SPFPP 360: Something Positive for People In a Relationship or Seeking One

Alright y’all, this episode marks a bit of a shift for SPFPP. For years, we’ve focused on dating with herpes—what it looks like, how to navigate it—but today, we’re stepping into something new: the other side of dating, being in a relationship.

As someone who’s been talking about dating with herpes since 2017, it feels only natural for the podcast to evolve with where I’m at in my own life. Truth is, herpes isn’t a big deal to me anymore, especially now that I’m in a relationship. So it’s time for me to start talking about what this next chapter looks like.

This episode is all about being vulnerable, and y’all, I’ve been feeling the pull to share more of myself—my experiences, my challenges, and my growth. If you listened to Episode 359 where I talked about my grandmother, you know what I mean. I’m finishing Yoga Therapy school, moving in with my girlfriend, planning for a family, and just really leaning into what matters to me now.

I want to know where you’re at, too. Have your values changed? Are you looking for something different from SPFPP? Let me know! Let’s build this next phase of SPFPP together.

Episode 360 Transcript

The Evolution of SPFPP and Yoga Therapy

00:00:00 Courtney Brame: Welcome to Something Positive for Positive People. I'm Courtney Brame. Something Positive for Positive People is a 501c3 nonprofit organization supporting people navigating herpes stigma. I know y'all probably remember if you've been listening for a while. Um, we started this in 2017 and in 2019 it became a nonprofit and that was when I started raising money to pay for people to get therapy and that was going well for a while until it wasn't. And we had a lot of issues there um with expectations with people with uh I even heard like I wish you were my therapist. I heard that enough times for it to be a thing. And so here we are in almost 2025 and I am almost 300 hours into my yoga therapist certification program out of the 800 that I need to do. And I was like I ain't going back to school. I don't want to go back to school to be a therapist. But this really felt fitting because I had already gotten a yoga certification.

00:01:30 Courtney Brame: And I think that I've had a lot of therapeutic approaches to conversations, especially for and with people who are living with herpes. And while I might not be able to diagnose a person with any kind of disorder, like if you read enough, you can point people in the direction of where they need to go in order to get a diagnosis and treatment. But um I decided to make this a serious thing and it's now an offering on the Something Positive for Positive People website. Uh all of my board members unanimously support me going this avenue of being able to offer direct support to people with herpes. So be on the lookout for um workshops, look for uh opportunities to connect through that. Uh the spiritual significance of herpes is one of the most searched things and people are looking for something more than just how do I disclose my herpes status right people are asking the question of what is there to learn from this and in yoga therapy there's a lot of philosophy uh and concepts that if I can find a way to communicate the big language and understanding in herpes language so to speak.

00:02:44 Courtney Brame: I think that people will find that on the other side of this, there is a much more fulfilling life. There's things that maybe you felt were missing. Maybe even observations of what you thought being a thing that was missing is actually good that it's not there in your presence. So, I hope to use yoga therapy to be able to support people who are living with herpes and navigating stigma. So far I've worked with three people. Two of which have gone through five weeks as case studies and then one more is in that case study transition but she joined a little bit late. So we'll have a couple more weeks before I can really uh speak to the conclusion of our work together. But uh the two clients that I have, one of them just wanted to introduce more movement. And a lot of what we talk about isn't even herpes related. And after our first uh round of sessions, it was just a matter of getting her moving and shifting some perspective on how she viewed aspects of herself that you know maybe she was afraid of, maybe were unfamiliar to her.

00:03:53 Courtney Brame: And we were able to just talk through a lot of it. Sometimes it's checking in to see how you really feel about a thing. Cuz one thing that I've done that I never had tools for in the past was not just hearing what people say, but hearing what they're not saying or what they're not communicating and being able to notice, you know, voice changes or pauses and be able to interrogate that lovingly so that we can get to the real issue. And I think people feel very safe and comfortable talking to me about herpes because I'm open about having herpes. So that makes it a lot easier. Um, not to say that if you were to work with any other type of therapist or mental health professional like that you wouldn't be able to get that same quality of treatment, but I talked to someone recently on a support call who said she wouldn't she's not talking to her therapist about uh her herpes experience. And she even said being able to speak about this with me was something that was more supportive than that had been.

00:04:48 Courtney Brame: And actually, I've heard that more often. I paid attention to it this year. So, uh, I hope this ain't one of them things. People used to say, "Courtney, you should be a personal trainer and I became a personal trainer and I ain't getting no clients." So, um, I hope this isn't the same thing, but even if it isn't, like it is what it is. I have um data to speak to. Um, 15% of people say emotional stress is the main trigger for an outbreak. This is how they know they're going to have an outbreak because of their emotional stress. And we see that yoga helps with managing stress. In fact, uh, today when I get done with this, I got to get ready for my yoga therapy class. This is the last weekend of the introductory course and it's about yoga for stress management or yoga therapy for stress management. And the simple way for me to explain what yoga therapy is, and you'll hear me talk about it as my knowledge grows and as I have more experiences, you'll hear me talk about it in different ways.

00:05:45 Courtney Brame: So if you like yoga and you like therapy or you don't like both or you like one not the other, think about it as taking the best of yoga and the best of therapy and bringing it together. So, I think that for a lot of people, therapy gives you the opportunity to in a non-judgmental space, be able to speak to what's happening in your life, to be heard, to be rid of shame, and to be given some sort of guidance moving forward as to how you choose to navigate it. And I think that what yoga does, it's not the Pilates that we see from most yoga classes. The movement entices, the movement may encourage the flow of any feelings or emotions that may be festering in the body. Like it helps us to identify yeah we're saying one thing but what else are we needing to say? So the movement, the breathing, the meditation, the self-reflection, there's much more of a somatic or whole body experience to be integrated into the therapeutic practices.

00:06:51 Courtney Brame: And that's kind of what I see yoga therapy as. Like we go and we look for things that reenter, rebalance, recalibrate us uh because we're offbalance. And yoga therapy offers us tools to be able to identify those imbalances and then to be able to uh through movement, meditation, breathing exercises, and find balance for ourselves. So that's how this all relates. And um one of the ways that I'm looking at one of the clients that I'm working with, I won't say her name. I went to the case studies out, but uh we came up with a relationship mission statement. She came to me because she wanted to figure out how to live with herpes. And she's someone who's into yoga herself. And as she and I were talking, you know, I let her know, hey, you know, this might not all be about herpes. So, we ended up talking about her dating and relationships and her marriage, her past marriage, and what she wants out of a relationship.

00:07:47 Courtney Brame: And we got to talking about, you know, what she feels is her most self and that being more connected with her femininity after having had to be so masculine and doing and leading all the time that she just wants to be able to find someone that she can trust to lead. And so we came up with a relationship mission statement and we used Dr. Evelin Dacker’s STARS talk from episode 299 to help her get there. So, it's not just getting on the mat and doing some stuff. Like, there's a lot more complexity to it. And as I learn to communicate it better and more concisely, like you'll see and hear more from me about it. All right. Now, uh getting into the episode, that was about an 8 minute intro. My bad. I ain't mean to do that. But y'all, I'm very pumped about yoga therapy and being able to offer this to y'all cuz people have wanted something and I don't think that I had anything to really give.

00:08:44 Courtney Brame: besides just a listening ear. And so now I'm learning to put this into practice. Not to say that you need to dump your therapist or whoever else it is that you're working with. In fact, yoga therapy can be a great compliment to whatever it is that you're already doing. Um, and I don't say stop doing everything you're doing to see a yoga therapist. No, I won't say that. I don't say that. But if there is a specific thing that you're wanting to work on, uh it's not just a matter of getting coaching with Courtney where I'm just like hyping you up and s*** like that. No, we're looking at what's there, taking your language, identifying what the narrative is, and then deciding if we want to write a new story, and we'll do that through movement, breathing, and meditation, and self-reflection. All right. Okay. Enough of that. But visit the yoga therapy tab at spf.org, or and yeah, you'll be able to work with me if that's what you choose to do.

The Future of the Podcast and Community Input

00:09:42 Courtney Brame: All right, now actually getting into the episode. So, um I made some announcements about being more like stepping away from the podcast essentially and doing a show. Um, I keep having things happen where it feels like that's not the thing to do. And this has been going on probably since I started this podcast even. Um, where it feels like I need to redirect or I need to shift. And the shift is just not shifting if you know what I mean. Right. So, I wanted to do this show on the last Tuesday of each month, but um I don't think this is like something to start for 2025, but I don't know how many people are going to really show up to that, right? like and maybe I just do it anyway or maybe I just keep hosting the podcast, but I do a lot of trial and error things and I want y'all to tell me like would you sit in on a live show?

00:10:47 Courtney Brame: Are there concerns you have? What do you need in order to feel safe with sitting in on a live broadcast of me talking about herpes and stigma and maybe even interviewing people as well? Um, I would really like to have your input so that I can figure out myself what I want to do with this. Um, the podcast has been a great resource. It's a free available resource for people to come get support, but there's a lot of episodes and I think that one of the challenges I'm seeing is that Google may be seeing a lot of duplicate content and it's hurting me as far as people being able to find it. So part of me thinks, okay, well, it's time to just do something different. We stop this at episode 400 and then we make it a show. But like my board members, you know, they trust me to do what needs to be done. We vote on the things that are necessary to be done, but like they're not the ones listening to the podcast.

00:11:50 Courtney Brame: They're not the ones who are utilizing the resource. So I want to know from y'all so that I can restructure what things are being done. I am prioritizing my part-time job. I'm prioritizing yoga therapy training and I'm hoping to be able to make this an exclusive priority. I've fortunately through a lot of hard work, a lot of social media, a lot of sacrifice, been able to um have this be a supplement of income to be able to pay my bills and be able to continue to do this. But in order for this to be sustainable long term, for the longevity of it, like I I really need to know what y'all are wanting. Um, I know that people find a podcast. I have, uh there's 6,000-ish people a month who visit Something Positive for Positive People. And I only know that because we have an ad grants campaign running where Google gives nonprofits $10,000 a month in search advertising. And so yeah, like roughly… and I think we get like- what's the click count??? like 140 clicks a day, but the impressions are through the roof.

00:12:59 Courtney Brame: So people might not click the ad itself, but um just this year we've got over 100 one-on-one support calls at this point. And I'm really busy and I have to be… I got to do better with the time that I have. So I'm wanting to hear more from y'all. Like I need y'all to get involved with the direction of this thing because I'll look up and just be like, "Okay, well, I guess this is not what people are wanting." And then I'll get a message, “hey, you haven't come out with a podcast in two weeks. What's wrong?” It's like, damn. But life is happening, y'all. Life's happening. Um, it's a little echoey in here. I just sold my TV. I'm getting rid of my stuff at this apartment that I just moved into on my own, which you probably heard about like in May. Uh, but I moved to New Jersey. I've been here six months.

00:13:48 Courtney Brame: My girl and I are now moving in together. It's been a long enough time. It's been a while. So, um, yeah, I feel good about this. I ain't moved in with nobody since what, 2017? No, 2016. And I was like, I ain't doing this s*** again. Um, until it's been a year or plus. So, uh, we're past that year mark. Uh, I see this. Like I said, this the one. Um, now with that being said though, uh, I am going to be inconsistent until we settle in. So, I just want to set that expectation because of what my priorities are right now. Um, between moving, uh, getting approved for this house. Um, I got to get new furniture. We got to put the stuff in there. Uh, I am also working and the holidays are coming up. Um, but that doesn't mean I'm neglecting y'all.

Balancing Advocacy, Relationships, and Values

00:14:44 Courtney Brame: And I'm also being more mindful of my social media consumption and use. So after um I have something coming up with Plura. And I think that after that, like y'all not going to really see me active on social media. Um that's just not where I'm not seeing the engagement. Instagram doesn't really show my posts. Like I might just drop something and then get on, get off. Uh if you need to contact me, you need to email me. I saw somebody that I had a conversation with on WhatsApp. I don't know how but his message got into the archive and I opened it and this was from October. He wanted to have another call and it's like, "Yo, why didn't you go through the website? That is the best way to get in touch with me. I'm not on my phone nearly as much as I used to be. Um, I am living life. I'm on the other side of this herpes s***” and my relationship is a primary focus and I'm working towards building and creating a family over the next few years.

00:15:43 Courtney Brame: So, um, yeah, I think it was fair for me to just announce this. And I want to shout out, man, I don't know if you want me to say your name, but there's a guy that, uh, I regularly talk to and he's been real supportive from behind the scenes and, uh, it was funny cuz after we went to go look for a house together, he sent me a voice message and he listened to the previous podcast episode and he was like, "Yo, whoever this girl is, you need to go ahead and marry her or like y'all lock it down. It sounds like she’s good for you." And she is like she's definitely made me more grounded, right? And here's the thing about relationships too, man. Like I think that a lot of what I've been filtering like I see a lot more sex positivity, sex education, like non-monogamy stuff like just in my face. Saying like, I've chosen to follow it and the algorithm has pushed more of it in my face and I've learned so much from non-monogamy in terms of communication skills and that you can ask for things that you seemingly shouldn't be able to or have to ask for in a relationship with somebody in a monogamous relationship with somebody like talking about like sex or talking about relationships or talking about like even other people like you're not supposed to be able to talk about these things essentially.

00:17:11 Courtney Brame: But being nonmonogamous has in fact taught me how to navigate these and that I should be able to talk to my person about everything. And while like that may not be the case for most people, I think that it really is important to understand what you value, what your values are, especially when you're looking at compatibility with somebody. And I say this because it's relevant to herpes. I think a lot of us do this thing where we want someone to want to be with us so bad that we overlook everything else. Like all of the other things that are there that could confirm incompatibility, we just simply dismiss or we just we're like, "Oh, well, you know, they like me and that's that." And it's like, no, that ain't really how this is supposed to work, y'all. And so, I hope to be able to get back to it because I spoke to a lot of my experiences personally starting out, uh, talking to other people and then starting out. And I think now like coming full circle, it's really important that I do put my own personal experiences like dating someone, being in relationship for over a year with someone as someone who's positive for herpes type 1 and two who's been in a relationship with someone who doesn't have either and hasn't shown any symptoms at least.

00:18:37 Courtney Brame: Um, we haven't had any concerns at all. And the relationship is just as healthy as that. That's it. And I'm able to speak to being on the other side of this. Like I think uh I saw that the podcast Horrible Decisions like rebranded or something. And the way that it looks is just like an evolution of maturity. And while I'm not necessarily rebranding or anything, um I'm more so announcing that there's a transition here of maturity because I'm not really getting a whole lot of podcast guests lately. in case you haven't noticed, but I also haven't been really putting things out there to get new podcast guests. Um, I myself am probably going to be who's doing the most talking as we move forward. Uh, which I have been, I have been doing the most talking, but more so from a relationship perspective. I do have very strong beliefs that are being confirmed as I just look at the world and even on social media, man.

00:19:43 Courtney Brame: It's like two trains of thought. One of which is like a divide between men and women and then the other is like not on the internet where it's like no actually we need each other. And I think both demonize each other in a way. But that's something that I'll probably be exploring a little bit more throughout, like sharing my experiences and as my algorithm is changing. I am seeing more uh couples, more monogamous couples who are in healthy relationships and I'm hearing from a lot of people who've been in sex positivity or non- monogamy who are just like you. This is what I want and they want simplicity. So there is a wave, there is a shift of, you know, people going out, having had their fun, doing their things, building, you know, hopefully long-standing relationships and connections and then really coming back to their version of home. And I think that because there's so little representation of what a healthy, consciously monogamous relationship can look like, I think that we default to this non-monogamy thing.

00:20:53 Courtney Brame: I had my self uh black men's emotional wellness symposium and one of the conversations that we talked about was um this idea of consciously conscious uncoupling and with conscious uncoupling like the guy him and his wife they separated consciously and they did some work and then they were able to get back together. Now everything else that's on the internet will tell you you never spend the block. You don't go back. You don't go back to your ex. That's toxic, right? But what if it's more toxic to just break up? What if it's more toxic to avoid and be dismissive of the work that we have to do? Like I I've been saying this s*** for years that we don't become adults at 18 anymore. My dad had to go get a job when he was 18 because I was on my way. My mom, I remember, she always had a job when I was little. and now we go from high school to college or maybe not really having to go to college right away.

00:21:59 Courtney Brame: Maybe we got more leeway. We get to live at home with our parents. We get to eat the groceries. We ain't got to pay no bills. And there's a transition there of if we do go to school, we can be in school for up to eight years. And so we become 26 and we're eight years behind where we should have been when we were 18 years old, right? And some people, I'm not going to say everybody graduates at 26. Like I was done when I was 21, 22 years old. I did an extra semester to double major, but um at 22 years old, like I ain't no s***. Like I I knew that I didn't have help. So I needed to be real stingy with my money. And that got me to where I'm at now. fortunately managing the money of two nonprofits and being a cheap ass all around but still trying to get s*** away for free which I'm done doing because there was a there was another issue like I I wish that I could give away free s*** y'all but I can't do that any more.

00:22:55 Courtney Brame: Um it's unfortunate nonprofit wise like you got to give something. We can't um I had someone infiltrate my meeting, my Zoom meeting and just everybody was supposed to register. This might have been someone who registered. It could have just been a troll. Like the trolling is real. So, we got to have some upfront cost. Um, and added security. So, the added security is going to have to come at a cost as well. But that's a different conversation. Um, relationships, right? So, we talk about dating with herpes, but nobody talks about relationships with herpes. And as I'm in my relationship, like I remember we first started dating and I was like, "Oh, s***." Like we never talked about what we’re gonna do if you get herpes. She's like all right well if I got it… if I got it, I got it. Like I was like well what better person to get it from cuz I know everything you need to know about it.

00:23:51 Courtney Brame: And it's just been so stressfree in that sense. Um there have been other things of course that you know relationships come with conflicts. You learn each other. You're learning conflict resolution. There's like the transition period of going from being single to being in a relationship to being in a relationship with the person you're with and not viewing them as past relationships and having to change patterns and habits. And um from what I've seen, it's very much been a presence practice for me because I have had to be more mindful and I'm I'm combating a lot of s*** that I've been consumed by um according to social media, right? like uh your like jealousy being bad or um toxic monogamy things like your partner should never want to possess you and all of that like and I think that we need to be more clear in that different people like different things and for me I've always identified as somebody who really really really wanted to be non- monogamous and last episode I think I I deconstructed that.

00:24:59 Courtney Brame: But I've learned that I can do either. But the thing for me is what I'm choosing to do. And I think that society teaches us that we don't have a choice. Like it takes our choice from us. And what intentionality, what consciousness can do, and what me being in this monogamous relationship have done for me is bring more intentionality and presence into what it is that I really want. Like what do I really like? I love being able to roll over and clap them cheeks in the morning without the worry of, “oh, you got to go on a date today, blah, blah, blah”. Like, there's intensity and intense emotions that can come from that. That can be fear, that can be jealousy, that can be love and joy and also like this playfulness and like this this rage, right? Like um what they call it reclaiming your partner after they go hook up with somebody and come back to you. Like that's not appealing.

Navigating Intimacy and the New Year

00:25:56 Courtney Brame: Well, I guess I never had a person, you know, for that, but now like having my person I I haven't had to get tested or gotten tested since like a little bit into our relationship. Like when we became monogamous was like the last time that I got tested. And it's been nice. Not to say that you shouldn't be going to get tested. Like I just know that that's not a concern on my radar. And because that's not a concern on my radar, I think that's freed me up psychologically and energetically to go to school, the yoga therapy training, right? And I I say that and it might sound crazy, but I look at what a healthy relationship can do. You know, whatever your relationship orientation is, but as long as it aligns with you. And I've seen people on whatever end of the spectrum just like having these beautiful relationships and life outside the relationship. Like when you are aligned, when you are, you know, taking care of yourself, you taking care of you taking care of business and you a f****** unit.

00:27:08 Courtney Brame: Like I don't care what nobody says. There are things that I would not be able to or have been able to do without my girl. and flat out because I was making decisions. I would arguably say that I wasn't making decisions, but I was doing things just unintentionally, like unintentionally. There was no intentionality and I was just like doing whatever I wanted to do and unable to see how a lot of that was uh how it did influence me and how it would influence me later. Uh, and there's examples I can probably give. Um, I think about like just just just f****** like if you want to just f*** like good for you, cool. But if your mind is on just f******, what is your mind not on? Right? Like what are you not thinking? What are you not doing that you could be doing? And this is a question that I have to ask myself.

00:28:15 Courtney Brame: I'm like, damn, you know what? When I was out here, when I was in Portland, like Portland was a wild time for me. And I meet this woman and I meet her out of town, like doing what I do, like work stuff for Something Positive. And we connected like we really, really connected. And over time, like I got to experience an unfamiliar type of connection and connectedness where I was just used to people just wanting to f****** or I was used to like there not being any relationship intentionality. And part of another thing that I learned too is I'm responsible for leading those especially as you know a man and being the person who's like all right well here's what that looks like. And a lot of times I found myself asking people, "All right, well, what do you want?" And with her, what was so different is I told her, I was like, "Yo, this is what I want. I want this. You about it?

00:29:12 Courtney Brame: You, you coming along for this ride?" Like, I don't even think I asked. Yes. She said, she's like, "You didn't ask me. You just told me we were in a relationship. Gotcha. Here we are." But um yeah, there's more that I would like to speak to and just using my experience as something on the other side of this to give people hope of being able to find your ideal relationship, right? And there's people who, you know, maybe need to get that out of your system. You need to date, you need to f***, you need to have uh situationships. But let me be the one to tell you, man, like I this year have made the most money. I have trusted myself more than ever. Like for perspective, last year I made $15,000. I found my taxes. Like I cannot believe I would not be able to get no uh sign a lease anywhere make haven't made $15,000.

00:30:04 Courtney Brame: And a lot of this is just as a result of the consistency of connections of people who support me. Like it may not be quantitatively a lot of people who do donate or who support or who do podcast episodes, but it is in fact qualitatively like a very significant value to them and they've been able to make contributions that allow for me to be able to support myself through this platform. So um I'm very grateful to y'all. I'm grateful to them. And I want to keep this one short and I want y'all to have uh happy holidays, man. I know people like, "What do you mean we're not celebrating? f*** that s***." Like, I have way more positive memories around, you know, Christmas, New Year's. Like, every year around New Year's, we got into a fight, me and my friends in high school. Every New Year's and even a couple years after that, I have really like pleasant memories of those times.

00:31:06 Courtney Brame: And some of them haven't been pleasant. Oo, some were not pleasant. But it's really beautiful to be at a place of transition just like a clean slate. So, I challenge y'all to create an intention. Have an intention for yourself. You know, maybe that intention can be to get some yoga therapy with Courtney. Like, I want y'all to come work with me for 12 weeks and we see each other two to three times a week and uh you get some homework, right? Like if we can make that happen and I help you in that transition into the new year, like that'd be dope. But also, no pressure. Maybe just listen to the podcast episodes. Maybe you come to some of the workshops and learn something. So, I'll be putting together events uh for that to more so I want to bring things inward. Um I've got one thing coming up with Plura and that might be it.

00:32:00 Courtney Brame: There's something in March for uh another platform as well. But I'm f****** locked in. Like locked in is the best. Woo. I just got chills when I said that. Or maybe because it's cold, but I'm locked the f*** in, y'all. So, excuse me. I did not mean to do that. Um yeah. Yeah. I look forward to this. We got our first uh training for health care professionals in February. Uh it'll be in Phoenix, Arizona. We're going to be working with a firm. If you happen to be in Phoenix or you happen to know a photographer, videographer, I really could use somebody to come capture this event so that I can use it for marketing materials. This is one of the first in-person herpes related, STI related things that I can like to get proof of that we do cuz so much of marketing and social media now is showing what you do more so than doing it.

00:32:57 Courtney Brame: And that's a really really helpful thing for me. So, if you happen to know of a photographer, videographer in Phoenix that's affordable because I'm over my budget for this thing. Um, that would be super helpful. But yeah, in the meantime, y'all just keep in touch with the website. If you haven't subscribed to the newsletter, join the newsletter and you'll be able to see what we got coming up. Um, I'm only working with 15 people at a time until we get to a transition of like maybe I meet with people once a week, but my peak is 15 and right now I have um I'm seeing three yoga therapy clients and then there are two who somebody signed up and then like rescheduled. I don't know if she canceled on me, but I had to send a very thoughtful email like, "Hey, please let's be more respectful of time. Like here's what we have to do moving forward." So yeah, I'm out here setting boundaries as well. So look at me. Look at me. All right, y'all. Um, I'm going to go take my sniffling ass and clean this apartment up a little bit and get ready to show it. Hopefully somebody is going to come in this thing, take over my lease, and um, yeah, I'll be recording podcast episodes as I can until I can get back into a routine of, uh, being in one place and having my setup to be able to come back consistently. All right, till next time.

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