SPFPP 404: How to Communicate an STI Exposure

What happens when the sex education advocate has to navigate his own STI exposure? In Episode 404 of Something Positive for Positive People, Courtney Brame shares a real-time update from the airport lounge, reflecting on a recent message from a partner regarding Ureaplasma. Courtney discusses the anxiety of awaiting test results, the importance of clear communication, and how he processed the situation not as an advocate, but as a human. Plus, hear updates on Courtney's journey of stepping back from social media to prioritize true presence, establishing boundaries to plug "leaking energy," and the upcoming SPFPP Herpes Stigma Expos.

Episode 404 Transcript

Upcoming Events and New Locations

00:00:00 Courtney Brame: All right, let me make sure this thing is in fact recording. And it looks like we are. Hello. Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Frame and I'm in this weird light right now. Let me see what I can do. Nope. Can't do anything about it. Um I'm at the airport right now in the lounge and I got a little quiet space. So, I wanted to uh go ahead and create a podcast episode. Um, just not giving updates, but I want to give y'all some important dates to lock in your calendar. So, we had our uh something positive for positive people her stigma expo on March 24th uh this past two weekends ago and it was the success. I want to do something similar again. Uh this one will be themed around uh integrating herpes uh I'm sorry integrating therapy, yoga therapy, yoga therapy and with uh some of the day. So last time it was really long. It was 8 hours.

00:01:02 Courtney Brame: So what we're going to do is condense it and we're going to make it five to 6 hours and we're going to start right on time. I'm going to see if we can get the place from uh noon to 5, meaning hopefully we can open up the doors at 11:00, but we got to start right on time at 12:00. This place will be um in Manhattan, close to Chinatown. I think it's the Lower East Side and um we're looking at the tentative date of August 29th. So, there's plenty of time if people want to come out for the event. Uh August 29th, it's a Saturday and it'll be about 5 hours. What you can expect is uh some yoga integration. Uh we'll be talking about managing and handling rejection and we'll do some more role plays of uh communication around herpes and sexual health. And depending how many people we get to come, we may also end up doing uh food. So um mark that date, put it in your calendar. Another one is for mental health professionals.

00:02:05 Courtney Brame: If you are somebody who has access to mental health professionals or if you are one yourself and you would be interested in attending a virtual seminar workshop on how therapists and mental health professionals can better support people who are living with herpes, please reach out. I believe that this will be something very useful. Um, I got somebody to help me with this. I'll lock all the details in and put that into the next newsletter for us. Um, but that'll be June. I got to check my calendar real quick cuz I think we said the 17th. June. Nope. I got to check. It's either going to be the 15th or the 16th. Uh, oh, wait. Of June. That's why I was confused. All right. Boom. Wednesday, June 17th. Let me go ahead and put that in here now. uh SPFP mental health workshop. All right. And um I don't have the time yet, but I'm putting that in the calendar and um that'll be in the newsletter.

00:03:13 Courtney Brame: So, if you are not subscribed to the newsletter, this is where I keep up with people and share, hey, here's where we're going to be. Here's what we're going to do. Um, we will also be in Atlanta August 30th through September 1st for the STI Prevention Conference. So, I'm looking to see if we can get people together for a thing, whether that be uh just having food, some type of an inerson support group meeting, something. I I don't I don't know. But please don't be shy about joining the newsletter. I send out on average 1.5 uh newsletters per month unless you subscribe to something then you'll get other correspondents from me um if you buy a ticket to an event or if you set up a call or you want to join a support group. All right now uh I had notes for this podcast episode. Um but I I want to I want to speak a little bit about a recent experience that I had uh because I think that this will be more helpful now.

Navigating an Unexpected STI Exposure

00:04:19 Courtney Brame: Um I I had a partner reach out to me and mention that they had recently tested positive for um europplasma and I don't know I I didn't know about that one. I know mico plasma micropplasma and um I didn't know about this one. So, um, I replied and was like, "Hey, you know, I see this and I want to make sure to respond from a place of being present." Cuz I was doing things at the time. Um, but it was interesting because getting the text, I was like, "Okay, like what what's coming up for me right now?" I think that the initial emotions were, "f***, like I got to tell other people about this, right?" And the first thing I wanted to do was make sure she was all right. Like I asked, you know, how are you? Is there anything I can do? Um, and I love the way that she crafted the text. Um, I ain't gonna, you know, go into too much detail, but it o the overview of it was, hey, here's the information that I have.

00:05:16 Courtney Brame: I'm giving you this information so that you can do what you would like to do with it, right? And it wasn't suggestive. It wasn't like, you gave me dot dot dot or any like blaming language, which I really really appreciated. I really love that. I really appreciated that. Um, and in getting that I was like, "Okay, like what do I do?" Because timing wise, I had just just left the doctor's office. Um, I didn't just leave. Let me not say that. I went to the doctor that morning. Uh, I got the text at like 5:00 p.m. But that morning, I went and I got tested for quote everything. And I know that that wasn't included. and I've been tested um a couple of times this year and I know that that's something that was on the STI panel. And so, uh, I was I was thinking about how it felt to be out of the Courtney the communication about sexual health guy and to be Courtney the person cuz it's so easy to tell people, hey, if this happens, here's how to handle it versus actually being in the situation and being able to manage it, the feelings and to be able to um, communicate with people about what could be happening about uh the possibilities and you start to think like,

00:06:37 Courtney Brame: okay, damn. Well, if this happened or if we only did these things, uh is it possible? And you start playing with all these scenarios in your head. You start to replay. Well, the last time we were together, we didn't really and and you you you you think about those kinds of things and with Mike Yura Yura Yura Plasma. Actually, here I got my computer up. Let me go ahead and look it up cuz I spelled it and it autocorrected to Europeans. So, you know, I wasn't spelling it right. All right. Boom. So, here we got URA plasma. And hold on one second. Ah, plasma. Uripplasma. Uri plasma. U R E A P L A S M A. I can't spell. All right. Here we go. All right. I'm gonna do the where the results at because that was what I had at first. All right. Boom. So, it's a bacteria that can present without symptoms, but high levels can cause genital burning, unusual discharge, pelvic pain, and infertility, infertility in women, and prostatitis in men.

00:07:47 Courtney Brame: It can also cause complications in the kidney uh like kidney stones, pregnancy issues, including pre-term labor. Um, and oh, here we go. The symptoms, painful urination, discharge, pelvic pain, genital irritation, prostatitis, and then reproductive issues. Um, this I ain't going to say I became like an expert at it, but in just reading about it, it it felt very similar to learning about herpes, right? Like you don't really learn about a thing or know about a thing until you have a reason to. And in my case, like being told, hey, I might there might have been an exposure here. Um, it made me start looking at this and I was like, I didn't even know that this was a thing. So, it says here, a person can acquire ura plasma through sexual contact. They can also pass their newborns during pregnancy. However, the prevalence of urlasma varies widely depending on geographical location and socioeconomic background. the transmissions um through intimate sexual contact including vaginal, oral and anal sex and it's often considered a sexually transmitted infection though it can also exist as normal flora.

00:08:56 Courtney Brame: It is spread via body fluids like sperm and vaginal secretions. Additionally, it can be passed from mother to child during pregnancy. So, um it's asymptomatic. Many people carry it without symptoms, allowing it to be passed unknowingly. Um, it's treated with antibiotics and just using condoms can help reduce the risk. I see that language that they put there now. It ain't prevent. Um, but yeah, that that's that's new. This is new for me. This is new to me. Let me say that. Um, so the the the feelings of having to tell people, right, because it's been a minute since I had to like say to somebody, hey, you know, um, someone told me that they tested positive. I'm getting tested now and I'm just keeping you in the loop about it. Do what you want with the information. I think that that was really a good way of going about it. And for me, um, there were two other people that I needed to tell.

00:09:56 Courtney Brame: So, um, I told them and one had a very like engaged, neutral response and it was just like, "Oh, like thanks for telling me. I looked it up. Here's what I read. Here's what it looks like. Like these things happen." And then the other one was just it was neutral. She was just like, "All right, I'll get tested today." And I was like, "Oh, I don't know what it was, but I think that maybe I was expecting like the same kind of feeling that you would have of like if you're thinking about an HSV herpes disclosure or having to um tell somebody about that, like, hey, this might happen." And I guess maybe it's the fact that it's curable. Maybe it's the fact that it's not always seen as an STI. Um I don't know that there was any stigma. I don't know if it's me, maybe it's just me. Um, but yeah, the the process of telling somebody about something that's that's different, that's outside the the norm of what we know or what we've already had.

Getting Tested and Communicating Responsibly

00:10:59 Courtney Brame: And it is it's is it's different. It it's very different. And I think it it seems very similar too to like uh with co, right? Because a lot of times you're wondering, damn, okay, did I give this to this person? Did they give it to me? Who else did we give it to? Am I going to have to not work for 14 days? And I think the biggest thing for me is that I leave today. So, it takes a week to get the results back. So, um I don't I don't know. I just I don't know. I ain't had no symptoms. And my what is it? No, URA plasma. Okay, here it's it's showing both next to each other. URA plasma and myopplasma test mystery vaginal symptoms and somebody asked her like can you even get tested in men and I was like well I hope so because I went to urgent care this morning and when I went in um this was interesting the doctor didn't want to say the word penis which was interesting so the doctor was like um he actually brought me in I told him and he gave me the cup and like a little swaby swab the swab the like he didn't want to a word.

00:12:05 Courtney Brame: I was like, "Oh s***, come on, bro. I got the wrong doctor for this." But I went and I did like cuz he got they wanted like a clean swab. So, I had to wipe the head of my penis with the wipe that he gave me and then pee in the cup. And then he came back in and he I guess I don't know if he looked up the symptoms and everything on AI while I was peeing in the cup. But he came back out, he seemed very knowledgeable. I had some questions. I was like, "Can it be passed through kissing and oral sex? Is that a risk?" and he very confidently said no. But like I looked on the internet and you don't know I talked to some other medical professionals um as you know Eveene I have medical professionals on my board of directors so I had questions for them and we ended up talking about um we we we got some contradicting information but we'll we'll just see cuz he said um he gave me the option of I can get on the medication now but he recommended just waiting until the test came back to see like what happened and I was just curious curious.

00:13:05 Courtney Brame: It's like, okay, well, do condoms prevent transmission. Like, is it passed on from genital fluid exchange? Is it like, it's not a skin-to-skin contact, it's a bacterial thing. You may not know you have it. He said that people have it in them, and it's other things that might trigger the overgrowth, I think he said. Um, but leaving from the doctor's appointment, I did feel better than when he came in and didn't want to say the word penis. Um, as I left at that appointment, I felt a lot better than how I felt, you know, when when we started the appointment, for sure. Um, so with that being said, um, it's a waiting game. So, I got tested this morning, so we'll know in a week what the results are. And I'm very curious uh cuz if like I've not had sex without condoms and s***, it's been a minute. But also like could I have had it for longer than that? Could I have just had it and it not been present?

00:14:13 Courtney Brame: Did I give this to a person? Right? like you you start thinking about all of these things and you begin to you you can I ain't going to speak for y'all but like I can blame myself and I I think that I went back to that place that I was at when I got my herpes diagnosis of damn who else did I give this to? Did I give this to somebody else? Right. Um, and the people that I talked to about it were very just good and like not what I would have expected to experience 13 years ago when I had uh gotten herpes or when I got chlamydia in 2021, right? Um, yeah, I think that we we should let people surprise us. And I was telling somebody that asked me, they were like, "Well, do you feel like the human part of you took over or like the real you?" And I was like, "Yo, I'm I am human." I thought to myself, I was like, "Well, maybe if I just get tested and find out." And I was like,

00:15:11 Courtney Brame: "Courtney, no, that's not that's not in alignment. That's not who you are. That's not what you do, right? I got the information. I take the information and take it through the avenues in which to express and communicate the information." So, uh, partners who might have been at risk, um, future partners that might, you know, be at risk, we can look the information up together and decide like how we want to move forward or um, what the risks are and everything like that. But yeah, this was a this was a good exercise for me because it's just not something I had to do s*** since 2021. 20 21. No. Yeah, I think it might have been 21 22. Uh cuz I remember that a partner of mine had said that uh she tested positive for trick tricks trick and when she tested positive for trick, I went and got tested. I was living in Portland at the time and um the the doctor was like don't no she gave me the antibiotic. She gave me the medication for it and they told me that the test had came back negative.

00:16:25 Courtney Brame: And I was like, dude, I took this medicine for nothing. So, I'm down to just play the weight game and sit my ass down for a minute and just it it be what it be. Um, so that's the route that I'm going. Uh, but that's another just scenario that I'm thinking about putting in place. Oh, we got a couple of more scenarios. I'm waiting on the final edits to be able to put up on the website of how to talk about your sexual health. Um, I do a role play of another disclosure on the first date at the bar. Things are going well and we're about to hook up. So, um, that'll be up on the website as soon as we get the edits from it. And, um, yeah, I think we'll be doing this one, too. This will be a good like scene um, and for educational purposes, right? like being able to say, "Hey, um, I tested positive for this. I'm letting you know. You do what you want with the information.

00:17:20 Courtney Brame: Um, let me know what questions you have." Right? And it was so smooth. It wasn't like over-the-top scripted. It wasn't um extra. It was just like very matterof fact. So, I'm like real like happy with how this turned out. I'm I'm happy that that was um the the the route of information. So yeah, with that um I went to the doctor, got tested. We'll see what happens over the course of the next week. Um let me see what time I got. How much time? Got an hour and 20 minutes before I need to board my plane. So what else is going on? So I It's funny cuz I was about to say yeah. So, I haven't been dating. And it's it's very interesting because I'm not seeing anyone, right? Um I think that Yeah, the last Yeah, I'm not I ain't seeing anybody. And these were just like I don't even know what to call them. Like they ain't like casual flings.

Disconnecting from Social Media and Setting Boundaries

00:18:34 Courtney Brame: These might have just been one time things. I I don't know. I don't know because there's no like I I I've realized like I'm not polyamorous and there have been people that tell me Courtney, you are. And it's like no, I'm not. Don't tell me what I am. I'm tired of people trying to tell me what I am. That's what got me in trouble the last few times. And that's not that's not the case. Like I think I'm learning the language of what it is that I'm looking for as I live in a way where I'm not with someone who I let their perception of me dictate who I am. Like there there is no person there is no mirror that I'm intimately connected to where somebody can have a kind of influence over me anymore. And in doing so, I'm able to just experience myself and perceive myself as well. And I like this. Like I I was talking to a friend of mine and I was like, "Yo, I'm kind of scared at how okay this single s*** is." And the quantity I I need to make this disclaimer.

00:19:38 Courtney Brame: The quantity of sex that I've been having is significantly lower than it's ever been as an adult. whereas the quality way fewer times has significantly increased. Right? So not I'm I'm not actively dating and I'm I'm not like looking to get my wants met. I'm I'm saying wants versus needs because I I think I finally got the language for this. I've spent a lot of time and energy trying to get my wants met rather than my needs met and thinking that oh because you meet my wants you can meet my needs and that ain't the case like I've been doing this s*** backwards right needs first right so in looking at what it is I need like I need I need presence I need somebody that can sit they ass down for a minute right I can't I can't be the source of one's entertainment 100% of the time because it it is important to me that I'm able to do what it is that I do and I'm learning the importance of that. Like my life goal has been dedicated to neutralizing herpes and whatever actions decisions that I make from there like it's important that that be supported and not be taken away from.

00:20:58 Courtney Brame: And as I'm going through my yoga therapy certification and training and living in a way where it's it's just me, I'm very much condensing my energy to be able to lock into that intention. A lot of opportunities have been presenting themselves. A lot of challenges have been presenting themselves, but that that true north and trajectory of this is what I'm doing. Like I'm I'm neutralizing her. I'm given the opportunity to do so. when life is meeting me with the the wet stone. Wet stone is is a real good analogy for it to mold me and shape me into the person that I say I want to be. And I even look at this situation where um the partner that I had uh reached out and told me about the the you're right ura plasma, right? And how I handle that, right? because it's real easy to revert to old s*** or to to default programming of all right damn this is a shameful thing this is a stigmatizing thing I got to tell somebody I got SCI or I might have an SI gate one right and to be able to take that and turn it into something that hopefully becomes useful to other people um and a lesson as well for myself to be to that I'm it's validating me that I'm picking like good people.

00:22:27 Courtney Brame: Like I'm picking good people cuz she ain't have to tell me that. And to me that communication is sexy. Even if you tell me like it don't matter. Like most people might be like, "Oh, but she told you she got an STD." And like it's possible that I gave it to her. It's possible that it is it's a lot of possibilities, right? And so to be able to normalize this kind of a conversation is another piece of the puzzle of me working towards that trajectory. Now, what was I about to say? I need to eat. How much time I got? I still got time. I got a call scheduled in like 12 minutes, though. But yeah, your boy has been working videographer. Hold on. All right. He just like my message. Oh, wait, wait. What else he said? Send me the logos. Bet. I can't wait to post these videos. Um, so, uh, what else was I saying?

00:23:25 Courtney Brame: I don't even remember. Oh, uh, yeah. Like just I'm recognizing the importance of what I need. I need presence. I need I need like I wrote this down. I was like, I need whoever it is that I'm with. I carry a big ass load. I don't like asking for help. I don't. But I have the women who are on my board, they do a damn good job of keeping me in line, but not necessarily like sharing a load. They got their own s*** going on, right? And I don't want to give them my personal stuff as well. So it it it but they're they're still like friends, too. Like they're friends and board members. So they they get all of that. But I recognize how in even in relationships, the importance of what people want from me is to be able to share that load to an extent. My problem is I get to I'm like, "Oh, bet. You want to help?

00:24:19 Courtney Brame: Here you go." And there's no like rationing it out. It's more like, "All right, bet. I'll take this off for a little bit." And then I stretch my legs and then before I know it, they crushed by the load. And I think that that's probably what um that might be why intimacy in that sense is is a challenge for me. Um so and yeah, I'm I'm also learning myself not in connection to other people. It's the first time that I've been single. Like, not even with people who think we're in a relationship or working towards a relationship or going on dates. Like, is it is just Courtney and I am learning especially just through like I'm still taking Brazilian zoo classes. I went to uh Dominican Independence Day class uh which was fun. Um I'm I'm doing the things that I want to do. And I think the most important thing here is that I'm saying no to stuff. I'm saying no to what doesn't align. Like I um had an interview with Chelsea Pierce for teaching yoga.

00:25:34 Courtney Brame: And I'm like I'm a little bit on the fence because on one hand, yay, I get to teach yoga and I get like to teach yoga to this demographic of people that I otherwise would never have access to. But then on the other hand, it's like how is this pulling me away from neutralizing herpes stigma? the more I'm doing stuff for other organizations and people, the less that I'm condensing into something positive for positive people. So, that's a thing that I'm working through, working on, and trying to sort out and situate for myself as well because I don't know. I don't know what um let me fix that. I do know. I do know. And I I got to stop doing this thing where I act like I don't. and also be the example, right? I I it's important that I be the example that I want to set for this community, for the people who come here still at 403 podcast episodes now. Shout out to y'all. Um, but I appreciate y'all for making this space safe for me to be able to share my experience.

00:26:42 Courtney Brame: Like, I recognize that this is another need of mine. I need to be able to not know. I need to be able to say, "I don't know." That's a very vulnerable thing. I need to be able to not have it all figured out. I need to be able to not be super Courtney and I need to be able to just be human. These are needs. The wants of sex, somebody that looks good, somebody that makes me physically feel good. Like that s*** cool, but that that's everywhere. Hell, you can pay for that. I want that s*** you can't pay for. Like I want what can only be co-created with presence and a sense of self-certainty. So for me to be able to like have and welcome that in, I got to embody that s*** my damn self. And I think that that's what's happening. The more that I'm detaching myself from a lot of things that are pulling Courtney and my awareness and attention in all these different directions.

The Power of Condensing Energy and Conclusion

00:27:37 Courtney Brame: I'm condensing down like all this traveling and s*** that I've been doing after my granddad's birthday is in July. I think I'm gonna go home for his uh 80th his 80s something birthday. Um I'll go home for that and then I'm sitting my ass down until the conference in Atlanta. But I it's going to take a lot to move me. I I need a lot more to move me now than what it was before. And I'm I'm becoming more of a dense person in the sense of condensing my energy and plugging up these leaks. I don't want to Yeah. I don't want to What's the phrasing I want to use here? Yeah. I don't want to overextend myself. I recognize my capacity and I don't never I never need to be at that capacity again. And it looks like a lot more firm boundaries. And I I understand boundaries now. Boundaries are just like plugs of leaking energy. The s*** that exhausts me and keeps me that deviates me from like the trajectory of transformation and being able to neutralize herpes stigma.

00:28:47 Courtney Brame: And the core intention that I have for myself, my my sopa is to nurture my nature. And that's what I've been doing. I've been able to do that by myself. And anything anyone that doesn't nurture my nature is is I just politely remove myself and I'm not as close. I'm not as engaged um and step away. And that's something that in order for me to teach it, I got to I got to embody it. So, I look forward to being able to continue to do that. I hope that my experience recently is something that'll be helpful to whoever it is that's listening to this. Um, I'm in the process of working on, man, do I want to say my book or books? There's definitely one book that I'm working on and it's applying um, yoga to herpes um, and herpes stigma and what it is that we can learn from that in order to get to a place where we can live a life in a way that we're supposed to. One of my biggest um one of my most aligned learning tools is anime.

00:29:57 Courtney Brame: I'll be watching anime and anime teaches us exactly how to live. Like I've been using my AI to have the conversation that draws the parallels between anime and quantum physics as well as um the eight limbs of yoga. And I think I've come up with something that's really good. Um, and I want to put that in the workshop that's going to be on August 29th, assuming that we can lock in the date in New York City. Um, and let this be a teaching tool. I'll be able to also present this at the Black Yoga Teachers Alliance if I ever get the email to solidify the date and when I'm presenting and everything. Um, so that's that's it. That's where we at. That's where we at. I thank y'all for listening to this point. Um, yeah. Thanks for listening to something positive for positive people. Please like, rate, review, subscribe to the podcast, take our survey. The survey is still up and it does not have a lot of responses. I I recognize that Instagram really don't like me no more. Uh, it was a great run to get the 10,000 followers on Instagram, but um I got to use the podcast a lot more strategically, especially for the promotion of events and trying to get people on his newsletter so we can build community. Most of the people who I hear from for the support group calls and um the one-on ones are in New York. Uh people if y'all stay subscribed to the newsletter and give me a reason to like be able to collect information or collect y'all's like locations and know this is where we need to go to do a support group. This is where we need to bring an expo to cuz that's something that we can do instead of people having to always come out to New York to find community. All right.

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