Welcome to our Podcast
SOMETHING POSITIVE FOR POSITIVE PEOPLE
Since 2017, the SPFPP podcast has been a free resource for people navigating the emotional, relational, and social impacts of a herpes diagnosis. Through candid conversations, guests share what life looks like after testing positive—how they date, disclose, manage shame, and build relationships. You’ll hear experiences from others that reflect your own or reveal new options for moving forward.
What we talk about
Dating with Herpes
From casual sex to long-term commitment, guests share how they communicate their status and build relationships that work for them.Stigma & Identity
How people reclaim their sense of self after diagnosis and rebuild confidence on their own terms.Sexual Health
Tools for navigating safer sex, honest communication, and deeper relational alignment.Alternative Relationship Styles
Non-monogamy, queerness, and connecting beyond traditional relationship norms.Emotional Healing
Stories of grief, growth, and self-acceptance. Often, herpes is the distraction—not the root. These episodes explore the deeper patterns that diagnosis reveals.
If you’re ready to share your experience (anonymously or publicly), please fill out the podcast guest intake form below, and we’ll reach out to interview you!
Looking for something in particular?
Search below for anything you’re curious about, and don’t hesitate to contact us if you can’t find what you’re looking for.
I began consuming your podcast like it was water after walking through the desert for days. I was practically catatonic from the blow of my diagnosis, and I didn't know where to turn. I was in those initial stages of grief—somewhere between shock, denial, and anger. I won't say I was suicidal, but I did have the thought that if I died, it wouldn't really matter because my life was practically over anyway. Some months later, I learned about your SPFPP Herpes Stigma Conference in May 2024 and registered for it. I can now say I've survived one of the most difficult periods of my life—and now I'm thriving.
—J.
SPFPP 234: Narratives
The shorter the podcast episode title, the bigger the message. This is another solo episode with a real emphasis on our narratives. The unfinished business we have with our primary caregivers who nurtured us gave us experiences that allowed us to form a narrative around. This narrative becomes our beliefs.
Challenging our beliefs, we begin to grieve that version of ourselves that held those narratives as true to our identities. I had an interesting experience with grief in last night's Yen Yoga class where I hyped myself up and received my own validation, however, there was a major resistance to it because in order to receive, I'd have to accept a truth that I was conditioned to reject about myself. This is an episode that absolutely reflects healing if you're up for it, or at the very least, it'll plant the seed for you because you won't be able to just unsee whatever this reflects to you. Enjoy!
SPFPP 233: Relationship
In Episode 233, we delve into the importance of prioritizing our relationship with ourselves. Over five years with SPFPP, I've learned that non-sexual relationships allow us to be our true selves, unlike relationships where we "take" and "give" from a place of scarcity. Through therapy, I realized that healthy, secure relationships thrive on mutual self-care and boundaries, allowing for an abundant exchange of energy. Listen as I share my journey of self-discovery and how it has shaped my understanding of authentic connections.
SPFPP 232: Dating
In Episode 232, we explore how identifying emotional triggers in dating can reveal deeper patterns tied to past experiences. Using personal lows as examples, I discuss the avoidance of rejection, the impact of my identity as the Founder of Something Positive for Positive People, and what dating looks like if herpes wasn't a factor. Listen in for insights on overcoming dating challenges and fostering genuine connections.
SPFPP 231: Meet Ambivalence with Intentionality
In Episode 231, we explore the importance of meeting ambivalence with intentionality, building on our previous discussion on athletics and coaching. This self-help focused episode emphasizes self-awareness and personal growth. If you resonate with the insights shared, feel free to reach out for coaching support from Clarice.
SPFPP 230: The Illusion of Choice Part 2
In Episode 230, we wrap up our deep dive into the illusion of choice, focusing on how our experiences as former athletes shape our decisions and the navigation of herpes. This conversation offers valuable insights for anyone making decisions, emphasizing how we unconsciously seek the familiar. Enjoy this unexpected yet necessary journey with us.
SPFPP 230: The Illusion of Choice Part 1
In Episode 230 of the SPFPP Podcast, Bri opens up about her journey after a partner's herpes disclosure led to her first outbreak. We explore the emotional challenges of supporting a partner with herpes, the potential misuse of herpes in relationships, and the differences in how cis-het men and women handle herpes stigma. Trigger warning: abuse. Stay tuned for Part 2, where we'll delve deeper into Bri's story and discuss the impact of being a former athlete.
SPFPP 229: Stay Curious
Join us in Episode 229 of the SPFPP Podcast as Chuck Copenspire delves into the complexities of identity, consent, and herpes disclosure. From their experience as a former queer life coach to creating inclusive corporate environments, Chuck shares insights on combining skill sets of sex work, trauma-informed care, accessibility, and neurodivergence. Discover the importance of shadow work, the power dynamics in BDSM, and the challenges of navigating herpes disclosure. Chuck also opens up about solo parenting, the impact of rejection, and their mission to help others find belonging and acceptance. Tune in for an empowering conversation that encourages curiosity and self-discovery.
SPFPP 228: Favorable Odds
In Episode 228 of the SPFPP Podcast, firefighter Liam shares his unique perspective on dating someone with herpes. Despite initial audio quality issues, Liam's story unfolds beautifully as he speaks about the integrity and character of his partner, how he responded to her disclosure, and the importance of trust and risk management in relationships. Drawing parallels between his profession and personal life, Liam offers insightful thoughts on the importance of authenticity and mutual respect. He emphasizes that any uncertainties were addressed before intimacy, challenging the stigma that people with herpes are unsafe. Additionally, a shoutout goes to his sister, a healthcare provider, for introducing him to SPFPP, showcasing true allyship.
SPFPP 227: Hanging Herpes Over my Head
In Episode 227 of the SPFPP Podcast, titled "Hanging Herpes Over My Head," our guest Tammy bravely shares her experiences with herpes, abuse, and new insights she gained during our conversation. This episode contains sensitive content, including discussions of abuse and sexual assault. Tammy's story highlights the various forms abuse can take and provides identifiers for potential abuse situations.
Additionally, we delve into the role of sexuality education in mitigating abuse by emphasizing non-sexual aspects such as consent, boundaries, the skills to say and hear "no," seeking support for any harm done, and understanding accountability. We encourage listeners to take care of themselves while listening and to skip this episode if the content may be too challenging.
SPFPP 226: Do They Deserve Your Story?
In Episode 226 of the SPFPP Podcast, titled "Do They Deserve Your Story?", trauma therapist and bikini competitor Laureen bravely shares her journey through herpes diagnosis, denial, and acceptance. Despite experiencing excessive bullying and stigma, Laureen's story is one of resilience and healing. We delve into the importance of consent, boundaries, and accountability in mitigating abuse through sexuality education. Laureen's experiences highlight the complexities of identity, rejection, and the healing process. Tune in to hear her powerful story and the valuable lessons she has learned along the way.
SPFPP 225: Destigmatizing Sexual Health Communication with Planned Parenthood
In Episode 225 of the SPFPP Podcast, we are joined by Lena and Olivia from Planned Parenthood Columbia Willamette in Portland, Oregon, for a conversation about destigmatizing sexual health communication. This enlightening discussion taught me that appointments at healthcare facilities can be used not just for treatment, but also for education. Lena and Olivia provide valuable insights into how patients can utilize Planned Parenthood services effectively.
The more we engage in dialogue about stigmatized topics, the less stigmatized they become. By promoting education and communication, we can inspire allyship within our communities—among sexual partners, peers, friends, families, healthcare providers, and media personalities. This sense of allyship supports the dissolution of internalized stigma, encouraging open conversations about sexual health and fostering a supportive environment.
SPFPP 224: Discordant Dating Series - But Aren't Cold Sores Still Herpes?
In Episode 224 of the SPFPP Podcast, we close out the Discordant Dating series with Jesse, who shares his journey with oral herpes. Jesse's extensive dialogue with his doctor reveals the importance of education in destigmatizing herpes. We explore the challenges of disclosing oral herpes compared to genital herpes and discuss the broader discomfort people have around sexual health conversations. Jesse's story highlights how prevalent stigma remains, even among those who have experienced herpes outbreaks themselves. This episode underscores the need for ongoing education and allyship, emphasizing that cold sores are indeed herpes. Tune in to hear Jesse's insights and learn how we can create a more informed and supportive community.
SPFPP 223 Discordant Dating Series: Who's More Concerned About Transmission?
In Episode 223 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Discordant Dating series, we explore the perspective of Charles, who has dated a partner with herpes while testing negative himself. Many people fear being single forever after a herpes diagnosis, believing their only options are to be with someone who already has it or to remain alone. Charles challenges this notion, highlighting that relationships with someone who has herpes are not fundamentally different from those without. He emphasizes the importance of compatibility, communication, and understanding non-negotiables in relationships. This episode sheds light on the choices and thought processes involved in navigating a relationship where herpes is a factor, and the significance of trusting yourself and your partner. Tune in to gain valuable insights and break down the stigma surrounding herpes and relationships.
SPFPP 222: Discordant Dating Series - Knowledge is Bliss
In Episode 222 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Discordant Dating series, we explore the perspective of Paul, who is symptom-free and in a relationship with someone who has herpes. At 51 years old, Paul brings wisdom from his lived experiences, emphasizing the value of knowledge and emotional intelligence in navigating relationships. He shares how his understanding of herpes and prioritizing vulnerability over transmission risk helped him move forward after his partner disclosed her HSV status.
Paul's story underscores the need to challenge the phrase "ignorance is bliss" and highlights how informed conversations about herpes can lead to healthier connections. We discuss the importance of aligning values in relationships, touching on compatibilities such as intelligence, emotional awareness, and mutual interests. Paul's experience of meeting his partner during the pandemic also brings a refreshing perspective on finding authentic connections beyond online dating.
SPFPP 221: Discordant Dating Series - If You Want Different, You Gotta Do Different
In Episode 221 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Discordant Dating series, Anthony, a black man with experience dating multiple women who disclosed their positive herpes status, shares his insights. Anthony's perspective emphasizes the importance of maturity, education, and clarity in values when navigating relationships with HSV. He discusses how his partner's disclosure was intended to scare him off, but his unwavering understanding of what he wants in a partner helped him stand firm.
We delve into the importance of self-care and trust in relationships, exploring how these factors influence safety and decision-making. Anthony's story highlights the significance of being clear about your values and remaining integral to them, regardless of a partner's herpes status. This episode challenges listeners to consider if they are willing to do something different to achieve something they've never had before. It’s not just about herpes; it’s about being decisive and aligning with people who share your values and goals.
Tune in to hear Anthony's empowering perspective on dating, relationships, and the importance of staying true to yourself.
SPFPP 220: Discordant Dating Series - Stigma Ends Where Allyship Begins
In Episode 220 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Discordant Dating series, Laura shares her unique perspective on dating someone with herpes while remaining symptom-free herself. For over a year, Laura has been in a non-monogamous relationship, and she opens up about how her partner’s confidence and communication skills positively influenced her decision to move forward. She emphasizes the importance of compatibility over the potential limitations herpes might pose.
Laura’s experience highlights the critical role of allyship in ending stigma. She discusses advocating for her health with her doctor, using resources from Dr. Evelin Dacker to successfully request a herpes test. This episode serves as a valuable resource for discordant couples and those learning about herpes stigma. Laura's story encourages confidence in those disclosing their positive status and promotes receptivity and allyship for those receiving such disclosures.
Tune in to learn how informed communication and a focus on compatibility can break down stigma and foster supportive relationships, regardless of STI status.
SPFPP 219: When it Gets Real
In Episode 219 of the SPFPP Podcast, Jennifer and I delve into the intersections of identities as BIPOC individuals dating outside our race. We discuss our experiences with fetishization and the questions Jennifer, of Asian descent, frequently encounters about her dating history with different races. We explore the intention behind these questions, whether rooted in safety or fetishization.
Jennifer shares her approach to handling ignorance, deciding who is worth the emotional labor to educate. We also revisit the topic of herpes disclosure, particularly the challenges of communicating about outbreaks after an initial disclosure. Jennifer's story highlights the importance of creating allies by dissolving stigma within ourselves and expressing our beliefs and feelings about living with herpes.
This episode sheds light on the nuanced dynamics of interracial dating, the ongoing conversations required for herpes disclosures, and the power of allyship in our community. Tune in to gain insights into these important topics and learn how to navigate them with empathy and understanding.
SPFPP 218: Belonging Series - An Outcast Longing to Belong
In Episode 218 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Belonging Series, I delve into my journey of self-discovery as a Black, masculine-presenting, and Heterosexual-Queer person. This episode explores how intersecting identities challenge societal expectations and the process of unlearning systemic labels to find true belonging. Tune in to hear about my experiences with fetishization, dating outside my race, and finding community among outcasts who choose healing and authenticity.
SPFPP 217: Belonging Series - Performative Blackness
In Episode 217 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Belonging Series, Dr. Rob and I delve into performative Blackness and the complexities of identity. We discuss the clinical aspects of identity, the intersection of Queerness and Blackness, and the nuances of navigating societal expectations. Tune in to explore how code-switching, dating outside one's race, and maintaining connections with family shape our experiences. This episode encourages healthy dialogue around identities and aims to connect with others who share similar experiences.
SPFPP 216: Belonging Series - Is Everybody Queer?
In Episode 216 of the SPFPP Podcast, part of the Belonging Series, Patric and I, two straight Black men, delve into the complexities of queerness, Blackness, and manliness. We discuss our unique experiences navigating these intersecting identities and explore how queer spaces embrace diverse expressions of identity. This episode serves as a bat signal for those who feel they don't fit traditional molds, encouraging open dialogue and self-discovery.