SPFPP 358: The Power of Disclosing to a Friend
The Power Of Disclosing Your Herpes Status To A Friend
“Should I tell my friends about my herpes diagnosis?” is actually an uncommon question people ask me. It has come up recently perhaps because of the recent media attention mental health has gotten. Generally, people believe the only people who NEED to know about their herpes status are those they intend to have sexual contact with. While these are the only people who NEED to know, I think many of us who struggle with herpes have a need for others to know as well.
You get diagnosed and the first interaction about herpes is the one between you and your doctor or the person delivering the news. You may not quite know what you need, but in most cases, it wasn’t what you got from the person delivering your diagnosis. 9 times out of 10, it’s likely that when getting your diagnosis, you might even space out as this wave of emotion drowns out any existing logic, making the thoughts pour out of that subconscious system of beliefs you’ve held about herpes, people with it, the stigma, and STIs in general. This flood of stigma coats all the senses upon diagnosis and all you’re left with is maybe seeing a distorted image of the person in front of you, or if you’re on the phone just blankness in unfamiliarity of the familiar setting you’re in when you get the call. This is traumatic!
The trauma of an STI diagnosis is not what we hear people talk about if the circumstances around acquiring it are themselves not traumatic. This may have a person thinking it isn’t a big deal and the inner conflict of stigma will make a person think to themselves, “I’m not telling anyone about this.” If we have THAT kind of relationship to ourselves, the energy behind that, the burden, and the weight of the emotion absolutely impacts our behavior. It’s as I’ve said for years: Sexual health is mental health, in that how a person perceives their sexuality is a major part of their identity—especially when a change in status occurs.
Now, things that never had to be thought about come to the surface and you’re stuck with wondering how this could’ve happened to you. Well, who are you having that conversation with? Who’s receiving that statement to validate that it happened because you’re human so that you can obtain the experience of having your experience normalized and your identity aside from your sexuality seen?
In yoga, there’s this concept that there are five selves, and herpes is an example of five ways to view its impact on us:
Annamaya Kosha—the physical body
Physically, we have the herpes diagnosis. What this means is that our physical body is susceptible to outbreaks.
Pranamaya Kosha—the life energy body and breath
Energetically, while identification occurs with the genital area where we associate sexual energy, what happens is we lock this whole aspect of self to this part of our being. This creates limitations on identification, which shapes our behavior and beliefs.
Manomaya Kosha—the mind body
Our mind begins to create these thoughts as a result of feelings and memories that create an imagined future about what life will look like with a herpes diagnosis and this shapes how you perceive yourself and experience the world.
Vijnanamaya Kosha—the intuition body
Our intuition makes us believe that we know how the world is going to view and relate to us. Based off how we understand our friend groups and inner circles, here’s where we may feel disconnected from ourselves and others due to isolation and believing no one will love us now.
Anandamaya Kosha—the bliss body (or your true nature)
And finally, with attachment to our sexuality as our identity, the bliss body or true nature of ourselves becomes distant because we’ve only known our sexual selves.
I felt like I had to break that down but I want to be sure to explain this in a way that we have a lens of science and spirituality through yoga to view this from. From that same lens of the Koshas, what disclosing to a friend does for each is or can be a start to:
Annamaya Kosha—receiving touch and shared physical space or grounding
Pranamaya Kosha—expand the sense of self outside sexual identity into the fullness of being
Manomaya Kosha—challenges your thoughts and emotions about your diagnosis
Vijnanamaya Kosha—reveals a sense of greater connection empathetically
Anandamaya Kosha—interconnects all these layers and re-know joy and love through self
So in more simple terms, when you tell your friend(s), you really challenge all of those beliefs you have about yourself and are reminded who you are beyond your sexual self. That identity is hands down so insignificant to us, but we heavily identify with it simply because of how the world tells us to obsess over sex and sexuality to the point it IS who we are.
When I speak to people with herpes, I let them decompress the excess energy of being overwhelmed by a diagnosis. Ultimately, to address all these aspects of the self per yoga philosophy, just a conversation with a friend alone will shake things up. And if you need more than that, this can be an entry point to seeking professional help with a therapist. And by the way, I’m a yoga therapist in training, bringing a yoga therapeutic approach to supporting people with herpes stigma. So if you want to work with me while I’m under my mentors to complete the training, check it out and see if it’s a fit.
For more and examples of how disclosing to a friend can be supportive, check out my podcast episode about the subject. Also, reach out if you want to be a guest, we’re attempting to make SPFPP into a virtual show in the evenings on the last Tuesday of the month. So stay tuned for updates to SPFPP.
Article source: https://www.pornhub.com/sex/disclosing-friend/
