What are the Female to Male Herpes Transmission Rates? - DOES ANYONE REALLY CARE?
Depending on who’s website ranks the highest determines who confuses you first, so I’ll save you the trouble and wear the bearer of bad news badge of honor by just getting that out the way now. According to Goodrx the herpes transmission rates from female to male is less than 10%. This number makes sense considering much older articles like the Today Show shows that women’s risk of being infected by men is 20% whereas the male partner’s risk of infection is less than 10%. Feel free to bounce around your Google searches all you want, but I’m gonna shit on these numbers because I’ll be honest, NOBODY REALLY CARES!
Overview of the Blog:
Me saying no one cares is extreme because obviously people wouldn’t be seeking this information if they didn’t care, but as someone who’s conducted more than 350 in depth podcast interviews with people living with herpes and the partners of people with herpes, I can tell you exactly what these numbers, regardless of how “good” they may look actually mean to the people seeking it out, NOTHING!
The reason answering this question FOR REAL is so important is because it minimizes a lot of stigmatizing misconceptions along with false hope and surprises people experience when they provide this information to partners and the partner struggles with moving forward. So while we see the numbers of female to male transmission rates above and may think “oh that’s not too bad”, we have to ask ourselves what number is good enough for a universal “yes” to be accepting of the risk?
What Is Herpes and How Is It Transmitted?
Depending where you go on the internet, herpes is MOST COMMONLY spoken of as an infection that lives in the bundle of nerves at the base or nape of the spine. This mostly harmless infection causes physical, visible symptoms in the form of what may look like a razor bump, cut, blister, cluster of blisters, or even an ingrown hair. The infection is transmitted by skin to skin contact and it is most likely to be transmitted while symptoms are present or just before or after symptoms are visible as that’s when it is most active. So if you get oral symptoms, you’re likely to have sores on or around the mouth, and if genital, likely in, on, or around the genital area. I’ll only speak to these two because this is likely why you’re here, and not for herpes whitlow or the other types of herpes.
How Many People Have Herpes?
According to the American Sexual Health Association more than 50% of the adult population in the United states has oral herpes or HSV type 1 (commonly known as cold sores and fever blisters) primarily associated with kissing and acquisition in childhood, while HSV type 2 or genital herpes is represented by about 12% of the population where it is primarily associated with genital herpes. This information comes from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) It is imperative that we note here that either type can transmit to the other location, but we don’t have accurate information on that just yet unfortunately.
What is the Difference Between HSV1 snd HSV2
Herpes type 1 and 2 present similarly, are treated with the same medications, and are both heavily stigmatized when presenting in the genital region. When we talk about the main difference between HSV1 and HSV2, to someone who doesn’t have it, there is no difference. To someone presenting symptoms, you hope it’s type 1. When I asked Dr. Matthew Bruckel, then President, and CEO of Total Access Urgent Care in St. Louis Missouri about the difference between HSV1 and HSV2 on my herpes podcast, Something Positive for Positive People in 2018, it’s mainly that no one wants to associate youth with an STI (sexually transmitted infection).
Despite how common of an infection herpes is, not a lot of people KNOW about it until they have to. Typically when someone gets their diagnosis, or if someone discloses this to someone they intend on having a sexual relationship with due to the risk of transmission. Whether symptoms are present or not, there is still a possibility of transmission known as asymptomatic shedding or during the absence of physical symptoms..
What are the Herpes Transmission Rates from Female to Male?
The main topic here is female to male herpes transmission, and as someone who’s heard of countless transmission stories, I don’t believe these numbers most accurately reflect what questions we should be asking. The male to female or female to female transmission alone doesn’t give us enough information. The questions we need to ask are is the sex genital to genital with or without barriers like condoms or dental dams? Where are the symptoms located on which partner? Where are they in an outbreak cycle? Is there oral to genital contact?
There’s far more questions here that we may not be able to accurately calculate, but we can inform the public that there are many factors that can’t be accounted for that we unfortunately don’t speak to. We try to cover this as best we can in our past herpes statistics surveys we’ve conducted asking people with herpes to take our herpes survey so we can learn more about their experiences and get more accurate information. I want to reiterate here that the question of female to male or penis to vulva/vagina contact is no different than genital to genital contact. We need to identify if the contact is direct or with the use of barriers, which then factors in location of symptoms and shedding, more things we may not be able to accurately identify.
The Truth About Herpes Transmission Rates
People are looking for how they can ELIMINATE the risk of herpes transmission altogether, and there is just unfortunately no information at this time that exists which tells us that. While there is advocacy for a herpes cure, we just don’t have a way to present people looking for this information with what they’re looking for, zero risk. The real question people have is “How can I have sex with this person who has herpes without risk of getting it?”. As people living with herpes, we have to understand that this is what people who don’t have herpes are looking to find out so that we can set reasonable expectations not just for them, but for ourselves as well.
How do I Disclose My Herpes Status?
Moving forward from that realization is very challenging. I want to acknowledge that here and now. Going from here, it’s most important to learn to navigate this reality. Communication is the most important aspect of navigating relationships and dating with herpes. You will have the kind of sex life you choose for yourself if you’re willing to develop the communication skills to disclose your herpes status. Also understand you’re not just telling someone you have herpes, you’re also discussing their STI status and assessing for partnership compatibility, which can get lost in the mess of a new herpes diagnosis. People can be more drawn to you with the vulnerability that comes from this challenging conversation, and others could just not be okay with the risk, and that just means you aren’t compatible with one another and that’s okay. Use this experience as a way to develop healthier and more fun relationships through learning to identify your own safety and pleasure needs, then communicate that. For wherever you are in this process, understand there are support resources available to help you navigate this process.
Additional Support Offerings
If you’re someone looking for support navigating herpes stigma and need more resources to help you with dealing with the emotions, dating, and relationships, we have plenty of options to help at Something Positive for Positive People, a 501c3 nonprofit organization supporting people navigating herpes stigma and advocating for healthcare providers to be stigma-free in their diagnosis delivery and consulting with patients. We offer 1-1 donation-based support calls, Yoga Therapy, the herpes podcast, and virtual events on dating and disclosing your status. You can also subscribe to our herpes newsletter for updates on all things herpes stigma.
Additional Herpes Resources
World Health Organization: Herpes Simplex Virus
Something Positive for Positive People
About the author: Courtney W. Brame is the Founder, Executive Director, Podcast Host, 500 Hour Registered Yoga Teacher and Yoga Therapist in Training at Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP), a 501c3 nonprofit organization supporting people navigating herpes stigma. Diagnosed with genital herpes in 2013, Courtney leaned into Yoga as an emotional stress management tool for minimizing likelihood of herpes outbreaks. In 2017 after learning people with herpes struggled with suicide ideation, he started the herpes podcast, SPFPP, interviewing people about their experiences living with herpes. He then made this into the nonprofit and has launched programs like Yoga Therapy for people with herpes as emotional support for people struggling with stigma.
