SPFPP 287: I Lost My Labia
Sexual health is mental health. You’ll hear me say this throughout several episodes of Something Positive for Positive People. What happens when your sexual health is influenced by something that isn’t caused by sex directly? While this episode is not about herpes, we see herpes stigma show up in Jaclyn’s shared experiences as she navigated 10 years of seeking out treatment and a diagnosis for something that significantly impacted mental health, relationships, ability to have intercourse, and her general sense of well-being. Through listening, we see a whole different angle of how relationships are impacted by not just sexual health but genital accessibility as a way of connecting in relationships.
One thing I see as a commonality between Lichen Sclerosus (Vulvar presenting) and genital herpes specifically in women is this overcompensating in relationships to please a partner at the expense of one’s own pleasure for the sake of maintaining a relationship. The endurance of less desired sex to accommodate an area where learned communication skills through sex education can support us. It’s not “normal” to have pain with sex and we don’t know where to go in a lot of these cases for consultation or treatment. I believe this podcast episode will offer up a general sense of direction even if you yourself may not experience these symptoms described.
I share my own experience with a partner of mine who takes anti-depressants and attributes that to her difficulties with orgasm from clitoral stimulation. It’s difficult for her to climax and she requires the setting on her vibrator that sounds like a lawn mower for a long time to achieve orgasm. Given my understanding through self education of genital health, in an attempt to explore more options for her pleasure, I lifted the clitoral hood and noticed some difficulty with its retraction similar to someone with an uncircumcised penis during retraction who may show phimosis symptoms (difficulty retracting foreskin). Wow all my jobs really do help me with this work! So we were able to have some communication around that and her own pleasure sense was expanded from that communication. Not only that though, but sexual health as pleasure ties into genital health as a practice. We should be touching ourselves, our bodies, knowing their sensations, cleaning them, checking in with those parts for what our baseline is. If something is off, seek guidance.
Going back to the part about relationships, one thing I know people living with herpes can learn here is that communicating in relationships as a whole is important and difficult. Disclosing your status is one thing, but once you move forward, each time you maybe shouldn’t have sex due to outbreaks, that could bring up fear of them leaving for a more accessible partner. You could feel as if you’re not doing “enough” according to what the expected norms are going into the relationship. Again, sexual health is mental health. What’s key here is that we have communication skills to negotiate and navigate conversations to set and manage expectations with not just sexual partners, but also our health care providers, our friends, and anyone around us.
I’m grateful for Jaclyn’s work in this space and hope that you find some value in this podcast episode. The timing here is great because I’m interviewing health care providers to learn how patients can better navigate the system and the stigma.
You can connect with Jaclyn on Instagram at thelostlabiachronicles to learn more about Lichen Sclerosus, seek support, guidance and direction and more by visiting her linktree: https://linktr.ee/thelostlabiachronicles
