SPFPP 201: Sexual Health is Mental Health - Identity Validation as Self Care

It feels so good to be back from hiatus. I hadn't realized what disengaging from my identity here as a podcaster was doing for me, but it was through this experience that I learned. I was prioritizing money over being and in turn I was able to identify various ways my identity was being invalidated over time. That invalidation of identity led to burnout manifested in the form of a hiatus. On this episode, you see where I'm at and where we're going with SPFPP. And also, shoutout to Elle Stanger for putting me onto Audre Lorde who I tried to quote in this podcast episode but butchered it, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare”.

Episode 201 Transcript

Got it locked in. This text is actually marked as Episode 201 in the transcript itself (the triumphant return from the 5-month hiatus!), so I have formatted it accordingly.

This is a beautiful "welcome back" episode. Stepping away for five months to realize that your burnout was coming from chasing funding rather than fueling your passion is a profound realization. Your connection between Audre Lorde’s work and your own revelation that "self-care is identity validation" perfectly frames the evolution of SPFPP from just a herpes support platform to a fully-fledged suicide prevention and mental health resource.

Here is the formatted payload for Episode 201.

SEO Title

Returning from Hiatus: Burnout, Identity Validation, and Suicide Prevention | SPFPP 201

SEO Description

Courtney Brame returns from a five-month hiatus to discuss overcoming burnout, the importance of identity validation, and refocusing SPFPP on suicide prevention.

Blog / Squarespace Excerpt

After a five-month hiatus, Courtney Brame is back to the mic with a renewed sense of purpose. In Episode 201 of Something Positive for Positive People, Courtney opens up about his battle with burnout, the trap of chasing funding at the expense of his passion, and his revelation that true self-care is fundamentally about identity validation. Drawing inspiration from Audre Lorde, he reflects on merging his "H on my chest" persona with his authentic self, his recent move to Portland, and the decision to realign SPFPP with its core mission: suicide prevention through the intersection of sexual and mental health.

Transcript

Returning from Hiatus and the "Self" Podcast

00:00:00 Courtney Brame: I got chills just now as I fix my lips to say welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm your host, Courtney Brame. Something positive for Positive People is a podcast highlighting the intersection of sexual health and mental health. I will be interviewing people about their experiences navigating sexually transmitted infections as well as experts on the topic that work in STD prevention, sex educators, sexual health and wellness organizations. And I'll be talking to people about their mental health. We want to really destigmatize mental health. I think that that's how we go about destigmatizing sexual health. And I'll be interviewing therapists, counselors, mental health professionals, and people who have lived experiences with mental health. Um, don't want to say disorders, but that's the clinical term. Challenges. Let's call them challenges. Felt so good to say that again. I don't think I've said that for five months now. The podcast has been on hiatus and I decided to take that time to try and find funding and uh given that um you're hearing my voice right now uh I was unable to do that.

00:01:41 Courtney Brame: I was unsuccessful in getting funding for Something Positive for Positive People then I'm profitable in order to keep paying for people to get therapy. So season two is actually just going to be a continuation of what I've already been doing. Like the good thing about this is I don't have to operate under anybody's guidelines. I don't have to follow any kind of a structure. And I guess like looking back, that's what's made Something Positive for Positive People as successful as it has been. Um, people have been telling me you should be a coach or you should be a therapist. And part of me is just like, well, I don't think that I would be able to really connect with people with that hierarchy of the title if I'm Courtney Bra, um, MSW, or whatever other letters there are that come with that over the course of the next however many years. I think people connect with me simply because I'm just a dude with a podcast and I connect with people who have those titles.

00:02:41 Courtney Brame: But if I had those titles, I would also be required to report certain things and I think that that would contribute to people's um feeling not safe to disclose certain information to me. Don't get me wrong, I heard some messed up stuff from people, but um it's not my place to judge. My place is to hold space and in that holding of space and being able to be um just capable of sharing that emotional exchange back and forth with somebody in order to support them in getting to a place where they're really to they're ready to uh explore their own healing. That's my thing. Like that's my work. That's my gift if you will. So, what's really been happening over these last four or five months really? Um, I've been doing a lot of understanding what it means to run a nonprofit. I've still been active on social media platforms. People have still been downloading the podcast and I also started a uh podcast where it's just me talking.

00:03:47 Courtney Brame: I call it Self with Courtney Brain, Sl. And it was just word play on self-education and um just like selfed in a sense of uh like getting selfed whatever that means. Uh it was just basically me processing therapy. Whatever I talked about in therapy, I'd come on to that podcast and just like process it became a weekly check-in with accountability um to just share with people um so that whatever experiences they might have been having, they were able to take from someone who is just like them and hopefully see some parallels and be able to make a connection. I haven't promoted it really like if someone listened to it and shared it. I'll reshare it. Um, but that's really been it. And throughout that process, I've learned just how important identity validation is. When I hear the word self-care, I hear in association with it, making a purchase, doing something that is actually doing something like, oh, go for a run, go out, go for a walk, take a bath.

Audre Lorde, Identity Validation, and Burnout

00:05:07 Courtney Brame: And I don't really see how any of those things connect with identity validation because to me, that's what selfcare is. selfcare is identity validation. And uh I want to shout out uh El Stanger stripper writer online for uh bringing something to my awareness. This person, this uh Black lesbian who passed away in 1992, Audrey Lord, who and I don't know the quote verbatim, but paraphrasing it, something about um self-expression being a rebellion. Oh my god. The most revolutionary thing you can do is self I don't I don't remember the quote, but whatever it was, uh L had pointed out to me that it she she asked if I had heard of that person. I remember hearing the name, but I wasn't familiar with her- Audrey Lord's work. Um and lately, I've been like talking about identity validation as suicide prevention, identity validation about a person being who they were, that 10 minutes before they received their diagnosis being that suicide prevention and uh being supportive in helping them with navigating stigma and also as self-care.

00:06:35 Courtney Brame: And so to have that have had that pointed out to me was very affirming and validating to know that my beliefs align with a Black lesbian activist. That's real cool. And so I want to be more in tune with her work and learn more about her as I continue to move forward with this concept of identity validation as a form of self-care as a form of healing, as a form of self-development even and also as a way to minimize burnout. And uh I've done a presentation for the National Coalition of STD directors about that topic, like utilizing self-care as identity validation to minimize burnout. And that's been something that I've been doing all this time without even realizing it. And I recognize that my peak symptoms of burnout have come from me overextending myself to be for people something that I'm not. So for example, when people come to H on my chest, Something Positive for Positive People, it's usually something in relation to herpes. I am very well equipped to utilize the experiences that have been shared with me and bring up curiosity so that the person I'm chatting with can uh sort of compare notes and look for similarities and differences, take what it is that they need to apply to their situation and then move forward.

00:08:09 Courtney Brame: It's when people have come to me knowing that this is how I approach things and they ask for something of me that goes beyond herpes, right? I recognize that my attempt to give them what they're asking for isn't in the area of my experience and then for it to not be quite successful. That's where I experience symptoms of burnout. Those are the engagements that when they happen, I feel like I need to take a weekend off of social media or I feel like I need to just retreat from people. And I don't. I don't need that and nobody else needs that. It's not good for the world for me not to practice identity validation for myself. And this new evolved form, well, it's not new because Lorde is someone who is a perfect example of it. Um I need to read before I continue to say that kind of thing. But for me identity validation is podcasting, interviewing people, connecting with people at this level because I identify as a podcaster and I haven't been doing that.

00:09:27 Courtney Brame: Like I've talked to myself into a microphone but I haven't been doing the podcasting thing. And perhaps because of that, that hiatus that I took away from Something Positive for Positive People, that's where I was experiencing a little bit of burnout for myself. I identify as um I identify with a lot of the anime superhero characters that I watch on TV, that I uh read in manga. Um, I haven't been doing that. Like I've been so focused on trying to secure stability in my finances through Something Positive for Positive People by seeking out funding that I just haven't been validating my identity and through looking for funding and those opportunities. While yeah, I go into it I'm excited, anything new that you go into, you're going to be super duper excited about. But I just haven't been able to get any funding. And that's okay because fortunately other opportunities have come my way just through um podcasting and producing podcasts and uh teaching yoga. So Something Positive for Positive People as a nonprofit will continue to be a nonprofit.

00:10:43 Courtney Brame: But it's more important to me now that I remain anchored in validating my identity, which looks like continuing to do this podcast without trying to make it into more than just my passion. I don't want this, I don't want to, I don't need to make this my career. I have skills that support me in being able to financially provide for myself that I just haven't been capitalizing on because my laser focus has been shifted to making Something Positive for Positive People successful in the form of money. And I've talked about this on my other podcast self as I process therapy. What success looks like to me is being able to create opportunities and through ing like I don't I don't need money in order to create opportunities podcasting. I need money in order to create opportunities through a nonprofit. So which one is contributing more value to the world? I feel like this is me being able to have these conversations with people, me being able to think out loud and express myself in a sense of how people who come here can come get what they need and then leave.

Financial Realities, Moving to Portland, and Affordable Therapy

00:11:58 Courtney Brame: I'm creating the opportunity for people to do that for themselves. And that makes me feel good. It makes me happy to do that. Like I feel fulfilled when I hit that end button after a recording of 30 minutes, 40 minutes, an hour, and just take that first breath of just relief of I know that I just put something good out into the world. I know that I just created an opportunity for somebody to heal. And so, um, I mean, from this moment on, like maybe I'll continue to apply for funding, but I think that my greatest insecurity right now is my financial instability. I don't have that. I made a decision I was going to go balls to the wall and try to make Something Positive for Positive People my career. But uh with the Patreon subscribers that we have right now and the donations that come in, I'm able to continue to just operate uh from the bare minimum to the point where if something does come in that um I'm not I'm not going to be out of money, but um offering therapy right now is not realistic.

00:13:08 Courtney Brame: So um I want to apologize to anybody who was on a wait list for that. U but this is the form that I can offer. If you are someone who needs therapy, if you are someone who uh maybe can't afford it, then I am more than happy to connect with you and support you in looking for a therapist. I can help you with some of the things that I've learned, terminology. I can connect you to maybe some of the therapists that I know that are willing to work with you financially. For instance, um my therapist, I let them know like, "Hey, I can't afford to work with you right now. I would love to work with you, but once I'm in a much more financially secure situation, I'll be able to do that." So, he asked me, he was like, "Well, what can you afford?" I sent him a screenshot of the amount of money that was in my Vimmo. He told me, "All right, we'll do 10 sessions." And I was like,

00:14:04 Courtney Brame: "Man, like this is a steal. I am robbing you right now. Let's do 30 minute sessions." So, we got 30 minute sessions at the most affordable rate of therapy that I have ever been able to find. And um yeah, I hope that there can come a time where I'm making so much money that I'll be able to just hire a full-time therapist to work with people who come to Something Positive for Positive People rather than me, you know, having to tell people pause or wait or be like, "Well, how much money do you have? like what's what's in your budget, you know? So maybe maybe that just needs to be what the nonprofit functions are. But as far as this podcast goes, like this is a useful tool. This is a useful resource. And I've been neglecting that for long enough in order to get to the point of discovering that s***, man. This is what Something Positive for Positive People is.

00:15:05 Courtney Brame: slapping a 501c3 nonprofit status on it. Um, just it holds space for opportunities to be able to come in, but I don't. I don't foresee having this next portion of Something Positive for Positive People be funded. So, um I'm going to continue doing this. And the reason that I'm coming back here right now is just because I had a little bit of time in nature. I had a few experiences over the past month. Um, oh, I don't think I mentioned this here, but I moved to Portland, Oregon from St. Louis, Missouri. Uh, I got here Halloween night 2021. And, um, yeah, I'm here. Uh, I like it here. I think that this too has been a place that's been super validating for my identity. like just even as um I feel like a strong sense of community, a strong sense of allyship as a Black man as well. Like yeah, Portland's super f****** white. I didn't mean to say the f word.

00:16:09 Courtney Brame: Now I got to put explicit on the podcast recording. But I'm not editing that out. That's another thing. I love not having to edit my podcast. I get to just be real and if I say something where I mess up, I catch it quicker. That applies to real life as well because I'll be out, I'll be talking to people and I might say the wrong thing, but I can correct myself really quickly. I can't tell you how many people I've uh like how many times I've misused pronouns and just been able to go, "Oh, my apologies. I know better. I won't do that again. I'm sorry." So, it's really good practice to be able to do that, too. Um this next phase of Something Positive for Positive People as I mentioned in the introduction is going to shift focus to that entirety of sexual health is mental health. Like that's that's the theme moving forward.

The Core Mission: Suicide Prevention and Integrating the Self

00:17:06 Courtney Brame: I don't want to call this season two actually like we're just going to continue to do what we've been doing and I want to expand the conversation to be more inclusive to discussions and dialogue around mental health. I want to also be able to integrate the two integrating sexual health and mental health resources because they are so connected that I arguably say that they're the same thing. I've had opportunities to present at conferences and talk about this in more detail. And these are opportunities that have come as a result of the podcast. And I'm very very grateful for those opportunities. I'm grateful for the audience. I'm grateful for the guests. I'm grateful for all of the people who've been so willing to just be vulnerable with me and support me in getting to this point of realizing, you know, that while talking about herpes to this point has been What got us here? Like the core of this is suicide prevention. If people who got herpes didn't want to kill themselves, there might not be Something Positive for Positive People.

00:18:12 Courtney Brame: Or if there was, it would be in a completely different way. But everything that stemmed from me engaging with those people who talked about suicide and wanting to end their lives because of the herpes diagnosis has like been a driving force to this point. And I lose track of that. I lose sight of that periodically because of the influences of other people. And I don't want to do that. Like, you know, if you feel compelled to donate, donate. But I feel like these resources need to be widely accessible and available to anyone who needs them. I don't want to put a pay wall up. I tell everybody who subscribes to Patreon, hey, thank you for being here. I ain't got nothing for you except uh for your just knowing that you're supporting us with being able to keep the bills paid. And you know, it's not much like $1,000 a year in total. Um as long as I'm not bringing in more than $50,000, Something Positive for Positive People can continue to operate just as it has been minus the paying out for therapy.

00:19:20 Courtney Brame: Um this has been self-funded. Like I enjoy accumulating the So whenever I do like businessy stuff, um I'll use financial stuff and then pay it off right away uh myself so that the company has some sort of a track record for being a nonprofit organization in the event that there's any kind of an audit or something like that. But I know that I have to pay X do$ 200 something dollars every year for the tax status to remain a nonprofit and then whatever the website cost is. But for the most part, that's it. The Patreon subscribers cover the housekeeping costs. And then um as far as my time that goes into interviewing, like I don't look at this as a job. I look at this as my passion. And the more that I'm able to continue to explore this passion, expand on it, and validate my identity as a podcaster by continuing to do more of the podcasting functions. That makes me feel in alignment to be able to go into the world and not, you know, experience extreme symptoms of burnout.

00:20:30 Courtney Brame: And my time off has really made me realize that I've been trying to keep Courtney and H on my chest separate. I've been treating them like two different people and they're the same person. That's who I am. I'm all about this sex positivity, consent, mental health, sex education, and I like yoga and I like podcasting and I like hearing myself talk a little bit. One of the most likely compliments that I can get from a person is hearing you're right. And I had to really struggle with accepting that about myself because I do this thing where I exercise over humility at the expense of like I don't want to come off as being arrogant or uh narcissistic at all. And part of my healing over the last fiveish months has been combating that and recognizing where that comes from. I think I mentioned having the conversation with my mom about why she says I'm arrogant like my dad or a narcissist like my dad.

00:21:32 Courtney Brame: My dad ain't no damn narcissist. My dad's very intelligent. I will give him that. But he's not a narcissist. Is he arrogant? Yeah. But like even in that um if I didn't share that story, I remember I called my mom one day and I was like, "Hey, you often say Courtney, you're arrogant just like your dad. What do you mean by that?" And my mom said something that didn't make sense. So, I kind of dismissed it at that point. I hope she'll listen to this. Uh, she was like, "Well, in the Bible it says," and then I cut it off. I kind of cut off what she said after that. So, I called my dad and I told him what my mom said. He was like, "Well, son, does your arrogance have merit?" I paused. I gave that little huh side eye. I was like, "Yeah." He said,

00:22:15 Courtney Brame: "All right, then. It's not arrogance, it's confidence." I was like, "Thank you." So, we talked a little bit more and then I got off the phone with him and I called my grandfather, my mom's dad, and I told him the same thing and we were talking and as we were talking, he talked about just like people being jealous of you and wanting what you have and you got to watch your back. And I cut him off. I was like, yo, she didn't mean that I was arrogant like my dad. She meant I was arrogant like her dad. And even then, it didn't make sense. So, this was just a complete projection of my mom's perspective of me being projected from her relationship with her own dad. Cuz I mean, essentially, that's who raised me. And my overhumility has come to um it's been harmful to my confidence. I seem like I'm less confident than I really am because I don't want to be perceived as overly confident or arrogant, but then like yeah, it's got this like teeter tottering effect.

00:23:26 Courtney Brame: So, I feel that integrating my identity as H on my chest with my identity as Courtney Brain, that eliminates the need for over humility. It eliminates that fear of being perceived as arrogant or a narcissist. That's just what it is. So, I'm really excited and happy to just be in a place that feels validating to my overall identity, not separated. Like back in back home in St. Louis, Missouri, I felt like I had to be Courtney in person. But online, I got to be a H on my chest or vice versa, depending on what the situation was. But here I am now in a place that seems to be validating all of that and people just get to be who they are. like I haven't experienced this before and I've experienced not only acceptance but also understanding um when I share experiences with people and I'm met with more than just oh good for you or I'm happy for you I'm happy to hear that for you I love that for you I'm met with that and a little bit of a back and forth exchange like there's the opportunity to share lived experiences and for these experiences to be relatable to one another absolutely Absolutely love that s***.

Dating, Transparency, and Financial Insecurities

00:24:43 Courtney Brame: There I go. I said s***. I'm definitely gonna have to mark this podcast explicitly. I'm done even trying at this point. Um, some experiences that I've had that I think are worth mentioning here now. Um, I am single. Uh, what I've learned about myself is that I am non- monogamous until I'm in a relationship. Like that's just where we stand right now. um what that looks like. It looks like me being transparent about not knowing what I want. It looks like me being transparent about this being able to um communicate well enough to co-create whatever the trajectory of said relationship is going to be. I've been dating. It's been going well. like being able to just be upfront about, hey, I don't know what I want, but here's what I can tell you has been super useful. And I've been able to lately be transparent about my own insecurities and uh transparent about the fact that these are things that I'm working on.

00:25:48 Courtney Brame: Um I am not focused on, but I mentioned that there have been opportunities for me to make money. So now I'm in this place of um preparing for those things. And the more secure I am in my ability to provide basic needs for myself, like the better of a partner I'll be because it alleviates those financial insecurities. People be like, "Money can't buy you happiness. Money can buy you what the f*** you need in order to uh be the kind of person who can be happy." Like, I'm happy as it is. Yeah. But with an income, a consistent income, like I will be much much more grounded, centered, and not all over the place about things or antsy because I'm waiting to know if I'm going to be able to pay my bills next month or whatever. So, that's kind of been like um a little bit of a struggle back and forth for me because I'm like, damn, do I need to be dating?

00:26:56 Courtney Brame: Like, I don't know. But what's the word I'm looking for? the the overcompensation of a lack of finances I recognize has shown up for me sexually like feeling like damn you know I can't really we can go uh get these tacos like I can buy a couple of drinks we can pregame but all of that like being I don't have much more to offer than this except for some decent dick if that's where we want to take Uh, so yeah, and I'm I've worked I've been working on that through therapy. And one of the ways that I've been healing with that is to just be honest. Just be transparent. Like, hey, I'mma put my insecurity out here right up front. I am not satisfied with where I am financially. And I'm noticing that that really does welcome an opportunity for connection for the other person to be able to be vulnerable as well about where they are, about what their needs are, about what they want, uh or whatever it is that they don't know what they want.

00:28:12 Courtney Brame: But this has been such a wonderful learning experience for me in practicing vulnerability, in making space for me to validate my identities as well and not be using unconsciously using partners to grow, learn from, and heal, but to put my s*** out there on display in a way that um like I got to commit to it. I'm committed to healing. I'm committed to um doing what I say I'm going to do. And I share all of that to this point because look at how much of that had nothing to do with herbism. How much of what I just shared can you relate to? How much of what I just shared was more about mental health, about your overall emotional well-being, about your self-image, about your identity, identities. How are you caring for your identities? How are you validating your identities? How are you practicing vulnerability so that you can explore and discover where your identities are, where they intersect?

00:29:50 Courtney Brame: How can you express your identities as a practice of identity validation? That's what Something Positive for Positive People is. That's what Something Positive for Positive People is about. While herpes may have gotten you here, that ain't going to be what keeps you. That's not going to be why you come back. I want you to come back because you want to challenge yourself. I want you to come back because you feel validated in your identity. Identity is in this space. I want you to come back because you feel like you're learning to practice vulnerability. I want you to come back because it is validating your identity. I want you to be able to say you learned something here from the lived experiences of just everyday people who are navigating the challenges of stigma. And when I say stigma, I don't just mean STI stigma. I'm not talking about just herpes stigma. I'm talking about just the the stigma of being a human who comes in and out of having mental health challenges who's dealing with the reality of daytoday just life and being able to learn from these everyday people who are just like you and me how they dealt with them and see what applies and what fits for you.

00:31:22 Courtney Brame: How can you apply? How can you make it work for yourself? This is a brave space for identity validation. This is where we do self exploration. This is where you have moments of self-discovery. This Something Positive for Positive People. This is a space of selfeducation. And even for me, man, like I've I've learned so much just through talking to people. And I think that I've mentioned this on my latest Instagram post to this day that I wish that everyone who engages with me one-on-one out of fear of engaging openly and publicly in the comments of posts. I wish that y'all had the opportunity to just get a glimpse of what I see possible through our just being brave enough to put ourselves out there. Like there's so many people I would love to just match with one another and put in spaces of like clusters of support groups, not even support groups, but just friendship groups. And like I that was just validated.

Expanding the Community, Yoga Training, and a New Tagline

00:32:42 Courtney Brame: I just got a text message from someone who uh was in a situation. She's divorced. She has two kids. She's successful and she feels like the support groups and dating sites just aren't for her. She is in a whole different tax bracket and she bad. And when she was telling me her story, I immediately was thinking to myself, "Ooh, I'm going to connect her to this person." I connected them and like 10 days later, I got a text out the blue to just brighten my day. Hey, thank you for connecting me with so- and so. Like, we've had really great conversations and it's been super helpful. That to me is validating my identity as a connector. So like the more that I lean into my intuition and do what it is that feels right, not just for uh not just for this community but also for myself feels it feels good. It feels good. Oh, and before I forget, the Something Positive for Positive People uh podcast Facebook page is not going to like it if it exists and it just hasn't been active.

00:33:50 Courtney Brame: Like everybody in there like I'll post something and just not get any engagement. So, I'm going to go ahead and open that up to um to people period. And we're going to broaden the conversations from not just being about herpes of course, but all things Something Positive for Positive People. I'm going to be there seeking out guests. I'm going to be in there asking for things. I'm going to be there sharing things. Uh that's that's my community like that's th those are our people. I'm very connected to people on Instagram one-on-one, but for the sake of consistent engagement and being able to expand a bit more, I'm going to bring it to that podcast group on Facebook. So, if you're in there now and you are listening to this and you don't want to be in there with people who might not have herpes, then go ahead and leave because like I said, this space is for you to come get what you need in regards to the SCI situation and then leave.

00:34:45 Courtney Brame: If you stay, it's because you like me. It's because you like the space and the identity validation that you receive through hearing these lived experiences. But I don't want anybody here obsessing over their diagnosis anymore. I want people to come here and want to be a part of the conversation, want to contribute, wanting to take away something that they can apply in their day-to-day life or go on and be some sort of a mental health advocate and do so in a way where you're sharing the lived experiences of people that you heard on this podcast. Uh I am working now to support a university in the development of a podcast that speaks to uh science science dissemination and implementation science. That's what it is. Uh and the overall premise is that it takes more than 40 years for science to catch up to the communities that the science was initially done for. Like the studies, the research was conducted for. And the purpose of this podcast is to create a new trend of shortening the gap between when the research is done and then when it's implemented to the communities that it was done for.

00:36:01 Courtney Brame: That's like that. That's where I'm at. That's what I want to be able to do. I forgot where I was going with that. So frustrating sometimes. Um, but yeah, this is purpose driven. Like I'm getting chills over here talking about it. That long pause at the beginning, being able to say with confidence, this is what Something Positive for Positive People is. Like I needed that. And I've been so like making an attempt to just make the nonprofit a success that like I said, I got away from what it really is. And that time that I took, I think that was just an accumulation of symptoms of burnout that manifested in a hiatus. I didn't need a hiatus. What I needed was to validate my identity. And I took away the thing that validated my identity to the point of uh I guess like having to step away and look at other aspects of my life and be like damn these are also things that invalidate my identity and then I was able to just take some action.

00:37:12 Courtney Brame: So this was the action that I took. I took a hiatus. I focused more on my career. I focused on making money and I did make a lot more money uh personal training than I have in a while because I stuck I was committed to it. I was committed to a goal of pursuing identity validation and it served me to do so. I finished training- my yoga teacher training, my 300 hours. So once I finish submitting everything, I'll be 500 hours certified and able to um teach classes more comfortably than I was when I was just a 200 hour certified yoga teacher. I've been invited to and presented with opportunities to speak on this concept of STI minimization that incorporates the lived experiences of people who have experienced navigating STI stigma into STD prevention efforts for like a new intervention method that's integrated with sexual health and mental health. So, I'm so grateful for having been able to take that time to step away from the thing that I thought that I was supposed to be doing and really evaluate what was happening around me and being able to take notice of what was invalidating my identity.

00:38:33 Courtney Brame: You know, it is just like one of our early podcast episodes, you got to lose yourself inside yourself to find yourself. Like that's that's some real s***. Like a lot of the things that I've said on this podcast, a lot of the things that I've said on myself podcast, they go hand in hand and they I can't I can't say it enough, man. Like they've made me grow. I've evolved. I through disconnecting from almost everything. I have a firm connection to myself and I recovered from what burnout manifested as for me, which was a hiatus. And I'm I'm back. I feel like now I'm going to be able to do this better than I ever have. I'm still going to need to go make money, though. So, you know, I might be a little bit delayed in responses to things. Um, but as priorities, I gotta, I gotta do better about prioritizing myself. But I'm here.

00:39:43 Courtney Brame: I'm going to continue to reply to everybody. I'm going to continue to share these experiences and we're going to continue to expand in ways that um still remain in line with our core values of having been a suicide prevention resource that was birthed from uh that intersection of sexual health and mental health. A mental health status change triggered a mental health status change. They went together. And thanks to that, I'm able to uh sort of reverse engineer a format in a format that allows for us to see just how these two go together. So, be on the lookout for more of those mental health experiences, for me talking to more mental health professionals, more organizations, and I'm still going to be interviewing people about their lived experiences with these conditions because I want to bridge that gap the the the researchers, the scientists, the Google searches are not matching the lived experiences of people and there's a disconnect and maybe it's just a distrust for the medical community for science. Maybe it's an accessibility issue to the research that's being done.

00:41:00 Courtney Brame: People aren't uh including the people that I'm connecting with and able to have access to and me not getting the vulnerability that I'm getting. And s***, this can be the connecting point of that. I'm okay with it. But the purpose of this has 100% evolved and I've evolved. I've become the kind of person now who can do this. Like I can do this and I don't think that I need to keep myself separate anymore. So this is Hello. This is an introduction. Allow me to reintroduce myself. I'm still gonna be H on my chest on Instagram, though. And you can take the H however you want. It can be herpes. It can be uh hype because I hype people up. It could be healing because I'm healing and supporting the healing of others. It can be hope because I hope that s*** changes um as a result of being able to have the conversations that I'm having with people.

00:42:04 Courtney Brame: Also hope that y'all reach out and want to be a part of this and that we're able to destigmatize mental health a bit more by putting faces out here by getting people to share their own mental health experiences. I think that the foundation has been set for that given the pandemic and how people have been talking about mental health and advocating for it and how receptive people are now to uh seeking a mental health counselor for themselves or a therapist for themselves. Now, let's do the same thing for sexual health by demonstrating, you know, this being a platform where those two things so well go hand in hand. I feel good about ending this where it is now. Um, but yeah, if you want to support, continue to just leave reviews, ratings. I need that feedback to know just how you're feeling about things. Um the feedback has supported me in just remaining true to who I am because everything that I've seen online has just been validating my identity as uh being someone who is doing something useful to someone.

00:43:14 Courtney Brame: I know I can't help everybody. Can't save everybody, but I will do my best to help somebody. And if you're that somebody and you feel compelled to do so, I just ask for an expression of that gratitude um in the form of a review. share. I mean, if you do want to donate, yay. Let's make that happen. Um, but yeah, I'm back. I'm back. Thank you so much. And yeah, we're gonna go ahead now and say those famous the famous tagline at the end, but a little bit different because I want you to also understand that my definition of sex positivity is inclusive to health positivity, mental health positivity, and having that receptiveness and acceptance and understanding of people uh not only in their bodies but also in their mental health statuses. They're welcome here. So when I say stay sex positive, I mean that and mental health positive. So closing out, you already know sexual health is mental health. So just stay positive.

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