they need in order to navigate herpes stigma. So, um, aside from those updates, just wrapping this up, I also got into the yoga therapy school and, uh, I was very fortunate to have received a scholarship. I'm super pumped. Thank you, Inner Peace Yoga. Uh, I'm in yoga therapy school. I got 800 hours. It's a 2 and 1/2 year program and I'm at the end of this going to be able to uh link yoga therapy to managing herpes symptoms and uh as well as other chronic illnesses too. So my intention is to learn that, bring that here into this space to offer something that can be supportive to uh this community besides just having conversations, right? So I think it's important that I get back to the basics and I just like to do that well, right? If I do this thing well, why would I stop?
00:14:49
Courtney Brame: And that was a thing that I had to ask myself and I had to come back into this with intention and intentionality. You know, I love podcasting. Why would I stop podcasting? I love these conversations that I get to have with people and the openness and the vulnerability and connectedness that I get to experience with another person that I might be interviewing. And uh I I tried making it into events and inviting people and scheduling and then uh having in-person events and it just wasn't working. And I don't know, maybe it's because I didn't believe in it that it wasn't working. But it's too many times now like I've tried to schedule things and had to reschedule. So I think that maybe it's just more important that I stick to a routine. say, "Hey, here's when a thing is happening. You know, show up if you want. Uh, here it is." And that's my responsibility is to give the information.
00:15:44
Courtney Brame: So, um, the conference is the most important thing that is happening right now. If you have not registered and gotten a ticket, please do so as soon as possible. Um, if you plan to attend the conference. All right. Uh, right now most of the attendees are in the field of or in the health field. um sexual health, sex education, nurses, counselors, therapists, those are the email addresses that I'm seeing register. I'm not seeing a lot of things like Yahoo, Gmail, AOL email addresses. These are like professional people. So, um I'm gearing the content of the conference towards them until I see more people in the community show up. I'm not, I'm just not seeing that. So, um, what I'll do is also, um, have something else lined up. So, September 29th in New York City, like mark your calendars, right? Um, but that's it. That's enough of that. Um, herpes.
00:16:46
Courtney Brame: All right. I personally have not had any experiences with herpes. Um, I'm in a very stressful time right now just figuring out or not even figuring out like I'm… I'm executing right like I'm doing things. I am studying for yoga therapy. I'm studying for the genital exams job to be able to do that in New York. Um, I'm wrapping up things in my time here in Portland, Oregon. I'm still working trying to save up as much money as I can for this move. Um, managing, navigating the relationship. Uh there's a lot of things that are happening running the conference and also closing out. I'm a little bit more than halfway through with the letting go yoga classes that we have right now. If you are a member like me, I can tell who is watching these classes. Not who but if they're being watched. So I had 11 or 12 people who registered for the yoga classes and like ain't nobody showing up.
00:17:52
Courtney Brame: You know, I sent out the schedule. I made the schedule according to the times that people gave me of their availability that most people were available. And the schedule is released. I put it out there. I sent literally 20 calendar invites with the links. And the first three, four classes, everybody was going hard. I had people showing up and now I don't even think people are watching the recording. So, um, everyone who becomes a Something Positive for Positive People member will have access to these. Like, this is really, really good. Yes, I'm saying that as the person who created these, but the yoga and the yin restorative style yoga and meditation classes uh that I've put out so far are complimentary to the book Letting Go by David R. Hawkins. And this book uh I I take it and I break it down chapter by chapter in sort of this outline. And as I teach the class, I speak to what the author is talking about.
00:18:55
Courtney Brame: So for example, we start with an introduction to letting go. We talk about the mechanism, what it means. We talk about emotions, the anatomy of emotions. Uh we go into the different emotions from fear and apathy, guilt, depression and then we even go into the emotions themselves like pride that was covered in courage, acceptance, love and then the next class that I teach is going to be on peace and then we go for the next seven uh chapters and we were just meditating, doing yoga and making space for us to be able to receive uh and and like experience the emotions that come with herpes stigma. I think that this is very unique. I don't see anybody else doing this or talking about it in this way. And I'm going to be real with y'all. Like I'm I'm going to say this controversial thing, but as I continue to deepen my yoga practice and my spirituality, and when I say spirituality, I know a lot of people get turned off by that, but spirituality can be seen as seeking truth rather than looking at it like God or relationship to God.
00:20:10
Courtney Brame: So when you hear spirituality, just think truth seeking or seeking of truth, right? And I think that that will help shift and shift perspective and remove any resistances that somebody might have to uh the possibility of experiencing some healing that can be really useful to the quality of your life. So I got these classes. There will be 20 of them. This will be something that's available on the website uh if people want to utilize it one time. I'm not going to let people access it that way. So, you will need to become a Something Positive for Positive People member in order to access these 20 classes. So, for as little as $25 a month, you get 20 yoga classes that are actually something useful and specific to navigating herpes stigma. But with that, you'll also, you know, I'm going to be teaching classes on a regular basis virtually, uh, just for accessibility purposes. And I only want these to be accessible by people who are members.
00:21:15
Courtney Brame: I don't… I don't want to do the drop in thing. I don't want to do the donation based thing. Like I'm teaching yoga to my community, people with herpes, for a set price. There won't be any popup uh yoga classes that are going to have that spec specificity. Oo, that was how you said it. That specificity. All right. So, become a member. spfpp.org/membership and you will not only have access to these yoga classes, but also yoga classes for people navigating herpes stigma alongside other people navigating herpes stigma. But you got to be a member. And yes, the membership for the yoga classes is going to be $25 a month minimum. And then if you only want to just support Something Positive for Positive People, there's an option at a lower tier for $10 a month. All right. now. Oh man, all that talking. I forgot what this felt like, y'all.
00:22:12
Courtney Brame: This feels good. I feel like I'm back and I'm myself again. Uh I don't really get the opportunity to do this like reflective thing and uh the accountability that comes with hosting a podcast and being consistent on a weekly basis. Like there's something there. So I've got three more weeks in Portland, Oregon. Uh so I want to just set the expectation that after this 3 weeks I will be a little bit longer than that but after my move and I settle in the consistency will be back on track. It's just a big transition for me right now. Um I'm I've been in the process of seeking funding and I'm going to be real with y'all. I went really hard with this and part of it was I was hoping to come across a potential podcast sponsor so that when we do more episodes like they will be sponsored episodes, but it's ain't nobody don't nobody care about Herpes. I hate how that sounds.
00:23:11
Courtney Brame: I hate to say it that way. Um but even looking at my asks for donations, right? Like with the one-on-one calls and people want to ask me questions all the time. Everybody wants answers to things, but it's like the answers are out there for free. And I'm asking that people contribute to this community, these expansion efforts, so that it can be something that has much more of an impact than it does with just me doing all of these things and therefore making very minimal progress, right? Right. So, on an individual level, right, one-on-one, uh, when people do choose to donate, like not only is that great for morale because it shows me that you value what you're getting and you value this community to some extent, but also like that allows for us to like I ask people, people want to help me all the time. Everybody wants to do something. Everybody… like how can I help? How can I help?
00:24:06
Courtney Brame: And I've given out jobs and people have not followed through on the jobs. And I don't know if it's like my ability to lead or my ability to set expectations, but I recognize that uh I can do a lot more with just money. So if you want to help Something Positive for Positive People, make donations. All right? If you have access to uh community organizations, opportunities for us to present workshops uh for to do any training with healthcare providers to talk about herpes, herpes stigma, uh present our survey data and information, please hit me up. Those opportunities that bring about money, that's the help I need. But I think that um at this point, retaining or getting people who are going to be serious about helping and expanding Something Positive for Positive People is going to require uh being able to pay people. And unfortunately, there are no grants that exist right now uh for an organization like this that supports people navigating herpes stigma. I'm aware of that and I completely accept it.
00:25:15
Courtney Brame: So, I have to find other creative ways to raise money. One of those is this conference that's coming up. This is essentially our fundraiser. Um there's another one that we're going to host. We're going to host an event September 29th in New York City that's going to be another way of raising money so that this can become sustainable and what is the most useful thing to people. I want to be able to continue to offer that to folks. So that's the podcast. Um you know, I get s*** all the time from one of my board members specifically. She's like, "Courtney, this is more than a podcast. More than a podcast. More than a podcast." And time and time again, like, I'm constantly validated in that the podcast is the thing that really helps people. So, this is our fundraising tool. And I was so f****** quick to like throw this to the wayside in exchange for attempting to raise more money by doing other things that have not proven to uh be consistent.
00:26:13
Courtney Brame: So, I apologize. So, I apologize to all my listeners who have been waiting on another episode who this is a lifeline for. Now, I will tell you this, like you should be coming here getting what you need and then leaving. All right. Um, but at the same time, like I I I feel like I'm being repetitive. If it's not like a life update of new things, it just feels like I'm not giving you what you need in order to make any sort of progress or any sort of changes that are going to enhance your life. And that's sort of my own little barrier and resistance to continuing to to seek podcast guests and put the time and energy that goes into that because each episode like a good quality podcast episode has about 4 hours of work that goes into it between finding the guests, betting the guests, talking to them, hearing their story, recording, making sure that they're good, scheduling, and then also getting approval and then whatever edits need to be made.
00:27:07
Courtney Brame: Each of these episodes is a 4hour event. uh four to six, let's say four to six hours. Trying to crack my back. I've been doing a lot of yoga lately, y'all. And really leaning into that uh therapy. I want to say this before I forget. My therapist uh I had been working with my therapist for about four years and we just terminated the relationship. Sounds terrible. I graduated from therapy, let me say that. And um yeah so in graduating therapy uh I come to realize that yoga my yoga practice my meditation practice has been really supportive to me alongside therapy. So what yoga did I would say is bring awareness to aspects of myself, patterns and everything, behaviors, uh intention or lack of intentionality. All of those things came to the surface. And in me prioritizing the seeking of truth, there became a lot of just lifestyle changes that also impacted my body and my mental health.
00:28:17
Courtney Brame: And then what therapy did for me, I would say, was give me understanding of things. Now, in hindsight, had I leaned more heavily into my yoga practice, I think that the need for understanding becomes irrelevant and that my yoga practice would have been the supportive thing that I needed throughout the process of processing my herpes diagnosis. Like my therapist never told me anything that was like I was never aware of. I think that what he did was give me the logic, give me the language in order to communicate like the in between. So I have, you know, a feeling, a thing that's happening that plays into a pattern, right? Yoga, I would say, made me, it gave me what I needed to be aware of the thing and how and that it was affecting me. But therapy gave me language between the feeling and the pattern or the behavior so that I could just understand it. But when I'm committed to making a change or doing something different, the need for understanding to me is invalid or not invalid but it's unnecessary.
00:29:28
Courtney Brame: It's just adding another step and a layer of resistance to that which I'm already open to. All right. So, um, after having graduated therapy, I did begin to lean more into my yoga practice and realized, I don't know how I forgot this, but I realized I remembered that I went through a teacher training and like I wasn't really taking other people's classes, but I was reading uh reading lots of books. I got a handful of books behind me that I have to read for yoga therapy school, but uh letting go is the book that I constantly come back to. And each time I listen to it, I pick up something new and different from it. And in this time that I listened, it was that whole thing about therapy, looking at the relationship between uh psychotherapy and the practice of letting go and surrendering. Now, letting go is not a yoga practice. Letting go is something that I have incorporated into a yoga practice in order to offer sessions to people who are navigating herpes stigma and the recorded yoga and meditation classes that I mentioned where I'm speaking to the work of David R. Hawkins about letting go and what that looks like, what that means, and how to do it.
00:30:42
Courtney Brame: So, um, just listening to that book this time really made me go, "Aha." Like, that's the thing between therapy and what I'm doing with yoga because yoga and letting go are both things that deal with the holistic and the emotional pieces, whereas therapy is helping with understanding. And the thing that he said was that psychotherapy helps to adapt a healthy ego in society whereas the process of letting go is like we're surrendering the ego altogether. So there's no need for that understanding. So, my yoga practice over the entirety of time since I've been diagnosed with genital herpes. I didn't know this, but that's what's been happening for the last 10, 11 years now. 11 years maybe. Yeah, a little bit over 11 years. Dang, I ain't even acknowledged my 11 year herp-versary or whatever. But yeah, it's a process, right? So, as I'm listening to this book, as I'm practicing the power of letting go, as I'm incorporating it into my yoga class and passing that on to um those who might come here, like I recognize that it seems to be a very abrupt shift to go from talking about herpes to now talking about emotions and talking about yoga and meditation.
00:32:05
Courtney Brame: But this is real. You know, this is a very important shift because another thing that my therapist did say to me is, you know, it's not about giving people what I think they want, but it becomes about giving people Courtney. And he was saying that it's important to just be real. like to be real is um for me being real about my experience. And my experience just does not look like everybody else's. So there's really no need for me to talk about that. My experience has been that I'm the kind of person who when I see that there's something wrong, I want to fix it. So it's a matter of just letting me fix the thing that needs to be worked on. Period. That's it. And so as we um as I continue my own to go down my own path um and deepening my practice with yoga and my connectedness to myself and letting go of emotions and living this like this life that I'm living where I I never realized just how much of what I'm experiencing is my choice through intention and intentionality.
00:33:21
Courtney Brame: So, as I do these solo podcast episodes, I feel almost like it's not useful to y'all. I feel like it doesn't help for you to hear, "All right, well, this is what I'm experiencing." Cuz like I'm I'm running a nonprofit and th this is something that to me is way bigger than herpes, right? I think that people come here for the herpes content. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe y'all are here because you're waiting on me to ask for what I need so that you can know how to support me. so that you can know how uh what next steps can be taken to end herpes stigma or to get the cure or to get the vaccine or to get the test that is going to uh be required for everybody or to get the education out there, right? I don't have that, right? Like I'm okay, you know, I'm doing this from a place of love and service and gratitude. Like I'm very grateful for the experiences that have come to me since my herpes diagnosis.
00:34:17
Courtney Brame: all of the people that I've been able to meet and connect with, all of the experiences that I have had, the traveling, the people who've hosted me, who have become supporters of the work that I'm doing, who've presented me with opportunities that have been quite literally life changing and have challenged me to be able to be the person that I am today. And I'm so grateful for this. I'm so grateful for the fact that like y'all continue to choose me as a leader in this space to advocate for y'all on the front lines of herpes education and stigma advocacy. And it gives me great confidence just knowing that there is this trust between that y'all have for me, right? I'm going to just say that like y'all have an extreme amount of trust in me. I don't take that lightly. And I think that that's partly why, you know, I was so resistant to putting out any podcast content. I felt like I owed it to y'all to do more than what I was when what I'm seeing is that the podcast is enough.
00:35:21
Courtney Brame: the podcast and the virtual things and if I'm gonna make any changes or adjustments like I can still do that but I was overwhelming myself and I I partly looking at the lower emotions as I go through the process of this letting go um there was blame and there was pride there was blaming y'all for not showing up to these events but the reality is I need to be looking at myself like all right well what's my intention with putting these events on if me putting the events on is to bring community together knowing that people with herpes are scattered all over the world with different priorities. And people are scared to get in touch with and contact with other people and to have other people know that they're going to be uh that they're putting themselves out there uh to potentially have somebody else know about their diagnosis. Like these are all things that I've just selfishly taken or not taken into consideration and I haven't been intentional about those things. So, being able to come back now to the podcast with intention, having meditated and taken a little bit of off time and a hiatus for myself, I'm able to look at this with a much clearer perspective.
00:36:29
Courtney Brame: Um, and not come at this from a place of pride. Like, I'll be the first to tell y'all my pride in being the only person who runs a nonprofit for people with herpes who is not charging money for coaching calls or char selling y'all any products. My pride made me think that the kindness and acts of service that I'm putting out into the world is selfless. And that's not the case. That has not been selfless. In fact, that's been very selfish because it validates my ego and my identity as a hero. My identity as someone who is so good, who's doing everything right. Oh, I'm different because I don't charge. I can't make the sacrifice of myself, my livelihood, my livelihood, and you know, still be on food stamps and whatever, like living with someone and paying rent uh to that person, right? Because I make these sacrifices so that I can best serve y'all. But again, man, I said this before, Jay-Z said it.
00:37:34
Courtney Brame: I can't help the poor if I'm one of them. So, I got rich and gave back to myself. That's the win-win. And so, uh, not to say like I'm running off to become rich, but there are boundaries now that are in place that, uh, people are respecting, um, for how things need to run moving forward with Something Positive for Positive People. Uh, things like, you know, there's information that's out there. The website is up and there are all of the resources. Any question that you have can be answered from one of the podcast episodes, social media posts or on the website. So I ask that when people want to have a conversation or ask me a question that people understand like I don't just say yes or no to your question like I want context. I need to get to know you. I want to know the situation. I want to know about the person that your question is regarding. I want to know your beliefs and thoughts about it.
00:38:29
Courtney Brame: And I'm going to help you come up with the answer. but also understand that like those time frames take away from all of the other things that are going on and it's not just asking a quick question. These are in fact consultations or coaching calls if you will. Um and this is also guidance and conversation that's happening from uh it's happening from a place of presence too, right? Like this is going to be valuable to you no matter whether you use it or not. The conversation that I have with people is going to be uh informative. It's going to be helpful if you choose to use the advice or information that I exchange with you. So, I no longer feel like my work is coming from a place of pride. I may sound like a dick to some people because now I'm asking for a donation up front. When you tell me you want to have a conversation or you want to ask me a question, like I'm asking for the donation before we even scheduled a call.
00:39:28
Courtney Brame: I have to do that because I love myself and in the past I've not like my place of pride as you'll learn if you do become a subscriber and you start to watch the letting go yoga classes um there there wasn't self-love I would say that there was self-apathy and if you don't love yourself whatever you feel about yourself is going to be projected onto the world so I think that my own self-apathy was reflected back to me by people not showing up to events not donating not, you know, I'll have conversations with people and then after the call, you know, they'll say, "Oh, I'll donate. I'll donate." And then don't donate. So, like, they don't care. They're indifferent or apathetic about the situation. So, I've eliminated my own apathy. And as the letting go techniques, you know, come to surface, like I've gone up the emotion scale from that place of fear and of survival and apathy and my pride. Pride was probably the biggest one I have to let go of, y'all.
00:40:26
Courtney Brame: And that's still a struggle because I still have to say to people like, "Hey, you didn't make the donation yet and I see that our call is supposed to be your call availability is 10 minutes from now. So when we get that, I'll schedule the call. I'll call you. Whatever." So man, this has been a very tricky thing. It's a challenge, right? Like this whole thing challenges you. So my challenge with herpes looks completely different than most people because it's called me to become a leader in this space to put out a podcast to put out a nonprofit organization with no kind of nonprofit running experience or anything like that. And it's challenged me to love myself. And there is a direct parallel between you, your herpes diagnosis, and the way that you're navigating and processing stigma and the way that I am. While yeah, I might look cool or like a celebrity or influential in some capacity or like a leader, you know, each of these experiences have their own internal things that come up.
00:41:33
Courtney Brame: And for me, I had to surrender my pride. So when I talk about letting go, I'm not just talking about not caring. When I say I'm letting go, I'm experiencing the emotions. I'm looking at the payoffs that I get from the emotions that I have not experienced that I'm allowing myself to experience. So, what did I get from Pride? I got to say, "Oh, I don't charge people. Oh, I'm better than all these other herpes education advocates because I'm not selling anything and I'm doing all of this for free." So, I had to really lean into and let that go. And I ain't going to say I cried, but it was very hard for me to let go because so many of my role models, the people that I look up to are heroes. I look up to some anime characters and superheroes who selflessly do things, but also these are people who have their own forms of being able to take care of themselves and love themselves.
00:42:23
Courtney Brame: So, I can't love y'all if I don't love me. And me loving y'all looks like loving me. And loving me looks like putting these boundaries in place to where I'm not experiencing burnout where I'm not uh constantly just letting myself be taken advantage of by people whether or not they're in distress, right? Like there's a process now of being able to get into contact with me if you want to have one of those advice giving conversations. So I just ask that people make a donation, schedule a call, that's it. If you want to have a call like let's do that. Um but the offering that we have and I I wanted to tie this all back into therapy versus yoga not versus but it's complimentary to yoga. Um, the yoga classes that I offer are private sessions. So these are private. All right. Um private for people with herpes. That's what's on the website for Something Positive for Positive People.
00:43:24
Courtney Brame: Outside of that I do my own thing completely different. All right. But I do intend to use my yoga practice for people with herpes as a means of raising money for Something Positive for Positive People. All right. So, uh the option for that is to just become a member. I don't want to deal with tracking who's a member, who's not, who made a donation, who didn't. You become a member, you'll get all the information, you get the classes, you get them recorded, you get the schedule. So, do that and we go from there. All right. Um but yeah, I am not having much luck with connecting with and working with therapists. So, um that that's about to be discontinued again. Um because it's a lot right now. I can't, I just can't. So, I'm going to close down the therapy tab so that we no longer even put that false hope out there for people.
00:44:21
Courtney Brame: But yoga therapy will be something that I myself can offer and I'll be able to speak to um once I finish my yoga therapy program. U I can at this point customize like yoga classes sessions for people if there are things that you want to work on. And I think that the letting go series is going to address a lot of what people are experiencing when they find Something Positive for Positive People, which is navigating the complex emotions of navigating stigma. Navigating the navigating I love that word, right? Navigating the com uh the complex emotions of herpes of a herpes diagnosis of herpes stigma. So that's what these classes are doing. That's what these classes do. And if you have a conversation with me, like I'm really speaking from that place of groundedness in my own yoga therapy yoga practice. I'm already calling myself a yoga therapist. I'm not going to start practicing yoga therapy until of course I complete the certification, but I will be sharing what I'm learning there.
00:45:24
Courtney Brame: Um I'm learning from the most recent survey. This was very interesting to me. So 15% of people responded that their emotional health contributed to whether or not they had herpes outbreak. So people would know that an outbreak was coming if they were in poor emotional health. There was also an option for people to write in others on that survey. And a lot of people wrote that the poor quantity of hours of sleep and poor quality of sleep were two things that contributed to an outbreak. So if people know that they're not getting consistent good quality sleep, bam, they're going to have a herpes outbreak. Now there are a lot of studies that show a direct correlation between yin yoga and emotional health and yin yoga and sleep and yin yoga and emotionally processing during sleep and entering that dream state where the dreams that we have is our it's our body's attempts to uh process emotions that during the day we may push down or we don't have time to deal with.
00:46:29
Courtney Brame: So, I'm making that connection and offering yoga as something that does support people navigating not just herpes stigma but also herpes symptoms. So, uh I'm putting together a class schedule. If you haven't already, join our email list, please, so that you can get those updates. Uh I am taking less time on social media and putting more of that into the areas that are more useful. So, the podcast, like I don't care to spend a lot of time on Instagram scrolling, opening up memes from my friends and stuff. Like, I can do without that. I'll make a post every now and then, put it up, keep it up, and share some other people's stuff, but I'm not very active on Instagram anymore. And if you want to get in contact with me, your best bet is going to be to use the Something Positive for Positive People email, courtney@spfpp.org. Um, and uh, what else was there? Yeah, I'm looking more so at this holistic approach to healing.
00:47:31
Courtney Brame: Um, I'm leaning into these government organizations rather than looking for grants and funding. I'm looking for opportunities to talk about herpes. So, that's how money is going to be coming into Something Positive for Positive People. That and donations. If you want to help, if you want to support, the thing that we need is money. We need dollars. If you know donors, if you know people who uh want to give money to nonprofits, like please send them here. Send them here. We are a 501c3. I'm keeping everything maintained. I'm keeping us in good standing. Uh, someone asked me about transparency with finances. We don't have enough money to have to report like where the money goes. Like I think it's once you have spent more than $50,000 over the course of a year. Now granted, that is a salary, a good middle class salary. If we're not spending that, I ain't even paying myself that.
00:48:24
Courtney Brame: I just as of April 1st this year started to pay myself because I'm putting myself in the position where I have to run this business and I have to be more efficient with it as well. So the podcast and the seeking out of government funds and then whatever donations come in those are the things that uh we're we're doing and the fundraisers of course which are the conferences that we are hosting and if you see anything else that you want to be a part of workshops workshop series trainings um let me know and uh I really do foresee expansion coming soon uh I don't know how soon but I'm I'm getting rejected enough to notice something big is coming. So, I've applied for grants. I've been in conversations and I'm not hearing a lot. So, at some point there will be a yes. Just like with rejection for herpes, right? Like you say, you hear no enough, eventually you're going to get a yes. All right. Um, I believe that I have addressed everything.
00:49:26
Courtney Brame: It is really important that y'all subscribe to that newsletter. It's a monthly newsletter. I send it out once a month, y'all, on the first of each month. It's got the updates to Something Positive for Positive People, events that you can consider checking in with and looking at. Uh, and what else? Yeah, I think that's it, man. I'm glad that y'all sat and listened to me talk and ramble for this log. I hit everything that I wanted to touch on. Uh going back to the conference, I will be conducting the data analysis from our Utah Valley University uh survey that we were partners with. Um we have the details of the conference at spfpp.org/conferences. So you'll see who all of our presenters are. And I mentioned again we have the exciting No Shame In This Game documentary screening that will be taking place. I want to shout out Affirm Sexual and Reproductive Wellness for All for sponsoring the conference.
00:50:26
Courtney Brame: I want to shout out Wisp as well. We got these dope hats that have stigma written on them with a line going through them that we are doing a giveaway for for people who've purchased tickets to the Something Positive for Positive People conference. And I also want to shout out the American Sexual Health Association for sponsoring the conference as well. Now, if I can get y'all to sponsor this podcast, but um yes, um I'm thrilled about where we are with things. Please register for the conference if you can't make it. Recordings will be made available for a short period of time after the conference ends. Um again, mostly health care professionals, providers, so the content is going to be tailored to you all. Um if you are someone who has herpes and you want to attend the conference and you're not sure if this is for you, like let me know. like if I know and I see regular people's email addresses coming through, I'll be able to speak to y'all and give y'all something to take away from this conference as well.
00:51:21
Courtney Brame: Um, so tell people, tell your friends, tell your colleagues, tell your health professionals, tell your doctor about this conference. I'm reaching out to people. I'm not hearing back in a lot of cases. The cases that I am hearing back, yay. Um, but it doesn't seem to be, you know, something that is really a priority to people right now because, like I said, a lot of people just don't care about herpes. mainly because the people who have it aren't making it a problem. Like we're not we're not saying how much of an issue it is unless people find this podcast. But the only people who find this podcast are the people struggling with herpes. So it's really a cycle that is continuing to just sort of spiral in on itself of what stigma is. So yeah, I'm working to get people to take this seriously. I'm working. And uh yeah, just y'all ain't got to check in on me. I'm good. I'm packing my stuff up. I'm taking care of myself. I got my schedule in order. I'm resting. I'm taking care of things that are important. Um but yeah, look to hear from me after I move and I settle in. Um newsletter. Get on that newsletter, y'all. All right. Just go to the website and you'll be able to see that. If you go to the contact page and scroll straight to the bottom, you'll see where you can fill in your name and email address and uh you'll subscribe. you'll be subscribed to the monthly newsletter so you have all of our updates and um anything else that you would need to know. But you can always email me Courtney@spfpp.org. All right, till next time.
Transcription ended after 00:57:37
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