SPFPP Episode 179: Realigning with Intention
I get real vulnerable here which seems to be what people think I do on a regular, but it is very challenging for me to do this. I ask for help. I don't need it RIGHT now, but it's also not really for me, it's for us! I'm creating a survey for only people who have herpes created by us for us so that we get representation of our lived experiences out there to the world in a way that presents data. My goal is 1,000 participants which would really increase our credibility. The survey link will be shared once it's ready. I hope that everyone listening and who sees this will do their part in getting data that is relevant to us and updated with 2021 information that we care about.
And I talk about my thought process about ending the SPFPP podcast and stop bullshitting myself about the excuse I was making for it. Listen to find out.
Episode 179 Transcript
The Upcoming Survey and Redefining Transmission Risk
00:00:00 Courtney Brame: Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame. Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization connecting people who are struggling with STI stigma to mental health resources. I am very happy to announce that I am conducting a research studyish type thing. I don't really know what to call it. I'm just polling everybody I can about their experiences with herpes based on what people who have herpes said that they need it most. Um so I'm just asking a bunch of general questions. I don't know how many questions this is going to be, but I am really hoping that this is something that serves as more accurate recent representation of our community because everything that I've seen out there is either outdated or doesn't reflect what has come so far in the interviews that I've done with people who are living with herpes. Like what's out there appears irrelevant to what it is that our community needs.
00:01:26 Courtney Brame: Um, and I want to be able to change that. So, if you're hearing this, just please, please be on standby for when that survey drops. Um, right now I'm having the questions revised in a way that will present uh charts, percentages, and data that can easily be uploaded to the Something Positive for Positive People website and shared so that if you need tools for just understanding how many people with herpes are experiencing blank, then hopefully this will be something that can answer some of those questions. Now obviously I am unable to get transmission rates because I can't test for that. Um but I think that the survey results that are coming in will be something that justifies further investigation and hopefully more involvement from someone who can uh who has the resources to be able to conduct such a study or even with focus groups. One of the more common questions that has come up is samesex uh trans samesex partner transmission rates. I think that was the best way I could say it.
00:02:37 Courtney Brame: And I want to challenge that question with what's the difference between transmission rates and then transmission rates of same-sex partners. If we're talking about genital HSV, I don't think that it's rooted in body parts being used. I think it's about the genital to genital contact. So the better question would be uh transmission rates when certain sex acts are performed. So, if I am having penis and vagina or penis and anus sex versus rubbing uh vulvas together or rubbing penises together or sharing sex toys, whatever way that may look, uh that's probably more accurate of a representation of what transmission rates will look like. So there is either penetration occurring uh or no there's either genital genital contact or there's not genital genital contact if that makes sense. So, uh, that's one of the things that I'm figuring out how to ask to present. And I'm only using this as an example here because, uh, that was such a common question.
00:03:46 Courtney Brame: And it does reflect the need for more inclusive research to be done. um not just with herpes, but I'm sure that um sexual orientations and the kinds of sex that people are having, I think that there's much more influence there on what's considered safe or safer versus more risky. Um because the information just isn't out there. So, you have to figure it out on your own. I mean, I look at heteronormative type sex and think, okay, I know where my risks are here. But what if I am into ear stuff, you know, just as an example, but using different body parts? So, if I'm rubbing my ears in someone's vagina or they're rubbing up against their vulva, what's my risk of transmission from their genital HSV to my ear? Right? So I think that it's really about the body parts. And so um there's a lot of questions here that have come up in relation to the uh resources that are needed.
00:04:55 Courtney Brame: Uh people being in relationships, people who are uh single and monogamous versus single and non- monogamous, like where they may have contracted herpes from. And I think that that's a major part of this story as well. uh how or how we know or don't know that we got it, what our education was prior to our diagnosis versus afterwards. I think that this makes for a much more useful disclosure tool when you can go to a partner with this link to Something Positive for Positive People. All right. Hey, this organization has been interviewing people living with herpes over the last four years at that point and they've done a research study that a thousand people living with herpes replied to and here were the results based on that. I think that that has a lot more validity than something from 2010 or 2016 that just says here's how many people have herpes, especially considering that it doesn't seem like that after our diagnosis. Like once we're diagnosed, I mean, I don't care what the statistics are.
00:06:01 Courtney Brame: I care about the fact that I have it, right? So, please, I'm just using this as an opportunity to ask that you all please be involved. A lot of people listen to this podcast. A lot of people have found value in it. And this is a space where I want to encourage people to come get what they need and leave and only come back as you see necessary. I think that people who come through here grow and they evolve through listening to the experiences of other people who are navigating a similar situation and giving away the perspective and lessons that come along with that on how to further navigate living with this virus and navigate the stigma of living with it as well. So, I've not asked many people. Um, I asked for reviews for the podcast. I asked for donations if uh I give you time, but this may be the biggest ask that I make of the Something Positive for Positive People community.
00:07:04 Courtney Brame: I'm even going to branch out into a lot of other communities as well. So, taking it to Reddit, taking it to the Facebook support groups, even approaching the uh Instagram herpes accounts and people who talk openly about herpes, even people who don't, like some of the people that I've met over the last four years who've been major supporters. This is going to be my big ask. So, I absolutely need, we absolutely need our participation as a whole. If we can't come together for other things like hands, it is a failure. Herpes activist network uh networking to dismantle stigma that was a s*** show and a disaster and that's not what this is. This is something that goes beyond what hands could have done or maybe hands could have done this but um I am making this ass. So, if you've been around over the last four years, you've witnessed my own growth and development, and you've seen how this podcast has evolved. You've seen how it's turned into a nonprofit.
00:08:04 Courtney Brame: You've seen the good that is being done through this organization. You've seen the testimonials from the people who are in therapy or have come out of therapy talking about how useful those experiences were. And you see the screenshots that I share from DMs that I get uh periodically about people who were struggling with herpes stigma and they reached out and they found what it was that they were looking for. And so take this as an opportunity to contribute to being uh what people are looking for and a way that… in a way that feels good to you about it. And it's an anonymous survey and um I've put together I think I've done all of the work. I just need people to participate. Um I took one survey before and it got a hundred something. It cut off at a hundred something people. Um so I don't know how many people really took it and then the next survey I did was an absolute disaster.
00:09:00 Courtney Brame: But I think that that more so had to do with the fact that it was about yoga and not um it wasn't really about herpes and collecting data. So I'm confident that we can get a very large sample size here of a thousand people considering how many podcast listeners I have considering my Instagram following considering the network that I've accumulated over the last four years and hosting Something Positive for Positive People. So, I'm going to let that be the end of my sales pitch for uh inviting you and encouraging you to take this survey. And now I'll shift into today's topic.
The Illusion of "Either/Or" and the Threat of Quitting
Courtney Brame: So, um I am going to be fully transparent here. Uh I was considering just ending Something Positive for Positive People's podcast at episode 180. When you see the numerical podcast episode 180, that was supposed to have been the end of Something Positive for Positive People. Um, I've felt stuck is a good word. not burnt out, but just like stuck in are people getting what they need from me as a podcaster or can people get more from me if I make the decision to exclusively operate as a nonprofit?
00:10:25 Courtney Brame: And after a lot of reflection and thinking about that and just being met with it seems like the last three weeks, I've been met with more people who have reached out and just been like, I am so glad you exist and thank you for this podcast than ever before. And I'm going to take that along with a conversation I had with Carl. Carl owns a gym that I work at and teach yoga at. Um, those things combined make me feel like the shift that I was contemplating making may not be something that has to happen like an absolute. Um, I enjoy interviewing people. I really enjoy the conversations that I have here. And um, I feel like I had to choose. I felt like I had to choose between continuing to host this podcast and further the goals of the nonprofit. And what made me have that thought process was that there was a period where there wasn't a period, this is actually an ongoing thing right now.
00:11:38 Courtney Brame: um I won't say names but a company a well-known company had uh reached out and just was sharing data and I asked hey do you have someone that I could interview from your organization thinking it would look really good to have this particular organization alongside Something Positive for Positive People or for me to be able to say yeah I interviewed these this organization and I was really pumped about it and so long story short. We put it together. We did the recording and then not too long after hearing the recording, I heard this particular major organization on another podcast and there was also an ad for them as if they paid for an ad. And I was thinking to myself, wow, why didn't that happen for me? Because this is a major organization. And I've been looking to partner with organizations so that we can get funding in order to be able to put together more individual therapy for sure or group therapy. And the funding that comes in is purely donations and then some of my own money rather than it being like a major corporation or something that's like here here's a regular donation of X dollars.
00:13:00 Courtney Brame: So those 10, 20, 30, $50, $100 donations that come in here and there um on a regular basis are very very helpful and supportive. Occasionally we get big chunks of donations and by occasionally I just mean like when I do um a big thing such as uh the Dr. Evelin Dacker STARS Talk. Uh she donated all the proceeds of ticket sales after marketing expenses to Something Positive which ended up being $800 and I was like that was a fatty one. Um and we had an individual that donated $1,000 as well. But uh anyways, like I realized in the moment where I didn't pursue funding or some type of uh monetary partnership with them that I had been prioritizing the podcast at the expense of the nonprofit. Like I was so gung-ho to be partnered alongside this organization just for the sake of saying that I had them on the podcast that came at the expense of the people I have on this waiting list for receiving therapy services. And that s*** ate me up for a few days.
00:14:20 Courtney Brame: And I eventually ended up realizing that I was upset with myself. And I was upset with myself because I wasn't prioritizing what was important. These people like, I felt like I let them down. They don't know. They they'll have no f****** idea that this is what happened or that they're still on a waiting list because Courtney didn't capitalize on an opportunity that was in front of him. All they know is that I'm doing my best, I guess, but it ate me up. And I feel like I could have had those people in therapy now had I done what I was quote supposed to do or if I were prioritizing if my head was in the right place. And so after that situation, I thought, all right, I really need to prioritize the nonprofit over the podcast because that's what people need. And this is what I was telling myself, but over the last couple of weeks, like I've been presented with people who need the podcast.
00:15:28 Courtney Brame: This is what we're providing. So it may not necessarily be um it may not be therapy. It may not be counseling, but it is some form of support. And this is the only support that some people may have access to. And this was something that uh Carl had pointed out to me earlier today. Now, Carl's Carl's kind of person, I don't know if y'all have a friend like this, but they'll they'll go off on a tangent and at some points you'll be like, "What the f*** are you talking about?" But there are very key points. I'd say about 20% of what Carl was saying was like, "Okay, I have to make sure that I hold on to this. This is going to stick." And part of that 20% was that I can do both. And I'm the kind of person who I hate the phrase, you can't have your cake and eat it, too, because why the f*** would I have cake if I can't eat it?
00:16:20 Courtney Brame: And that applies to all areas of my life. Um, and this being one of them. Why would I treat this any different? Why can't I prioritize the podcast at this moment and then prioritize the nonprofit at this moment? Well, not the same moment, right? But at any given point, like it's integrated. Nothing has to suffer at the expense of something else. And that's what I was allowing myself to begin to believe as a result of this obstacle that was presented in front of me that I didn't like and I didn't like how I felt afterwards. And so, uh, y'all y'all might not hear who that company is for the simple fact that the audio quality of the podcast, um, wasn't necessarily up to it wasn't up to my standards either. But they were very professional in the way of saying that the recording quality was not very good. And I know that because like other podcasters, they have studios with microphones and they've got uh soundproof walls.
00:17:25 Courtney Brame: Like you can hear construction going on in the background of my s*** right now. Like I got this $200 mic, this $1,500 ass phone, and this $3 connecting piece that is how you're hearing me. This is what I got. Like this is me working with what I got. And another piece of that 20% of what Carl said was that um you don't want to get away from like what got you here. And I've always had this thought process of well what got me here won't keep me here. But that directly goes against my value of consistency in things that I do. So consistency looks all right, yeah, right now I've done four years worth of podcasts. Who's to say that it won't take until eight before it gets to that person that it was meant to have reached? Who's to say that it won't take for me to get to that one episode that resonates with somebody who decides that they're feeling brave today and they want to share this resource and they share it with somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody who is about to f****** hang themselves and then they get that ding on their text message and they just happen to look at it and then they see this episode which the title of whatever Something Positive for Positive People episode number it's
Universal Nudges and the Risk of Ego
00:18:41 Courtney Brame: on is something that sticks out to them and resonates with them and is enough to make them step off that chair. I began to get away from the original intention of Something Positive for Positive People, which is suicide prevention. This is a suicide prevention resource. And someone that I've uh become friends with over the last four years had recently lost their partner to suicide. And I've been able to uh peripherally observe how that's impacting her and how she's able to use her voice to uh uplift survivors of suicide and support them through her experience and her healing. And this just combined with so many things happening around me like I firmly believe that God, the universe, the source, your inner self, whatever you want to call it, whatever higher power or universal thing you believe in or speaks to you, it has a way of speaking and whispers. And those whispers are just like gentle nudges from the world around you. When you speak your perceived or whatever intention it is that you think you have or what it is that you want to do, the universe corrects course by presenting you with challenges around you that go against what that thing is that you thought you were supposed to have been
00:20:13 Courtney Brame: doing. Like no, because it's not about you and what you want to do. It's about that source. Like yeah, I can be here. I can have my fun. I can have all the sex I want. I can eat all the uh greasy disgusting food I want. I can listen to all the podcasts. I can do uh I can play all the Call of Duty War Zone I want to play. I can eat all the edibles I want. But at the end of the day, like those tertiary pleasures that I indulge in cannot come at the expense of my purpose after having been conscious of what that is. So if my purpose is to continue to interview people with herpes about their experience, uh talk to people who are living with STI, then that may be what I had to continue doing. And I again, I can't preach consistency and then not be consistent myself or think that it's time to walk away just because something didn't go my way.
00:21:16 Courtney Brame: And that's really where I was with that. And I don't. I don't like using walk away because the podcast is going to be there. I feel like people come, they get what they need, they may binge listen over the course of a weekend and then they're good and they never have to think about Something Positive for Positive People again. And um that may not be the case. And there may be somebody, there may be a handful of people, a dozen people, a hundred people who come here every week because this is their ongoing version of therapy. They may look forward to Fridays at midnight when these podcast episodes go out. So I also have to take those people into consideration and that this could be something that's their lifeline for support that if this stops then they have to change. And my thought process was, well, s***, like I am evolving and I need to know when it's time to walk away.
00:22:15 Courtney Brame: And so I was prepared to do that. Then I got um a conversation that I had yesterday, the conversation with Carl this morning. Um, I had someone reach out to me on Instagram who was happen who had happened to be available uh this morning for a conversation and we ended up talking and she said the same s***. It's like this phrase is constantly being repeated to me like I am so thankful that you are here and that you have this resource here. And I thought, you know, it's there so why can't it just be there and be available? There's almost 200 episodes of this podcast for people to just be able to come in. If they want to listen to all 200, cool. But um I got to get out of that thinking that I am sacrificing from the nonprofit at the prioritization of the podcast. So that is definitely something that I'm taking away from my own experience here, which is that's not what I need to be focused on.
00:23:23 Courtney Brame: Like I have to continue to honor the intention of this resource, which is in fact suicide prevention. And I got away from that for a minute. I started to think of this as a herpes resource because that's how other people see it. Just because you know other people don't see something that you see doesn't mean it's not there. It may be in my imagination. It may be projected from my past experiences. It may be something that can only be seen once you hit a certain point in your life. uh that activates the clarity that you need in order to be on the same wavelength here that I'm on in order to envision this as something that is genuinely keeping someone here a little bit longer. So, if someone is struggling with their herpes diagnosis or some other SCI, for them to be able to find this podcast and then be able to continue on for even just a little bit longer, then that's what it's about.
00:24:30 Courtney Brame: Like, that's who this is serving. And when that situation came up where it was like, damn, I could have gotten these people off this waiting list. What the f*** is wrong with me? Why did I f*** this up? That was me making it about me because it's not about me. It's not about what I want all the time. Like, yeah, there are moments where it's about me and I get those needs met when I need to. Uh, but yeah, it's about this service. It's about this mission. And um, that's why I was also contemplating uh, going on a little bit of a hiatus from the podcast in order to collect this research. But then people f****** came out of the woodworks wanting to help. I've got um someone who is a friend and her mom, they actually do research. They put surveys together and I let them know about my background.
00:25:23 Courtney Brame: I let them know about the podcast and the nonprofit and what I wanted to do and collect this data and they were super enthusiastic about supporting me and helping me do it. Like they… I wrote out the questions and they are right now as we speak. I got a text message that was a screenshot that was like, "You want us to use this one, right?" And they're on it right now as we speak. This is being taken care of because I made a statement to the universe and my intention was I guess my intention was to stop doing something because I needed to prioritize something else. But here we are now. Like I'm being presented with the tools to move forward. I may not know what the next step is or what it looks like. I'm walking into f****** darkness. But I know that there is something that is pulling me forward through whatever this darkness is. And each step that I take, the step appears, the next step appears or the ground and foundation uh it comes to be up underneath my feet.
COVID as the Great Clarifier
00:26:27 Courtney Brame: Metaphorically, of course. Um, because I don't know how to do surveys. I don't know how to f****** do research. Like I just asked everybody on my Instagram who has herpes, like what do you need? I know how to, I guess I do. I know how to do that. I know how to inspire people to open up, inspire some sort of action perhaps. Um, so that may just have been enough for me to set this intention and then the universe to be like, "All right, here you go. Here's everything you need in order to make that happen." Because even in like walking away from the podcast, I even tried to justify, all right, I need to start making money. Uh, the world's opening back up. I can't keep getting unemployment assistance, I need to focus on getting more clients up here in the gym and personal training as well as teaching my yoga.
00:27:18 Courtney Brame: Like, I need to make these things a priority for myself so that I can balance out my self- sustainability with the charity that I'm providing. And the universe is like, no. Because I even had this vision, damn, I hate that I'm like going into this kind of s***, but it's important. I had this vision of like I have this belief that uh God is just one force being whatever. So imagine like a power box and us as life and souls and s*** are electrical sparks from that source. Sparks go, they hit the ground, they fizzle out and somehow return back to the source, right? And that's been what my belief has been. So there's no one like the others really. I'm on a plane of existence in reality where it's just me. And that has happened infinite times for every individual playing out whatever script it is. And then God gets to go through and experience each of those individually under the illusion that everyone else is just not God on a different plane of reality and existence where really God's just alone.
00:28:26 Courtney Brame: That's some really dark s***. If you want to talk about this more, I am happy to bounce that off of people, but that's just kind of what I have felt. Um, but the vision that I had ended up being, um, if that's the case, if uh if it is just me, if it's only me, then I ask myself, why do I do certain things? Why this? Why that? That's kind of where this whole thing is coming from as I go into answering the question that I just posed. Okay, I think I've given enough context there. But in this vision, it was what if I manifested COVID for the sake of this reality that I'm in, the body that I inhabit and all of that and the purpose that I'm fulfilling, right? And if that were the case, I look at everything that's happened since 2020 and now, and there is no way that Something Positive for Positive People would be as impactful to people who have now had to sit down and take in um the reality of dealing with their diagnosis.
00:29:50 Courtney Brame: I've gotten a lot of messages in regards to that like COVID making people have to deal with certain things. Maybe I wouldn't have interviewed as many people as I have. Maybe I wouldn't have been sitting down as much as I have to be able to invest more time and energy into the development of Something Positive for Positive People. Maybe I wouldn't have met my therapist if this weren't a pandemic. Maybe I'd have found other ways to cope and heal and deal with the things that I had been avoiding because I was hosting this podcast. But what happened? I hosted this podcast. I ran the nonprofit. I still tried to train people. I still got my yoga teacher certification and taught classes and put together events and I had therapy. So there's really not an excuse for this or that mentality. the word or really shouldn't even be in my vocabulary unless it's a matter of being in two places at once like uh food choices and restaurants even then I can say oh this today that tomorrow but uh had I manifested the experiences or the happenings of covid in my life and what they represent on this plane of reality again I am speaking for my experience only um I I've been supported in progressing through the development of Something Positive
00:31:17 Courtney Brame: for positive people in a way that it's allowed for me to be most accessible than I've ever been to people when they need me. I've been able to invest in this therapist that I probably wouldn't have had had it not been for the pandemic. I could have burned out because I wasn't talking to anyone seriously about what has been going on in my life. maybe I wouldn't have met uh some of the partners that I've had that have all taught me things about myself and patience and um having grace with myself. I wouldn't have had my needs met in the way that maybe I would have used this platform as a way of getting needs met. Um and there's just so many different ways that this could have gone, but I feel like it's gone exactly as it's supposed to. So I have to begin practicing. I have to practice trusting myself and trusting my intuition and that whatever situation I find myself in whatever the signs are like I know in my body what needs to be done.
00:32:21 Courtney Brame: I know in my body how I need to be serving the communities that I serve. I know I know this at my core right. So despite this whole illusion of separateness like in helping other people I believe that I am helping some aspect of myself that electricity that runs through the nervous system that fuels the body and the mind like we are all that and we are all connected to whatever that source energy thing is that we believe in. And I think that's a really good question to ask yourself. You know, if COVID was a manifestation of you, you know, what have you, what are you doing? What have you done? How have you changed? Who are you? These are all really decent questions for you to just start asking yourself. Um because for me, I think that I probably would have walked away. Um and I would have been fine with it if I were ignoring these signs and I wouldn't be able to um I wouldn't be able to recognize and acknowledge these signs if I wasn't so clear on my intention initially.
Getting Back in Alignment
00:33:35 Courtney Brame: And when you set an intention, when things deviate you from the plan or the trajectory that you're supposed to be on in order to uh achieve whatever goal that you intend to set out, you get redirected um or you can get distracted if you don't have that clarity. if you lose focus. So for me, that wasn't the case. I lost focus. I started to think I can't help people with herpes by continuing to talk about herpes because I'm trying to teach people to come get what you need and leave. That's what I want for y'all. I want for y'all to be able to come here, get the information, and go on about your business because that's what the majority of the people with herpes are doing. Um, and this shouldn't be like a coping thing at all. Like I don't think that we should be looking for ways of coping or distracting ourselves from dealing with everything that comes with a herpes diagnosis or even things that don't come with a herpes diagnosis.
00:34:35 Courtney Brame: There's a lot there. There's a lot to be said for how we navigate dealing with these kinds of things. But I'm sharing this here with you all just as I guess a vulnerable moment. um that you will be reminded, you'll see green flags from the universe to go this direction. And you got to be willing to listen to that because if I didn't like to hear it, I don't know how it would have been shown to me. I think that it comes with a soft whisper and then a soft tone and then a statement perhaps or a word and then there's yelling. And if you ain't listening to the yelling because you're distracted by other voices that are around you or whatever distractions you have for yourself, then it turns into a f****** uppercut or punch in the face. That's when it turns into a job loss. That is when it turns into the end of a relationship.
00:35:37 Courtney Brame: is when it turns into um this just anxiety or mental health uh struggles or emotional well-being struggles or maybe it shows up in your body to where you can't even move or breathe or something like that. So, we got to listen to these signs. We got to listen and when we get those nudges, we got to be brave enough to take the necessary action. So, for me, what that action looked like was putting together these surveys and accepting the help that's coming along with it. I believe that when I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, no matter how I don't know a way or if I do have an idea of what it's supposed to be like, I will always be supported in whatever that endeavor is. And I will always have the means of finding a way as long as I am willing to walk the path. So that path is just something that is intuitively in me. And I was ready.
00:36:32 Courtney Brame: I was ready. I got uh I did things to set this up to where I could just walk away. And I thought, damn, you know, I really do need to make some more money for myself. So, stepping away from this gives me time to be able to do that. But I know I know myself. And considering where I was before this, when I did have a full-time job and I was able to work, uh the eight hour shift was actually more of like a 12-h hour shift if you include getting ready and uh having to stay after work some days and then lunch breaks and making up for any time that I might have been gone from that and then socializing. All of these things would have definitely taken away from the progression of Something Positive for Positive People. So that vision that I had was one of clarity and confirmation of all right like this is what the circumstances are now Courtney how can you make the most out of it and I've done that and I guess now that the the restrictions are being lifted and vaccinations are occurring and people are able to open back up into the world or integrate back into the world.
00:37:46 Courtney Brame: I'm beginning to revert back to the version of myself that wants what he wants more so than what my soul wants or what my purpose wants or whatever the original intention or I'm losing sight of the initial intention. So, uh the little redirects that I've been getting, I hear them. All right. I'm taking the appropriate action. I'm doing what I got to do and making sure that uh I'm taken care of and that uh the purpose is being pursued and achieved. Right? So, um just closing this all out like that vision and these conversations that I've been having with people. Um, I'm going to continue to host the podcast and like I could have just not said anything at all and no one would have noticed anything different about it, but I also have to be uh I have to do this nonprofit. Like I'm serving people in every way possible.
00:38:53 Courtney Brame: Not the way that I see fit, but the way that it's supposed to be. again with supposed to be meaning whatever my internal driver was that was instilled in me when this soul made contact with the DNA that eventually grew from whatever sperm egg contact and turned into this body like that programming has to be fulfilled and the way that that has to be fulfilled is just with this continued validation that this is my life this is who I am and this is this is gonna be something that I'm always going to be able to do as long as I'm doing it. Um, so yeah, consistency is key. And um, listen to your intuition and please take that survey. Like stick around uh the podcast and just check in. Uh, I'll be sure to link it in the notes. I'm going to share it everywhere I can, but I definitely want for us to be able to have this data. And this was just here.
00:39:56 Courtney Brame: This was the thought process that brought this about. So full circle, you know, it started with, all right, time for me to walk away and do what I want to do. And then just being met with reassurance that I am doing what I want to do. It's just not what my I guess ego wants for me to be doing. Like this is Courtney's purpose. And so, um, yeah, it is I. I had a little bit of an emotional response to something and I felt upset about it and thought that I wasn't doing enough, so to speak, for those people who are on that waiting list. And I thought, all right, time to go balls deep into making money so that I can pay for the people's therapy myself because that's ultimately what it would have come down to. And I had a tarot read and this lady told me, "Stop doing that s***. Like, I have to stop." um prioritizing charity over my self-
00:40:48 Courtney Brame: sustainability. Like there needs to be more focus on self sustainability is what she said. So um I'm going to just see how this plays out cuz clearly I can do both. And when I try to shut one thing down, I'm defying my internal drive of continuing to pursue my purpose. And then that's where that feeling of stuckness and stagnancy came in. Again, it didn't turn out. I love y'all. I love that y'all are here. I love that y'all continue to support me. I love that um I'm constantly meeting new people and I feel connected. Um but yeah, it was just that feeling of stagnance and I can do more if I do less with this or if I do nothing with this. But that ain't really how this works. Like it's almost as if a muscle's being worked for me to be able to continue to expand my bandwidth of emotional support and support resources to the audience that I serve through this podcast, to the people who receive mental health services, to the people who engage with me on social media, and like all I really got to do is quit b*********** and chasing women because that's where my priorities been.
00:42:00 Courtney Brame: There I said it. All right. I'm out here. I'm probably having the most sex probably that I've ever had in my entire life. And that's more than likely taking away from things. And I'm wanting to take away from the wrong things. Bam. I said it. All right. That's what's going to conclude this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. Please like, rate, review, subscribe to this podcast or your favorite podcast hosting platforms. And um yeah, be honest with yourself. Please be honest with yourself. That was me. This entire episode could have been condensed to that one sentence after I told y'all to take the survey, but I chose to get you to run around and just demonstrate how people can b******* themselves out of the truth. So, as long as you are honest, things would be taken care of. Like, this s*** brought about an outbreak for me because I wasn't being honest with myself. So, truth be told, I just need to quit chasing women and be focused on what my goals are. So, thanks for listening. Until next time, stay sex positive.
Transcription ended after 00:57:12
