Control over a person says “prove you love me”.

At age 24, Ebony was diagnosed with genital herpes after her third relationship. Growing up in a religious household, where authority went unchallenged, she gives us a perspective on challenging beliefs with behaviors in reality. This episode dives deep into mental health in the Black home, the value of religion versus mental health, and how shame and repressed sexuality can lead to abusive behavior. We also explore healing through the herpes support groups and the importance of community in overcoming stigma.

Trigger warning for suicide in this episode of Something Positive for Positive People. We care about our SPFPP listeners' mental well-being and appreciate your continued support. In this episode, we conclude the conversation Bliss and I were having about Black mental health. We discussed her challenges with depression and suicidal ideation, highlighting how mental wellness challenges look different for people with Blackness. Our sexual health and mental health are deeply interconnected, and the stigma brings about compounded challenges in the Black community.

Cold Sores are herpesZoe Ligon, AKA The Dildo Duchess and author of “Carnal Knowledge, Sex Education You Didn’t Get in School,” joins SPFPP to share her surprising diagnosis of herpes, which she contracted through oral sex. We discuss the importance of boundaries, asking for what you want, and navigating STIs contracted through non-sexual contact. Zoe can be found on Instagram @thongria and @shopspectrumboutique.

Disclosure, disclosure, disclosure! This episode tackles the most concerning aspect of having a herpes diagnosis. Our guest, Amanda, discusses how the parallels between COVID and HSV disclosures have re-triggered many during 2020. Amanda shares her intuitive method for deciding if someone is worth disclosing your status to before taking things further physically.

In this episode, we discuss how seeking comfort and convenience in relationships can sometimes lead us to compromise our self-worth. Our guest shares personal insights on dealing with rejection and how herpes can be a factor in relationship dynamics. We emphasize the importance of prioritizing quality connections over superficial or convenient ones, and the journey to maintain self-worth amidst the stigma of herpes.

In this episode, I reflect on some DMs I received and how rare rejection actually is compared to what we often think. Most people with herpes are in a good place with their diagnosis. I usually hear from those currently struggling, but it's essential to understand that navigating a herpes diagnosis doesn't always come from herpes-specific resources.

Several social media pages offer support to people diagnosed with herpes, providing tips on disclosure, confidence through self-acceptance, and examples of living a fulfilling life post-diagnosis. This journey often begins with a quest for education—understanding what went wrong and realizing our sex education failed us. Jess shares how the best resources come from the herpes community, while the worst often come from healthcare providers. We discuss the prevalence of stigma, the failure of sex education, and the importance of therapy. Plus, we answer live questions from IG followers.

In this solo episode, I share a profound healing experience sparked in therapy, addressing unconscious behaviors I hadn't previously considered. I introduce the new "Something Positive FROM Positive People" blog, featuring community insights that can benefit everyone. I also discuss recent boundary challenges I've faced and how I'm handling them. Despite thinking I only had 30 minutes to share, I ended up talking for an hour—proof that you all enjoy these solo episodes! I'll be recording more solo episodes whenever I have schedule cancellations. Let me know your thoughts!

In this episode, we delve into how abuse manifests in various forms, from physical to emotional and mental. Reflecting on the increased awareness of abuse, we recognize how herpes can be weaponized by abusers to control their partners. We explore how the lack of comprehensive sex education contributes to the perpetuation of abuse by neglecting mental health fundamentals such as consent, body autonomy, and boundary setting.

Introducing "The Connection 4mula," a framework to identify potential abusers through four key relationship boundaries: transparency, consistency, maturity, and reciprocity. These pillars help filter out abusive patterns and ensure genuine connections based on mutual respect and love.

Comedian Hanna Dickinson joins us to discuss her experience with genital herpes and how she navigates the stigma through humor. She shares candid insights on rejection, both personal and professional, and how it has shaped her approach to comedy. This episode dives into the delicate balance of using herpes in comedy and the impact of humor on destigmatizing the virus. Hanna’s authentic storytelling offers a refreshing perspective on managing herpes with resilience and laughter.

The title speaks for itself. After many interactions with people living with HSV and attending in-person social groups, it's evident that there's a significant willingness to heal within the community. The major difference lies in the risk-reward tolerance between those who confide in someone already open about their status and those who immerse themselves in the community for support. This episode highlights the profound connections made over shared experiences, challenging the CDC's stance on herpes testing.

Dee was diagnosed with herpes 5 years ago, two weeks after her then-boyfriend, now husband, had his first symptoms. We don't often hear stories about couples navigating their relationship after a positive herpes diagnosis in a committed relationship. This untold story is unique but not uncommon. Many people's initial struggles with their diagnosis revolve around finding a partner. However, this story is different as the relationship was established before the diagnosis.

Introducing Disclosure Fatigue - a series

After ending a long-term relationship with her first sexual partner, our guest, like many others, wanted to explore and see what else was out there that she might have missed. Soon after, while "playing catch up," she received her genital HSV diagnosis.

We discuss her behavior change after her diagnosis, particularly her heightened awareness of a partner's apprehension toward her regarding sex.

I want to start leaving listeners with questions to challenge their perspectives. Our guest shares that she was more concerned with how men would view her, as her identity was deeply intertwined with receiving validation from sexual partners.

Ask yourself: If you were to share your positive status or disclose something publicly about yourself that no one knew, what outcome would you hope for and why? How do you deal with partners' apprehension, whether verbal or nonverbal, towards you when it comes to sex after you've disclosed?

22-year-old Brenna shares her "boring ass herpes story," which turned out to be quite inspirational for young women navigating a positive herpes diagnosis. Surviving Catholic school sex education, sexual assault, emotionally abusive relationships, shaving her head, and cutting, Brenna found her voice and learned she's actually a bad bitch.

We discuss the importance of integrating post-diagnosis support resources with STD prevention efforts, including mental health resources to support people in or recovering from abusive relationships. As several past podcast guests have shared, a positive STI diagnosis significantly impacts mental health and self-image. It's time to bring this conversation to light for change to be made.

I mentioned having chlamydia and reinfecting myself. Yup, Mr. HOnMyChest HIMSELF not only has an STI but then contracted another STI, AND THEN reinfected himself. What the Eff right? I’m at a good place to chat about this and have been for a long time now surprisingly, considering I am going to be on that annual report of chlamydia cases TWICE, and it could’ve all been prevented had I just gone to a testing facility that was comfortable discussing sexual health. But what would’ve happened had I been diagnosed with something else? What if I had tested positive for HIV? That question gets answered in this podcast episode as well. But here you get a feel for the difference between an organization that specializes in treating sexual health-related issues versus a general medical practitioner.